how am i supposed to live like this? i wanna die, throw myself off a bridge, or onto traffic, or off a building, or hang myself off my air conditioner on the roof with notes pinned onto my body talking about all the apologies, all the regrets, everything i hated when i was alive. but i cant bring myself to holding a sharp sculpting tool when i feel like that, or holding a cutting knife for paper. i wanna die but im scared of death. it has to be one or the other, but im scared of the idea that if my hope that ill just reincarnate is false, and that ill just be brought to hell is the only thing seemingly keeping me alive, and the idea that it would hurt. SH feels like an in-between. I can feel the pain from outside, but not die myself. I don't cut myself. i just whack my head cuz i dont like seeing scars. im scared people would only tell me off or get upset, saying that im too privileged to want to die, that im ungrateful. i dont want to be here anymore. no school, and no life. i hate it