Everyday Life

I feel like I can't be adult. I'm 18 but I was under hyper control all my life, I'm not responsible at all

I genuinely don’t know what I’m doing with my life. I feel so boring, so tired, so useless. I literally feel like a waste of space. When will I ever change? CAN I even change? I don’t know.

i have done some bad things and i’m almost relapsing and i have a lot going on at home

Day 3: today was fine I mean mom yelled at me all day for staying in my room.. I mean I just wanna be alone! I just had a bday on the 6th of August and it wasn’t really fun.. my sister is the best she took me places but my friend had to be the main character.. like I was choking on something and she tried to make it about her. Anyways I survived and I’m now 1 day clean.. I’m sorry Im not 2 weeks clean anymore i just had to try again.. I want to die but I’m scared of the pain or just like dying.. I hate how my mom is treating me she was so nice when I was 7 years old.. something changed but I cant figure it out what.. I’m sorry for here making things worst! I love all of you that’s reading this!! Mwah! I feel better when I’m explaining my feelings. Idk if the person reading this has Snapchat but mine is grace_2468642

I'm so fed up with the school dress code. What do you mean my SHOULDERS are distracting, like excuse me? Also what's the big deal with bra straps, everyone knows we wear them. Maybe it's just me but i'm pretty sure if a dude and a girl both wore a tank top to school only the girl would get dress coded. And also not trying to be rude but if someone is getting distracted in class by my SHOULDERS that sounds like a them problem.

I'm gonna be so fr. I don't know what I want to do with my life, I never planned to live past 11 and now I'm fourteen. So no, I don't know if I want a spouse and kids, no I don't know what college I want to go to, and no I don't even know what I want my job to be. I'm scared to grow up.

SIX DAYS CLEAN Y'ALL. I didn't think about it once today except when writing this, its getting better. If you also struggle with addiction, don't give up, it always gets better.

im 28 years old, male. i cannot see myself living beyond the age of 30. im not sick, and i am not brave enough to do committing. been trying to change my mindset for the past years.

everyday i wish i was dead, i don't wanna go on.

it’s crazy how one person can change the outlook of your day like I was having a kinda bad day just because of a compilation of things like it was my 2nd day and I had no friends but my sister did so I kinda lost hope for myself and was just about to accept I’m gonna be alone because I also had no friends at my old school that’s why I gave up so quickly this time but this girl talked to me on the bus and I’m glad I wasn’t to nervous or awkward because I actually kept the conversation going so I’m just happy I almost made a friend

i sometimes watch videos on youtube either pursuing a goal, reached it or are working in that career, and when I hear how hard they've worked I feel so ashamed because even I struggle and fail alot to handle the stuff in my own life, but hearing about people that are good at working hard, good or can manage their academics makes me feel awful,

I'm like a slow-motion train crash As long as I continue living that's enough but its hard as long as I continue though Honestly if I get meds or a diagnosis I think it could help. I want to be able to work. I want to be able to do things at the right time instead of spending most of the day sleeping or struggling, wasting hours. I want to but I think there's something wrong. But what if its not even something that's diagnosable. What if its just myself being like this. And I had no reason to be like this all along. All I had to do was try even harder. How do I know Im not just being dramatic. I don't know what to do. Its expensive to get it checked. It takes time and money we dont have. Im already not contributing enough. I havent continued college. I try to work from home but the electronics we have cant handle it. And when I find somethingI cant stick to it long enough because I fall back into being sick or sleep even though I want and need to stay awake. What do I do.

How can I be the one person in my house hold who pays all the bills, has every day to day responsibilities to take care of and provide everything to everyone in my immediate family and get treated like I don’t matter?

Second day at this new school and it feels like I’m genuinely gonna be alone forever my sister already made some friends but here I am with none it was like this at my last school too like do I just look unapproachable what’s wrong with me and at lunch I felt like such a loser these two people sat at my lunch table (I was sitting alone) didn’t really acknowledge me which is fair I guess but then they just started flirting right infront of me and I was just eating my lunch idk them just not acknowledging me then just flirting infront of me made me feel like a loser but maybe I’m just being dramatic also this girl I kinda liked was just flirting with this guy I’m not mad about it but it made me kinda sad today just wasn’t my day

Had a blood draw today. This girl really should look into another career because they may as well have shot my arm with a nail gun. Geez. They're like it'll be a small pinch. Ha. Pinch my butt. Felt more like an electric tree branch saw. And they seemed in a hurry also. It even hurt as I was leaving I looked it's partially blue already from a bruise. Girl you better get better or get another career choice. Nobodye enjoys that kind of experience. I know their are also some haters that take their aggression out on others too so you never know if it was done purposely. Sorry not sorry I've been mistreated so much I hardly trust anyone's actions anymore. Sometimes anyway. Idk I've hardly had sleep either. Sure I'll give people benefit of the doubt usually but I ve been going through so much b s lately idk how to view people in public. Of course not everyone is bad I know that. Tbh I see more kindness on social media from strangers than my own fam. That's crazy I know.

Don't you guys be a lawyer for that bitch. Fuck all of you. You even have a spokesperson and all that acting.

the guy i was talking to didnt want to block a girl for me and i told him if he doesnt block her ill leave and he said he wont so i blocked him.. i cant stop crying

Damn it. Already drowning with too many problems, and people keep coming assuming (correctly) I'll help. There's just one of me, but enough obligations and commitments for four of me. Thought I was already way past my breaking point, but apparently not. Guess I'll find out how strong I can be for how long. So tired. Eternal rest can't come soon enough.

I feel terrible. I needed to look up an artist because I need to choose a favourite artist to talk about for a task. I kind of fell out of love with art after discovering that I'm actually crap at it and good art just reminded me of how crap I was. So I don't really have a favourite artist anymore, I barely thought about art since giving it up. Anyway, I am weirdly good with names, and I remembered the name of an artist that my lecturer in uni talked about like 9 years ago. I looked them up, only to find that they had since come out as non binary and changed their name. So basically I just deadnamed someone and now I feel like a transphobic piece of shit. God I'm so problematic. I hate myself so much.

Ive always struggled with maladaptive daydreaming from trauma but it became so real to a point where I made up another version of me, someone with a different life better in ways I've always wanted but worse in other ways. His story ends before he turns 18 and I'm about to turn 18, I'm so scared of losing that other version of me, I always told people I don't plan to live without him and die at 17 but I want to live now but I'm just so scared everyday.