RantRam: anonymous venting

Sometimes I wanna kill myself, but for what? I refuse to throw away everything I worked so hard for. Two years ago. Just two. I was depressed and in school, there was one day I planned on committing suicide, but I asked a counselor for help first because I always hoped someone would come save me. So now I'm here, in high school, with the same thoughts as I once had. But really, that's the only thing holding me back, otherwise I would've been dead yesterday. I wish I had real friends. REAL friends. I have like 3 friends, but goodness, 2 of them I'm not their best friend, and the other one replaced me with their boyfriend. And I try talking to them, I try getting them into my interests or playing with me. They just... don't care enough. I've never been someone's 1st choice. But I have so many 1st choices. I doubt life gets any better from here, I'll always just be a background character. I wish I could just sleep forever, but not die, just sleep until the world ends.

So there's there's boy lets name him potato we've been at each other's throats for about three years now constantly teasing beefing and annoying each other and the police kept getting invovled. So after that I fell in love with him badly I think my first or second genuine love and I think he fell to but his mates are not the nicest at all so he says a lot of not nice things Infront of his mates but one day he made me cry because of something he said so after woods I had so much built up anger from this girl and him I went mad at him and he looked like he wanted to cry because to be fair I was being nasty but he was mean as well before which I know is not a exuse but I cant even tell if he likes me or not anymore because I think I broke his heart

and now she's posting corny shit as her discord status SOMEONE SAVE ME

I feel like i'm never anyones first choice. No ones best friend, no ones partner, no ones favourite, ... . Everyone has someone more importante. I'm just a background character, a backup option. I'm never the best, but also never the worst. I'm just there. No one importante. Just existing. What ever i do, i always get over looked and ignored. Messages never really read, stories never really listened to. Just there if they need me, but only then. But the people around me are not bad people. they consider me their friend. Just not importante enough to care about more then just checking if i'm alive once in a while or asking me for favours. My own parents don't even see it. They take my brother serios, but nor me. I'm just the after thought. They don't notice my sleep getting worse, my eyebags heavier and darker. I'm honestly not motivated enough to care anymore. I'm not really happy nor sad. Just there. I will jusy go on numb. I don't wanna leave, i just wanna be happy not numb

i hate being done so wrong to point where you’re not even angry

Sometimes i feel so fucking ugly. I look at myself and all i can see is ugly ugly UGLY. Forehead too big. Nose too big. Too much acne. Too fat. Too tall. I’M JUST TOO MUCH. But no matter what I do nothing helps! I can’t fucking stop myself from eating like a fucking pig i mean i’m so disgusting i can’t even starve myself properly. Even my friends agree since my friend constantly calls me fat/ugly even my own family thinks i’m ugly. My whole life I was raised thinking like that. Yet I can’t change no matter how hard I try. It makes me wanna die. Everyday I see people with my body type and they’re so damn pretty yet i’m so fucking. Undeniably. Ugly. I just wish I could lose the weight and look how I want but I can’t help but think there’s no point I mean even if i did feel ‘pretty’ so what? I’d still hate it. Honestly, I just wanna feel like someone wants me but why would anyone want a sick, disgusting bitch like me? Anyway, have a good day.