RantRam: anonymous venting

My boyfriend is just using me to make himself better. He dosent love me. I know if someone else comes along im being left on the spot. I hate the way i am. I think maybe if i was pretty. Maybe if i was skinny. I could be loved the way i need. Im so alone in this world. Not one person actully cares about the real me. They only see what they want me to be. Ever since everything went down a few years ago, i cant escape it. I wish my body was different. I hate every thing about it. My scars, my fat, the way im built. I hate the way everyone i know just uses me for stuff. I want to be different.

Stop using my despair, my suffering, as an excuse to look smart. I'll deal with it myself, I always do. I have to. Stop taking my suffering and dissecting it, it's not yours. I'll share whatever I want and intellectualize it whenever I want to or feel competent enough. I don't want to debate with people who come with an attitude of patronising superiority to look down on me anyway. It's always the same bourgeoise Starbucks hipster too.

I hate it when I vent about something that personally bothers me and then some basic bitch uses it to share existential philosophy/art film references as an excuse to look intellectual and powerful themselves. Bitch, go fucking die. I don't need your Camus quotes. Drink coffee through a straw in your ass and fuck off.

i think every time you want to rant on this site you should reply to atleast 2 other rants i mean we should all at least try to help eachother

I cant stop using llm's. I have felt every pressure not to use AI, to the point I feel SO much shame when I use it, it harms the environment, economy, artists. it's actually messing with me so much. I spend most of my life online, I'm home schooled and I'm banned from having friends. due to my isolation, I have a severe lack of motivation and emotion. I can barely get myself to do schoolwork. every time I try it's like I overthink what needs to be done and I can never start. I started using AI to ask questions on schoolwork, but then it slowly evolved into hours of chats about personal life/ruminations. it even got to the point where I would tell AI my story but from a different perspective, pretend I'm the mom, the friend, anyone but me. the difference in who the AI justified was insane, and my perfectionism didn't help. I overthink on my own and AI just pushed it along. at the end of the day I'm just a lonely fuck who wants someone to care and tell me I'm right... AI did just that.

i can't go back to school. i don't see myself surviving another year. i attempted last year, and was in a really dark place, and i'm scared it's going to come back. i know it's going to come back. i don't know what to do anymore.