All Rants

Sometimes I try to remember a time that I truly loved myself and I’ve only recently come to the realization that I never did. I’ve always been upset with who I am since I was little. As selfish and attention seeking as this seems, I almost feel like I deserve better. Nobody deserves to hate themselves so much that they’re more upset getting compliments than they are when they don’t. Nobody deserves to hate themselves so much that they want to cut everyone else off out of fear they’re not good enough to have friends around.

Fuck my fucking parents, they have no idea what it's like to be disabled young they have no idea what it's like to be forced into poverty to maintain benefits, they don't know the hell of deciding between meds and rent, and they still call me a financial burden because of a minor amount of assistance they give me. They payed for my sisters college, but they can't spare some money to let me get food for the week without having to worry about bills.

i'm so lonely. i don't feel like a real, human person with connections. and yet nobody wants me to leave. but what am i even here for?

My cousin looks exactly like my childhood hallucination and it's driving me insane.

sometimes i catch a sniff of this specific smell that brings me back to a place that no longer exists, however i still pass everyday. all that's left of it is a tiny overgrown slide and a few memories. their driveway was frozen over, yard covered in snow. my mother knocked on the thick brown door while i stood infront of her in a thick jacket. i would be greeted, and my mom would leave to pick me up later. and there came the smell. the floor was a navy blue, nearly dark gray. i'd turn to my left and have my friend boot up the PS3. we would play minecraft bedrock edition, specifically the pre-made worlds. having Kyoto - C418 play for hours and hours. he had a whole gym in the next room, we would mess around with the weights together. in the living room drawers under the TV, he would show me his pokemon card collection. we'd put on our boots and winter clothes, run into the snow that reached our waists. outside was the same old, dirty, decaying slide that sits there today.

To those asking do i feel less depressed snacking. I eat too much.

Why do I get so annoyed the second somebody speaks I suddenly feel so insecure, angry, and just wanting to respectedly hit my head against the wall. Its not like they said anything wrong in just the problem

I hate ai in art so much because no matter how specific the prompt, there is 0 intentionality. Art is all about intention. When you make a line, you have no surprises present. Even if you change that like from vertical to horizontal or curved, you made it specific. If I generate the line, the line is not intentional on my part. There could be a dot in the corner for no reason, or the line isn't the specific shade of red I wanted, which I could have picked out myself. Even if I said "make a rose red curved line with this specific texture" it can still use vermillion instead, or might even add a yellow piss filter and I don't have the same control, or flow, or decisions made. It's just boring. I don't care what you think about ai, but don't try to convince me it's good for art. It could be great for other things but if it's in there, I will always be skeptical if there was any care put into it at all. I hope one day AI blows itself up before nothing becomes intentional anymore. Gosh

Everything is going wrong I thought it would get better I thought I would get better and study clean be more reliable.

Ik I need help and I want to tell someone but uk sometimes I forget everything all that’s left is this dread and I forget why I wanted to kms I forget everything I js feel nothing so mostly I don’t recognise if I even have any problems or I js hate myself and say I deserve it and it’s normal bc I deserve it and I’m not allowed to ask for help idk why this part of in my mind makes this rules and if I don’t follow them something bad will happen I hate myself I feel so disgusting even being a part of my body and my mind but other times I like my personality and that at least I’m not racist and have good morals and good emotional intelligence.I’ve been wanting to ask my teachers for help but I’m it will never turn out good bc I don’t want my family to know all this never I’d rather die so instead I rant here it helps too some extent.Rn I don’t remember why I ever wanted to die and I don’t want too but I’m still crying and I don’t want to remember those thoughts even tho I’m they’ll come.

When I shave my legs and arms I purposely cut myself so its not suspicious and so my parents dont think im cutting myself again

I am not feeling okay Sometimes I feel like o want to kill myself My brain is all foggy My director missed the mail to nominate me for promotion My boyfriend told me he wants to breakup I love him a lot A lot Changed everything for him Why does not he love me back I am having an anxiety attack rn when I am typing it

My mom scooped through my room and found out that I wash my underwear by hand and that I have discharge. She's NEVER explained how my body worked or how to handle these types of things, I literally had to learn to handle my period alone, she found a couple of stained ones that were washed they had blood on them and she took pictures and is saying she'll post them on Faceboo, idk what to do bro, ik its nasty but I try to do what I can its not like she lets me work or buys me new ones.

Story time 🤣🤣 So he's not shy. He talks in the office, and he's more so nonchalant. It doesn't really interact with me unless we are paired up, and when we are he's great but when we're not he does things to avoid interacting with me for eg, me and my coworker are the only ones who have access to the important keys in the business, so if they need a key we are the ones to give them . My desk is first, so naturally, everyone comes to me for it, but he goes to my co-worker, even if she is late, he'll wait until she comes to get it. Another thing is he'll be in the office waiting on something and then just stare at me on multiple occasions. When I caught him, he looked away . Yesterday, my same co-worker who's in charge of the keys with me caught him staring at me, and she asked why you were staring at her like that, and he didn't respond. Also yesterday she went to the bathroom and he just sat there until she returned to give her the keys. Mind u, he can also give it to me

I have many things to be concerned for but my mind always catches up with my neverending feelings for her. My best friend, I keep tryinf to convince myself it’s not like that. She has a boyfriend, I’m praying she truly likes girls and our kiss wasn’t an experiment.. She’s going through rough times and thinking about it kills me because I should focus on just being there for her, I try, but I long for a hug from her so much and evrry single hint of affection in the sloghtest form lures and takes me away and the world stops existing and it’s her with the most gorgeous eyes I’ve ever seen. So many times I’ve tried to distract myself with girls and boys but my feelings will never stop and I will never move on. It’s okay because the pain is sweet and the twist of the knife even sweeter when she’s holding it through so much care so much goodhearted friendship. I just wish I was as much good as a friend as she is.. I just wish I could make her as happy as she makes me.

hate AI my brother inlaw walks around all day literally ALL DAY with ear buds in with same plot AI story slop going it gets bad when he decide to not wear the buds and when he has his phone bluetoothed to the car and I got to leave somewhere and junky AI story or even worse porn starts going and he says he dont masturbate because its nasty but I walked in on him doing that in the LIVING ROOM a very high traffic area even for my kids

I am stressed and feel like the future for me has lost hope. I’m 21 and went to CC for Psychology (I am very passionate about Psychology and want to become a family therapist) since I couldn’t afford or get a large enough federal loan for the Uni I originally got into. I’m supposed to transfer next month, but I think it’s unlikely now. My plan was to attend CC while getting a job to attend Uni. However, The past few years I have had zero luck finding any job. I have done well over 100s of applications, I have done well over 30 interviews. Just nothing. I have no idea what I have done to warrant not even being able to obtain even a simple fast food job. My only assumption being the area I live being in a massive population boom. It all just sucks. I hate it all. On top of that there is stress regarding my personal life. I lost my BF to suicide last July and I can’t even get a driver’s license because I don’t have the money for insurance because I cannot get even a simple job.

I wish I could be better at life. I've been messing everything up and I don't impress my parents. My siblings make it worse getting me in trouble even though I didnt do anything to them. I hate being threatened by stuff, like being hit, being kicked out, or being put for adoption. I've vented to many friends but they don't seem to care even. I have no one to talk to. My bestest of friends told me to end it. I cant speak up for myself or ill be smacked or hit. I was told God would make my life better if I had faith in him. I didnt receive it, my life keeps getting worse. I hate my step-dad. He thinks just because he's a man means that he'll do whatever he wants and he'll be praised like a God. He sa'd me secretly, ive never told anyone about it yet. I'm sacred.

tired of my brother in law. all he does with listen to these same plot AI stories, eat, sleep and work nothing else, what's the deal he does not buy any of the food and when he cooks he wastes half of it by leaving it out. does not wash any dishes because he thinks he is a 5 star chef I hate and can not eat his overly salty food doctor wants me away from salty food also, he is messy as F spits in bottles and leaves them all over the place we get soda and he drinks it all over night. just today I pulled out meat to thaw for dinner and he already had one out and he used both and I have kids to feed and he is eating everything I have to get diet soda just so he wont drink all of it I get my husband chip and the fcker eats it all and says it wasnt him and the damn empty bag in his area btw his area is in the fcking living room and I have walked in on him several times thouching himself and he has a bedroom that is a total mess that he wont sleep in because its a mess

its kinda sad that everyone got superpowers from the meteor shower and all lex got was baldness