Work & School

i wish he didnt hate me

i’ve given up on my promotion for manager at my job. every meeting is a constant reminder that my adhd will always be a burden to me. i can’t get medicated for countless reasons and no matter how much i love this job and want to grow and grow old here, i can’t make a living out of it. i’ll never be able to be manager. i watch as others who i think don’t deserve it grow and grow and im stuck here. stuck being nothing, and i think im the one who wants it to the most. i want to be a manager, but ill never have it. all because of my stupid adhd.

Elderly people are so insufferable. I know their hearing, eye-sight and physical capabilities have deteriotated, but that still doesn't justify the bad treatment we often get at customer service jobs. I had an elderly client come in our office who spoke in tagalog (filipino) and he loudly complained about my co-worker being unable to speak it. We live in Canada, mind you. CANADA. Unfortunately, he could tell we had the same ethnicity and I had the horrible pleasure of becoming the meatshield for my crew today. This was the first time I wish I was not bilingual. He kept incoherently rambling about irrelevant topics and BEGGING to make a product he wanted to buy cheaper... but that's outside of my control??? On top of that, "correcting" me for doing my job. I don't need someone to correct me over things I've done daily the past 5 years... It was an excruciatingly long hour..

* I moved to a new company after 2 months of being idle in a corporate. This company is substantially smaller than the previous one which is making me doubt my decision * After 2 months of being idle, just playing games and watching streams I feel so out of "work" mode. I cant sit on a laptop to work for more than an hour. * I have a toxic girlfriend that I have to deal with until I break up with * I have a lot to learn for the new company as I lacked a lot of things in experience * I am tired constantly * I have never worked a strict 9 to 5 before (previous company was mostly remote) and I am expected to go to the office 2 days a week  * I am in massive debt and pay around 15K a month, +another 15K for my family where I am forced to support them * I have no money so I am forced to stay at this company until I get another opportunity in a year * I have a huge social anxiety and literally was about to breakdown when I went there for the first time and had to deal with people

I broke my sewing machine. This is why I don't sew. I haven't sewed in months cause it always frustrates me. (Though I want to get better at it too..) I finally go to sew again to repair the hole in my weighted blanket (which I think I actually did succeed somehow? 😭) but I broke my sewing machine. I think I snapped a piece of plastic on the inside cause that's what it kinda looked like when I opened it up. I broke my freaking machine. It won't even stitch now. This is why I don't sew, because I always mess something up and it makes me really upset..like brings me to tears. Why did I have to break my sewing machine? It's been this way since I was a kid, I think I can do something, I mess everything up, and then I feel like a failure.

Now that I'm making progress with school, and I'm chasing a career, it feels like the activities I used to do aren't as engaging or feel the same. I've noticed that the hobbies that used to give me life and that small break in life don't feel the same. It feels like I'm stuck or at least going through a transition, and at times it feels like my mind goes blank, all while staring at my ceiling, pondering my next decision in life.

id rather kill myself than take this fucking class ever again. one credit class? suck my fucking dick. this is more work than my 3 credit classes but she didn't load the work on until after course drop date. oh, technical issues? well suck it up and try harder. genuinely. i hate my professor i hate my teammates i hate this stupid class that makes me feel like i shouldn't have been born in the first place. never should've gone to college man should've just disappeared at the ripe age of 18 before i wasted all this money going to this damn place.

i feel bad i've lost to lust again i feel so guilty but i just cant stop i need idont know waht to do

I am a freshman in high school. I'm planning to go to college and get an undergrad and then go to law school. I'm very high achieving so this is very possible, but I don't actually want to do this. I've looked over many job fields and law is the only one I find interesting. However, I feel like I'm still forcing myself to do this. From an early age, I created my purpose of going to the best college possible. As I grow older and I have more conversations, I realize I haven't found anything to do after. Of course, I'd get a job and maybe get a family. I don't want this though. I don't feel fulfilled at the idea. I just don't understand the concept of my purpose and what I want to do in life. If I was honest, I still have dreams of finding a community and becoming a Youtuber or a streamer. I love the sense of community within content spaces, but it is unrealistic. I have a "bright future" and I am a girl, so misogyny is bound to occur. I just don't know where to go with my life.

I feel like a background character in my own life. I hate looking at group pictures of myself because I always look like the odd one out, no matter what. I’m not lonely at school, I have plenty of friends, but barely anyone that I really know well. I’ve stuck myself in a rut of loneliness because I never really reach out to others or really get to know other people. Sometimes I start to realize that I’m my own worst enemy always trying too hard to be cool and funny because I feel like I have something to prove or just completely withdrawing because I’m scared of being seen or acknowledged. I wonder if someone from school might come across this and maybe realize who exactly this is behind the screen.

so like me and my bsf were getting along well but suddenly she was didtant so a really nice girl was my friedn and my bsf kept say ing bad stuff about her and i texted her but my bsf saw it and brok the friend ship and i feel like it was fully my fauult and this hurts more as 2 years from now i lost my first bsf and grandpa to cancer so i alwayes looked for that same sweet calm girl and the same connection when i found it i lost it again it hurts everyday for me but my bsf does not seem to care and i still remeber my first bsf last good bye both of us not bieng sad. as we thought we will meet again but were never able to see her again and i also remember my mom telling she died as cancer relapsed it still hurts

What makes me rant there is a site called Pinterest which for whatever reason in their minds, they consider pornography two females wearing leotards against each other porno even though they are dressed in their work clothes outside of working for a wrestling promoter that does not have a television contract. Okay Pinterest powers that be I understand what you consider porn if a female model is in her birthday suit looking at the camera. Or having their back turned. My advice to you clowns is that it is one thing to have rules on social media showing images of female nude models might be offensive. But calling two female wrestlers wearing leotards working a wrestling match is like saying that some people from nations that do like the Western values of entertainment a peaceful religion. I guess we senior citizens who remember females working professional wrestling shows wearing leotards are obsolete.

UGH so the other day I was answering alot of questions correctly in class, and my teacher just got back from the 2 months they took off ( her husband died) and when I answer another question right, she called me to her desk and gave me a chocolate chip cookie ( I don't really like chocolate but for some reason this one was really good) so I ate most of it, then i gave some to my friends, but as we were getting our stuff to go home, my friends keep calling me a fucking nerd, and im like bitch? Just because I got a cookie and I was answering questions correctly, doesn't fucking mean I'm a nerd! Like I know the subjects, I understand it, ITS EASY AS SHIT. AND YET IM THE NERD? ( i also think my classmates are dumb asses because my teacher asked one of my classmates "what's half of a thousand? "and they didn't know)

stressed stop working in fast paced enviroments if you have anger issues

!!!TW!!! i dont know what to do. everything seems fine in my life, my grades arent bad, my friends are amazing, so why do i still feel like crying everyday when i come home from school? i tried jumping twice before, but stopped myself. im thinking about it again, but also trying to find other mechanisms. i was thinking that maybe cutting could help, but im also trying to find others, but nothing seems good enough. i just want to disappear for a while

im so fucking depressed. i feel useless, i wanna have a well paying job but im so fucking dumb, even if i study hard. my family life is hell, i got an abusive mom whos bipolar and a brother who wants to hit me. i try talking to my other family members about my issues but all i get is "i went through that." im so severally tired that i dont wanna wake up, i dont shower, i dont brush my teeth, i smell and i look like a mess. i was so pretty, really really pretty but now since i broke my fucking tooth i look so ugly. im so insecure. i want someone to love me but every guy i talk to is a werido who says something racist and has a brain of a pea. im trynna study but im so dumb to not get anything and when i slip up, i get abused for being "too dumb". i wanna move out soon but im so broke and i have no money to my name. no motivation is helping me, all my friends are fake, im a loser who is severlly chronically online and i have a mentally ill sister and a fucked up family. fuck my life.

I feel lonely and unloved. Everyone can find someone that loves them and I only find partners that don't even love me, I feel like something is wrong with me.

This customer I got today is a fucking bitch. 2 months ago she saw me at a shop and she was like "Hey ur the girl from (my work)" and I was so caught off guard, tired bc I had a long day, and i also interacted with this lady twice in my life at this point. I responded with "I think so" and then I forgot about that day completely. 2 months later, today, she was at my register. Everything is normal, I'm serving her, then she cracks it at me. She says "oh ur the girl I saw at the shop" and she starts getting mad and saying that im a "fucking rude bitch" because I didn't talk to her outside of my work? It was right after school I was still in uniform and I also don't know this lady. Why do you care?! Why are you still pressed?! This happened two months ago. Why are you only bringing it up now? It isnt personal. Omg I've never wanted to slap someone more than her. I genuinely wish the worst for her sour ass sorry ass excuse for a person. I seriously hate her

I was hurt by my class one day; everyone turned against me because a girl told the class some lies, and I was unfairly judged, even by my friends. But some of them were really kind and supported me. Still, I spent days and days crying, and nights too; I couldn’t stop crying and didn’t talk about it with the teachers or even the school tutors, and I withdrew into myself, no longer able to talk as I did at the start of the year because I used to be very sociable and playful, and I’d even make friends with people who were bullied and not appreciated by the school; basically, I was adored by everyone at school. But even with their support, I couldn’t forget what happened to me, even though now everyone has forgotten about it. I will never forget it, and it hurts every time I think about it

I am ranting because a website called X has suspended my account twice for violation of simply using the expression "You as well die with your boots on." when a cretin wrote on X something dying his his cause. Come on Elon Musk, I have more freedoms calling out a bleep damn cretin who is likely a foreigner that hates our nation. Just for that, my advice for you is that you can kiss my cheeks since I am simply a foreigner who lives here who APPRECIATES his freedom. No more answering what a cretin of any color or nationally wants me to give them reparations since my ancestors allegedly mistreated their ancestors. Se acabo.