Top Rants of the Week

I don’t wanna die but i don’t wanna live like this

Feeling like an idiot because I made a mistake. I keep making mistakes each week and they’re piling up. I don’t think my anxiety can take much more. I wish I had someone in my life to reassure me that everything will be okay, even if it’s a lie.

if i go, im sorry. im sorry i turned 18, and didnt live longer than that. im sorry i never went to my dream school. i always felt lost, that i was only doing things for others. never getting that same effort back, never getting an apology, never receiving affection. i cant handle it anymore, there really isnt anything left. anything to go to, anything to achieve. it just feels like my whole mind and body is constantly in pain. i can’t think for one second without how i was treated and imagining how i could just pass any moment. im impatient, im exhausted that it’s gone this far long. if you loved me, you would’ve shown it before i died

I was raped when I was 7, every-time I went over to my cousins house he would trick me into thinking it was a game. And make me do disgusting things.. this went on for almost a whole year until he finally tried to stick it in me and I screamed from the pain of it, ran upstairs with my pants down in front of my whole family crying. It was all blurry but I remember my mom taking me home and crying while giving me a bubble bath. My cousin got in big trouble. And I was bleeding in the tub a bit. My parents were asking me what he did and I told them. But what makes me frustrated is how I’d get taken back to the house. And I’d have to see him and act like nothing happened. when I got old enough to know what he did and how it was wrong. I asked my dad why he was so fine with my cousin and my dad got pissed with me, told me I tempted my cousin, embarrassed my dad, and that it was my fault that I got raped and that I need to just forgive and forget. My dad broke my damn heart when he said that.

HE SMILED AT ME. IM KICKING MY FEET AND GIGGLING BRO. I ALSO CAUGHT HIM LOOKING AT ME A COUPLE TIMES AAAAAAAAAAAAA idk why im sharing this but yeah

I will get rid of my life by the end of the week most likely

Hi,I've been a porn addict for three years. It's also worse for me since I'm quite young. And I've picked up some bad coping for it,like self-harm,vaping,and polybuzz. I'm just wondering where can I get help,online or in real life. Any help helps.

one of my only family members is dying. my wife responded to this by saying she needs to be on her phone alone so she isnt upset about it. i am coping with this alone and not for the first time. she keeps lying to me and every time something bad happens in my life i have to manage her needs. it's starting to drive me insane i already have lost a lot of people - family cut me off for being gay as it is - and the only person who i chose to care about keeps blanking me or straight up lying to me about things such as "quitting smoking" or "applying for jobs" (she is chronically unemployed). i was sold a life where id be loved and now i am managing someone else forever even in my most difficult and stressful moments. i dont know what to do

I hate my body so so much. I'm so thin that I can see my ribs poke out when I lean my body backwards. I can see my veins and arteries on my forearm. I'm severely underweight. It doesn't help that I'm 5 foot 5 and a boy. I still have a few years left until I'll stop growing completely, but it's just so painful to look at myself. I hate the way others look at me like I'm some kind of malnourished scrawny little rat. I just can't gain weight for the life of it!! I hate that the weather is changing and now I have to wear t shirts so everyone can see my thin arms. I've barely gained any weight since so long. Doesn't help that I live in a terrible and judgmental country. It just makes me not want to go outdoors. It's not that I hate the outdoors, quite the opposite, I just hate society's expectations. I'm really glad that my parents don't mind as much as I do. I can't ever stop wondering when I'll stop being below 15kg/m2. It's really infuriating and messes up my confidence and self-esteem!!

It hurts. Over and over again I get attached to emotionally unavailable people. They all acted like they were so obsessed with me at first. The first one was cheating the whole time we were together, I wasn't even his first choice. The second one rejected me and disappeared when I asked him if he ever wanted a serious relationship with me. The third one faded from my life and replaced me with someone else. The most recent one is in an abusive relationship and can't get out, doesn't seem all that willing to get out, even though he says he loves me. And all the ones inbetween. They all acted like they loved me so much. But it never lasts. I'm just a shiny toy to people, and I lose my shine after a while, and that's when they drop me. I'm their object. I'm a doll. I'm so tired. I just want something that works. I want to feel like I'm lovable and the first choice and the only choice. I don't want to worry about being replaced. Please don't leave me. Please don't ever leave me again.

whens the part where I become speacial and loved. im so sick of this life

I need to get help. Someway, somehow, I need help. I have relapsed my self-harming over five times this year, and I don't know what to do. I truly need to stop. My parents are going to find out at some point, and then I'll just be in deeper shit than I am already in now. I just need a moment where everything can stop. Just for like- thirty seconds. I just need thirty seconds where I can feel like my heart and mind can have a break. Where I can just breathe. When will I ever get those thirty seconds?

Genuinely i’m an attention seeker, cuz what do you mean that i’m willing to hurt myself just so people can pay attention at me and make sure that i feel okay and loved??? i’m willing to twist my ankle, create bruises on my skin, falling on concrete on purpose just for what??? for them to say “i’ll be here for you” i’m genuinely going insane and i feel so pathetic that i keep doing this just so people look at me and do special treatments

I feel lonely and unloved. Everyone can find someone that loves them and I only find partners that don't even love me, I feel like something is wrong with me.

I want to die. I've felt this way since I was eleven. I don't know why I feel this way. I have a good life, I have amazing friends, and a beautiful girlfriend, yet here I am. My thighs covered in scars, both new and old, and my head filled with violent thoughts that I wish were not there. I'd say I have a nice family, but I don't feel like I can talk to any of them. My mother is emotionally unavailable and makes me feel shitty when I go to talk to her about how I feel, my step-dad is just an ass who does not give a shit about how I feel(or about how anyone feels for that matter), my bio-dad is amazing but doesn't do well with emotion, and I'm not sure how to talk to my step-mother about these things(I love her to death though). I feel so trapped in my own head, like my emotions are slowly tearing me apart. I hate this. Normally, I'm really strong when it comes to this, but I've honestly been slipping recently. I don't know how much longer I can go on. I feel so alone.

For the past few weeks I’ve just felt so alone and unmotivated to do literally anything. I have no energy or passion to do any of the things that used to bring me happiness. It’s hard to get up in the morning because I just feel so tired and sad. It’s like a constant sadness that won’t go away. I feel like my friends are drifting away from me because I’m not the usual happy and optimistic person I always am. It hurts because I can literally see myself getting replaced in real time. My family is so dysfunctional and I can’t seem to catch a break from anything. School is burning me out and I just want it all to end. I don’t understand how I was so happy just a few months ago, and now I feel so hopeless. What’s wrong with me?

im so scared. my friend disappeared entirely like two days ago. ive emailed him relentlessly. he deleted his tiktok account and his discord account. there was no last message, no 'i need space', no 'ill be going offline for a while'. hes just gone. completely. im scared that hes gonna try to khs again. im scared. hes my best friend. hes the one who tells me 'you got this'. i dont know what happened. i noticed he was feeling low, sure, but it didnt seem that bad. i called with him just hours before i realised he disappeared. now im thinking, did i do something wrong? could i have made it better? but i cant even ask that BECAUSE I DONT KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. im under the impression that something really bad happened to him. i know him. he wouldve told me. i think. i dont know anymore. i think i knew him. i think i do know him but hes just gone and i dont fycking know. im scared. im scared he wont come back. im scared that im gonna lose my best friend forever. where is he? wheres my bee?

Have you ever looked around and realized that your friends aren’t really your friends? To you there your main friend group. But really they all have a list of people they would choose before you. Like when you’re in a circle talking, they push you out. When your walking in a line and they close into together and push you out and your just walking awkwardly behind them. I honestly don’t think they’re doing these things to hurt my feelings. They just don’t care. They don’t care if I’m there or not cause they’ll never notice and unless I force myself into conversations. They don’t care if they’re leaving me out cause they don’t see me as a person. The one person I genuinely love hanging out with, who pushed all the people I loved to hangout w her, just doesn’t care anymore. She was and still always is my first choice but she would pick so many people before me. She used to be not popular but ever since she has been she’s just been walking right past me to talk to her cool friends.

I have so much hatred for myself no girls have any interest in me everyone bullies me bcs of my height and size I get treated differently I wish I was js normal like everyone else instead of having to do something js for people to show normal empathy towards me

So I am middle-aged you know 56 years old and my entire life I was a drug addict and then I got clean and I was living I got housing and energy assistant and all this stuff and I went and got myself full-time job and I stayed on it for a year and a half now and I was on housing so mind you housing my was last year it was 609 was my portion right And I've never had income before so this is crazy to me too but and then this year I just got recertified and they raised my rent to $1,000 and they took away all my food stamps and I have a daughter I have two daughters actually but one that lives with me and I feel like I need to just quit because it was so much easier because I'm one paycheck away from being homeless and I'm working my ass off I'm only making $17 an hour remind you but I've stayed at this job for a whole year and a half and I'm not sure what to do I've got myself in more debt than I could even imagine it's so stressful ..... I'm doing the right thing and contributing to comm

In the end it’s all the unspoken word, the lies you tell, the silent cries when no one’s around. The thoughts get louder as the room fades into silence and my brain cant handle it all. The tears brim at my eyes and my hand slides up to clutch my mouth. Stay silent, if they know you’re showing emotion with no “justifiable” reason you’ll get called dramatic or an attention seeker. You always have to listen to them speak but whenever it’s your turn you’re simply dismissed. That’s what we’re taught from a very young age. Only cry if there’s a reason to cry, but in hispanic culture depression and anxiety aren’t a real thing. It’s all just mental

Im so done. SO SO SO SO SO SO SO DONE!! I want to throw a fit. I want to scream and yell and kick. I want to cry and sob and punch. I want to throw and stomp and grab. I want to fall to my knees in the rain in an empty street and just scream and sob. That's what I would say. but really? I just want to go to my boyfriend and sob. and tell him Im sorry. and tell him how horrendous everything but him feels. Call me crazy or obsessed. but that's all I really want. I want him to hold me and let me sob, but I want him to be able to come and vent to me. But I also want to see him happy. I love him. but I'm done with everything else. I still want to cry, but I cant stand crying alone. I don't want attention. I just want to be held.....

how to tell you this all? That I walk around till it hurts no more. This environment is not good at all. It tastes almost bitter and feels quite hollow. Only at night we gather with our painted smiles, but in the mornings we continue to fight I am trying so hard to hide, to make myself small. To not make you feel so upset with me. I absorb all that you throw at me. I do not know how much longer I can hold on I am already in fragments lost myself somewhere on the way. I will never be good enough I know I really am nothing but a burden Is it even worth? I want out.

I hate being fat after having a baby. I’m 84kg and I hate myself so much. I see others my size and think they look stunning, why can’t I see myself this way?😩

!!!TW!!! i dont know what to do. everything seems fine in my life, my grades arent bad, my friends are amazing, so why do i still feel like crying everyday when i come home from school? i tried jumping twice before, but stopped myself. im thinking about it again, but also trying to find other mechanisms. i was thinking that maybe cutting could help, but im also trying to find others, but nothing seems good enough. i just want to disappear for a while

I feel like I have no true friends, they all have someone else who they would rather be with than me, I just wish I had friends, I have no one ive known since kindergarten or preschool. I have no one. I feel so distant from my family and everyone else.

How do you stop overthinking? I really wish I knew. If I stopped giving a fuck about every single detail I think my life would improve drastically lol

i predict that i will die at 22 and i will die a virgin. my mental health is all over the place. home doesnt feel like home, i hate my body and how it’s mine forever, i hate how i look, i hate what im going through, i hate how i have too many responsibilities to give up, i hate how ive failed committing twice, i hate how now matter how hard i try — i see no meaning and i see no worth in continuing to live other than to live for other people. seriously, what the hell do i do with myself? at the end of the day, everyone dies. i might as well rid the government of another immigrant and rid the government another person to be responsible over. i might as well stop making my friends feel too special, or they’ll feel they're the only reason im alive. i might as well stop wasting everyones time and disappear, it’s just easier that way. idk lol

god i feel like nothings going on in my life. i used to have it all. fuck man. my life is so boring now. i have no freinds, my hobbies dont bring me joy, im bland, i do nothing. even doing things like hanging out with people sucks. i should probably see my therapist but i also fucking hate her. theres something wrong with me. i hate. where i am right now. i dont want to be this person. i dont like the people i associate and hang out with. they are assholes and incredibly judgemental. i just. i want to make art again. i dont want to be a pussy anymore. im going to actually say what i think. im not going to hang out with people i hate. i would rather be alone than hang out with awful people. im going to save money and do art. im going to watch fun movies and color my hair. im going to see my therapist.

My girlfriend is worried because her mother doesnt have a car, their power is getting shut off in two days and its 900$ which they dont have and i want to help but i dont have that kind of money rn and im so worried shes going to do something to herself even tho she promised she wouldnt. shes struggled with mental health a lot before, and im just worried. to make matters worse, she drops this on my deceased mothers birthday, and i know thats not her fault but i was feeling extremely depressed before and now its worse. i dont know what to do. i want to help but im not in the place to do so. idk. Im tired of it but i cant lose her or leave her.

I’m so tired. Every day seems to go wrong for me. Every time I think I have a chance of getting better, it all just comes crashing down again. Suicide and self harm and stuff have come back to haunt my thoughts after around a years time of ‘recovering.’ I haven’t relapsed, but the thought sounds appealing, sometimes. I day dream about how my death would affect the people around me, how they would finally see how much I was suffering. I can barely feel loved anymore. One wrong tone sets me off and I break down again. My attachment issues are so bad, especially towards my girlfriend. And I feel like I’m always annoying her with all of my anxiousness. I just wish I could somehow prove I’m not okay, that I could get some actual comfort and sympathy. I’m constantly drained, in physical and mental pain, and everyone pushes me farther to my limit. I’m really, really trying my hardest, but I’m not this strong. I can’t do this anymore. I wish I was gone.

I’m just so tired and I can’t even talk to my friends because they are asleep and I’m scared to ask for help because my whole life I have been told to suck it up and I’m just so exhausted and scared of holding it in

I want to be your friend, but its hard for me, and the fact that I feel I'm trying so hard makes me feel desparate, so I keep it to myself. However, I need to get this off my chest, and until I know where I stand in your circle I just won't know how to act. You make me nervous, but in a good way. Every conversation we have feels like a new life is being breathed into me, and gods, is it intoxicating. I can't meet your gaze when we stand next to each other, because when our eyes lock, even for an instant. I can't focus, and I have to turn away or else I get overwhelmed. I think it's because I'm insecure about my features, and the thought of a potential friend seeing my perceived flaws so clearly is frankly embarrassing. But gods, I could listen to you talk all day long. I want to hear all of your thoughts and opinions, piecing together the patterns until I know you better than anyone else. And how I wish you felt the same way, but until then I'll settle for being just another coworker

I feel like I’m suffocating every breath and word I say feels like a hand around my neck that gets tighter I was scream and cry but I can’t I don’t want to be here anymore but I’ve seen what happened after my dad killed himself and I saw how my mum was but it’s getting harder with each day I struggle to get out of bed or move a lot I pretend it’s all okay and I have tried so much I try to get a therapist and every time I’m put on a wait list because I seem fine and no one believes me when I talk no one listens to me and I can’t I miss life when it was fun and uncomplicated ever since I’ve started high school I’ve shrunk into myself scared that I’ll be rejected and ostracised for being myself I’m struggling to hold on and I want to end it I don’t know how to cope anymore I don’t know how to breath without being constantly aware of every breath and thought I can’t be myself without wondering if I’m being judged I just want it to stop

Due to depression I gained weight until 50kg, my mom said I was fat, I developed an ed and lost 5 kg in 2 months, now she say that I m pretty and skinny and that’s good that I lost weight. I can never be loved at a healthy weight, 50 kg wasn’t even that high… I still think I m huge and I need to lose more weight. I feel like if i m fat, my mom will never love me, and it’s true

i don't rly matter to anyone. i'm fine with being a loner. i've always been one. but sometimes, it does hurt seeing people you call your friends make plans with everyone but you. i try to be nice to them. i get them gifts, etc for their birthdays. not once have i gotten a gift from any of them before. that's fine. i don't rly care about my birthday that much as it's just another day. but yeah, they could at least take ten seconds out of their day to send a text or smth. idk. lately i've just been wondering what the point of anything is. yeah, get the degree, get a job, then what? there doesn't seem to be any point except to just conform to the model life society has set out for us and that everyone expects us to follow. idk if i just don't want to live or if i don't want to live in a mold that brings me no satisfaction. why do i think about things like this? i care too much for others and they don't seem to care back. why must i put in the effort only to be hurt time and time again?

im scared that my friend group genuinely doesn’t fuck with me anymore because i over shared.. one time i had a one month episode and after it was kinda over they told me that i should tell them if anything was wrong and that they’re always there for me. but after i actually tried to vent, i think i made them uncomfortable around me? lol i genuinely don’t know what to do and my mood has gotten even worse because i feel like there’s no one to really support me

how am i supposed to live like this? i wanna die, throw myself off a bridge, or onto traffic, or off a building, or hang myself off my air conditioner on the roof with notes pinned onto my body talking about all the apologies, all the regrets, everything i hated when i was alive. but i cant bring myself to holding a sharp sculpting tool when i feel like that, or holding a cutting knife for paper. i wanna die but im scared of death. it has to be one or the other, but im scared of the idea that if my hope that ill just reincarnate is false, and that ill just be brought to hell is the only thing seemingly keeping me alive, and the idea that it would hurt. SH feels like an in-between. I can feel the pain from outside, but not die myself. I don't cut myself. i just whack my head cuz i dont like seeing scars. im scared people would only tell me off or get upset, saying that im too privileged to want to die, that im ungrateful. i dont want to be here anymore. no school, and no life. i hate it

i never felt so lonely, it’s eating me alive. up until my birthday i guess ive expected a little bit more support on this day, but it feels even more lonely. no one was here to celebrate, up until the morning i was crying and even start relapsing again. it’s terrible, i just wish some people would at least give up the amount i would for them and it’s just..it made me realized how much i shouldn’t belong here i don’t feel supported i don’t feel appreciated. Im so tired of this and im so tired of being tired. It’s a never ending cycle and i feel like it wont stop until i put an end to it. i feel like throwing up. i wish i could get better

Tw for self harm. I recently relapsed with self harm after being clean for two months- i feel like such a loser because of it. I was doing well and now not only am I back at the start, but I dont want to try staying clean- I want to stay relapsed. Its so frustrating and I cant tell anyone about it either

My wife is completely disabled from OCD and I can't take it anymore but I would feel so guilty if I just walked away.

!!!TW SH!!! I've started cutting my self more, I like the feeling of it, its hard to hide because im fucking stupid and cut on my wrists which is like THE worst spot to cut on ( for me at lest) because I sweat easily and it STINKS it smells like onions and I fucking hate it, but anyways, I found an old pocket knife and cut myself with that, I have cut on my thighs and wrists. I do it because I like the feeling of it, I like the way I wince when doing it, I have scissors in my room and might cut myself later on my thighs, but like... idk, but I needed to get it out because it's my first time cutting and it FEELS SO FUCKING GOOD AND NICE theheheh

i actually hate the people i have surrounded myself with! i forgot how much i actually dont like these people. i keep thinking its my fault becuase i have a mental disorder but no. these guys actually suck!! I need to go back to being a furry and making art and reading and rock climbing and running and archery and writing books and watching animated shows and stupid furry animations and playing video games. i need to go back to art and skateboarding and keeping up my grades and making awesome culinary stuff. i just fucking hate these people. im thinking about doing culiary stuff after high school. or mabye learning french? going to france? i love culinary things and i think i might want to do that over the medical feild. i feel awful for saying that becuase I got my moms hopes up by saying i wanted to be an emt. but that was when i wanted to kill myself, and was self harming.

spent 75 dollars on junk food and alcholol and just binged. woke up feeling sucky about both the stupid waste of money and the amount of food eaten. I also have a super big water polo game where my entire team depends on me being there. I actually hate water polo but im in it for my freind. Lowkey hate my job, hate my sport, hate spending money. my birthday is in a couple of days and i didnt even realize it. i cant belive that over the year that i got into college and out of high school i lost all my freinds and i literally dont have any freinds except 2 online ones. i also realized that for the past few months i have been slowly turning myself into more female and christian passing to fit in with the girls at my church. i havent been doing any of the hobbies that used to bring me joy like art and watching shows. just dieting and excercise. i fucking hate the people at church to.

i was told by my own sister that nobody cares about me, i am a burden to everyone and i should kill myself

LIve be debating on if life is really worth living or not, and would like to know if theres a couple things genuinely wrong with me

I can't get you out of my head. It's so frustrating because I can't tell what this feeling is. To be honest, the fact that I think about you isn't even the most frustrating part. To me, the most frustrating part is the fact that I know, with almost absolute certainty, that the feeling isn't mutual. You're probably thinking about everything except me. I am just a tiny blip in your universe and it kills me. I want you to be as obsessed with me as I am with you. Everytime we talk, I never want it to end, I want to hear your voice, see your smile, listen to every thought about every topic that youve ever found interesting in your life. I hate it, and I know it's selfish, but I want to be your best friend, the person you confide in. I want to know all the things that make you sad and happy. I want to be there to support you in everything that you do. I just. Want. You. In all its entirety, whatever that may entail. And...I can only hope you'll someday feel the same way.

So, I'm gay. Just came back from my seniors trip and had my first kiss there. The boy who i kissed is my best friend, i think, who also outed me earlier on the same trip, so i wouldn't get beat up, kind of... The kiss didn't mean anything. When i got home, my mom asked who i hung out with more, and she said that i had better not hung out that much with that best friend else people would think we were together. She also called him the f-slur. Im scared that she'll find out know that everyone in my school knows.

My mother sees my existence as a threat to hers. She manipulates stories so much that when i explain it to my therapist, i say "but i don't know what actually happened" like 5 times per topic, and have to be reassured that its okay. a mother's embrace should be warm, but hers is filled with immaturity i can't explain. She gets over everything so fast, and assumes i do to. She wants me to change myself for the fighting to stop, she can't admit that it starts with her.

I relapsed today after two years. I cut myself pretty bad. I don't feel good about it. Especially cause I did because I got my heartbroken pretty bad. I made so much progress these last couple of years. I have made amazing friends, my health is better, I quit my shitty job, I'm medicated well, my grades are awesome, I'm starting grad school this Fall. But on rejection from someone I've been in love with for nearly 10 years and it feels like nothing has changed at all. Suddenly I'm back in the hole and feel like nothing matters anymore. I know these feelings aren't forever but it's how I feel right now. Crazy to think that just 2 weeks ago I was in floating in the clouds and I felt like my life was finally going right. It's not just the rejection that hurts. It's the fact that the rejection stems from his own hurt and misery that he just can't seem to get help for. I want to help and be there for him but he won't let anyone in.