All Rants

I’ve been trying. So Hard. For what? To be stuck in the same loop? Something has to give. And it might just be me.

i was supposed to go to a young multi concert but my mom said no

K1⏸️P0+US It hasn’t happened soon enough

I feel like I can’t do anything I’m 18 I don’t have a job or a car and no one to help me learn to drive I feel like I’m pathetic. I really want to be dead I’m also very iscolated, I really wish I had someone alcohol rn to lighten my mood.

How close are you to giving up? I’m trying so hard to keep it together what’s left. I wish I had a real friend. Someone I could count on. I really need someone.

Saw this woman at the grocery store. She should be tried for crimes against yoga pants…🤢

how long will it take for me to matter to you

I just want to cry. So much is going on right now and I’m so overwhelmed. I’ve been struggling alot these past few days and my suicidal thoughts have been creeping back in. I feel like an absolute failure. Everything is always my fault, I have failed yet again. I decided to just isolate myself, I’m going to eat one big meal today and then I’m going to go back to starving like I use to, it will most certainly numb the pain, that’s better than Self harming or suic*de right 😔

You ever feel like everything is going so well for u, you got good experiences lined up, new friends, more reconnection with ppl you used to love being around, etc. And then it just like makes you stop being able to function because too many things are going on at once and you sort of just collapse as a person. You don't know what to do, how to act, everything just is getting as bad as it used to be (cough cough middle school (except now its not middle school. And infact its closer to a midlife crisis than middle school)). And you can't even tell anyone around you because you have literally no idea where to start and if you start then youre worried that it'll never be able to be picked up. Or is that just me.

Part 2: I meant the other person didn't have to do the hard type of brute labor that I did, yet still they went to management to cut my throat to hinder me from advancing to doing something easier (part like what they themselves were doing at the time smh). I suppose they did that because they saw me as a threat and were somewhat jealous of me. Idk. Of course I know I can't change it. I was thinking about them today because they were mean to me in the way they spoke to me to try to get to know the area. They passed a few years back. But still their awful treatment of me still haunts me somewhat at times like today. Sigh idk. Maybe I was too trusting. Ive had so many effed up experiences since I've been here. Still not going to change who I am though for anybody though. Not letting bas experiences make me a bad person.

i feel like i don't matter in my own relationship. i feel like everytime i only matetr when he's phsyically sitting there with me because he has to. other times it's ignoring me or ghosting my texts or lying about wanting to hangout. i asked hours ago if he wanted to hang out and he said he did and i asked when and how and hours later there is still no answer no reponse now he is just getting mad at me for being upset that there is no response because it feels like he doens't care but i am irrational and crazy for feeling this way.

im just so fucking frustrated why is it my fault that you can't decide your day why is it my fault why why why why why is it so easy for you to make plans with your friends and follow through in the blink of an eye but for me it's a emrry go round of me asking and you ginoring and you hating meand just why what are we fucking doing

Yeah I have a lot of regrets. One being listening to those around me. Thinking they had my back when really they didn't and made me look bad and laughed about me behind my back and trashed me. Like one of my jobs they "supposedly" helped me get. They go "you could retire right here. Uh huh. Sure. Said the person that brute force labor, forged documents every certain day of the week and didn't actually have to work hard at that point in time anyway. They even went so far as to go to h.r. on me and say if you allow them to do this this n this I'll quit. HA. don't worry though I got them back for that though and they didn't let them come back after an issue. Still ,why tf would you act so caring to me to get me a job only to cut my throat to management? What I did I worked my ass off physically there. It has NOTHING to do with them. Whatsoever. As one person said you'd need a magnifying glass to see them move. Their job was minimal labor. So. Never did I ever think they'd do me that way

Sometimes i feel numb. I don’t want to feel numb I hate how when my friends and i are laughing about something silly or a joke and i randomly stop laughing because i wonder why thats funny and suddenly i cant see the funny part anymore, the annoying part is i dont do it on purpuse it just happens i just randomly stop laughing and then the thinking starts its exhausting to smile sometimes

You should have left earlier. I hate you for doing this to me now.

i don't know anymore. im tired of fighting. i just wish people would leave me alone. i wanna be left alone. i dont wanna do it anymore. im tired of it

Idk if some awful person tainted the food or what. Tried to make me sandwich and it had an odor of laundry detergent. Wtf. Tossed it and spit it out. Ate the exact same thing from a different package yesterday it was just fine. Mom says she fed some to the dog . I hope the both of us will be ok.

i find myself in the same situation almost all of the time . a slobbering,loudmouth,incoherent mess that gets looks from everyone else like im fucking batshit . and its almost always due to my mom . i could go on and on forever abt her,but god im so tired of continuously going through the same thing . and she just sits back and watches like im being unreasonable but she's literally controlling every aspect of my life . its summer . i was supposed to be having fun with my bsf,but she wanted to crash the party early . with no fucking warning . and im so tired of fighting battles i didnt ask to be in . i dont know how much of her i can take . and im genuinely thinking abt ending my life .

I feel like I'm slowly losing myself to the embrace of my own inflicted death. I made myself stay until I finished the most major concert in symphonic orchestra this year, until I hung out with my friends, until I got out of school, now that I finished it all and am out of school for the summer, I just.. don't want to stay. My mother still refuses to listen to me when I try talking to her, my brother is no help at all, my sister is too busy to provide me a place to escape to this time, my father is out of the picture, my friends care but it's like I'm walking on eggshells some days.. I don't want to be here. I miss my past grandma. I want to hug her again.

I'm 15, living in a small house with my mother and brother. I recently moved into our old office and turned it into my own room for privacy because I used to sleep in the living room. Unfortunately for me, my privacy came with the cost of overheating every night. I had two fans, which worked perfectly until it went out, leaving me with one blowing humid air. I beg my mother for a new fan each day, because recently I felt as if I was going to throw up because of how dizzy and hot it felt. She didn't listen. She never listens. She has two fans in her room, one a small desk one she rarely uses. My brother has one, and he's fine. I tried the other mini fans in the house, and got electrocuted, and now I just feel heavily trapped. She's a helicopter parent, won't allow me to leave the property, I don't have my permit yet nor a car if I did, my neighborhood is untrustworthy, I feel trapped. I don't know how to get out of this loop. I feel like I'm overreacting, but the suffocation? I'm not.