All Rants

Idk if some awful person tainted the food or what. Tried to make me sandwich and it had an odor of laundry detergent. Wtf. Tossed it and spit it out. Ate the exact same thing from a different package yesterday it was just fine. Mom says she fed some to the dog . I hope the both of us will be ok.

i find myself in the same situation almost all of the time . a slobbering,loudmouth,incoherent mess that gets looks from everyone else like im fucking batshit . and its almost always due to my mom . i could go on and on forever abt her,but god im so tired of continuously going through the same thing . and she just sits back and watches like im being unreasonable but she's literally controlling every aspect of my life . its summer . i was supposed to be having fun with my bsf,but she wanted to crash the party early . with no fucking warning . and im so tired of fighting battles i didnt ask to be in . i dont know how much of her i can take . and im genuinely thinking abt ending my life .

I feel like I'm slowly losing myself to the embrace of my own inflicted death. I made myself stay until I finished the most major concert in symphonic orchestra this year, until I hung out with my friends, until I got out of school, now that I finished it all and am out of school for the summer, I just.. don't want to stay. My mother still refuses to listen to me when I try talking to her, my brother is no help at all, my sister is too busy to provide me a place to escape to this time, my father is out of the picture, my friends care but it's like I'm walking on eggshells some days.. I don't want to be here. I miss my past grandma. I want to hug her again.

I'm 15, living in a small house with my mother and brother. I recently moved into our old office and turned it into my own room for privacy because I used to sleep in the living room. Unfortunately for me, my privacy came with the cost of overheating every night. I had two fans, which worked perfectly until it went out, leaving me with one blowing humid air. I beg my mother for a new fan each day, because recently I felt as if I was going to throw up because of how dizzy and hot it felt. She didn't listen. She never listens. She has two fans in her room, one a small desk one she rarely uses. My brother has one, and he's fine. I tried the other mini fans in the house, and got electrocuted, and now I just feel heavily trapped. She's a helicopter parent, won't allow me to leave the property, I don't have my permit yet nor a car if I did, my neighborhood is untrustworthy, I feel trapped. I don't know how to get out of this loop. I feel like I'm overreacting, but the suffocation? I'm not.

I rant on here a lot, and a fear follows me: the fear that someone I know will browse this website and recognize me from my rants. I leave very little identifying information, and I barely know anyone, let alone someone who would use this website. But still, I wish I could trust in the fact that this is an anonymous ranting website.

Oh my god, I HATE swallowing pills! I have to have 5 or 6 a night. Some nights, I can have all of them in one go, no trouble at all. Other nights, I have to swallow a ton, and even then they still don't go down! I try to have one at a time, but NO, it STILL doesn't work! And when it finally works, I can feel it scraping my throat in all the wrong places. Why can't vitamins be liquid, or at least soft?

I lost the geographical lottery and I don't like being a girl. If I don't make it out, I will kill myself.

Okay so I just finished my freshman year of high school, and I've have two heartbreaks by far. I'm still getting over my previous one, but for some reason my heart has somewhat started to attach me to this guy, and I don't know why but I can't stop thinking about him. This is very very confusing for me as someone who struggles with their sexuality because I swore to myself I'd only ever like women after my childhood best friend basically treated me like a peice of gum on his shoe when we met again. But, I do have reason. The guy is really sweet. He's not one of those assholes in grade nine who's only focus is getting a girl... And not even to consider a long term relationship with, let alone marriage. When I joined intermediate stage band, he basically said "you're not leaving without succeeding" when I wanted to quit on day one. That, and he helped me consistently, learning the piece we played at spring concert. He made sure I succeeded. But I don't know how to feel.

(continuation)-nt take it anymore. I may come off as “ungrateful” but you have to understand it’s been 2 entire years. Everytime i talk to my mom about it it’s either “it’s coming soon” or more fucking lies. I really can’t take this 1 second longer. people tell me to keep my head up high through my problems, and i have for as long as i can but nothing can change. and honestly i don’t think it will. I’m going to give it until the end of summer and if my life is still shit, I’ll probably be dead. but if it’s not? maybe i’ll come back and console with you guys. If you see another post by “james scott” that will be me i guess. (anonymous name not my real one)

I KEEP HITTING THE FLOOR OVER AND OVER AGAIN WHILE THE WHOLE WORLD SPINS AROUND ME LIKE SOME HORRIBLE FUCKING CARNIVAL RIDE THAT NEVER STOPS. I can’t even hold my own body up anymore. My legs give out, my head screams, my chest feels rotten, like my entire body is decaying while I’m trapped inside it WATCHING IT HAPPEN.I feel trapped in this pitch black room with no doors and no windows and every time I think I find a way out the walls just close in tighter. School keeps crushing me into the ground, people keep expecting me to talk and smile and socialize and ACT HUMAN when I feel like I’m seconds away from completely snapping in half.And when I finally stop and take days off, it gets WORSE. I spend entire days sobbing in bed, rotting under blankets, staring at the ceiling wishing someone would tear me apart piece by piece because I can’t stand being inside my own skin anymore.I KEEP TRYING. I KEEP TRYING SO FUCKING HARD. I push and push and push myself until I feel like my bones

im so done. I tried killing myself (for the third time by the way) I ended up in the hospital and then they put me in the metal ward and put me on 3 different pills for depression andxiety adhd and sleep. I feel like I'm going insane! I can't do this anymore! I just wanna die! Is that too much to ask? And when I talk about it people say, but your friends will miss you! (What friends?) But your dad will miss you! (You mean my abusive alcoholic father?) But what about your mom! (She got mad that I was cutting and when I talk to her about it she just tells me not to! She also always yells at me) but what about your siblings!? (Last night my sister told me she can't wait until I successfully commit one day and she said she hated me) there is nothing led to live for! My grades? Gone. My friends and family? I either have none, I can't trust them, they don't care or they are the reason for wanting this! I don't need more pills or 30 new doctors or therapists I WANNA DIE DAMMIT!

I want to die for the “dumbest” of reasons some may say. I live in the middle of nowhere with my grandma. Not because we have to, but by choice. I haven’t 0 friends, 0 money, no relationships, no stimulation and i only have my phone to help me cope. My mom used to work a high paying job with a lot of money. we would do everything. but she quit because it tired her out. I understand, because she’s been working literally my entire life and longer for me and my siblings alone. At first it was okay. we switched between houses and lived fine. I was in online school (still am), had friends and did everything still. Until now. like before, i live with my grandma in the middle of nowhere. nothing. Thats not even the worst part. The lies is. I can’t take living like this anymore so i asked my mom “can things please be how they where or let me live with my dad so i can live my life” she says “yes im going back to work” but never does. 2 years of constant lies, bordem, suicidal thoughts, and i ca

Having fruit yogurt late at night when everyone is asleep, and I just feel tearful. I should be doing something fun, like normal people do, right? Something interesting, like texting my friends or a boyfriend. But no, I'm listening to sad songs, and just waiting for a good time to lock up the house before curling up in bed. Life is wonderful! (I'm being sarcastic, of course.)

nothing feels real anymore, I don't enjoy things that I used to. I do enjoy playing tomodachi life though, thats cool I guess. but I stay back in my room constantly, and every once in awhile I force myself to come out and do something, and when I do my mother, or grandparents complain and ask why I never come out of my room. my father used to abuse me and my siblings when I was younger and I try to tell my mother about it but she just brushes it off talking how it happened so many years ago so what's it matter. I feel that deep down my mother doesn't care about my mental well being while her own goal is to keep me and my siblings alive. my mother already has her own stress so I wouldn't want to burden her. Im homeschooled so I have no real life acquaintances, I only have one online friend currently, but I fear our spark is dying out. I just don't want to be alone. I want care and love. Im aroace, so im not interested it romantic stuff. I mean I want my mother to console me.

i hate the way i look and how people have to perceive me everyday. i felt like this all my life but since i got a boyfriend 7 months ago, all of these thoughts started worsening. i keep asking myself how could someone love everything about me, how could he be attracted to me. this goes with friends too, how could they hang out with me without judging me or feeling disgusted by me? i feel like i’m in the wrong body, like i can’t ever feel right because of how i look and how i act. i disgust myself. these past few days i kept ignoring people, rejecting them, i don’t understand what i’m feeling. i don’t deserve them, especially my boyfriend who has gone through so much because of all the heavy things about me that i said to him. i even end up getting angry at him when he has done nothing. i feel so guilty doing all this to someone i love. i’m lucky that all my close relatives are willing to help me, but it is never enough. i hope all i’m feeling right now is just a phase as usual.

I am starting to develop extreme hate feelings towards certain people

AHHH I FUCKING HATE DUOLINGO AND IT'S DUMB SYSTEMS THAT WRITE A FILL IN THE BLANK THEN MARK THEIR OWN WORDS THEY WROTE INCORRECT EVEN THOUGH YOU PUT THE RIGHT INPUT ALSO FUCK YOU DUOLINGO I ACCIDENTALLY LEFT AND THEN MY LEGENDARY CHALLENGE FUCKASS SHIT THING JUST CLOSED OUT AND I LOST 100 GEMS, DUOLINGO DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT EVEN TOOK ME TO GET THAT?!?!??!!??!? UGHHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHHH ok i feel better now

My life has been a lot recently. From marking psychologist appointments to finally try and get an autism diagnosis at the age of 18, to trying to get a job to save money to move away from my dad who is a verbally aggressive man who has inappropriate behaviors with me when drunk and had sexually abused me in the past. I had an attack two days ago where I just started crying and hitting myself and pulling my own hair. It's like everything in my life is suddendly moving into a big, growing snowball and I'm becoming so tired. I feel constantly anxious, tired and fall asleep randomly through the day no matter how well I sleep. It's making me function less and less each day; I genuinely used to function better as a CHILD. I'm tired.

i hate being chronically ill and having to constantly choose what to sacrifice just to keep my head above water, and I hate that I still can't keep up with other people and will never be able to. academic burnout is so horrible, while my life consists of budgeting my energy like either showering or eating a cooked meal. i wish i was terminally ill instead or just dead but im too scared of actually killing myself. i don't want to live that way

I just feel blank, everything after 2025 you can't make any memories, i used to be a kinda big youtuber with 600 subs, but my dad deleted it out of anger that i took my moms side in an argument, I don't want to die, i very much want to but I'm scared of what happens after death, but i can't live like this, I'm definitely am hypersexual (Haven't got diagnosed), I just sit on my ass all day, i listen to music to cope and sometimes baking, I cry at everything, i feel so weak, I've been bullied a lot so i have trauma being around peers, i hate being around people in large groups, everywhere i try to get help is impossible without it leading back to parents, i hate eating, and everything is my fault, i fuck all of my relationships because I'm so fucked up in the head, i can't talk at all without people staring at me and telling me to shut up, i feel like an alien, no matter how much i change my personality, I'm still weird, I'm just so tired of this life. and at the end i just cry.