All Rants

i hate being chronically ill and having to constantly choose what to sacrifice just to keep my head above water, and I hate that I still can't keep up with other people and will never be able to. academic burnout is so horrible, while my life consists of budgeting my energy like either showering or eating a cooked meal. i wish i was terminally ill instead or just dead but im too scared of actually killing myself. i don't want to live that way

I just feel blank, everything after 2025 you can't make any memories, i used to be a kinda big youtuber with 600 subs, but my dad deleted it out of anger that i took my moms side in an argument, I don't want to die, i very much want to but I'm scared of what happens after death, but i can't live like this, I'm definitely am hypersexual (Haven't got diagnosed), I just sit on my ass all day, i listen to music to cope and sometimes baking, I cry at everything, i feel so weak, I've been bullied a lot so i have trauma being around peers, i hate being around people in large groups, everywhere i try to get help is impossible without it leading back to parents, i hate eating, and everything is my fault, i fuck all of my relationships because I'm so fucked up in the head, i can't talk at all without people staring at me and telling me to shut up, i feel like an alien, no matter how much i change my personality, I'm still weird, I'm just so tired of this life. and at the end i just cry.

i was so much younger than i thought i was.

does anyone even reply to ts helohleoheleogeleirbelehbe

My boyfriend NEVER talks to me, why? I don't know he's a silent person I guess. But I have to ask for love push for conversations that usually just end up with me talking to myself, I don't know if Im asking for too much or if it's just me but I hate it.

my friends are fucking slobs and ive had to clean their house smultiple times because theres trash and junk everywhere and nobody ever cleans or sweeps or does dishes and not a single one of them has thanked me or done any favor in return or has even tried to get their shit together to make sure their houses are fucking liveable for themselves and others. It fucking smells all the time and Im so sick of pretending there's no issue with it. Why is nobody saying anything why is there no intervention

I feel like a burden to my parents. Like, I can't explain how fucked up I feel when I don't do something their way. I also feel like I don't belong anywhere, like I'm some kind of disappointment and mistake that shouldn't be here. I did this to myself, mostly, I push people away, I talk shit, I can't eat or sleep and I can't even get motivated to get up and do something. It feels like the world would be better without me in it, like the sun will shine more after my funeral. I don't know, maybe I'm overreacting? Or maybe I'm not.. I'm not sure. I wish I was like other girls, like not being insecure, having confidence in everything and being nice. It's hard to try and be something you're not just to feel human. But it doesn't help me. It makes me feel worse about myself. I only want support and a will to be alive, but I can't find it. Yes I have friends who listen to me vent, but they dont get it. I wish people understood how difficult it is to stay clean and be happy

Just sick of being treated like shit. You know. I don't get why people in my area and my life have to act the way they act. Family don't get how they act. Unstable. Say the wrong thing they blow up. It doesn't help either that one is taking multiple meds that cause dementia. They're aggressive out of nowhere at times. Then try to even validate acting like that saying crap like " well I'm not gonna talk like you're a little kid". Uhhhm ... Do you enjoy being spoke to in shitty tones? Apparently I mean I sure don't. I have such a screwed up family and people wonder why I have issues.

I'm tired of it all. I'm tired of it all and it doesn't seem to end. I just need it to end. I need it to end, but no one wants to give that to me. My nervous system is shot, nothing helps, and I keep hurting myself, but it's all on me. It's always on me. It's always my fucking problem and my fucking fault.

Why won't anybody validate me? Went shopping and upon getting to the vehicle going to take the cart to its area a fucking dumbass zips right behind me and zooming through a parking space to another 2 FT FROM ME NEAR HITTING ME. I yell out DANG they had their window down but didn't even look my way dumb son of a bitch. That makes like about 4 times at least people have near hit me and run. Ok. Insult to injury upon return all my buzzed drunken family member will do instead of saying something along the lines of "oh really? Dang that sucks I'm glad you're ok" they give shitty cold ass comments like "well sue em".....WTF. drunk mother fucker. Why do people treat me this way ESPECIALLY FAMILY?! Seriously I'm a good caring person not perfect yet that's how I get treated. Other family act like they don't care either. Wtf did I do to deserve to be treated like garbage all the time. I get repaid bad for good. Yeah thanks alot. If it were you you'd feel the same. They and my aunt act the same.

Social media is rotting people's brains.

i wish you'd stop fucking talking about it already.

I dont wanna do this anymore i have no reason to keep going im just a waste of space

so i have sh scars, and today i saw an old friends who i know has been through this as well. she has way more and bigger scars and maybe it’s controversial, but whenever i see her i feel like i should have more and more scars, or mine are not valid.

I'm trying to do things I like, but I just feel so detached from everything. Even my favourite games refuse to clear this fog of indifference. I want to feel emotions again. I want to feel like I have a purpose. I want to have desires. Everything I do is just for the sake of doing it, nothing more. It feels like the only thing I do is pass time. Even writing this, it is just to progress through the day. What happened to smiling, to wanting fresh air, to hanging out with friends? Other people seem so put together, with their pretty little lives and pretty little opinions. Then there's me: ugly, alone, and losing sight of happiness. Now, I'm going to go and continue to play games that make me feel the same as doing nothing. How wonderful.

Everyone who knows me, Tony? They want me to get my PhD. I hope you lose your job in the next year without my help.

they always say talk to a trusted adult but then you end up in the white padded room

killing all negativity ? nahh kiling fake friends yahh btw im not killing them cuz im still young to go to juvie ??

I'm literally the odd one out I cant do it anymore

I hate myself so bad. I don't know how to heal this high level criticism towards myself.