All Rants

I hate talking, I hate reporting infront, I hate socializing, I hate anything that includes me using my voice box, and I hate myself for thinking I'm such an incapable person.

RE: abortion Just in general, how about you post and publish your work in places for poetry and prose, instead of posting something which is clearly not a vent because you are clearly not an aborted fetus that has to live a life of trauma from being aborted. Because the ONLY thing you are doing right now, is upsetting survivors of rape, child rape, incest, etc, triggering people who have had to have abortions, and in general just trying to guilt trip people. This is senseless bullying. You are making everyone feel worse and triggering them by using fictional content that you could have gone your whole life without posting here. I can't implore you to have empathy and discretion any more than this. If youre pro-life, this isn't the way to get people on your side. Neither is harassing PP and taking away the ability for people in poverty to get pre natal care and reproductive healthcare and cancer screenings and STI tests, especially if the location doesn't even DO abortions.

Depressed Pan here. I would cut myself, but as a 15-year-old, I play around in short clothes. The cuts would be too easy to see. Who would cut their private parts? Anybody have places I can cut myself that nobody would realize?

RE: abortion You are not as empathetic as you think you are. You can't decide that people should be forced to be born into a miserable life, and will do nothing to support the people that you forced to mutilate their body often permanently or straight up end their life, for fetuses that may not even make it in the cases of ectopic or life threatening pregnancies. I wanted to have kids. I can't get pregnant because I am chronically ill and am already constantly trying to stay out of the hospital and morgue. I have fibromyalgia, hypermobility, gastroparesis, PMOS (which can cause fertility issues and dangerous pregnancies by itself), POTS, CFS, spinal stenosis, and spine hernias. I am on many medications that I would be hospitalized and in danger of death if I could not take them due to pregnancy. I cannot work, I can barely afford to live, let alone adopt. My food comes from food banks. I am SMI and in poverty. Making me birth or adopt a child would be abuse and agony on both of us.

I keep getting my arms noticed at school and this boy called me "depressed kid" yesterday. Haha, how fucking funny that my arms have marks all over them. I can't do it anymore. My arms hurt so bad, my legs hurt, everything hurts but then feels so numb at the same time. I feel sick, I feel like I cant eat even when I'm starving. I love it when my cuts bleed, when it drips down my arm it feels like all the tension was released. But then, after that it's just red and raw and painful. And then people notice, my mum sees it and gets upset with me, she wants me to cover it but it hurts too much. I miss being happy with my friends. I keep saying ill go to school and talk to them but then I end up cutting my arms and then I can't go to school because it hurts. My attendance is low, I want to achieve things but then I don't go to school. I feel as if its my fault. I can stop whenever I want but I just can't. I feel everything but also nothing all at once every second of my life. It's so tiring.

I just want to get this out there. I was at my therapist, and he told me I had developed D.I.D asked him what that acronym meant, and he said. "Dissociative identity disorder." I thought he was joking for a second, but it was true. Now I feel like a clown because anyone I tell and vent to Starts laughing at me when I bring it up because of some douchebags on TikTok and YouTube. Act as they have it, and this clowning/harrasment is really making it worse, not to mention gender identity. But they're like two of my different morals that got personified; I just wish people wouldn't clown me for having it.

I'm just waiting for the day I wake up in Heaven. Finding out I was murdered in my sleep. I'm just waiting for the day I don't wake up. The day I'm found with a rope around my neck. I'm just waiting for the day I don't wake up. The day I find out my throat closed while I slept. I'm waiting for the day I die. I'll escape this heck of a place one day.... Don't send support. It won't stop me. If you want to post a full rant about me, call me Depressed Pan Just come kill me. Somebody! Murderers out there, just come get me! Kill me, only me, the girl in the room by the bathroom. Kill her, kill her only. Also, use usernames, so I can write rants about you.

RE: abortion My mother is pro-life because after having me she tried to have another kid and then found out it was an ectopic pregnancy and the baby would not make it. She was too far along for her body to do it. So she had to go to a hospital to GET AN ABORTION. She refuses to admit that that's what it was, but that is what it was. People die often. There are people that cannot survive their injuries and illnesses. You are advocating for a whole lot of suffering to avoid a suffering equal to the food you put on your plate every day, and then writing fictional poems from a viewpoint that does not exist because it makes you feel like a more empathetic person, when you know the truth that what you are doing is guilt tripping people who have had to have an abortion often from rape, incest, illness, lack of pre natal care. You WANT suffering to come into this world and do not care that the consequence of that is kids who never asked to be born living in the horrors of foster care.

I'm empty I'm like a void I have nothing I feel nothing I don't like how I look but I don't know how to explain it but I hate how I look but I don't feel anything I hate how I feel I don't feel anything I am empty like a void I don't have anything I don't feel anything I don't have anyone no one understands how I feel no one understands why I feel no one understands I'm empty like a void I keep things other people lost their sense of humor their sense of style they're spark in life I remember it I feel it but I don't feel anything I'm empty like a void

I wish I wasn't alive anymore I wish I was dead would you still love me if I was a stone I asked he was curious what do you mean by a sterling I mean a rock a stone was you still love me if I was a stone he was concerned he didn't understand what I meant so I told him he was concerned he didn't understand what I meant after I told him everything that masturbate that ruined me that made me feel life he did it to me my fears in life the things that made me feel not good about myself like I hate myself like I'm a horrible person he did to me she made me feel like exactly the way I explained I didn't want to I don't want to be alive anymore

RE: abortion. I admit that I did not know it was proven that fetuses can feel pain. Born babies feel pain too when they are mutilated via circumcision without anasthesia and sexually harmed by spanking often by the same exact parents. You cause pain and death to plants and insects when you spray them, and cause pain to them when you chew them. You cause a cycle of pain and death by buying animal products. Most medical procedures hurt. Many deaths hurt. There is gonna be pain in this world, and sometimes it is preventative pain. You would rather a grown conscious human suffer lifelong trauma and possibly death than a fetus be aborted and never know the pain and suffering that a conscious human does. Pregnancy is always life threatening. The cases where abortion is done on near fully formed and conscious baby are parents who WANTED that baby. It is still a medical abortion no matter how many times you plug your ears and scream that it's not an abortion and it's fine.

I have been struggling with selfharm since I think year 5? (I was like 10-11) I had stopped a few months ago but I have just started again and it's the worst it's been ever. My arms ache so bad honestly and I know where to get help and that I can but I just psychically can't do it. Selfharm is the only thing that takes away the numbness. I just want to rot slowly in my room I can't take it anymore. My mum wants me to cover my arms but it hurts too much. I hate it I hate it I hate it oh my fucking god bro it just hurts but it's the only feeling that I can feel other than numb. I want to throw up I don't even want to eat anymore.

It's the version of me that no one sees, the version of me that sits in my room cries myself to sleep wonders why people don't text me back and then is concerned if I make one person feel bad I'm the person that will show up to parties with a small on my face go home and immediately crash I am mentally not the greatest I'm the happy friend the inclusive one but I'm always left out I'm the one that's I'm the angry daughter horrible friend the bad girlfriend I'm the always in trouble always annoying always rude person I don't know what I need anymore in life I just wish I had something earlier today like when I'm writing this it's currently 3:35 I made my sister cry earlier at like 2:00 because I apparently hurt her I did not mean to hurt her and got really mad at me for hurting her and I made her cry and I told her crying makes her vulnerable and I was thinking about that thinking about her crying does make you but I'm thinking that I shouldn't be making my sister feel bad for crying

I want to rot slowly in my room and I want to let go of everything

I can't take it anymore it hurts so much my arms bro they are red raw and sting and ache. I hate it, my mum hates it, she says I need to cover it. I don't want to cover it because it hurts. I don't know what to do anymore all I have left is numbness. I want to die so I can finally rest. It's not fair. Why do other children get to have fun and be happy and I fucking can't. I'm sick of everything

Can anyone who's been to therapy like confirm if SA and grooming and incest can have the same traumatic affect and impact on sexuality that rape does. I have also had constant dreams of being kidnapped and/or raped almost every night since i was 12 and also one of the assaults was physically painful and from a partner, and the other was at a "friends" house and i yelled at him multiple times to stop Or am I just impacted too much by it because of my existing anxiety? I know everyone has a different threshold but I just want to know in general if the brain does not care whether you were penetrated by a penis or had someone force themselves onto your penis I feel crazy and disgusting and my therapists have always minimized it and one said online grooming doesnt exist even though one of them when i was 13 was a 25 yr old in my church-school and had agreed for him to take my virginity Idk

WHY THE FUCK AM I SICK AGAIN! LIKE I CANNOT HANDLE BEING SICK AND EVEN A FUCKING COLD.

I am so scared to go to a new school and to start a different chapter of my life. I have been with the same school for over 10 years now, and that building has become a place where I could feel safe. I new the teachers there, I had a bond with them. I am just so emotional attached with everything single small thing that the school had to offer. Now that I am moving on, it feels stripping of me. This new school has different teachers - different people. And this place is notorious for bullying, and for being made fun of. I hate meeting and having new people. I am scared to be judged, and I am scared that I won't be able to live authentically. (Which is a very crucial and important part of me.)

sometimes i just wish i had friends. do you know when you have friends but they're more like just someone you occasionally talk to? that's how half of my "friendships" feel. i see everyone with their group chats and friend groups and i feel insanely left out. i keep trying and trying but its just so hard to keep looking when you have been doing it for so long. i also want a partner. i know im young and of course i still have time to find my person but i always crave for love. i feel as if i could love people or have someone love me it would make me feel so happy. it's just hard. hopefully i do find my people. hopefully. if you relate to this, i just want to let you know you're not alone. :) We will find our people eventually.

I wish people took my abuse seriously. I was emotionally abused by my ex boyfriend. I never realised until I got out of the relationship because hia mental health and situation started to drag me down. My own mother downplayed it, my old group of friends didn't take it seriously and instead downplayed it or make jokes. I'm out and cut him out now. But I wish I was taken more seriously for a victim, just for the fact I am a victim, and not for anything else.