All Rants

Depressed Pan here! Send messages. This might be the last time you hear from me. Say a random username, I might put a rant about you. Depressed Pan out!

im so mad at myself. i got out of my depressive episode a couple days ago and i decided to take some stress off and try baking some cookies. i failed the recipe and they turned out horrible. the thing is, my parents weren’t even mad, but that moment i just felt like such a failure in their eyes, and i just to uncontrollably sob right then and there. i wasted so much ingredients, i wasted the oven electricity and i wasted everyone’s time and hopes for a good batch. I feel like an attention seeker just thinking about this.

Hey uhm I keep ranting on here. It's helping a little bit I guess but then when I come off of this website and go back to school and having to deal with people and pain and selfharm it just hits me that I'm still a kid, I'm 12. I'm not even fully developed yet. I don't really know how to end this but it's kind of comforting knowing real people with the same feels as me read these, I hope everyone who has these problems, whether they have this app or not, gets better. Stay safe all of you. ♡

i wish a truck could come and just help put me out of my misery

Depressed Pan here! Was I accidently made? Were my parents young and afraid? Did God accidently put me into this world?

I hate being trans. I hate periods. I'm bleeding right now and I fucking hate it. Other boys don't get them. I hate it so bad. It hurts so much when I see blood knowing it means I'm a "real woman" or whatever. I look male and most people assume I am but sometimes I don't feel male at all. Especially when I bleed. I can't tell most of my school friends because I already get picked on and called gay or zesty or worse which I can't say. I want it to go away. I'm too young for medication but then I'm old even to bleed and even get pregnant if someone tried to. (I'm not and no one has tried to which I'm glad obviously) I wish it could all go away. My b00bs, my privates, my periods. I hate it all.

I hate my fucking life. I hate my body. I hate heart. I hate my brain. I hate everyone whose hurt me. I wish to not exist but I don't wish to die.

I don't even know what to say anymore. I honestly want to die so bad. I wish I could rot slowly. I want to end up like Yuri. I want to lay down and just bleed and rot slowly until I'm free. I hate the sharp ache on my arms but it's the only thing I can feel other than numbness. I feel sick, so fucking sick. I want to throw up this feeling and then just feel better after. It's not fair. Other people in my school get to have fun, be happy and have fun with their friends. I want to be happy. I want to have fun at school. I can get help so easily and I am, BUT I CANT STOP. IT HURTS SO MUCH HEARING THAT I HAVE TIME COVER UP MY ARMS WHEN IT ACHE SO BAD. WHY CAN'T PEOPLE LEAVE ME ALONE AND NOT MENTION IT. MY HEAD HURTS WRITING THIS. I'M JUST GONNA SLEEP AND HOPE I DONT GET UP.

I hate talking, I hate reporting infront, I hate socializing, I hate anything that includes me using my voice box, and I hate myself for thinking I'm such an incapable person.

RE: abortion Just in general, how about you post and publish your work in places for poetry and prose, instead of posting something which is clearly not a vent because you are clearly not an aborted fetus that has to live a life of trauma from being aborted. Because the ONLY thing you are doing right now, is upsetting survivors of rape, child rape, incest, etc, triggering people who have had to have abortions, and in general just trying to guilt trip people. This is senseless bullying. You are making everyone feel worse and triggering them by using fictional content that you could have gone your whole life without posting here. I can't implore you to have empathy and discretion any more than this. If youre pro-life, this isn't the way to get people on your side. Neither is harassing PP and taking away the ability for people in poverty to get pre natal care and reproductive healthcare and cancer screenings and STI tests, especially if the location doesn't even DO abortions.

Depressed Pan here. I would cut myself, but as a 15-year-old, I play around in short clothes. The cuts would be too easy to see. Who would cut their private parts? Anybody have places I can cut myself that nobody would realize?

RE: abortion You are not as empathetic as you think you are. You can't decide that people should be forced to be born into a miserable life, and will do nothing to support the people that you forced to mutilate their body often permanently or straight up end their life, for fetuses that may not even make it in the cases of ectopic or life threatening pregnancies. I wanted to have kids. I can't get pregnant because I am chronically ill and am already constantly trying to stay out of the hospital and morgue. I have fibromyalgia, hypermobility, gastroparesis, PMOS (which can cause fertility issues and dangerous pregnancies by itself), POTS, CFS, spinal stenosis, and spine hernias. I am on many medications that I would be hospitalized and in danger of death if I could not take them due to pregnancy. I cannot work, I can barely afford to live, let alone adopt. My food comes from food banks. I am SMI and in poverty. Making me birth or adopt a child would be abuse and agony on both of us.

I keep getting my arms noticed at school and this boy called me "depressed kid" yesterday. Haha, how fucking funny that my arms have marks all over them. I can't do it anymore. My arms hurt so bad, my legs hurt, everything hurts but then feels so numb at the same time. I feel sick, I feel like I cant eat even when I'm starving. I love it when my cuts bleed, when it drips down my arm it feels like all the tension was released. But then, after that it's just red and raw and painful. And then people notice, my mum sees it and gets upset with me, she wants me to cover it but it hurts too much. I miss being happy with my friends. I keep saying ill go to school and talk to them but then I end up cutting my arms and then I can't go to school because it hurts. My attendance is low, I want to achieve things but then I don't go to school. I feel as if its my fault. I can stop whenever I want but I just can't. I feel everything but also nothing all at once every second of my life. It's so tiring.

I just want to get this out there. I was at my therapist, and he told me I had developed D.I.D asked him what that acronym meant, and he said. "Dissociative identity disorder." I thought he was joking for a second, but it was true. Now I feel like a clown because anyone I tell and vent to Starts laughing at me when I bring it up because of some douchebags on TikTok and YouTube. Act as they have it, and this clowning/harrasment is really making it worse, not to mention gender identity. But they're like two of my different morals that got personified; I just wish people wouldn't clown me for having it.

I'm just waiting for the day I wake up in Heaven. Finding out I was murdered in my sleep. I'm just waiting for the day I don't wake up. The day I'm found with a rope around my neck. I'm just waiting for the day I don't wake up. The day I find out my throat closed while I slept. I'm waiting for the day I die. I'll escape this heck of a place one day.... Don't send support. It won't stop me. If you want to post a full rant about me, call me Depressed Pan Just come kill me. Somebody! Murderers out there, just come get me! Kill me, only me, the girl in the room by the bathroom. Kill her, kill her only. Also, use usernames, so I can write rants about you.

RE: abortion My mother is pro-life because after having me she tried to have another kid and then found out it was an ectopic pregnancy and the baby would not make it. She was too far along for her body to do it. So she had to go to a hospital to GET AN ABORTION. She refuses to admit that that's what it was, but that is what it was. People die often. There are people that cannot survive their injuries and illnesses. You are advocating for a whole lot of suffering to avoid a suffering equal to the food you put on your plate every day, and then writing fictional poems from a viewpoint that does not exist because it makes you feel like a more empathetic person, when you know the truth that what you are doing is guilt tripping people who have had to have an abortion often from rape, incest, illness, lack of pre natal care. You WANT suffering to come into this world and do not care that the consequence of that is kids who never asked to be born living in the horrors of foster care.

I'm empty I'm like a void I have nothing I feel nothing I don't like how I look but I don't know how to explain it but I hate how I look but I don't feel anything I hate how I feel I don't feel anything I am empty like a void I don't have anything I don't feel anything I don't have anyone no one understands how I feel no one understands why I feel no one understands I'm empty like a void I keep things other people lost their sense of humor their sense of style they're spark in life I remember it I feel it but I don't feel anything I'm empty like a void

I wish I wasn't alive anymore I wish I was dead would you still love me if I was a stone I asked he was curious what do you mean by a sterling I mean a rock a stone was you still love me if I was a stone he was concerned he didn't understand what I meant so I told him he was concerned he didn't understand what I meant after I told him everything that masturbate that ruined me that made me feel life he did it to me my fears in life the things that made me feel not good about myself like I hate myself like I'm a horrible person he did to me she made me feel like exactly the way I explained I didn't want to I don't want to be alive anymore

RE: abortion. I admit that I did not know it was proven that fetuses can feel pain. Born babies feel pain too when they are mutilated via circumcision without anasthesia and sexually harmed by spanking often by the same exact parents. You cause pain and death to plants and insects when you spray them, and cause pain to them when you chew them. You cause a cycle of pain and death by buying animal products. Most medical procedures hurt. Many deaths hurt. There is gonna be pain in this world, and sometimes it is preventative pain. You would rather a grown conscious human suffer lifelong trauma and possibly death than a fetus be aborted and never know the pain and suffering that a conscious human does. Pregnancy is always life threatening. The cases where abortion is done on near fully formed and conscious baby are parents who WANTED that baby. It is still a medical abortion no matter how many times you plug your ears and scream that it's not an abortion and it's fine.

I have been struggling with selfharm since I think year 5? (I was like 10-11) I had stopped a few months ago but I have just started again and it's the worst it's been ever. My arms ache so bad honestly and I know where to get help and that I can but I just psychically can't do it. Selfharm is the only thing that takes away the numbness. I just want to rot slowly in my room I can't take it anymore. My mum wants me to cover my arms but it hurts too much. I hate it I hate it I hate it oh my fucking god bro it just hurts but it's the only feeling that I can feel other than numb. I want to throw up I don't even want to eat anymore.