All Rants

mama I am just tired, and I am sure you are too, you just deny it and call it laziness because thats what people around you taught you when you were young and thats all you ever heard. I love you mama and thank you for everything you do for me, without you I don't know where I would have ended. You deserve the world and I owe you so much. I wanted to go to a university and continue my studies and get a carrer where you wouldn't have to worry about feeding me and keeping a roof over my head. But I don't have money and I haven't gotten any scholarships and I don't want to put another stone on your back with debt. I'm sorry I was not the best student in my school and I am sorry I wasn't the best son. If only I can return everything I owe to you. If only....

I want us to be friends, and I want to hang out outside of work, but it's just not working out. It's been so hard to meet people I click with, so when we finally met, I was internally ecstatic because it seemed like we'd be great friends. But Everytime we try to organize a hang out, it never works. You have a family event, our schedules don't sync up, you're driving to meet a friend out of town. Idk, I just...it's so discouraging. I really want us to be friends, but it's becoming hard for me to try and work things out. The way you make me feel sometimes is...expendable. So as much as I want to hang out, I'm not putting myself out there anymore. It feels like you don't really want to hang out at all. You already have a loving family, as many friends as you could want. In reality, I'm probably nothing much to you. As much as I want friends out here, Im not desperate, and I don't want to waste my time on someone who doesn't seem to care enough to set aside any time for me.

Tomorrow’s day is already ruined

Baby is teething and waking up more than usual crying in discomfort. I've shown my husband how to calm him down instantly more than once, he just refuses to do it. when his way doesn't work he blames me. It's midnight and I earned a dramatic sigh while also getting cursed at when I handed the baby back to him to try it my way. I know he's only refusing so that I'll feel like I HAVE to take the baby, and I'm taking away his options to weaponize his incompetence, and THAT'S why he's mad at me. But being cursed at by someone who 'loves you' still hurts.

now you go 'aaaaahhhhaaaa" with your mouth open when ever everyone says something you already know as if you never heard it before just for the bitchy mums out there. lets here it for bitchy boys with old mums of daughters who are younger and prettier they steal young men from yeh. you guts of gays really show yourself up. and you always of course say "oh it was so easy to fool that fatty pretty young girl and make her look stupid" forgetting you made yourself look dumb as fuck and wickedly sick. nothing is on your heart you don't have one or a god. keep up the good abuse then but boys on all generations make everyone go to a love escape in the brain only.

I guess I just want to know the unknown. I believe in God, and I believe there is a Heaven. I just wonder what comes after. Has anyone ever had a real-life experience that made them truly believe our loved ones are still with us somehow? After losing my sister on Mother’s Day and seeing her leave behind two beautiful kids, I can’t stop wondering what she may be doing right now. Is she looking down on us? Does God show her all the moments she missed here? Does she see the people who love her and miss her every single day? I truly believe death isn’t the end of life, but the beginning of something new in Heaven. My sister was only 37. She fought kidney disease for the last decade, and honestly, life was hard on her for a long time. We were making plans for her to come home from Florida, and now I keep replaying everything in my mind. The last time she visited, I missed her send-off. We never got proper pictures together with the kids. I just regret so much. I need to know she's ok.

i can't stand spazfloza i watched her vids on fat pregnancy topics out of bordum and hope to get something out it for myself with similar issues and then after a week felt overdrained just listening to her. i don't ever want to end up like that. what its taught me never copy anyone and be yourself cuz that is horror. serious horror anyway you dress it up and cake the face up.

I can't concentrate to study since a group or a person stole my courses. they also stole tea bags and coffee and other products from my home. own up AL the user!

i hate when people and ai chat bots do this , want you to feel like "i know your ... negative emotion..." angry , sad, frustrated or whatever and they are just projecting what feeling they want to spew at you. then they hope that the anger or the sadness or frustration might make you horny or go break the law, or attack the first person near you or throw it all to the shithouse and walk off. but mostly they want you left all left all alone masterbating or raped and bashed. 100 percent of the time. and this is progress or therapy? i don't think so!

I genuinely want to tear myself apart. Tear off my skin, rip off my flesh, only leaving bones and throw the remains in a fucking dumpster. But even after all of that, I don't think I would feel comfortable in my body. I truly disgust myself.

I feel so alone. I don't know why. I have amazing friends who support me, make me laugh, are there when I cry, etc. Yet, even when I'm with them, I feel so isolated. Maybe it's just insecurity or something, but I just feel so lonely despite having genuinely amazing people around me. I don't know what's wrong with me.

Just a quick rant: So I was in class a few days ago, and I was sitting with my friends just chatting. One of my friends H, had an assignment to do, and wasn't sure what to write for it. The prompt was: what is one thing our school does that benefits students and what Is something they could improve or add? I saw that she was troubled and asked her if she had any ideas or subjects she wanted to cover, and she said no, so I told her mine to give her an example. What I had wrote was that our school has a good fine arts and thespian(theatre+stagecraft) society and does well supporting it, and that It could have a school orchestra to improve self expression through music. Instead of taking my idea and getting inspiration from it, or just saying that wasn't really what she was going for, she started to criticize and shut down my idea. Then, afterwards acted as if she didn't do anything wrong after getting called out for it by my other friend and then getting EXTREMELY defensive. Like- wth??

Waiting for the great equalizer to dispatch the great narcissist.

The people at work are always praising my patience and respectfulness. Little did they know that I don’t give three shits about them and wouldn’t piss on them if they were on fire. I hate them all.

im pathetic. im a loser. i do stupid shit and then wonder why my life is so hard when i cause all my problems. i can’t do anything i want to because i have scars all over my thighs. i can’t compete in dance i can’t wear cute swimsuits or shorts I can’t be myself. it feel dehumanizing. i just want to die. i want it to be over. i know what i’d do. goodbye. this is pathetic.

I hate how jealous i am. I have a lot of different feelings but the biggest one is jealousy every time i look at or talk to someone all i can see is how much better they are than me i want to live alone and be at peace i want to do what i want and talk to no one my life is so complex and i hate everything about it i want to move to a secluded place and not worry about jealousy along with jealousy i can’t stop feeling angry i mean i don’t let it out but constant hate flows through my blood for no reason at all i never let it out but im always so angry i feel like i can’t process all of these heavy emotions and i treat people in my life poorly i feel like an imposter sometimes too sometimes around friends i feel like i don’t fit in or im not supposed to be there im not sure why but sometimes i feel like im in the wrong place

Pet peeve. People driving. They or some Pull out in front of you forcing you to suddenly stop. They Go 10 15 or 20 or so feet then put on a signal and just turn off. GRRRR WTF idiots. That's the stupidest thing ever. Pet peeve #2. people coming to a 4 way stop. Them going when it's your turn and NOT theirs , or them just tapping the brake and going , but some also then quickly come get behind you as you're turning meaning they hardly even stopped AT ALL smh. Sheesh. Like Wtf? No wonder there's so many accidents in my town..sigh Pet peeve#3. A serious one. The store I shop. People plow thru the parking lines and the stop signs. I've near been hit 3 or more times just walking. Just what I can remember I think it's way more. Its total b s. Do better people. People don't have to act like that.

Let it go. I wish I could. All the past hurts. Yeah I keep getting told "you need a counselor you need psychiatrist/therapist" etc etc etc. Yeah well so do those in my family who keep telling me that as well. I wouldn't if it wasn't for the bull that I do and have dealt with and been through. Yes I have trauma. Lots of it. They tell me you're crazy your crazy at times . Am I? No I just have a low tolerance for b s. But ok sure go ahead and label me. I'm more sane than my family are in their current state because I'm not the one who eats all their meds runs out suffers for it months at a time. That's the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. But me I'm the crazy one? Ok sure. One family member defends them but invalidates me every time I voice how I feel. But I'm the one who is crazy? Ok sure. NOT. idk I think I meant to go another direction with this. But let's just say I'm not the only one with "imperfections" so to speak.

Why do neighbors got to act like crap? I mean they started trouble with us to start with. They're upstairs meaning they're disrespectful loud af especially in early morning when nobody has to be up yet. They thump like last night the one was going back n forth TO FOUR IN THE MORNING. The other creaks the floor above me making it sound like raining steel balls. They make it sound like a creaking wooden ship on the ocean by sound effect anyway. The one is well overweight to put it nicely so everywhere they go they make it creak. They created a problem with us that could have been resolved by simply leaving a note on our door. Instead they go over our heads mass report us for an issue, blow confetti bombs on our walk , AND PUSH SNOW AGAINST OUR VEHICLE.....WHEN IVE NOT DONE A FUCKING THING TO THESE PEOPLE FFS SMH. I've never saw a more immature bunch in my life. Their dog has more maturity than they do. Yet they act so sweet and innocent on social media that's what pisses me off. Fake ass

Does anyone also feel so unloved and desperate for love you want to be groomed? Just me? Okay sorry I'll shut up now.