All Rants

God I wish i sucked it up and didn't complain about some stupid list. I don't know if i can like to see my best friend cry because she got what i wanted but wanted more. I cant see my best friend cry over me because I said this might be the time I do it. I feel so selfish. It's so hard to know how to feel when nothing is ever as expected. Hearing my best friend cry for the first time makes me feel like an idiot. Im so greedy to belittle myself I can't even see how much he cares. I couldn't even look him in the eyes while he cried. I want my story to end but I have to keep writing it for them. I cant have him crying over the sad ending I had full control of. I cant have her lose it again because her friend was feeling a little depressed. It's so hard to draw everyone in while now believing in your own future.

Yoontoons, HonoBread, Kelsey animated, Shozzy, Boogytoons, Heralen, Nanda Fernanda, Nenjuno, RebelTaxi, INSTINCT, Ringo Tsuga, Untunes, BUT TRU, Duchess Celestia, Dino Mania, Magpiepony, TheLostNarrator, and so, SO many more. Those are the storytime animators that are victims to the blasted AI YouTube system. Yep. The YouTubers demonetized falsely for "Misleading family content" The content they mark "NOT FOR KIDS". This system is so fucking RIGGED! It cuts off a LOT of YouTubers main source of money. I wanted to start animating but I'm scared with how many Storytime YouTubers are cut off COMPLEATLY. This is rigged and we need to bring awareness. -Astro

i had sex with another person that wasn’t my ex as a way to cope with him fucking my ex friend . i didnt love the guy i had sex with but idk how to feel

my mom keeps constantly trying to control what i eat and it's so fucking annoying oh my god. why are you buying me food then hiding it in your bedroom 😭 who does that?? and a few days ago she randomly grabbed my thigh and said something about how we need to eat less WHO THE FUCK IS WE?? i don't eat as much as you should or anything close to healthy cos there's nothing to fucking eat and she acts like she's genuinely convinced that i'm eating too much when she never even sees me eat. why does she keep trying to make me diet with her all the time it's so fucking weird. yeah i have a diet it's called i'll eat what i want when i want why is she even pretending to give a shit about me when she literally never has

i feel like an outsider to any asian thing because i was raised american and around mostly white people. i feel like shit for being a 'stereotype' of a chinese person when i'm just a person who happens to be 'smart' and happens to have played violin and happens to have strict parents. i don't wanna be called a banana. i really don't. i'm just a person, please.

Someday I think I’m gonna kill myself and I’m scared

I miss my ex girlfriend so much I don't even want to call her that I just want her to be with me again an d be happy. I made a mistake and I probbably ended up chasing her out because I have bpd and I suck. I Just want her to realize it''s not me I promise I just made a mistake I should have never said anything about how I felt I'd do anything in this world to have you back even if it required making a deal with saatn himself. I'm sorry, All I can say is I'm sorry and I love you if you're reading this somehow. I miss youso much

I’ve been limiting my calories and carbs for over a week, I’ve lost ~4.5lbs in 7 days I know what I’m doing isn’t very healthy but I’m so tired of looking at myself. I know BMIs scientifically aren’t very good but I can’t stop myself from looking at them. I can’t stop myself from going on the scale. I’m so hungry and tired. I hate my body and who I am

I HATE THIS STUPID BODY WHY WHY WHY WHY? IM TRYING I SWEAR WHY DID THE GODS FORCE ME INTO THIS BODY I HATE IT I WANT TO TEAR OFF MY SKIN I JUST WANT THIS FUCKING PAIN TO END IM NOT A WOMAN WHY IS EVERYONE FORCING ME TO BE ONE? I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS!! WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS FUCKING TORTURE

I loathe everyone in my life. it's pathetic how I think I could find better. I feel so annoyed, I tried to hard to keep my calm. In my head, I've been through "so much." I seem so forget how i'm not the only person in the world whose father died. I loathe myself in that sense. I think I could find better, that there is someone out there who could actually love me. But my friends are right, who could ever love a loser like me? my mother was right! I am expendable, no one will remember after I die. my life is pointless. I should just run away, and I hope they are other people I can leech off. I can't believe I actually thought I was special or some shit like that. I am pathetic. I am stupid, and should probably kill myself, save people the hassle. I wish I wasn't so naive and thought there was actually someone. I feel so lonely. I can sit for hours in a room and no one will talk to me. I just want to run away, to a place that only exists in my head.

astro, u dont always have to dream as big as possible and everyone else too u dont have to be amazing and the best and top to be good luv u all-f.g

I don’t feel like I’m enough bruh

Everyone tells me to dream big. Okay I'm dreaming big. But now I'm dreaming to big. I have a headache from dreaming of a future for myself. I want to be an artist, storytime animator, regular animator, Vtuber, reptile breeder, snake discovery worker, streamer, YouTuber, and other things and I want to bash my head into a wall and die like WTF do you mean my brain is exhausting me with it's own thoughts of actually living a life in this world I don't want to be alive in? UGH. Anyays I'm going to spend tonight doing art of my favorite storytime animators togther, my favorite Vtubers together, and my Vtuber persona I'm hopefully going to start today. Anyways I'll check in every ten minutes or so. Bye! -Astro

I realized the only reason why some people don’t believe in spirituality, manifestation, black/white magic etc is because they haven’t experienced it themselves. I believe in ALL of that and things alike because I know it’s true. Also something that made me kinda realize the science of subliminals is that it’s REAL. 2 examples, I like to listen to my favorite commentary/video essay YouTubers as I sleep or just white noise. I remember I was on this certain topic (can’t remember) and it felt really familiar and I had some knowledge on it and I said a phrase really familiar, I went home and realized my subconscious was listening to it as I sleep. I thought that was pretty cool. And yk this was kinda long ago before I had knowledge on spiritual things but I decided to listen to this luck subliminal overnight and idek why I kept trying but I did for 2 weeks straight. I had pure bad luck for 2 weeks. so um I don’t trust subliminals like that anymore but I thought it would be cool to share.

my mother pisses me off sometimes... like I get you can be angry but why must you take it out on me. she's fucked up the way I work and honestly I have difficulty believing anyone could ever love me because of her. she can apologize all she wants but i just can't believe it anymore. how are you supposed to forgive someone for a mistake they'll keep making? she once called me expendable and honestly I believe her. I believe every terrible thing she says to me. I know I can be replaced easily. otherwise, why did everyone leave? I know I must be fucked up in some crazy way, and that although I don't understand why; I am terrible. I can't tell anyone because they'll realize just how pathetic I am and leave. I need them stay. I am nothing without my loved ones, even though I know they're all settling for less. I starve myself so someone will notice! I feel like i'm actively rotting and not even the people tthat should care, care.

Tell me what’s your biggest regret I DONT JUDGE!!

i am loved. i am loved. i am loved and i need to remember that. i am loved. i am loved by myself, by whoever i was in the past, whoever i regretted to be in the past, whoever i will be in the future. i need to remember that i am loved. everyone on this earth is loved

I have always felt affected by mankind's complete disregard for the environment. It just eats me inside that we are so keen on our worship of money that we are willing to burn down the only house we can live in...and nearly all of us are guilty. But I just recalled...in my country most people are diverting to solar panels and this is not some conscious green initiative but simply because the traditional option is too inconvenient that they would rather pay for the expensive setup instead of rely on the grid. So I'm thinking...perhaps instead of directly advising people to change and convincing them of global warming, they may be coerced into it so that they act to preserve the environment even if unwillingly or unconsciously.

So, I’ve had this friend for about 5 years, we’re super close. and recently, he wanted me to tell him one of my secrets, because I mentioned it a few days ago when we were talking about something(I don’t remember what it was) point is, I told him and now things feel so awkward and strange between us. He tries to be supportive but I can tell he’s uncomfortable. And I apologize and apologize and he says it’s fine but clearly it’s not. I can feel ourselves drifting apart and I don’t want that because he’s my best friend in the entire world. I would do so much for him and losing him would actually be a nightmare

fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK!!! i'm tired i'm so tired i'm seriously so fucking tired. i'm tired of seeing characters of color suffer to suffer. i want it to have weight!!! i want to see the consequences! i want to see them live and find happiness! i want to see csa victims like me with my ethnicity i want to see people with trauma with my ethnicity i want to see people of other ethnicities and diasporas that feel like people!!! i want to see recovery i want to see poc make friends with other poc i want to see an audience love characters OF COLOR!!! why is it always white people? why do you (general) always focus on white people? why??? why??? i'm sick and FUCKING TIRED of people saying they're the 'black people of the LGBTQ community' when there are black people that are part of the LGBTQ community!!! shut up shut up shut up!!! i'm not your fetish, i'm a person!!! i am asian. i am not white lite, i am ASIAN!!! i am chinese!!! please. look at me and listen to me. love me. love poc. please