All Rants

I lied to my favorite streamer Niyeko. I said my grandma called him hot one time as a joke and he saw it. For a day or two It was just me saying "Granny says hi" as a joke still but then a friend bet me and a friend $500 dollars each if we could trick him and his editor into thinking I had a freaky grandma until the end of the "Subathon" he found out today. He said he was suspicious from day one but I confirmed today it was a lie. I told him about how my grandma is not my grandma and she's my 32 year old friend. I kept repeating in chat an explanation. It was pretty much "Hi Niyeko and everyone else sorry for lying it was a bet and the bills are high so I did what I had to do. To anyone who spent money on me I'm so sorry." Because I was gifted a sub and someone spent $50 for "granny rizz." I'm changing my account name, picture, everything. It's to embarassing. I'm not using Twitch again until I can change the name in 2 months. :(

Feeling empty is another level of me figuring-out what is wrong with me. Losing focus and the ability to even understand things that are too simple to understand when I am not feeling this emptiness.

I want to say things without being "cancelled" for being a narcissist. I do want to say that people I've known are only cutting themselves because they want attention since their friends do the same. "Narcissist!" "Attention seeker!" But what do they struggle with? One of them struggle with transphobia from their parents but has a supportive brother. I told him not to come out to his family if he wasn't prepared for the transphobia. The other person struggles because people bring up her past, because she sent death threats to people and encouraged EDs. 2 years ago. So, the friends of those people talk bad about her all the time. Why should they be harming themselves? Indeed, it is selfish. How many people I've met that go through hell and still cling to life, then the others who hurt themselves for their own consequences. Yes, this person is being selfish. I don't care what everyone tells me. I'm right, they're blind and busy defending people only because that's their friends.

Yoontoons, HonoBread, Kelsey animated, Shozzy, Boogytoons, Heralen, Nanda Fernanda, Nenjuno, RebelTaxi, INSTINCT, Ringo Tsuga, Untunes, BUT TRU, Duchess Celestia, Dino Mania, Magpiepony, TheLostNarrator, and so, SO many more. Those are the storytime animators that are victims to the blasted AI YouTube system. Yep. The YouTubers demonetized falsely for "Misleading family content" The content they mark "NOT FOR KIDS". This system is so fucking RIGGED! It cuts off a LOT of YouTubers main source of money. I wanted to start animating but I'm scared with how many Storytime YouTubers are cut off COMPLEATLY. This is rigged and we need to bring awareness to it. AI should NOT be on playforms like Youtube. -Astro

Being bullied growing up by my own two older siblings, my friend being a reason why I was suicidal as well, and I grew up with social issues because of incidents that occurred throughout elementary. It's summer now, I'm past all of the depression and I started gaining confidence in myself. But I don't know, I don't know if I have what it takes. I've been alone all summer I've lied to everyone saying that I've been talking to my online friends. I've only been talking to my girlfriend a few times per week, my own friend I've been with for almost a decade replaced me with their partner. It's hard to even talk to him because he just brushes me off or says that he's busy with his own partner because all they do is talk all day and hang out. I'm so afraid that he'll do the same when school begins. I'll be all alone. I won't have my gf with me. I won't have any friends. I'll be alone again, even when I'm not depressed anymore. I don't know what I did wrong I wish life could be happy again.

My entire life I've been striving for connections to people. Due to losing family and almost my dad, I try so hard for everyone to like me. Only for them to leave after only 3 or so years. I've never understood having childhood friends, I've never understood having a friend for now than 5 years. I feel like I've missed so many of life's experiences because of it. Now I'm trying to make friends since I'm always home since I graduated college. I got on a gaming app and have met decent people so far, but nothing deep, nothing meaningful. When I had a connection it felt like with this guy. He doesn't understand emotions while I feel all of them. I started opening up hard and fast, like i couldn't stop myself when I tried. It felt like the more he heard, the more he didn't understand. No one's ever "understood" me. No one tries. I thought we had a friendship going, now I'm scared he'll leave. It feels like everyone leaves me when I'm being myself or they stop having a purpose for me.

I’ve done some really messed up and questionable things when I was a teenager and I don’t know if I’ll be able to forgive myself. It’s been a few years since they’ve happened but things associated with the topics bring back memories and guilt that I can’t seem to get away from. I’m also fearful that it will come back up in the future and haunt me even more than it already does. I’m so fucked

the never-ending urge to make something (in my case, a really long animation) but you have adhd so you can't really focus on it and you get sidetracked easily BUT you still work on it, albeit extremely slowly -r.s (both as in real shit and as in reso)

does anyone know how upsetting it is to be so out of love with yourself that you don’t even want to do it with your man or significant other. Like I want too but I physically can’t and it’s not that I’m not attracted to them cause I AM but I’m not attracted to myself, I’ll just constantly be in my head about what he’s seeing

is it normal to feel so fucking sad and pathetic when sober? I feel so stupid for saying this but genuinely anything to not be sober and feel my emotions is all I want to do. I know everyone is going say that’s bad or whatever but if I’m not ready to face my own emotions why THE FUCK would I put myself in that position? I’m not ready to handle all the bullshit that goes on in my life, my head, my body but then when I say all this I feel so idiotic. I just want to feel at peace.

my life isn't bad enough to complain about but its not even good enough to be proud of. i just wanna die

I’ve had SO many embarrassing moments it’s insane. There has been FAR worse but anyway, I was touching grass with my friends at a field trip for school and we walked past this restaurant with old people eating out and mind were a group of like 10 teens. fucking recipe for trouble so they were staring at us. one of my friends DEADASS screams “make sure your dentures don’t fall out” or something like that and they were shocked and I said REAL loud “My diapers full” and my DUMBASS didn’t look in front of me and I forgot we were following a teacher and other kids back to the damn buses 🫩 she looked back at me and side eyed me and best believe I kept my damn mouth shut after that.

I feel like too many people are scared to speak the truth

God I wish i sucked it up and didn't complain about some stupid list. I don't know if i can like to see my best friend cry because she got what i wanted but wanted more. I cant see my best friend cry over me because I said this might be the time I do it. I feel so selfish. It's so hard to know how to feel when nothing is ever as expected. Hearing my best friend cry for the first time makes me feel like an idiot. Im so greedy to belittle myself I can't even see how much he cares. I couldn't even look him in the eyes while he cried. I want my story to end but I have to keep writing it for them. I cant have him crying over the sad ending I had full control of. I cant have her lose it again because her friend was feeling a little depressed. It's so hard to draw everyone in while now believing in your own future.

Yoontoons, HonoBread, Kelsey animated, Shozzy, Boogytoons, Heralen, Nanda Fernanda, Nenjuno, RebelTaxi, INSTINCT, Ringo Tsuga, Untunes, BUT TRU, Duchess Celestia, Dino Mania, Magpiepony, TheLostNarrator, and so, SO many more. Those are the storytime animators that are victims to the blasted AI YouTube system. Yep. The YouTubers demonetized falsely for "Misleading family content" The content they mark "NOT FOR KIDS". This system is so fucking RIGGED! It cuts off a LOT of YouTubers main source of money. I wanted to start animating but I'm scared with how many Storytime YouTubers are cut off COMPLEATLY. This is rigged and we need to bring awareness. -Astro

i had sex with another person that wasn’t my ex as a way to cope with him fucking my ex friend . i didnt love the guy i had sex with but idk how to feel

my mom keeps constantly trying to control what i eat and it's so fucking annoying oh my god. why are you buying me food then hiding it in your bedroom 😭 who does that?? and a few days ago she randomly grabbed my thigh and said something about how we need to eat less WHO THE FUCK IS WE?? i don't eat as much as you should or anything close to healthy cos there's nothing to fucking eat and she acts like she's genuinely convinced that i'm eating too much when she never even sees me eat. why does she keep trying to make me diet with her all the time it's so fucking weird. yeah i have a diet it's called i'll eat what i want when i want why is she even pretending to give a shit about me when she literally never has

i feel like an outsider to any asian thing because i was raised american and around mostly white people. i feel like shit for being a 'stereotype' of a chinese person when i'm just a person who happens to be 'smart' and happens to have played violin and happens to have strict parents. i don't wanna be called a banana. i really don't. i'm just a person, please.

Someday I think I’m gonna kill myself and I’m scared

I miss my ex girlfriend so much I don't even want to call her that I just want her to be with me again an d be happy. I made a mistake and I probbably ended up chasing her out because I have bpd and I suck. I Just want her to realize it''s not me I promise I just made a mistake I should have never said anything about how I felt I'd do anything in this world to have you back even if it required making a deal with saatn himself. I'm sorry, All I can say is I'm sorry and I love you if you're reading this somehow. I miss youso much