All Rants

I don’t think I’m superior or intellectual or anything I try to think outside the box type shit but there are so many people especially at our school who are just wicked smart actual geniuses I think im smart but I wish I was smart the way they were like problem solving

Ik it’s weird to believe in virginity and sex and love as an agnostic/atheist and I’ve never been to church except to vote. When I was younger I would argue with Christians online like a Reddit atheist that’s not what I do anymore I respect all faiths.

I wish I could kill the people who made fun of me.

I'm intellectually a mule addicted to slop, just a target for the more disciplined people of understanding to criticize and laugh at. I disassociate thinking it's deep when it's not.

I'm so desperate to prove religion as an atheist. I FIRMLY do not believe in religion, yet the majority of this world disagrees with me. I've sometimes come to the conclusion that I HAVE to prove whether it is false or not. The only way I can truly prove this is by 3nding life. Sure it's absurd, but darn it I want prove it so badly. I want to prove that religion is false and I'm tired of circular discussions with theists and atheists alike. Obviously, this isn't great for my mental health. At all. Obsessing over death at all times isn't good for anyone. I'm really conflicted.

im not friends with them anymore and im weirdly happy but i also dont know how to feel..

How can I stop thinking and be nonchalant and like I don’t care what you fucking think of me like that? Help me I just wanna be peaceful

Fuck! I really hate the fact that my choir group are fake aa fuck! Like WTF!! they are trying to push me off from the anything if I wanted to join them

I can totally stick to one woman watch me I will be her submissive puppy dog until she puts me down

Ig moots ano taraaaaaaaaaaaaa?

3am just getting woken up multiple times to be yelled at aha. I’m so tired man stuff like this makes me wanna kms

I just found out my parents are getting divorced my (half) brother tried killing himself a few weeks before this and he’s been missing all of his appointments or whatever and not taking his pills and my mental health is at an all time low and I don’t want too burden the one close friend I have by telling him all this.

I'm being harassed by misogynistic and transphobic people, im not allowed to tell anyone my feelings I think i should die, im sure some transphobic people here would tell me to die I would but I don't wanna hurt my guardian. Even though they hurt me a lot and i dont like them that much, i dont wanna hurt them

I think all my friends hates me I've been feeling very suicidal I dont wanna make my mom sad even though she's part of the reason i wanna die so bad I really wanna die rn i wish she wouldnt care so much I have no healthy coping mechanisms, i cannot talk about my feelings to anyone, id get hated on or punished if i did

I wish back in October of last year I'd have blocked the the girl instead of believing she was different. I had a feeling she was a lying narcissist like most women are, I wanted to believe she had love in her heart and she broke mine on the night before our 10 moth anniversary, I gave her everything, she said she didn't care I wasn't rich, she left me and lied to her family.

FUCK EVERYTHING. WHEN DOES THE END OF TIMES START?

for anyone who wants to know what shifting realities are like, here. I’ve been trying to shift again but I’ve been having a hard time, though I wanted to prove shifting right/wrong in 2023 and managed to do it on my first try. I didn’t script anything and I don’t think I even used a method, I either did robotic affirmations or countdown in my head maybe? 😓 anyway I guess I like swung up from a tree branch? I don’t know. I saw like a glowing orb and it didn’t speak to me but I knew what it was saying yk? I was panicking and said I wanna go back because I recognized that it wasn’t a dream, like it felt different. it very much felt like I was in another realm. Like its weird cus I was on a damn tree branch and the sky was like perfect and blue with some clouds here and there and then there was a glowing orb or I guess spirit in front of me? im spiritually gifted so I definitely believe in this stuff but Ik it sound SO surreal. I mean the crazier it sounds the closer you are to the truth?

I lied to my favorite streamer Niyeko. I said my grandma called him hot one time as a joke and he saw it. For a day or two It was just me saying "Granny says hi" as a joke still but then a friend bet me and a friend $500 dollars each if we could trick him and his editor into thinking I had a freaky grandma until the end of the "Subathon" he found out today. He said he was suspicious from day one but I confirmed today it was a lie. I told him about how my grandma is not my grandma and she's my 32 year old friend. I kept repeating in chat an explanation. It was pretty much "Hi Niyeko and everyone else sorry for lying it was a bet and the bills are high so I did what I had to do. To anyone who spent money on me I'm so sorry." Because I was gifted a sub and someone spent $50 for "granny rizz." I'm changing my account name, picture, everything. It's to embarassing. I'm not using Twitch again until I can change the name in 2 months. :(

Feeling empty is another level of me figuring-out what is wrong with me. Losing focus and the ability to even understand things that are too simple to understand when I am not feeling this emptiness.

I want to say things without being "cancelled" for being a narcissist. I do want to say that people I've known are only cutting themselves because they want attention since their friends do the same. "Narcissist!" "Attention seeker!" But what do they struggle with? One of them struggle with transphobia from their parents but has a supportive brother. I told him not to come out to his family if he wasn't prepared for the transphobia. The other person struggles because people bring up her past, because she sent death threats to people and encouraged EDs. 2 years ago. So, the friends of those people talk bad about her all the time. Why should they be harming themselves? Indeed, it is selfish. How many people I've met that go through hell and still cling to life, then the others who hurt themselves for their own consequences. Yes, this person is being selfish. I don't care what everyone tells me. I'm right, they're blind and busy defending people only because that's their friends.