I was today at the therapist. Im from poland, and im under the age of 18. My therapist has to tell the police about the sexual abuse I went through in my mothers house, because of my mothers partner.. Im scared. Im scared, because of her being aggresive, and often going crazy.. My dad has to tlk with her. My therapist, told me that She and her husband won't be able to contact me for some time. But im scared she will try to. My parents arent living together anymore as they divorced. Happily im at my dad's house, as im living here for 2,5 year.. Still, they know my aress, have my phone number.. Im scared of them. Back when I told her about wht her husband did to me.. She didnt believe me, and called me a monster. She didnt see me as human. Im so scared.. I dont wanna go through this again.. Im very scared about the whole situation.. My therapist also told me that my mental health is bad because of what that man did to me. Oh, and also, she said that I possibly have deppresion.
Recent Rants
It’s my last day of high school as a senior and my moms came home complaining about me having an 88 an 88 FOR CRYING OUT LOUD 😩 then why are we not vacuuming when she was the one who told me I needed to get done yesterday so I sat done and got it done (I do an online brick and mortar) I can’t do anything right when she didn’t even graduate nor my dad he had to sign a paper because he was so many points off but me oh you missed 2 points from an A it’s the end of the world mind you I was doing two dual enrollment classes on top of high school last year I don’t 8 classes and finished with all A’s but one 88 and it’s the end of the stupid world but my dad actually texts me to say he’s proud of me she hasn’t told me anything about it besides an 88 she was like why do we still have zeros in I’m sorry I’m not perfect
I swear people always try to get the worst out of u , then u go to jail after putting em to rest....that's like the worst bruh fr
A poem for my farts… Sunrises over my face Then darkest of clouds overtaking my life And apocalyptic miasma from the rear Spreading, never ending A warm silent embrace from my the bottom of my bowels Soon to be a nightmare Violating my senses Giving me an image of what’s inside Brewing…, rotting… A hell where ethnic concoctions linger And legumes dance in madness Living in infamy in the annals of time
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If a person's sexuality was influenced by a history of molestation, are they still considered straight? Since those feelings didn't develop naturally, how is their orientation defined?
Strange a mineral company Fortescue complaining in TV ads, about diesel tax being given back to mining companies, when Fortescue themselves are being given back the same tax. 🤔🤔🤔 (Praises are from staff and bots and making money gets in the way of facing the truth)
I have nobody in my life. My house is just a house with people in it. High school isn’t any better. School Counsellors are biased. Friends aren’t real and I thought they were. I just really want to talk to someone but I can’t muster up enough confidence to call my country’s hotline. I know I need help but I can’t get it. I’m always the one helping and the one who gets used. I’m so tired. I keep trying to end myself but I always ditch it on the last second. Coward. I hate pain and yet I want to die. Everyday the very same thoughts circulate in my head. Even I don’t know what I want anymore: To die or to just cease to exist. Either way, I just want to end my suffering so badly. I try my best to stay positive but it’s so difficult to when I’m surrounded by a bunch of people that couldn’t give two shits about anybody. I just want to end all of this suffering and I know ending it won’t change anything. I don’t know what to do and I’m losing hope in everything as the days go by.
I am glad I dont have any kids. I am glad that I dont have to worry about them in this fucked up world. So many shit ppl. So many terrible fucks in this world that I dont have to worry about someone doing terrible things to my kids. So many pedos, it makes me sick. No one will be able to do that to my children. So fucking disgusting to think about males, most deserve to get their dick and balls chopped off. I know too much, im glad. Even the parents are fucked. Im glad I cant relate. Cant relate to many ppl, thats a good thing. Whats worse is having relatives that allow it..so sick makes me wanna kill ppl. Its freeing to know that my life is nothing like theirs. I dont have to worry about that. Its bad enough to think about my niece and nephew. So many disgusting fucks, worse yet, I know them. Worse yet I would like to strangle them till they have no more breath in their lungs.
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I have a constant battle of my sexuality and my opinions towards sex. I’m pretty sure I’m a lesbian but i don’t really like how that word applies to me. And my main vice is masturbation because I don’t know my opinion on it. Every time i feel like i want to masturbate there’s a small part of my subconscious that tells me that I shouldnt and i stop myself. This has been going on for two months. Its not fun to be in my head right now when it is just a full on stream of trying to contradict myself. I just want to be able to live my life happily.
I feel so fucking useless. I have a cough, which is fine! People get sick! That isnt the problem. Unfortunately I also have extreme trauma around throwing up, and for a month and a half I've been coughing so hard I nearly throw up multiple times daily. I get panic attacks when my stomach starts hurting a little too much normally, so this is literal hell. I feel pathetic because its a fucking cough and I'm an adult, but I also want to be kind to myself because the amount of flashbacks and panic I've been having daily have been so bad. I'm just suffering alone, and nothing I've tried has helped relieve this in any way. I talked to a doctor and they said it could be like this for another month or more and I just can't do it. I've stopped eating solid meals because I'm so fucking scared. I just want to stop coughing and feel a little better. I've stopped talking to my friends or playing games with them at all because im too anxious to focus. I'm so tired.
I don't know why I even try anymore. I fail at everything. The harder I try, the worse I fail. I'm tired of even trying because I know it will be one more failure and just make me even more sad.
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To the Republican party supporter, who thinks Trans people are mentally unstable, thanks for providing evidence you are mentally unstable and beyond help.
When you have American Defence Force Personal investigating the downing of Iran Airline 655 by The Vincennes, you know the investigation well one bias and the crew and officers got away with murder.
I have a growing bubble of envy because of comparing myself with family and I hate it. I'm in high school and although I take more difficult classes than the average person, I just can't help feel envious of how easy school and class is for everyone else. Additionally, my friend and family attend elite, ivy league prep/private top of the nation schools and take even more rigorous classes and take about 3 APs even in the ninth grade and I just don't feel like I'm good enough. Even people in my school already have their lives planned out and I don't have a clue what I'm doing so I don't know what classes to take to prepare for (like AP Bio for Med School). The only thing I'm good at is English which is fine at all, but when I see my family do amazing things; coding competitions (cousin my age, around third in the US), first place in a history competition as a seven year old against middle schoolers(against other states), etc. And I'm the loser who doesn't have a future & has a B in math
There is one group for people who meet twice a year, celebrate festival and have food together, The organizers( the woman) met me up through a common friend and sent me an invite to join the group. I joined in and the woman asked me to introduce myself. I did. Then all of a sudden she said she asked me to quit. She says I am from a different region and that I can’t be in the group. She would remove me if I don’t quit. Till this day I don't know who raised voice against. It looks like I was a victim of selective targeting. We are very hard working couple. I was very hurt when this happened. Just sharing here. We had never faced this atrocity from a woman and that too some one who invited me to join the group.
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My nervous system has been in survival mode for months on end and I didn’t realize it till now like for months I’ve been going from activated to recovering multiple times a day and it’s very exhausting.
I hate immature adults. Disgusting. I have a 50 y/o father and 40 something year old mother, and I think I'm more mature than the two combined. I'm only 16. First of all, because of them, I've developed both misophonia (anger/extreme rage at ordinary sounds) as well as severe social anxiety disorder. My brain is fucked, basically. My mother acts like a child. Screams shrilly at the top of her lungs, I can't stand her. Cries when things don't go her way. Whines and cries when she wants to manipulate me. I'm the most passive of both my siblings. I do everything because I hate it when my parents scream. When she does this my heart starts pounding and I get really angry. Sometimes shes nice though so I gaslight myself into thinking I'm being dramatic. My dad is a child too. He mocks my mom, and always pretends to be righteous. He screams like a maniac about the most random things. I always am the mediator in their fights. I have to wear earplugs in the house and can't leave b/c of my SAD.
I don't wanna die. I have an amazing and privileged life with amazing people. but I'm about to graduate 7th grade and I don't want to grow up. I don't want to leave 8th grade and go to another new school. But I can't kms. I have a twin brother and I just cant leave him all alone. I'm not in bad mental health all the time all day, and everyone has these thoughts every once in a while. But sometimes I just want to do sh again like I used to. then again this might be Adrienne Lenker's devastating music getting to me rn lmao have a good night <33