All Rants

I'm ugly. How do I fully accept it?

Failure after failure and I can't keep myself positive anymore. Every single exam I give, I just can't score high anymore. Yes, "anymore" because I was once the top of the class. That was till the start of 12th grade, after which my downfall came crashing in. I was so burnt out I did nothing the whole year. I played games and slept a lot, but only to distract myself from the immense sadness and loneliness I felt ever since I was 10. At some point I didnt have energy to even play games anymore. Then came all my entrance exams and I absolutely bombed them all, meaning all of them were BAD. I hoped for SAT to go well, ACTUALLY gave effort, and got a stupid score of 1370. I felt sad and disappointed when i scored low before but now I just feel angry. I did SO MUCH for SAT even if I had almost no guidance for it and I decided to give it last minute. All that hard work just to get 1370. What the hell is wrong with me? I hate this.

Currently, Drama class is happening. were doing duo scenes and I was an extra person, I had to give up my duo WITH MY CRUSH and got put as a trio with 2 other. Shockingly, not to me but whatever, Im being left out in the process of getting it on its feet. I had NO choice in the people I joined with, the scene were doing, the conceptualization, or the rehursals. I hate this and wish that I was in a good duo and we could work and I could be included...

People in my drama class are being such assholes and annoy the shit outta me, people forget me. in drama, they take my ideas, forget I exist and I feel sick when I go home, I hate it. Im constantly abandoned and I hate this life and who I am and whats going on. I wanna leave, I want a break, I wanna kill, but also not, I need help and I hate people. I hope someone listens and empathizes!

I've known my friend for going on four years. Recently work has been a lot for her and she refuses to talk about it which is understandable. I've never truly felt like her friend though, just a place holder or a problem solver. She goes days without talking to me then message dumps ranting when I rather not chat. I feel like we're just tossing the ball back forth until one of us gives up. I'm trying so hard to keep our friendship together but she's too upset to maintain the connection and I'm trying to fix something that clearly isn't there anymore. I ask her about her fiancé and her family and she just shuts the conversation down then posts and randomly sends me pictures of her wedding planning and going out with her family. I can't pull that with her or she'll just get mad at me for having fun or "excluding" her. I know she's not going to invite me to the wedding and I can't afford to go even if she did. I'm so tired of it. I thought this time was different I just want a good friend.

My grandad got cancer, I was upset for around 2-3 days and got over it... Idk if i became numb or emotionless but i stopped caring... My dad puts so much pressure, he only talks abt studies all the time.. its come to a point where i hate talking to him, academic pressure asw. i feel like dying but i have too much pent up anger against a lot of people, ive been having homicidal thoughts and sociopathic thoughts frequently, fuck i might be losing my mind and myself, i cant talk abt this to my parents cuz they dont understand me, and i cant rant all the time to my friends.. i feel lonely asf in this world... pls good things should come my way... i cant live like this, i desperately want to just finish and get lost to a great college... i realized that im all alone in this journey where everyone else has support but i dont...

I hate myself I hate seeing my father in me I hate my father but I can’t nof hate him I’m literally so confused and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do anymore I’m like totally losing it I keep hurting people and I keep wishing thinfs had gine differently ij my life but then there are people who struggle so much worse than I do and it’s like omg js suck it up bro and I’m like ifk omg my tummy hurts ugh

I'm gone. if you read this I'm gone. goodbye world..I love you all even if no one loved me...

i feel so lonely in my life, and i feel ungrateful for it. it’s not that there’s not people there, they just feel so far away. I feel guilty for feeling lonely yet too anxious to make the effort to put myself out there. I feel like I attract bad people and i’m afraid of getting hurt again. My fiancé is truly the only person i have to talk to but it feels like i’m punishing him every time i vent. My shyness and guilt have held me back from so much, genuinely going to crash

I dont have any Friends like the ones I have I dont feel like hanging out w them at all I want friendships that I see online I cant even stand my father these days ljke yeh I like them n stuff but at some point I js feel like I dont belong here at all I wanna be w someone who will see me as thier first priority wonr judge me wont ignore me will love me openly and do stuff w me like hanging out without it being a burden to me I js wanna feel alive

Since it's my birthday today, I'm thinking of myself since I'm trying to sleep. I'm close to getting a job, kids, live on my own, etc. But there's one thing that has been haunting me since I was a kid, death. Whenever I think of it, it gives me a feeling inside something cool or something that'll give me goosebumps. Everyone dies, but I'm just too afraid. What happens after life? Will I even go to heaven? (I believe there's heaven and hell). When I was little, I was crying because I'm already thinking of death, what will I even do? I want to live forever, happy with my family or just basically live.

I’m tired because existing takes all the energy I have. Everynight, I kept thinking about all the problems that I have to go through even when I don't have to. I don't know what my problem is. When my family is literally giving me all the love and care they can give to me. But here I am, wondering why my mind won't accept the fact that my surroundings are just as fine as it is. Ever since I turned 11, things js been weighing down and I really need someone to talk to about it. Once, I felt really happy because someone surprised me for my 14th birthday but then later, I just crawl up to my bed feeling so down like it's trying to kill me. And the sadness just gets awful and awful. I don't want to say I'm depressed, but am I?

I still get high school trauma I hate it I have some uni trauma too but its not as bad I hate it so much

I got broken up with by a second-chance romance. He thought he wasn't good enough. He said he couldn't sweep me off my feet, but I felt like I was on cloud 9 with him. I was so happy with him. I felt like a princess. And I can't move on; it's been a month. All I want is him.

I hate the man my mom is married to. He's in his forties but acts like he's a child. Treats my mom like absolute shit. And honestly I wouldn't be sad if he fell off a cliff. He expects everyone around him to clean up after him, feed him, and my mom has to remind him to shower. He can't keep a job. It's always the managers fault he quits. He is probably the laziest person in existence. I can't live like this. I'm miserable in this house. I love my mom. But I'm starting to resent her.

I have a bf whos an actor and I felt so uneasy abt him being intimate w others especially w girls :( cuz hes been casted as a prince (2 prince role) and he had to fkcng kiss n do intimate things w 3 diff girls cuz their show is running for 1 whole week so like its 4 times a day to perform their show so like imagine that how many times he had to do it ?! Its been 5 months since their show was done but still I cant stop thinking abt their intimate moments and how they interact w each other like man IK its acting but still it hurts me :(( Ive talk abt ts to him and he reassures me but still I dont feel reassured enough :((AND again hes forced and casted for being a prince AGAIN and the main lead for their upcoming show next yr. Its cuz hes talented and fine bruh they always put him in intimate stuff 😭 Man idk but the thoughts of him being close w others (girls) is crushing me inside. Well i cant do nun abt it im finna cry :( maybe ill jst be supported to him while im hurting inside.

My friend pranked me a day ago, I’m not fond of pranks. She sent me a photo and I opened it, expecting it to be something funny but I was met with a photo of her arm with blood gashing out all over. She typed that she was on her way to the hospital and that a girl with mental health issues had stabbed her with a pen. I was so worried about her. It turned out she made that injury in one of her clases with clay, it was fake but it had looked so realistic. She apologized after and I told her it was fine and at the time I believed it was fine. Now it’s the next day, I keep thinking about it and feeling ill, that fake injury keeps appearing in my head. It reminds me of all the times when my old friends would prank me that they killed themselves and that a family member was texting me or that they had died from cancer and their parent was telling me what a good friend I had been. I hate those friends, I cut contact. I don’t know how to feel about my friend anymore, I do feel stupid.

I have word kinks.but I like them all no one knows these kinks sadly though I wanna try them all but I'm a Virgin and don't wanna be committed, call me a whore?sure that's one of my kinks toooo

My brother thinks I should go to therapy! I don't wanna I know therapy doesn't suit me I know y it won't either it's cause I don't trust anyone fully never... its funny cause my whole pack of cousins go to therapy and all of their individual friends go to therapy AND all of them goes to the same therapistttt. They literally know are WHOLE family drama. I don't discourage people from going to a therapist, if they want therapy they can go but I don't wanna now or in the future. Therapy is not a solution to your problem if you yourself don't take the effort to solve your problem! Anyone can give you advice but if you don't implement it, it can never work

GOD I FUCKING HATE EVERYTHING I’m so pathetic at EVERYTHING I’ve lied to my friends about “having someone to talk to” BECAUSE IM SO PATHETIC IM TO SCARED TO EVEN TALK TK THEM I CANT talk to my parents they’ll think I’m lying to skip school. no one likes me I can barley socialize outside of my friend group