All Rants

For 1. Sorry not sorry I can't stand my neighbors. They're hypocrites which I also can't stand. Irks the heck out of me because the obnoxious crappy vibes they give off. And the fact they mass reported us trying to get us evicted for smoking WHEN THEY THEMSELVES VAPE, AND WITHOUT LEAVING A NOTE ON OUR DOOR WHICH COULD HAVE RESOLVED THE WHOLE DAMN THING. AND blew confetti bombs on our walk but none got on theirs, and pushed snow against our vehicle. Despite family saying it wasn't on purpose it seemed a little "too coincidental". The noise is supposed to also stop at 9pm. Their offspring since they pulled them out of school fog whatever reason has ran jumped thumped etc and at times have been noisy up to 4 in the morning, then the Karen (not actual name) gets up and makes it sound like it's raining steel balls jumping me out of bed sometimes most days of the week. What a bitch. I hope they get neighbors above them like themselves one day. Not really done but almost out of space.

I just want to scream loudly into an endless void. Scream about the hate, scream about the emotion, just scream about everything I’ve been keeping inside for so long. I want to scream so loud my ears bleed. I want to let everything out now. I want to yell and for it all to leave me. I want to scream with every ounce of energy I have left. And I want to be heard. Heard so other people like me can understand that they aren’t alone in this. Heard so that people who feel like giving up can be heard too. I just want to be loud and reckless for a few minutes. Just so I can feel again.

my friend got arrested during school and i just found out hes being accused for accesory to murder and firearm offence for the murder of a 20 year old man

I'm fucking tired of people harassing me and bullying me because in trans and I'm fucking sick of it, I've reported them at least 7 times but the school has don't absolutely NOTHING and its gotten so bad that they're telling me to kill myself and honesty I know I shouldn't give them the satisfaction but everyday it gets worse then I have to go pretend I'm okay to my emotionally abusive mother and its just getting worse so I'm planning to kill myself tonight with some pills, a rope, and a knife. I don't give a fuck anymore about my life, I have one person who actually acknowledges me but I rarely see them anymore and I think they're ignoring me so I actually don't give a fuck anymore, Goodbye everyone

I feel so alone right now. I feel like every minute there is some impending doom growing closer to me. But I keep smiling and laughing with people when they are around me. That is destroying my mental health. I wish I could just hug someone and let it all out without them telling me how bad it actually is. I want someone to just be there for me and to make SURE that I’m ok. Like if I said “I’m fine” and instead of saying “k” and moving on, they say “no you’re not” because they actually notice. I js want comfort from anything rn. I feel as if I have nobody.

I feel myself getting more tired/exhausted everyday. I think I’m falling deeper into depression than I was before. I have some issues with body dysphoria and Im feeling alone right now. I wish I could tell some people in my family, but I just don’t think it’s a good idea. This pain is actually worsening day by day and I don’t know really know what to do..

Dad, you breathe yet you died the day I finally found myself. I started living and grieving at the same time, like some final cruel punishment for finally giving up on you. I hoped on promises I knew were already broken, like an idiot. I kept hoping. But you died. And I finally accept that. I wish I could say you're not the same man I was when I was six, that you were better back then, but you've always been like this. It took me awhile to accept that maybe you were never cut out for this. Healing is realising I didn't deserve a thing you put me through. In a way im grateful, you made me kind through torture, made me compassionate through abuse. You made me maddeningly optimistic because surely without you in my life, tomorrow will be infinitely better. I endured, I grieved, and I accepted. That taste in my mouth, salt and sweat, that texture. The sickening warmth. I remember, it took me awhile, but I remember everything, and it haunts me. I wonder, does it haunt you too?

I feel like im im annoying everyone in my life. Like everything I talk or text or do anything people are just like " ugh shut up " I also just have this feeling that all my friends are secretly just tired of me and don't want to hang out with me . Most of the time I can't really come to hangouts cause of my parents but its still so gut wrenching and it makes me so weird

I’m so frustrated with my life and with myself. I am always critical with myself and now I’m about to fail a class or maybe 2. My major isn’t exactly a “difficult” major either so I just feel stupid for complaining. I’m in therapy and I can’t even tell if my mental health is terrible or if I just have a terrible mindset. I don’t really have any close connections with people and no one to share anything with. I’m kinda like an empty shell. I had a passion for art so I went into college for it but now the economy sucks so i might just be broke my entire life. I’m always making the wrong choices and I don’t know how to be normal or healthy. I can’t stick to any of the solutions I make for myself I don’t know what to do anymore. Everyone around me seems so happy even though it might not be the full truth they seem to have some vague idea about their purpose or path. I’m just unhappy and I don’t know how to fix myself.

something that deeply deeply deeply sucks is that when you have a delusion centred on a real person and it's not your first rodeo and you half-know you have to fight it and keep trying and take your meds and don't do anything out of pocket but when you fuck up is that it doesn't matter, bc you said and did some fucked up shit in the end. regardless of reason you still did that. you broke bc you were so scared and angry and convinced you have to attack a threat but a part of you knew it wasn't real and that part wasn't strong enough. It doesn't matter that you were trying so so hard, it still won and now the lines between the illness and you start to blur for yourself and in the eyes of other people. you're unwell but you're evil. you keep coming back to yourself but you still betrayed your core values and you can't undo that. You want to stay out of hospital bc you have precious things and people and a life you want to live but this thing is eating you alive and you just want to feel s

Tbh I kinda get how dabi/toya feels cuz whenever my dad pisses me off I would want to beat my brother up since he's the favorite. It's kinda I was the free trial and my brother is the premium plan since I'm the eldest and he's the only son ( younger). Most of the time, I feel invisible in this family like do I really have to slit my own throat in front of them so they'd notice? Everytime I expressed that I was hurt, my parents would tell me to stop being childish but whenever my brother lashes out or snap at them, they don't really say anything. I wish I could just delete myself if I really meant nothing to the people that gave me life.

I feel like a failure and that no matter what I do Im just making someone mad or ruining something. I was homeschooled, so trying to balance public school (which is the exact opposite of my experience with homeschool), family, extra cirruculars, grades, my health (mental, physical, emotional, and religous) and having a dog for the first time feels like baring the weight of the world, I absolutely hate the stress and I through things like my stress, anger, and emotions were getting under control, but finals and people are causing for all that hard work to go out the window. I absolutely hate this!! Only 3 people have been understanding with me when it comes to this. I can´t handle managing this. And dont get me started on the people, I wish that I could be on my own sometimes. Honestly, I used to be so lonely and depressed in homeschool but shit.... this isnt much fucking better. people are so rude, annoying, hurtful, and cruel. I get it but fuck... I hate this. I can't wait for summer.

I think my sister has always been mean to me and I just didn't notice it.

suicide thoughts and thoughts of sh, gore addiction, etc

I'm ugly. How do I fully accept it?

Failure after failure and I can't keep myself positive anymore. Every single exam I give, I just can't score high anymore. Yes, "anymore" because I was once the top of the class. That was till the start of 12th grade, after which my downfall came crashing in. I was so burnt out I did nothing the whole year. I played games and slept a lot, but only to distract myself from the immense sadness and loneliness I felt ever since I was 10. At some point I didnt have energy to even play games anymore. Then came all my entrance exams and I absolutely bombed them all, meaning all of them were BAD. I hoped for SAT to go well, ACTUALLY gave effort, and got a stupid score of 1370. I felt sad and disappointed when i scored low before but now I just feel angry. I did SO MUCH for SAT even if I had almost no guidance for it and I decided to give it last minute. All that hard work just to get 1370. What the hell is wrong with me? I hate this.

Currently, Drama class is happening. were doing duo scenes and I was an extra person, I had to give up my duo WITH MY CRUSH and got put as a trio with 2 other. Shockingly, not to me but whatever, Im being left out in the process of getting it on its feet. I had NO choice in the people I joined with, the scene were doing, the conceptualization, or the rehursals. I hate this and wish that I was in a good duo and we could work and I could be included...

People in my drama class are being such assholes and annoy the shit outta me, people forget me. in drama, they take my ideas, forget I exist and I feel sick when I go home, I hate it. Im constantly abandoned and I hate this life and who I am and whats going on. I wanna leave, I want a break, I wanna kill, but also not, I need help and I hate people. I hope someone listens and empathizes!

I've known my friend for going on four years. Recently work has been a lot for her and she refuses to talk about it which is understandable. I've never truly felt like her friend though, just a place holder or a problem solver. She goes days without talking to me then message dumps ranting when I rather not chat. I feel like we're just tossing the ball back forth until one of us gives up. I'm trying so hard to keep our friendship together but she's too upset to maintain the connection and I'm trying to fix something that clearly isn't there anymore. I ask her about her fiancé and her family and she just shuts the conversation down then posts and randomly sends me pictures of her wedding planning and going out with her family. I can't pull that with her or she'll just get mad at me for having fun or "excluding" her. I know she's not going to invite me to the wedding and I can't afford to go even if she did. I'm so tired of it. I thought this time was different I just want a good friend.

My grandad got cancer, I was upset for around 2-3 days and got over it... Idk if i became numb or emotionless but i stopped caring... My dad puts so much pressure, he only talks abt studies all the time.. its come to a point where i hate talking to him, academic pressure asw. i feel like dying but i have too much pent up anger against a lot of people, ive been having homicidal thoughts and sociopathic thoughts frequently, fuck i might be losing my mind and myself, i cant talk abt this to my parents cuz they dont understand me, and i cant rant all the time to my friends.. i feel lonely asf in this world... pls good things should come my way... i cant live like this, i desperately want to just finish and get lost to a great college... i realized that im all alone in this journey where everyone else has support but i dont...