All Rants

My older sister used to bully me when I was a kid, and that went on for a very long time, she'd physically and emotionally abuse me every single day, I was just 6 yo but I'd dread waking up everyday because I was afraid of what she's gonna do to me, 14 yrs have passed and I still flinch whenever she raises her voice even if not at me, I still react physically and emotionally to the minor things she does like if she just walks fast behind me my heart would start beating so fast and I'd freeze. I feel like I'm locked up and can't escape this, even tho I be living a normal life in uni, but whenever I meet her I feel like I'm that helpless child once again, I wish someone helped me back then maybe I wouldn't have turned out to be this broken.

this is stupid to write. i feel like im being used by everyone around me. i’m not worthy of their love or affection . i really dont know why im here. nobodt will care what happens to me. im not pretty or anything. im not wrong for thinking theres nobody out there who would even like me. theres mwny things wrong with me, things i cant help, and i know its all my fault. theres just something about me that no one wants forver

i hate how i cant stop overthinking every small thing. i get scared that my bf will lose feelings for me one day and i overthink it. im so so tired i hate this sm. then if someone calls me lonely im overly sensitive what do i even do!!

i will always wear “i don’t know” like a second skin. not from absence of thought, but from the awareness that certainty is often just ignorance speaking confidently enough to be believed. i will always remain in that in-between space where answers are not finished, because what is unclaimed by certainty is often closer to truth than what is loudly declared as fact. if i stay quiet, people don’t perform around me. they just are. and I get to observe life without interrupting it with my opinions.

I feel like im not enough. I think about attempting everyday but then I feel like im selfish if I take my life. I feel like no one understands me. I feel like a burden to my friends and family

Im about to graduate HVAC School in 15 days mostly with A.i. Im addicted to marijuana Ive been out of a job for the last 7 months, Im being put up by my brother, I see him struggling, and I still havent put in any applications Im an alcoholic who still drinks at every opportunity but since Im not working, Im broke save for the spare cash from when my brother sends a lyft I've lost some of my work tools already. And have no idea how to verbalize what I know, for my resume I'm lazy. Im terrified of social interaction because I fear failure & rejection I think, and struggle so much to reach out, I'm sitting hungry in this house while my brother is out working, because there is no food and I don't want to be needy and beg. I know that is obtuse since I'm already doing it implicitly but the rush of emotions I get even thinking about saying it makes me sick. I've probably killed myself with alcohol already. I've noticed symptoms. I might not live to pay my brother back for school.

I have been talking to this guy since 2019. I met him online, and he's just like this website(rantram). I vent out to him every time I was struggling, it's either about my day or school stuff, but most of the time about how I grieve losing my parents. He's the one who comforted me when I was sad. Of course, as the years passed, I fell for him because he was not just the person who comforted me; he also made me feel like he was there for me. He also confessed, so I feel like that's a bonus . However, he never asked me to be his girlfriend until now, he just disappears and appears whenever he wants. Just like now, he appeared and told me that he will never be gone again, but that's just what he said, he never does it. I don't know where he is right now coz he never responds to my messages. And I am really hoping that he'll never ever reach out, coz if he does, I am the dumbest person to ever accept him again, and I hate myself for being like that. I need and advice WTD?

I used to love playing games like Minecraft and roblox with my friend or just going on call with her but whenever I asked her lately she’s always busy with her online friends and forgets our plans and starts calls with them instead and says she’s busy. She never asks me to hangout, I always have the make the plans but then I find out she hangs out with her other friend a lot, why do I always have to plan everything?? It’s draining but we’ve been friends since 1st grade and past high school graduation. We even have plans to become roommates but I don’t know if I want to anymore… there’s just no effort with her, she doesn’t reach out to me unless I reach out to her so I just give up and go months without seeing, texting, or calling her. She’s my only friend, I’m autistic and struggle to make any friends at all, any friend I’ve ever made has been with her help. I’m so frustrated, I just want a friend who puts in the same effort I’m putting in :(

I hate my body more than anything. I've hated it for years. Sometimes I do unhealthy things to feel better about myself, and my friends and partner say it's an eating disorder. I don't think I have one, because if I ever said I think I have it one it would feel so demeaning and minimizing towards people that struggle with eating disorders. If I ever said I had one it would just feel like a ploy for attention or an exaggeration, even though I think everyone struggling with any issue like that are completely valid.

I used to be a good student, but now I'm almost failing. I feel burnt out and stupid, but no one seems to notice the change. I missed a month of school and teachers just kind of hated me for it. I feel selfish for wishing someone noticed my mental health declining, because I should be telling people if I really want help.

I just hate never being good enough for the people I love. I can't force myself out of bed. I can't force myself to clean or to do my school work or to spend time with people. I think they're all starting to resent how lazy and rude I am. I'm scared everyone I love would be better off without me.

Earlier today, I had gone with a group of friends to a bowling alley and had forgotten to text my online friend where I was so she wouldn't worry. That ended up in her panicking and thinking that I was hurt. When I didnt know how to react to her being extremely upset since I thought that because of the fact she was relieved I thought it was okay now. So I continued a regular conversation. She proceeded to tell me about how I should acknowledge her worries more. I felt like I did. I have issues with showing feelings. Im really upset at myself at the moment.

im genuinely so sick of everything. im sick of my "friends", my family, this never--ending cycle of sadness that i cant seem to get rid of no matter how hard i try. i just wish for happiness. i want to feel wanted, loved, anything. i just want anything. its pathetic, i know, but theres nothing i can do to stop it.

Im friends with this girl im 15 now shes turning 13 and its hard to be her friend we are best freidns but uhm she started sh and started getting depressed after she met me i feel like its my fault but idk whenever i talk to her shes always complaining about smth somtimes it doesnt make sense somtimes its stuff like she gets mad she has to work or uhm she gets mad because ppl copy her and maybe thats valid but she copies a bunch of stuff from me i dont really mind i mean it somtimes gets to a point thats concerning but she copies these things from me words phrases things it doesnt matter and then compains when somone else copys them from her i feel like i dont know i dont know what i feel like i just she gets so jealous of me and hates all my friends and i cant talk about them or she gets all sad but she never tells em when shes sad she gets all dry and stuff and im so exhausted in a way im like that and i guess i can see maybe im exhausting to i just i dont know

I feel so uncomfortable (idk how else to describe how I feel) because this guy has been trying to confess to me for? 2 years? His final try was a day before valentines day, and now around a month ago he got a gf. Im happy for him!! Obviously since I've been rejecting him and he has finally moved on, but this feeling eating away at me has just been bothering me for days and days. I'm trans ftm (closeted nobody knows) and I've just beeing thinking how I would've accepted his advances long ago if he just saw me as a guy. The thing is, he's straight I'm 99% sure, and even if he wasnt, how would he ever see me as a guy? He wouldn't have been into me if I was a cis guy. This realization has just morphed into the question of if I'll ever find love? I just want to be loved, I've been single for basically my whole life and now I can't even do anything about it because the thought of being seen as a girl in a relationship makes me feel extremely sick. Can't even talk about this with anyone!! Wow

My gf is hanging out with one of her friends and I just feel so lonely because she's like the only person I can hang out with everyone else lives to far and I dont have their phone numbers but either way they wouldn't want to talk to me. So im jsut sitting here trying so hard not cry.

Emptiness, guilt, boredom, lonliness, and the feeling of "There is nobody to talk to"

Randomly thinking this but if you can't be anything else, at least be kind. You don't know what another person is dealing with inside and behind closed doors.

My family causes so much drama. To the point I was literally dreaming last night "I don't want any fucking drama ok stop it" or something like that. It's that bad. EVERDAY it's them causing it mostly. If I wanted drama I'd watch a soap opera. Ok. I need peace. Today? They made drama (so far as of now) over getting effing fast food AND Being told the truth of how they act when the one is drunk. Yet as they say "truth hurts" and turn it around on me saying why I can't I never talk you blah blah blah. Uh...you were I was just telling you the truth of the way you act drunk and you get all butt hurt and blame me for being the problem and say I interrupt them talking when they're THE WHOLE FREAKING CONVERSATION. GEEZ. oh but I'm the one in the wrong here huh? They're unstable with mood swings especially seemingly today. Why me sigh :(

my parents constantly fight, or my dad isn't home and my mom is pushy, and family issues, and my sister is a teen so she obviously has issues, and I walked into my living room and heard my dad said something about getting a nine to five, to my mom, and my mom was crying and told me to go back to my room, he walked out before we saw each other, but I think I should be used to it, because they do this a lot.