All Rants

i wanna quit band. i'm horrible at what i do. it just makes me anxious and depressed. i hate feeling like i did sophmroe year again. i don't wanna be su*cidal again. i don't wanna be back in that hole. i feel so useless i never wanna go back to band. senior year is supposed to be fun...

I can't fucking take this pain anymore. Eating hurts, not eating hurts, moving hurts, not moving hurts. No matter what I do, I'm in pain. And these stupid fucking doctors don't care enough to figure out what's wrong with me. Years and years, and it's only gotten worse and worse and worse. No friends to comfort me or even keep me company while I'm stuck in agony. I'm just isolated. I can't leave the house unless I have to. I've gone to more doctor's appointments than I have hangouts with friends in my entire life. I can't do this. It's never ending.

Miranda is the most fake and lazy coworker to have as a cma. All this lazy btch does is sit on her fat butt and eat snacks and pretend to work when Sheila or Beth is around. She drags the whole ass clinic down and never helps room patients. If we weren't unionized, her ass would've been fired long ago for being a dead weight to SIU.

I find it so funny and awful that my father, a police officer, abused and imprisoned me and my family (he took out the car battery and hid it, and other shit like that). He likely got called to a scene to arrest someone for doing the exact same thing he was doing. It must have been like looking at inspo pics from Pinterest 😭 Anyways he’s dead now, but trauma lowkey doesn’t go away and he lowk ruined my life. Like, I don’t know how to love someone correctly now and I don’t really acknowledge when im not in a good relationship (a dude literally bullied me so badly that my brother got involved [HE MADE THE BULLY PEE HIS PANTS LMAO lowk got suspended for it tho] and then he stabbed me with a fucking pencil and lowk hurt me but I realized what he was doing was similar to what my dad did and when the bully told me he really liked me, I thought I found true love and after we started dating he kept hurting me and yelling at me and I eventually found out that was NOT okay from my bsf)

I cut some of my friends off due to lack of activities = they are only able to say inside and only like playing video games ( they are more introverted ppl ) I cut one off due to work issues ( i was paranoid that they were gonna like someone i didn't) = they got stressed out due to me pestering them all of my friends are pretty much in relationships and never pick me = I'm so annoyed I'm lonely and alone + cant go through another semester completely alone ( i moved a town or two over ) making new QUALITY friends is hard work and takes time

no cause deadass fuck my mom, shes the worst bro. every time i say i dont wanna go somewhere, shes always like "why not?" and i say "cause i dont want to." LIKE OMDS, ITS A FUCKING ANSWER. THEN THIS BITCH GOES "why not?" like omg. stop. she keeps repeating it till she goes "youre going" LIKE IF YOUR GONNA FORCE ME TO GO, IM NOT GONNA HAVE FUCKING FUN? LIKE IM NOT TRNYA GO OUT TO SOMEWHERE I DONT WANNA FUCKING GO? then when i WANT to go somewhere, THIS STUPID MOTHER FUCKER GOES "maybe next time" LIKE STOP, WHAT THE GENUINE FUCK IS WRONG YOUR ASS, ATP JUST LEAVE ME ALONE

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY BEAUTIFUL WIFREEE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH SO MUCH HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY A MILLION TIMES

I personally hate the term POC as a black person, i feel like its not needed, like if someone is black say their black or if someones brown and not black say their brown?? To me it feels like a nice Way of saying im colored which is a nicer way of saying other stuff and idk i dont like it, it feels like your trying to be nice but you just spund overly afraid of calling me black for some reason like I'm black I mean that's what I am so call me that don't say poc I think it's rude so yeah

Please fuck off and just go be with her I hate wasting my time with someone like you

Happy birthday to my beautiful wife ughh I love her sm I yearn for her boobs I will marry her I give her reassurance everyday why she’ll be my wife Ok byeeeee

hi i have been working on this animation for around more than a year and i'm not even like, 30%ish done :sob: (it's probably planned to be around 40minutes to an hour) still going strong though despite not being able to focus due to adhd -r.s h t t p s : / / y o u t u . b e / n g F 0 8 M S Y L 9 c ^ the very first scene of the animation

ok my last few rants have honestly been about spirituality/manifestation etc, but like I found a method that’s like guaranteed to work, basically last year I started manifesting to prove it right/wrong and every single thing I manifested came true??? anyway I tried other methods but persisting with robotic affirmations is the way, btw I feel like it’s more powerful if you write them in a notebook but do it how you want

Nvm. His split personality hit up again 🙏🫡 Just go be with her bro.

I just want to sleep on his bare chest and cuddle him

pov: being an atheist but praying to all gods that they are real so they can fix ur problems... pov: having a gym comp but also having cuts all over ur legs and armss -f.g

Sometimes I wonder what type of person I could've been if I wasnt abused as a kid.

Hmm. I'm stressed, depressed, overwhelmed. And this is not the first time it's happening. Over and over again, nothing changes. Neither me nor what causes it. My ask is simple. Listen to me, I'm not ready and leave me alone. I'm happy, safe and sound. Don't take that away from me. I'm scared of getting married to a stranger. I'm scared of sexual abuse. I'm scared of the uncertainty it holds. I like predictable things. And yeah, you raised me. But nothing is gonna make you understand the child you birthed. Whenever you send me a profile or initiate a Convo on that, my mind goes to the worst case scenario and just want to harm myself. That harm is the only thing I know can make you listen to me and think I'm being serious. I skip food, i get sad and it is a vicious cycle. I cannot get out of it myself and I need help.

I'm so frustrated with myself. I keep feeling stupidly depressed, and losing the motivation to do anything. I have good friends, I have a home, and I have food. There's hundreds of thousands of people out there that don't have that and here I am feeling terrible about what is incomparable to those experiences. And I know I shouldn't compare experiences because it only leads to things becoming worse, but I can't help it. There's a good future I could have, and I know the steps to get there, I even know how to start. But I'm not doing anything. I'm just letting myself feel worthless. I know how to help myself, and even when I do try, whether that lasts a day or a week or month, it all eventually ends and I relapse. Letting these thoughts take over makes everything worse, but I still have them anyways. I tell myself it's part of being human, these emotions, because everyone has some semblance of them every now and then. But it's choking me and I'm allowing it and I don't know why.

Friends are like spoons, there’s spoons you love- and spoons you hate. You can continue using the good spoons and leave the ones you hate to grow dusty. But you haven’t even tried the hated spoon. How do you know it’s not good too?

My family doesn't understand. They don't think I'm depressed. They think I lied to the person who evaluated me for depression, just for attention. I also starve myself. I'm heavily underweight and can't fit into any of my clothes. I'm so skinny it's like looking at a skeleton almost. They also think this is me seeking attention and that I'm acting like a big baby and I should grow up. Why do people think like this. I'm just so tired.