All Rants

I am a person with PCOS I have a larger body, and I dislike most things about it. I have a sibling who has a beautiful body, one that would be beyond my dreams to have, they don’t even want to be a lady, and they dislike most everything about their body, they complain that they are “fat” and then yet label themselves as “thinny skinny” and have poked constantly at my size, it makes me sad and angry. If only the social world was built for all.

Just got out of my toxic friendship I feel so free now❤️

Hi f.g. Just wanted to say I always express my boundaries. I tell him to please leave my friends to be my friends and that he needs to stop doing this and leaving me friendless all the time. He's going to a different school this year so I hope any of my new friends stay MY friends. Anyways I need to sleep its gonna be a ROUGH morning for me. Goodnight!

I just finished watching Hamilton. It was great but that's not what I'm here to talk about. My brother likes to steal my friend for some reason. He always does but I have a few friends that don't like him because I tell them about him and how two sided he is. I'm waking up at 8am to go tubing with my friend who we'll call L. L is friends with him despite my attempts to tell her how bad he is to me so whatever it's not that bad ig. Anyways, she invited him to go tubing with us and apparently we're going with me and L's friend M. I don't think she'll become friends with him because she has a dad that's really two sided and knows the feeling but I'm still scared. M tends to be nice to almost everyone to their face because she's a good person but she's the "I'll be nice to you infront of your face but I'll hint that I don't like you and then when your not around I'll talk about you but not in a bitchy way" So yeah idk... I'm just scared ig...-Astro

Thank you for the message f.g. Some people would consider it rude but honestly that snapped me into a better headspace. Thank you, -Astro

I guess a lot is happening recently. In few weeks I'll be moving out for uni. I'm excited, obviously, getting out of this fucking madhouse has been my dream for years now, but at the same time, I can't get myself to be fully happy about this. I'm scared that I won't be able to function, that I won't find a job, that I won't do well in uni, that I will struggle to make friends, that I will relapse and start starving myself again and more. idk what to do. i didn't even think I'd make it this far, I was supposed to kms when I was 12, and now im 19 and things are difficult and complicated and im scared.

happy sweet16 to me i didnt even get out kf my bed,dont even feel like my parents are real people anymore,might end up on a man in his 30s lap if i ever get to 18y,

Oh jeez I'm pathetic. -Astrooo

I wish I could admit but he'd never care. I wish I could tell you how much I've always cared about you since we were kids and I've always looked after you to make sure nothing happens but my own stupidity caused me to trust you ONE time and you get yourself groomed all because I didn't look after you. I wish I could tell you and we could be happy again. I wish you could see that I'm just paranoid and you lied to me so much. I wish you wouldn't tell your boyfriend that I'm assuming the worst out of you. I care so much it hurts. It hurts so much I'm losing my memory and I know it's selfish, but I hope I forget you. Nothing would change on your side anyway. I care so much that it harms me and the only way to stop is by forgetting you. You'll never give me a chance. So, I need to end this and forget you already. I wish we could've still been "siblings" to each other but now we'll just be classmates. I'm so sorry I wish I could've gone back and been there for you. None of this would happen.

To be honest i dont even know if i have a right to be sad, like at all. Compared to my peers i barely do anything and im still struggling, not only that my stupidity has made me someone so untrust worthy to them to the point the things that they started to avoid me, ignore me, or be disapointed if they get assigned to work with me. Ive been wanting to change myself and work harder but it feels like no matter how much more harder i work or how much more effort i put into something they would still be avoiding and dodging me. It makes me feel so lonley and stupid. And i know that my problem isnt as harsh or difficult as others and that just makes it worse for me, sometimes i wonder if i even have a right to telk this to anyone, even typing this out feels like something i shouldn't be doing. If anyone sees this, what do you think?

For so long I've been waiting for someone to understand me. It's like no matter how many times I remain stuck in that hole I could put out my hand waiting for someone to reach back out but no one ever does. It's like I have to watch everyone get what they want while I just sit here patiently waiting for my turn. Maybe I deserve everything that happens and happened to me. The one thing that I've prayed for the longest was to not be alone anymore and the thought of it is just consuming. I've tried therapy (that never worked out lol) I've tried talking to PEOPLE they've heard my story but never took it to consideration to come and check up on me. I have no family nor friends I'm just alone and all I ever wanted was to feel loved (is it really that hard to ask for??). (Maybe I'm unapproachable idk) I really am a looser man the only person i talk to Is my mom and she doesn't even seem like she wants to be bothered.

It's weird to say, but I constantly feel like there is something holding me back from dating. Most of it is stuff where I am worrying I won't find a guy who will actually think I'm worth the effort. (I do not find myself attractive even on good days when I know I look good) I also think I'm a loser in life where I live with parents and still can't drive at 26 even if circumstances make that my reality. (Not unemployed though yay!) I just need to get out of this mindset but for now, it's a major struggle as I want to date but I also want to be a version where someone doesn't judge me as much as I would judge myself.

I want to die, I wish I was dead and was never born but damnit I can't kill myself. It takes balls to do that!

Im sick and tired of waiting at a red light when there's nothing at all coming the other way, either way. Somebody at the highway department engineers lab needs to figure out how to make red lights smart. We got smart everything else but red lights. Sitting there wasting time you don't wanna waste, nothing coming the other way and the damn lights can't see it. Surely it shouldn't be hard at all to figure out. At the end of your life, how much total time was spent sitting at a damn red light when it didn't have to be that way since nothing was coming the other way.

I'm actually all alone here, nobody gets me

dunno how to tell my family im aroace

idk why I’m saying this and I feel stupid but can someone please just leave some messages for me so I can look back whenever I feel like shit and ugly and that nobody likes me because im always the 3rd wheel and whenever I wanna love someone they never love me back? MWAH THANK YOU!

I genuinely want to die sometimes it feels like there’s nothing in life for me anymore I’m behind I’m tired I’m so god damn tired I’m tired of school I’m tired of being alone tired tired tired tired tired tired I’m tired

i think since the age of 8 or 9 i understood that i didn’t like myself and i didn’t like the way that i was living. so every day from then on i told myself that the next day would be different, that if i willed it hard enough i could magically become the person i wanted to be. since then it’s been nearly ten years of telling myself daily that the next day can be different. constantly believing in the ability to change and chasing after it like a fucking idiot i feel like shit when i think about how young i was, thinking that by the time i was this age i would’ve completely transformed. the last few years of my life now have passed me by and still nothing has happened and i doubt anything will. it’s so pathetic to talk about my life as if i have no agency over it. i know i do. i think everyone i know is confused on why i complain so much but never fix anything. i’m confused too, okay?? i’m so confused i don’t understand. i don’t know anything about myself

Downstairs in my gifted Hamilton hoodie watching Hamilton with my dog at 11:43pm when I have to wake up at 8am. And that might not sound so bad but keep in mind I just started and this is a two hour movie. I'm so screwedddd :( -Astro