All Rants

this is so selfish but all my friends are genuinely losers like they're obsessed with jesus and they hate parties and if they find out i smoke they'll all leave me and talk shit about me and nobody wants to go to echo park rising with me (anybody from los angeles reading this you should go its this saturday and sunday) but like i really wanted to go and everybodys a bum and they all would rather stay in or go to the mall for the 100th time when will i ever find my crowd

I have arfid. It’s an eating disorder that’s not related to body image but more so like taste, texture, smell, shape, color etc. now to sum it up it’s basically extreme picky eating but not JUST that yk? Anyway I really hate having it, it makes me feel disrespectful and make me wanna stay inside when I have to go over (for example) a friends house and I get to eat there. I already know I’m screwed but again I wanna be respectful and just eat it. um I went over to my Mexican friends house for her bday, her mom made I think pork/chicken? I can’t remember but what’s crazy is a like both, maybe it was something different but it was paired with rice and a tortilla, I like rice and tortillas too but I ate some and gagged because I didn’t like it but again, I didn’t wanna be disrespectful and not eat what I’m given. She also gave us some chicharrones and I didn’t like it, deadass it makes me hate myself sometimes like damn it’s not even that hard it’s not even that serious bruh

I know you said you wanted everything to end because you werent doing right mentally and told me i was better off with someone else, i wish we could of worked it out but i felt like i couldnt do nothing. I had lots of things planned with you but upset to have it cut short , i really remember the times you would call me lil funny nicknames like baboso, and other things, or run your hands thru my arms while watching a movie at the theatre, or listening to music while cruising throughout the city, i really felt like you could of been someone i settled down with and battle anything with, no matter how much i wanted things to happen i realized it cant happen when your other significant other isnt all the way in like you are , a uncomplete circuit. Even if it left me wondering with a lot of what if questions in my head or venting to my coworkers i still wish the very best for you, its a shock to see how quickly things can turnaround, i still wish you the very best no matter the outcome.

Can anyone relate to this? I think I’m an ambivert but I’m not too sure because I heard being one depends on the day and ur social battery, mine lowkey doesn’t. If I’m around introverts I’m like the loudest most energetic outgoing person you know and turn into a big extrovert, but when I’m around extroverts I’m a huge introvert like damn, is there a name for this or am I correct? It’s just kinda confusing, also I’m best friends with another ambivert and I think I just am the same like still an ambivert then.

i feel bad for telling my bf that i was gonna cook and it got late at night and he went to sleep, the food was cooling down and i think so much about him and that's why I'm so scared of being in this relationship because he says he can handle me but this is the stuff that makes me think and i just get so upset easily and i told him that i would stop lying and change but its me not wanting him to be upset. its probably not that big of a deal but i have GAD, so i struggle to sleep.. i wonder if he thinks the same way.. and I'm fighting with myself over stupid reasons on why i am upset with him also like i try to make him me like i want him to do the things i do. that's such a problem an i don't know what my purpose is like its a lot to type. like its so stupid and i want to give up but i know that's not how relationships work.. he told me that i said that id rather die than live like this but for all that he does for me its like not him its because i hate myself.

It's terrifying not having healthcare.

(no hate!) I genuinely don’t know how girls look at men and say “ew…” Like- MEN. 😏😏😏 PLEASE- I want someone to workout with me and flirt with me…maybe like stupid date nights…poke my forehead and call me actions stupid. Talk me about his favorite car or sport so I can learn…ILL COOK FOR YOU IF YOU LOVE ME 😞😞😞 Men on bikes 🫦 Masked men 🫦 Men of any race 🫦 Men 🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦 Short men 🫦 Tall men 🫦 Special needs men 🫦 Any man who can literally be loyal and not cheat on their love and respect her 🫦

After all weve been through.... qfter all the years of being in each othsrs lives you jist drop it and block me like i dont matter or anything i say is pointless? Dont come crying back when your shitty life breaks down

I would do literally anything for my period to go away. I started taking birth control because my was extremely irregular and miserable but it's doing nothing, their just as painful and as random as before. The only thing the birth control does is make me sick every morning.

someone asked me how i'm disabled straight to my face today... I HAVE ONE EYEBALL?? even when i said that they still didn't understand are you serious 😭 i don't know why it's frustrating me so much

my parents dont believe in mental health or therapy but i know as a fact that i am undiagnosed in many ways idw be the tik tok diagnosers but i genuinly want help i need someone to help me my parents (my mum whos more supportive ig) tell me i can get help when im in uni so it doesnt affect the way shcools view me i just want help

i'm so fucking tired of just trying. tired of barely making it through the day just to do the same shit all over again the next day. i'm so fucking tired of hearing "it gets better!!" NO. NO IT FUCKING DOES NOT. IT HAS BEEN 3 YEARS. please please please I just want someone to notice that I want to kill myself please please please. I want to overdose so so bad please someone just kill me already I hope tomorrow I die in a car crash and no one remembers me please someone take my life before I do it myself I tried to hang myself once. I was going to use a hanger and an old jacket but I ended up just standing in my closet and crying i've self-harmed too. only once though. just a small cut with scissors. it felt so so good i'm tired of pretending to be christian and straight. sadly, my parents are homophobic as shit and hate anyone who isn't christian PLEASE SOMEONE KILL ME I DON'T WANNA BE HERE ANYMORE SOMEONE HELP PLEASE I CAN'T FUCKING DO IT ANYMORE I QUIT I GIVE UP PLEASE HELP ME

im not trans i swear im not (god i sound transphobic?) i love love love being a girl i adore wearing feminine clothes i used to think i was genderfluid idk now proabaly not i want to be a guy i crave to have the view of a male and have people view me as male i want to experience love as a male maybe itd be simpler (im aroace?) i dont like my naked body i like my body cause people view it as ok i can feel my flesh

i like bridges not in the suicidal way i dont want to die i jsut want to stand at the edge im honestly scared of heights i feel like filth when i see jumpers cause i crave to be them i want to know the feeling of flying the feeling of bieng free for just a few seconds i dont want to die i promise that to all i jsut want to sleep for a bit and wake up when all is gone

i made a vent game on roblox a while back (like, a year ago) with my own concepts animations, models, and everything along with story the only thing i didn't do was scripting which was vibecoded and i feel guilty for it now if anyone is curious then uh h t t p s : / / w w w . r o b l o x . c o m / g a m e s / 1 3 7 7 0 1 7 1 8 7 8 0 1 1 1 / T h e - F u t u r e - i n - t h e - M i r r o r good luck

like ig idw kms but i think ill kms beofre i reach the sats its not that im completley suicidal i jsut dont rlly see any reason to keep going yk? ivereached the point of im only exisitng cause im waiting to die i jsut kinda eh whatever and mask eeveryhting but i keep thkning what if im not and im overhtknign or am i overthiknkgin that idea too?

Genuinely don’t understand why I have such issues making relationships/friendships with women. I’m a woman and my whole life all I’ve wanted were female friends. I’m not going to say I’m a perfect angel who did nothing wrong, but most of the people who did me dirty, were women and they never seem to have an interest in genuine friendship with me. I don’t care for men but I’ve ironically gotten along better with them, but I don’t have interest at all in males or male friendship. I’ve always texted them back. Thought of them, and talk to them even to my parents and family and truly cared for all of my female friends. Even if all of these weren’t out of an intention or malice, it breaks my heart I’ve never had a female friend truly like me for who I am.

i want to die but i dont want to kill myself i want to eat but i dont want to be fat i want to cry but i dont want to be weak i want to speak but i dont want to be dramatic i want to live but i dont want to be here i want to tell but i dont want to be an attention seeker i want to cut but i dont want to bleed i want to sleep but i dont want to wake up i want to heal but i dont want to forget -f.g

Going into Lowes and its depressing, I feel like a failure for not having a life like others. Back to the bedroom I go.

I do not want you in my life anymore. I’m tired and tired. Just fuck off with her and be done with it