All Rants

im such an academic failure i feel like all my work is entirely useless.

im so disappointed in myself. ive been practicing competitive math for like 9 months, yet i failed the second round of the competition. only top 2 can advance and i got eliminated as #3. i just feel like a failure since so many people expected me to win.

My mom is constantly calling me names and shit and I'm struggling so fucking badly and I'm ready to kms and just O.D and just die but I'm trying to hold on. I'm just ready to relapse or sm. I'm so drained and tired. I'm just ready die. I don't want to leave my sister and Whoever I have left but I feel like shit.

It hurts. It hurts so much. My stomach hurts, my head hurts, my eyes hurt, my fingers hurt, I hurt. The stench of food sickens me, I'll eat to make them happy but I don't want to. I don't have any disorders, I know that. So why? Why does everything hurt? Physically. Emotionally. Mentally. It all stresses me out.

i feel like no matter what i do im destined for failure. things just go wrong all the time and i feel like i don’t understand people well and ill never have a group of “my people” i feel really alone and the one person i love and trust i can’t even talk to or see. i’m tired of burdening people with my existence

Strutting your stuff like you have any stuff to strut. Your square flat ass looks even weirder with the way you walk. Massive turn off.

I'm tired. Mentally, physically, and somehow more. I never know if my friends are real, my best friend has been lying to me, I don't know if my crush still likes me, my friends are doing self harm, I started self harm tonight, I'm up all night and am exhausted in the morning, I have finals for school until around June 4th, I get sick a lot, I feel as if my emotions numbed and more. I want help. I NEED help. But I can't get help...

I have a problem. A LOT of my friends to self harm and I have always wanted scars but I never dared to cut myself for looks. But as the days go on and my mental health goes down, I have been thinking about it. I looked in the mirror and went searching around my house. Not for a knife, my family would get suspicious, for scissors. I brought them to the bathroom and cut my arms in the bathroom. Tonight was my first night of self harm and I'm almost sure there will be more. I don't want to ask for help. I'm scared of being tossed in the white padded rooms or going to therapy with a therapist that judges my belief. Have a good night everyone.

I really wanna leave this toxic friendship but it just seems impossible, and I feel like because of the way I feel I'm a horrible person, I know that they been through a lot but they make me feel a lot of dread too, I'm deeply scared of them, I'm scared of what they can or will say of me, they are really moody, almost bipolar, one day they are nice, the other they are being racist and mean, they are a chronical liar, they fight a lot, they spread rumors and I'm just, exhausted, I feel there's no escape for me left, only to suck it up l, I just want then to leave me, I'm too afraid to leave so at least I hope they end the friendship, I don't care if this involves hurting me, I just need it to end soon, I hope they leave me

yes i am engaging in self-destructive actions and yes i shouldn't do that but truly i do not fucking care when it is the only thing i can control

I cant do this shit anymore. I've just found out that my best friend of 5 years, has been talking shit about me behind my back. I thought it was real. Even if only for a moment, o wish it still was. I'm so tired of this. Of everything.

Long story short. Me and guy who used to be my bestfriend haven’t been friends in 3 years. I loved him and I still love him. He’s been dating my ex best friend for the past 4 years. He did me so dirty and got all my friends to turn on me. They just broke up today and all I want is for him to text me. I know I sound dumb but I love him and I can’t stop.

I can't do anything but stay in bed my chest feels so weird and heavy all the time I feel physically sick like throwing up constantly and get really shaky as well as just randomly crying or when I'm happy I just get a random wave of sadness I've tried talking to friends but it never ends well with them talking over me about there problems and issues I know my boyfriend would help but he's got shit going on to and I don't wanna continue to drag him down especially since he's been happier over the past few days but let's talking about self harm I do it okay but I don't go around flaunting fresh cuts. I wear hoodies or long sleeves or anything to find them and I would never and I mean NEVER show them to anyone who hasn't asked, consented, or trying to help medically so tell my why my friend told me he did it and asked if I wanted to see and before I could say no he showed me anyway even though I was about to say no. He continued doing this for weeks after and still does

To everyone who cared: You know, I bet $100 that once I'm gone loads of people will stand around crying, moaning about how much they loved me, how much I should've lived. BULLSHIT. If any of you truly cared about me, you would've tried to stop this from happening, would've tried to stop me from killing myself. But did you? NO. Did you know that the only reason i'm still alive is because of my crush and the chance that she might like me back? She makes me feel like I actually have perpose in the world. Do I actually? Probably not. But an illusion is better than nothing, right? At least she makes me feel like I'm somebody!!!! Not one of you even listened to me!! al you care about is yourself! So yeah, go ahead, cry. But if I was I would immediately call bullshit because oviosly No body cared enough to listen.

I hate this drunken version of him with a passion. The dr Jekyll Mr Hyde thing is pretty much how he is. What a fucking monster he is. I suppose it's my fault that I spoke 1 word to get him going on and on aggressive towards me. You can't talk to a drunk. If it was a happy go lucky drunk it'd be different. But it's not. they're a fucking monster. Wish I had no relation to him or my relative as both have done me horribly. The relative set idley by knowing full well I was being abused and just laughed it up in their face at our home knowing full well what was done to me by them. How would they have felt if the situation were reversed?! That's why I've felt like hurting the both of them. They're not worth prison time though. I hope time deals with them and karma more than I ever could. No I'm not a perfect human being but I don't go around make other's lives hell and I don't look away when I see and KNOW somebody else is suffering. So excuse me for wanting vengeance. 😤😡🤬

I have a crush on one of my friends but I don't know if she likes me back

You're nothing but good to your family and you get bad in return for it. That is me. I'm nothing but good to mh family member and theyre horrible to me. Yes it's to do with their drunken state right now. Merely tried to talk to them I got treated like garbage and threatened and insinuated I took something from them which I DID NOT. but they still act like I did and try to make shitty acting toned threats mumbling gibberish that I couldn't understand. This is why I'm numb to them. I only wish they knew how this felt to be treated and made to felt this way. A huge frustration is come sobering up time they'll think nothing happened claiming no or spotty memory. That's what pisses me off even more. On top of it mom defends him regardless and is passive unless he really really aggravates her. He called her an sob this morning and other crap. A little over 48 hrs ago he wasn't like this. IDK how to deal with this. Relatives want nothing to do with me and I have 0 friends. So. I just dunno

Guys my friends always say I’m the so called opps if I don’t help them fight these random people when they know I don’t like fighting especially Random’s and then they say that’s fake but they provoke them like when this one boy is walking away after they say stuff my “friends” call him black ass or just say something about him like they want to fight him and it goes for all of them, and all of these people are strangers to me by the way and we’re not above college that’s all I can tell you but it’s like they force me to want to fight these people when I don’t want to fight Random’s or let alone anyone like we’re growing up and we’re supposed to be mature what here doing is straight up childish behavior and no one wants to deal with some girls chasing boys just because they provoked him and then we were supposed to be a trio and we joke with eachother a lot but when one does it the other always joins in but when it’s me she doesn’t join in with me she STILL helps her like atp whatevr

im so tired of not being able to lose weight no matter what i do ik starving slows metabolism and supposedly doesnt help you lose weight but i physically cant eat 3 meals a day w snacks in between ill feel so disgusting and i binge so often and all i do is whine about not being skinny when all i fucking do is eat and im so tired of being one of the fattest people i know and no matter what anyone says to me i cant ever feel skinny unless someone asks if ive lost weight and people always say im not fat but im not skinny which is my issue and i just want to wake up one day and be the perfect weight and have the perfect body for the rest of my life because i cant stand the one im in and i hate being this fucking fat so much it sickens me to look in the mirror and i feel nauseous when i see my body in the shower and the only way ill ever feel skinny is when im close to passing out from lack of food or if i can see my hip bones

So tired of laughing when nothing is funny, so tired of smiling when nothing to smile about I am so tired of being tired. I would never understand the human race living to work working to survive. All I wanna do is be happy and live in my life but instead, I have to wake up every day and go to a 9-5 to pay my bills to eat when all this shit should be free. Life right everyone continue to pay and talk it out.