All Rants

This one guy that I used to like confessed to me when I had a bf saying he used to also like me then he tried to get with my bsf it didn't work so he started texting me again after like a year saying he still liked me even after I broke up with my bf which clearly means he liked me when I had bf also but then hold up what abt my bsf did you like us both or what? Guys are so fucking weird gtfo atp🫩

My best friend is gonna leave me. They're gonna leave me for some random fuckass girl she met 8 FUCKING weeks ago. I've have supported them through EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING. I HAVE STOOF BY THEIR SIDE LOYALLY WHEN NO ONE ELSE DID, I WOULD SACRIFICE MY LIFE FOR THEM. THEYRE THE REASON I DIDNT KILL MYSELF AND I OWED THEM MY LIFE. AND WHAT DO I GET IN RETURN!?! GETTING DITCHED. I DONT CARE IF WHAT IM ABOUT TO DO IS ""IMMORAL" IM GOING TO FIND EVERY BAD THING ABOUT THIS GIRL AND SPREAD THAT INFO LIKE FUCKING WILDFIRE. I DONT FUCKING CARE

I feels as though a rug has been pulled out from under me. For a while i finally felt like i was capable to do anything i could put my mind to which has been foreign to me up until that point. I was in a 3 year relationship, had a job where i could be myself and had coworkers who became my best friends, I moved out of my parents house, had my own cat, my own autonomy, it was amazing. i was finally someone who could get up for work, do chores, and not be in a constant depressive state. Then one day, i decided i didn't love him anymore. I broke up with him and then had to move back in with my parents. Shortly after i got fired from my job, the place that didn't feel like work, somewhere i could see the people i love the most and just be. Now i'm back home, i had a job for a little while but quit because my depression got to be too much, the people that were my everything haven't reached out to me and it hurts even more. I'm stuck. I'm alone. It's been a year now. I am so lost...

Okay idk who this person is because they didn't leave a name but whoever said "Good luck m8 I hope it turns out well or that you at least get a fun character. You have the same things as me and you're achieving a lot, i keep accidentally stopping or am being prevented by the other things happening in my life even after I finally gain opportuinities, I just cant show up consistently or get things done all the way through I'm happy to hear you're trying even if its really overwhelming hard and there's not nearly enough time, you're still going for it. I'll keep trying on my end too o7 👏👏🍀" on my post TYSM. It helps a LOT knowing someone feels the same. I need to sleep vecause I think imma pass out otherwise so gn lovelies! -Astro

Im drowning in my own stupidity and incapacity hhahahahah

Bro this kid I had a crush on is lowkey so confusing. When we hang out at school girls SWARM him because apparently all the girls like him idk. He's the "Fat" kid who hangs out with all the weirdos and the nerds and is for some reason obsessed with trash cans and calls them his children idfk either- anyways, he said he had a crush on me but wasn't ready for a relationship at our age and I said that was fine. I was depressed as hell about it for a while but yeah. I just realized I kinda lost feelings for him ig. I feel like I've probably been in denial about it because my stomach doesn't flip when I see him anymore I just see him and I'm like "I have a crush on this kid. I think." but yeah idk. I think he lost feelings to but if he ever offers to date all I'm saying is I probably wouldn't refuse even if I still like him or not. -Astro

I'm so cooked. I have to rehearse tonight and in the morning for my auditions. I do theater and the show is Mary Poppins so this is gonna SUCK. But I can't leave them I've already done what 8-9 shows including this one? I can't leave and say I'm not auditioning I have people relying on me to be there. UGH I love theater but an audition at 11am and giving me 2 days to prepare is BOGUS. (Which might seem like a lot but for someone with ADHD, OCD, Anxiety, Depression, Autisum, and a truckload of other shit) Its not any time at ALL to me. PRAY I GET A GOOD ROLE MY VOICE ISN'T HIGH ENOUGH FOR THIS- -Astro

i really wanna kill someone so bad. like the urge is killing me from inside. not just anyone, i have a person(s) i want to kill. i have pent up anger and negative emotions for that person. earlier i these momentary emotions would go away, i used to cope with imagining killing that person(s) in a gory way, that would relieve me and stop the tears. if anyone saw the tears, they would ask me what's wrong and that would be more complicated to explain and would come across judgement from the other person. recently, it seems to me that i have found a more instant coping mechanism - self harm (i don't wanna kms). it calms the monster the moment i dig my nails hard in my skin or stab with the tip of pen. it's like a drug at this point. i am thinking of turning to cutter now. i really wanna stop this, i wanna believe this is not me. the thing is the person(s) that trigger these negative emotions lives in my home. i wanna move out asap. i guess i wont be able to move out until next year.

ok so school recently began & I met this guy whos rlly friendly and came up to me, who started doing a handshake, which i didnt know, i lowkey thought he was just dapping me up but it turned into a whole handshake. i see him a few more times in the next few days doing the handshake again which i still cant get. but now theres a problem because this is the first time ive ever sorta?? made a guy friend in YEARS (its super hard for me to make friends most likely guy friends) and lowkey hes cute and tall, and ever since, i could not get him off my mind like its so bad. im genuinely overthinking or maybe im just jealous which its so hard to control, but it lwky makes me sad that hes having fun with these 2 other girls i saw him with. i wanted to talk 2 him tdy bout smt but hes lwk friends with everyone which is absolutely ok. i cant get him off my head, i had finally made a friend in years and im acting like this what the hell. hes a freshman and im a senior WHAT THE HELL DO I DO

why is it always like this why cant i improve even though i wnat to change why cant we afford a diagnosis and meds theres no way forgetting to eat and even things to do to prevent what worries me and causes my anxiety is normal, of course I want it to not happen just because we got preoccupied with trying to earn money and trying to deal with illnesses and hospital stuff and our relatives in the province and our family members asking us for help i forget to eat i forget to bathe i forget to do things everyone remembers parts of social interactiosn and etiquette and even when i try its unnatural sounding and they clock it anyway my health is going down and i constantnly try to bring it back up but i keep losing weight i keep forgetting what i was just doing i havent gone to college and i havent gotten a job and the people who offer me a job nearby home are gossipy and cause as much trouble as stress as they give to others confusing people why am i stuck with a brain like this why

I see all the photos my friends sent and posted and all im left feeling is empty. They all look like theyve had a great summer wow. Im wrong for fewling jealous when i dont even ask people to go out but i cant even pretend im having the summer i want because im lay in a bed in pain and no one cares. I couldnt go camping this year because of my dads health, and i feel some sort of upset towards him but that makes me feel even shittier because hes the one thats been in the hospital and i cant blame him for his health aside from the drinking. Ive just been rotting inside, feeling all miserable and sobbing to myself as i scroll on my phone and computer for days on end wow its really a sign to kill myself. I have a week-ish left. This is my last summer where i get to spend it having fun and ive wasted it being miserable and worrying. Maybe if i grip my neck tighter i wont worry so much. Ive been out with a friend ONCE to get krushems and they had none. What sins couldve led 2 this point

cloud storage deleted my files why is it only 11 months-1year grace period i already forget to eat and eat and use the toilet even though I cant afford to get sick, and i cant even use the free functions without screwing me over this would be so easy if we were rich why do I have to have ocd and want to archive and preserve memeories because im so forgetful but cant affort either offline or online backups please why

I can never rruly pretend im happy and have the life i want because something will always remind me or my misery. Somwthing wrong with me, very obviously. But im never gonna get help for it. Not even help to find out whats wrong. Its like a plague has attached to me and now everything i do and think is a curse and i hate myself but i dont and i wanna kill myself but im so afraid of death im sure the thought of it could scare me to death some day It feels a bit stupid and like im faking it and maybe i am i mean ive tried to strangle myself over homework hoping someone would hear me sobbing and out of breath and come ask me whats wrong but obviously thats never happened because i never finish the job, and i know i never will because im a worthless coward who cant even answer my name on a register without trembling and shaking. And this stupid thing doesnt even have long enough for me to rant but im sobbing my heart out infront of everyone and my brother just. Laughed. I should hang.

tomorrow is school im scared so much issues with it that i can't put it into words so i won't r.s

HAHA IM SO COOKEDDDD... another early morning but instead of sleeping I'm listening to the Hamilton, drawing, sweating my ass off, and needing to practice for my audition for BROADWAYYYYY tomorrow! Jk I WISH. It's just some community theater. SOMEONES COMING DOWNSTAIRS I HAVE TO PRETEND I WAS GETTING WATER BYE -Astro

i've had an infected toenail for about 5 days maybe and i can't even do anything about it cos every time i tell my mom something is wrong she just fucking ignores me 😭 it doesn't feel like it's getting better

i hate myself but i dont wanna die. Im always cheerful but i really dont like how i am, how i act. I just wanna cvt all the time but i dont wanna die

I hate myself so much I’m such a weirdo and I deserve to die, I always play weird ass games even tho I’m under age I’m not an adult and I play “corn” games I can’t help it and I tell myself to stop but I can’t I just wanna die

I’m sitting in a good job for my age but it’s not what I want to be doing with my life. I’ve been debating college and pursuing what I actually want to do but I don’t want to lose the opportunity that’s been given to me at my current job and I’m scared that if I do go to college and things don’t work out there I’m not going to be able to come back to my job. I’ve always feared that I’m not smart enough or good enough to go to college so I never cared to apply myself in high school. I’ve talked to some old teachers and whatnot and they’ve told me conflicting things but I’m just at the point of just saying fuck it and go to college.

This was my last resort. You are a SICK SICK SICKKK MAN GO FUCK OFF WITH YOUR BITCH HIME