All Rants

Why do I feel like I can't tell people my feelings anymore.

I feel really sad right now (it's 3am help) but I feel like I can't tell anyone im not feeling okay. I woke up at 1am and I can't go to sleep. I just bawled my eyes out a couple minutes ago.. Idk what to do. I don't wanna cry again but I might. I just might. -LG

I really hope my cat loves me. Hes the only thing that keeps me going. -LG

Why should I even live? My mother always gets mad at me and calls me blind or deaf. I really wish I was, but that would make me feel worthless. Someone got mad at the same way my mom did, it's my best friend. I wouldn't blame them, I never told them about my problems. But, I wish I did. Maybe I would have had someone to care for me. My dad doesn't even bother helping. My mother would always hit and say curse words at me. She told me I ate chicken wrong, and the conversation became to her not wanting to eat with me. She said she was embarrassed to eat with me. I hate chicken with all my heart now. I just want to die. I hate everything. I vented to my other best friend about my family problems, but they just said theirs is bad too. I'm sorry, I don't have a big ego or being arrogant. But personally I think that you shouldn't make it about you when someone rants. I'm sorry. I just want to die so badly because my family won't even care for me anyway. I'm going to km at September 10. Ykyk

to anyone out there: take a deep breath. you're doing so well. take a moment for yourself. i believe in you. love you sm <3

I really want to die. My mother has been saying curse words and hurting me since I was 8 or 9. My dad doesn't even bother to help. I feel like they care about stupid plants more than my mental health. My mom says I look and act like my dad. But everyone I know says me and my mom look alike. I just feel like she hates me and despises me.

i dont know if i'll ever feel better. i thought i was doing well again, but i feel trapped. each time i think ive gotten better, i relapse. i dont know if i can face another school year. i self-harmed last year, and attempted, and i dont know if i'll make it through this next year. i dont know what to do.

I know I’ll probably feel different later. But that’s also kinda it, this rapid back and forth seems to just be worse lately.

Cybersex addiction. I get urge to go online and task to others

AGHHH GOD I AM SO TIRED I HAVE BEEN WORKING NONSTOP AND MY ONLY REST WAS NIGHTTIME AND NOW I HAVE TO DEAL WITH SOMETHING ELSE I HATE THIS SO MUCH GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK. I AM GRATEFUL FOR THE OPPORTUNITY BUT I HATE MYSELF FOR NOT HOLDING OUT REALLY WELL I WISH I COULD HAVE DONE BETTER

"Maybe someday, we can be together. If I make it.." My best friend said that to me before she died in my arms. She jump from her apartment window just as I was getting back. I really miss her, and the blood stains are still on the concrete sidewalk. Now I wish to die the way she did, but I know she'd want me to live. She made me eat more after being underweight after all. I never expected her to be this suicidal. I didnt notice she was ever depressed. I couldnt even attend her funeral since I overdosed. I really loved her, and she loved me too, I guess. Shes the only one I ever did love. With anyone else, it was uncomfortable. But I cant wait for my birthday, and hers. We shared the same one, which was cute. She always said, "The cake is for face slamming into, silly." Whenever I asked her why she got cake. I started liking cake after she fed me a bite, which her favorite was triple chocolate. I just wish she was alive. I wish I knew of her depression. I wish I confessed earlier.

It feels like my physical body doesn’t match the capacity of anything I feel

I hate when people say a skinny person is flaunting their thinness when wearing revealing clothing. What are we meant to do? You think we should cover up? This has got to have been the hottest summer since records began, I'm not covering up. If you want me to eat more, you can pay for my food. And you're gonna have to put up with me farting because food makes me fart A LOT. That's how I ended up getting to my lowest size in adulthood. I was going out a lot and I didn't wanna get gassy and stink out the bar. Now I have fart-filtering pants I can eat a bit more before I go out, but should someone really have to explain why they look the way they do? I'm glad I'm not famous, I wouldn't wanna have to publicly announce that I can't stop farting and I keep getting diarrhoea. Yes I have been to a doctor, yes I have been diagnosed with IBS, yes I am trying to manage it but it's HARD. Anything with wheat or soya in gives me the shits.

I want to come out and be open about who I am but I know I'll get disowned and stuff. It's really sad when I think about it. Sometimes, it makes me think I'll forever be in the closet.

Feel alone, hate everything, why am i even hoping the rest of my life has anything for me?

My friends birthday is coming up and she's having a party at the mall. She invited me and I know she invited a lot of other people I don't know and don't like and that just makes me not want to go anymore. I feel horrible and guilty though because it's her day. I'm not going to not go, but I'm going to leave early. But, I feel like a horrible person because I'm leaving early on her special day. I was also thinking about just making up an excuse to not go but it made me feel guilty. I don't know why I'm feeling like this.

I hate people who pretend to have mental illnesses just to be different. Like no making sure your pens are in order then saying shit like "omgggg I'm soooo OCD I loveee when my things are all straight and perfect" does not mean you have OCD. Try washing your hands every 30 minutes because you feel like you caught life threating virus that's going to kill your family. Or having to rewash your body because it was wrong the first time and you aren't clean because it was "wrong". STOP SUGAR COATING MENTAL ILLNESS IT'S NOT CUTE AND QUIRKY, IT'S OFFENSIVE.

lowkey I feel like I live such a main character but side character life. like everyone has their moments but I strongly feel like I’m both at the same time considering my luck, like wdym I have like 3 friends but I’m experiencing some main character as shit like my crush actually likes me back or ex bsf reaches out first???

Putting cute bandaids on my self harm scars feels like a form of healing. I feel like Im caring for myself in a weird way. Its really nice

Is it a crazy thing to say that I wish I didn't need to exist? I wish I didn't need to eat. I wish I didn't need to bathe. I wish I didn't need love or a bed or clothes or water or anything. Everyone I know, knows that I'm selfless and not in the way to feel better about myself but in the way that I don't think I deserve any good thing that comes my way. I feel like in the eyes of the people I know, I'm just here to help others, like they only see me as someone they can use because they know I will. I don't want to be used for my brain or my strength or my ability to be patient and give back to people. I want to not exist. But I don't want to die. not because I don't want the freedom but because of what it would do to the people I know. I feel I only live for other people and not myself. I feel like I need to be perfect but who am I even perfect for? my partner? my parents? Myself? surely not so why do I need to exist? I don't know if any of that made sense but thanks for reading