All Rants

My girlfriend lost 9,000 dollars paying a lawyer to keep her parents from being deported. Her mom has cancer. She makes around 700$ a month. I’m unable to work and I make 700 a month on disability. Because of American disability laws I’m unable to have more than 30,000 dollars in savings. I don’t know what to do. We will never be able to afford a house. The job market is fucked. It’s all fucked. I have no family or friends to ask for help. Our relationship is getting more and more strained. I want to kill myself. I hate this world. I fucking hate America, I hope this place gets nuked.

Its like im dying. My whole life, my parents. Why do i feel like this? I dont want to feel like this im still young. My whole life my parents are busy working, trying to give me the perfect life. I just miss my parents. Theyre still here, i just grieve the person they used to be. Everyday, i try to search for a version they used to be. Is it too much to ask for? To ask to be loved? I hate this vulnerable feeling. I used to be so much, or atleast thats how i felt. Will there ever come light to whatever im feeling? I dont want to grow up. I want to be heard. I am so sick of letting my emotions eat me up alive

i wish to even connect with someone at the bare minimum. i try to be the best person i can with good grades and respectful manners but nobody cares. All my "friends" have thier own people and I'm the afterthought. Even with my own dad i always have to compensate my time and effort. Sitting alone an hour after school and listening to his long vents about his useless girlfriend. I'm so empty and so desperate that I get mad at myself. Every peak of salvation I tumble down again. I hate my old self for absolutely humiliating me and ruining my social life. My only best friend is suicidal i have no idea what to do i feel useless. All my friendships i treasure feel like they're slipping like sand off my fingertips. And I used to be such a creep. Obsessing over guys that could never love be back at all. I hate being the gay skinny white boy with no accolades. Or no one cares to notice. I am doing my best, getting the highest grades and I'm left to wait for the award of my future.

I hate therapy. Everyone acts like I need it, and then I show up and it goes the exact same way it always does. Same questions, same answers, they tell me I'm probably right or that its perfectly reasonable to feel how I do, no progress is made. I know I'm not nice enough to myself, but I hate all that compassion shit even if it comes from somebody else. It feels so phony and delusional to me. I think its fine directed at other people, I've got plenty of care for people, but compassion directed at me makes me wanna puke. Emotional comfort disgusts me like porn disgusts me. it feels like such an unrealistic delusion people get sucked into. I hate words and concepts and all that when I'm in crisis, is where it comes from. I just want people to sit next to me and be there, genuinely. When you say it'll be okay and tell me stuff I already know it makes me so much more miserable. idk this got off topic but I just wish therapy worked for me.

i miss that girl. my sweet girl. we were friends, im in love with her, she doesnt love me back. she used to flirt with me even though she doesnt like me and it made me think that she might feel the same, so i opened up to her and she said that she doesnt like me back. so we kinda stopped talking for some months and then we decided to be friends again. bad idea. i cant stop thinking about how amazing she is...shes so pretty and talented and her voice is so soft shes sweet and everything...i dont know what to do, i feel so depressed...we talk less now.

I can't forget the silver chain I found in the end of 2023. I made the awful mistake of lending it to my boyfriend at the time(now ex), because he never gave it back, saying that he would "give something in return". He never did. After we broke up(end of December 2023), he pestered me trying to be friends. He was the one who broke up with me, after starting the whole relationship. I didn't want to be friends, I just wanted the chain back. During 2024, I deleted his number and blocked him in all socials. He had contact with my siblings, so if he wanted to give it back or give something else, he could give it to them, and it would get to me. Because I deleted his number and not blocked he messaged me out of the blue, trying a friendship again, I tried giving it a chance but I was fed up with him. Only in 2025, he said that it was stolen back in February of 2024. So he lied about giving it back, or giving something else in exchange. It's 2026 and I don't know if anything he said was true

im 19. i've been with my boyfriend since i was 14 and we plan to break up because we talked about how im trans and he doesn't like that. we don't know when we're breaking up we just act like everything is fine. i smoke every day to numb my mind and im addicted and have been for years now. i have very bad memory loss. that started because of the depression, not the smoking, but it definitely made it worse. i left all my friends and i don't remember what it was like to be with them. i don't remember my childhood, time at school, happiest memories, first times, nothing really unless i have a picture of it. i got kicked out of school and before that i stayed back. i used to be the smartest kid in my grade, then i started to fail the easiest classes. i only went to make friends and smoke. i don't have a job and never had one. im not reliable at all. i steal my family's money for weed. my mom is disabled, grandma is narcissistic, and my father left and went to prison.

I get that I’m just getting a taste of my own medicine but holy fuck it’s just worse knowing it’s coming from a man 40 years older than me. I’m over childish games and just doing exactly the other ways to avoid any sort of conflict. I’m growing and changing and I’m over dealing with someone who’s stuck that way. I hate that I care about him. But I feel like I’m watching him repeat the same pattern that was used on me to someone else and I just feel disgusted. I focused on the good feelings for so long I didn’t realize how much it all actually hurt. I want to scream and cry and hurt myself and hope he realizes the damage he’s done to me.

I fricking hate having divorced parents. I mean it's nice because they get along and all that but the back and forth visits are pissing me off. I mean recently for like almost a year my mom has been in a shelter and my dad has like housing or whatever it is and my step mom Is texting me like "oh I don't want to start anything but I know your dad misses you and would like to see you more since he'll be home". Look it's not my fault he decided to pick a job that he needs to go to school for and the school is like two hours away. And before he even got this he was working in a hospital in town and I saw him every day except for the weekend when I was able to be with my mom. And like idk but I did the math he would see me for 20 days a month and she would only see me 8 days a month. Like wtf are you people on about. In four months I'll be seeing him everyday again but still only seeing my mom for like two days a week and I wish they understood that. But they don't and I just want to cry.

I can’t have a relationship with a woman that still looks dirty right after taking a shower.

Im so confused, I've always had an issue with my memory but can't go to doctors to figure out what's wrong because I have no insurance or money. I even forgot my emotional pain so I forgive easily. I know I'm living day by day but certain things just fade from my memory in a couple hours to days. It's really hard to grow up when I feel like I'm still have the same mind as I've had as a child. Habits are super hard to break because I forgot why I was even trying to break them. I've been emotionally abused my whole life by different people because of this issue. Im depressed to the point of suicide but I don't don't have the build up to that emotion enough to do it. Im stuck living in a weird limbo. I don't know if I feel love , I know I felt it at some point but I can't get it back.

1.30pm 22th of May 2026 Cardross St and Child Care Centre Yeerongpilly Qld 8. To the idiot wearing a green top and cap and driving a black 4 wheel drive ute. I am aren't your mate, you don't pay me to be your mate, you are not crawling hard enough and I don't want to be mates with someone who drives illegally, dangerously and stupidity by driving slow down Cardross St, done a U-turn at speed into the Child Care Centre driveway and drove along the footpath and then drove at speed up Cardross St. (Police haven't been notified as they don't care)

im autistic and there's just so much to process all the time. it feels so unfair sometimes how others can so easily process all the information there is in day to day life. the noise, the visual clutter, the lights, just the constant overwhelm of stimulus and information all day long. every conversation that i have, i have to process it later. my mind is always filtering through all these things like a shitty buggy old computer that can't process any of it very well. and its taking a toll on me. and heating me up and making my fan run on overdrive constantly. like it just takes so much just to get through daily life, let alone any extra stressors or big events. things so small just take up so much of my mental and physical energy every single day and it builds and builds. and builds. and then i burn out or shut down or meltdown. and its so fucking hard.

my roommate is playing really loud music and she hasn't washed a cutting board that's taking up the whole sink and has raw meat on it so i feel contaminated and like i cant use the kitchen. and also i have new neighbors with kids and they're kicking a ball against the side of the house that's next to my bedroom. so everything is just really loud and overstimulating today. and i feel physically like not in my body, or wrong somehow which is making me feel anxious!

im such a fucked up, crazy, perverted, asshole, whore, slut-for-attention-and-validation-from-men, complicated, addict, self-destructive, self-loathing, not-a-feminist woman. I hate myself, and there's something inherently wrong with me that pushes people away.

Ever since I ended up ruining a friendship from my anger and self-destructive mindset, I've been so anxious ruining my other friendships afterwards. Lately, that same feeling has gotten worse as so many things has been bothering me to the point I've hurt myself and other friends. They'd see me get slightly irritated by small things, then sooner or later I begin screaming, crying, hitting myself with objects like books and bags, and drawing imaginary cuts on my arms since I'm too much of a weakling to physically harm my body to that extent. And when they try to find someone to help support me or even notify them about my behaviour, I feel unworthy and frustrated of their helpfulness. It's like my mind doesn't want to get help; my mind keeps regressing back to misery and the constant thoughts that I'll never grow as a person. Perhaps I'm right: I'll never grow. One day, I'll feel that same heartbreak of seeing my friends leave me, and realising the same destruction I've made. I'm sorry.

Deny deny deny till you die. I would never admit that I went in so many romantic dates with her. Or a romantic helicopter ride over the river or buying her that lovely meteorite pendant. Nobody will ever know; not my wife, not her husband, no one ever..

I feel like I burden people. Like if my name pops up on their phone they sigh. Or they see me walk up to them they wish I didn’t see them. What if I’m an annoyance to everyone around me.

Okay, so I’ve had a different nightmare roommate every year of college, and the school has never once done anything to help. I’m really lenient, with my only rule being that I can sleep when I get back after spending anywhere from 8-16 hours straight working on schoolwork. The first one constantly kept me awake and kept dumping how they would off themselves. I reported that as a concern, and the school texted my roommate that I “tattled on them”. The second would stream horror games with no headphones from 7pm till like 4am, even when I asked for quiet. They also started threatening and blackmailing my other roommate and risked us getting kicked out. Now, my current one constantly has friends over and is blasting the tv and phone at max volume 24/7. I tried reporting it again after she started threatening us for “conspiring” against her when we asked she take the conversations to her own room, and the school said to F off. I just need sleep, but apparently thats an impossible ask.

I want to let it out. If there’s something that resides in the empty lifeless eyes of mine, I want to let it out. Flowing into the ocean. The stream fairest it feels like a dream. I mean my situation isn’t bad as other people, after all I have a great family & okay grades, “Stop trying to drop everything you lazy bum!” But I can’t. “You can do better than that, you’re just lazy.” I’m not lazy, am I? Maybe I am, maybe that’s the reason why I’m lonely, no friends. “But you don’t need friends!” Right. But walking into school, looking around surrounded by nobody but longing. Would I ever seize to belong again. “You had friends before… what’s your problem?” I DONT KNOW. I don’t know. I don’t know why I’m dumb, I don’t know why I’m incompetent, pathetic. I don’t know why I cry for the dumbest stuff, for that feeling of warmth that I once had. I could just talk to my old friends, but I refuse to see them. I’m just dramatic for all I know. I just wish I could flow in the ocean like the waves.