All Rants

I feel like I burden people. Like if my name pops up on their phone they sigh. Or they see me walk up to them they wish I didn’t see them. What if I’m an annoyance to everyone around me.

Okay, so I’ve had a different nightmare roommate every year of college, and the school has never once done anything to help. I’m really lenient, with my only rule being that I can sleep when I get back after spending anywhere from 8-16 hours straight working on schoolwork. The first one constantly kept me awake and kept dumping how they would off themselves. I reported that as a concern, and the school texted my roommate that I “tattled on them”. The second would stream horror games with no headphones from 7pm till like 4am, even when I asked for quiet. They also started threatening and blackmailing my other roommate and risked us getting kicked out. Now, my current one constantly has friends over and is blasting the tv and phone at max volume 24/7. I tried reporting it again after she started threatening us for “conspiring” against her when we asked she take the conversations to her own room, and the school said to F off. I just need sleep, but apparently thats an impossible ask.

I want to let it out. If there’s something that resides in the empty lifeless eyes of mine, I want to let it out. Flowing into the ocean. The stream fairest it feels like a dream. I mean my situation isn’t bad as other people, after all I have a great family & okay grades, “Stop trying to drop everything you lazy bum!” But I can’t. “You can do better than that, you’re just lazy.” I’m not lazy, am I? Maybe I am, maybe that’s the reason why I’m lonely, no friends. “But you don’t need friends!” Right. But walking into school, looking around surrounded by nobody but longing. Would I ever seize to belong again. “You had friends before… what’s your problem?” I DONT KNOW. I don’t know. I don’t know why I’m dumb, I don’t know why I’m incompetent, pathetic. I don’t know why I cry for the dumbest stuff, for that feeling of warmth that I once had. I could just talk to my old friends, but I refuse to see them. I’m just dramatic for all I know. I just wish I could flow in the ocean like the waves.

I wish I could leave but I'm so in love with him and my he's the father of my kids who absolutely can't live without him.

I don’t think my mom deserves to be forgiven after everything. When I told her that her husband and my sperm donor groomed me from before hit double digits, she sided with him. I knew she would, which is why I didn’t tell her for so long. The only reason I told her is because I thought it would be the push she needed to divorce her serial cheater husband. Instead she started calling me an instigator and doubled down on him. Only after he started accusing her of cheating on Facebook did she start warming up to the idea of divorce. Not when he groomed me for years, not when he threatened my younger brother with a gun but over some internet shit. I’ve even heard her admit that she believed me all along but no apology for trying to make me pretend he never did. No apology for prioritizing a violent predator over her children. How can I even start to forgive, when she refuses to acknowledge?

I can't live like this anymore ... I'm killing myself slowly

I just want someone to understand !!!

I'm consindering killing myself soon, everything sucks. Life isn't the same and my parents are assholes to me, my mom hates everything i do, i just wanna leave her house, i'm only 14 and i don't know what to do, my friends are assholes too they don't care about me and i just don't fit in anywhere, i feel so ugly and weird, i know i am. I cry so much i'm even crying typing this, my bsf killed herself and i wanna join her, i'm no man i'm just a waste of air, thankfully my dad sends me money everybody to try and help me but my mom hates my dad and is restricing me from seeing him, i hate everyone and everything around me and i don't wanna live anymore. If i kill myself nobody would even care i don't care about highschool anymore, unless i can find a way to get out of my moms house and still live finacially well i'm just useless, i have no talent i just make music.

I think I’m falling for my boss

So basically life’s been so hard on me, and this year has been hell especially during school hours. Whenever it was P.E. Time and the teacher would tell us to pick our partners, I would go to my “friend group” and see if any of my classmates would be partners with me and they would decline, or just already have someone already. There’s this one girl that I used to be friends with, in that “friend group” but not anymore it was because I accidentally hurt her, not physically, but I said some fucked up shit i should’ve have said, and since I felt so guilty I stopped being friends with her. The anxiety I would have was horrible, going to school was fine for the most part, but when it came to P.E. Oh no. It gotten so worse that I would start to almost get panic attacks or have a mental breakdown each day. The main reason why I’ve gotten mental breakdowns was because it felt like if I didn’t have a partner people would look at me differently and just see a loner and pick on me for it.

What to do with my gender identity thoughts? While parents hate it and it has bedn a year now and I havn't brought it up much to them.

my mom is homophobic, I'm crying so much, I don't even know what to say anymore

So here it goes. Ive been sick all week with post nasle drip so my throat hurts and my body aches from falling two days ago. Im in bed just minding my business and my boyfriend says oh my pedo friend is here to fix my bike. Like wth. Why are tou letting your friend come over and not tell me until he was here in my apartment. Honesty im about to just drip him. This was the 7th time hes done this.

Fuck all of this. I'm so tired of smiling when i want to cry, so sick and tired of forcing a laugh. Im nearly a third way through my life and fucking wasted so many years. Fuck all of this. I just want to be happy not pretend to be for other people's sakes because I fucking hate people asking me if I'm okay... Clearly fucking not but there is no point in saying that

i wishmy mom and sister would understand im severely autistic.I try to tell them and they just shut me down andthey dont care im going to kill myself soon so it doesnt even matter lol but ill never make it anywhere in life without support geninuely i cant make friends i cant keep a job i want a diagnosis but i feel like im. Being dramatic yk. if i literally just had one person in my life that cared i would literally be compeltely fine but nobody cares about me no matter how hard i try and im starting to realize that the world needs me to kms. like i have to do it everyone needs me to. i cant pass a single class i cant hold a single conversation i cant do anythign and my mom repeatedly choosing the man that literally stalked her for over 20 years over her own children isnt helpign either . This is so sloppy lmao sorry

So i have this girl and i broke up with her but we still do intimate stuff together, she still has feelings and i don’t but she is really emotionally unstable. She keeps bothering me with sleepivers and all as if we are still together but i don’t like her and all and she is always in a victim role

This is a message to the ones who hurt me: Why? Why the fuck did you start all of this shit just to get a reaction out of me?? I thought you were a genuinely good person, and that you just didn’t understand. You understood and knew exactly what you were doing. You had no fucking right to act like that towards me and I hope you feel shame. You should be ashamed you fucking hypocrite. Everything you did to me was malicious and you have the audacity to say that everything I do is malicious. I trusted you with so much and you spat in my face. I hate you, so much. I hope everyone realises how fucking toxic you are because you are genuinely hurting everyone around you. Fuck you.

I’m so lonely it’s pathetic. I’ve practically stopped going to school and I don’t think my “Friends” seem to care. Really, I don’t even think they are my friends. They cant even tell the truth, yapping session alert, anyways. One of my “friends” had a birthday party planned and invited me but later on the SAME day, they told me that the party was cancelled, of course there’s nothing wrong with that, if they hadn’t lied about the party being cancelled. They didn’t even post any pictures on their main accounts, I found out after stumbling across a photography account and found pictures of them there. It really really made me sad, all of them knew the truth and never told me. Genuinely, will I ever find a true friend

Why does nobody take me serious omfg. I’m literally going to stop eating, is that what it will take for people to care

my stupid dad just doesn’t listen to me and finds the most random crap to blame me for like I had a final today and it wasn’t even an important one but apparently he thinks I should’ve skipped to make it more convenient for his schedule which makes no sense because then I automatically get failed and now he’s just pissed at me