All Rants

I dont wanna die i just want to dissapear

I cried to my best friend about my worry that my parents wouldn’t support my next career choice and that they want me out of the house. He comforted me and told me that I don’t really exactly know if my parents are thinking that way and yeah he’s right, I shouldn’t assume. I spent weeks excited about my new path, researching it, looking for schools, finishing my application. I’m just waiting to go on a tour of the school I chose. I kept my plan hush hush. Until today, My dad was bugging me about some tech program I didn’t want to go into. Frustrated, I told them my dream to go into culinary. Turns out my worries were right. They don’t support it. Told me it’s difficult and I won’t make it. There wasn’t even an ounce of positivity. All I got was judgement and other options to choose from. I don’t know what to do.. I hate it here at home but I can’t leave.

I know for a fact I love him more than he will ever love me. I know he is disgusted by my past body count (10) and now that he is busier he will have more time to think about it and he will hate me more. I don’t think I’ll love again after him, I’ve been used and abused far too much and I don’t want to ever let anyone in again after everything I’ve been through. I’ll never be able to play our games again, I’ll never be able to enjoy things the same. It just breaks my heart every time.

I hate the fact that I'm not even good at my hobbies. I see ppl create impressive art and here I struggle everytime. I'm jealous. why am i not good at the only thing I like?

"You're ruining your health." and it's a grandpa who smokes a cigarette everyday. Replying with 🖕🏻 to a silly text with no actual meaning to it (somethng abt hot potatoes and then the word- potata) And when you say you don't like it you get a "You know I'm constantly sending it to ppl so its just muscle memory😂" No its not. its not cool. Another to your pile of rude comments. Saying smth and your cousin doesnt understand so they say things to make you look stupid. ALL THE TIME. Just leave me alone.

I feel numb, like Im taking a backseat to the world around me. I struggle with low self esteem and anxiety. My parents won’t let me get therapy for my obvious problems because therapy nowadays is too “woke” for them. Hell they won’t even let me go to the doctor and get my shots or get a check up. I feel boxed in like I can’t express myself, and I have no one to talk to. I can only meet people that are Christian, conservative, and believe the earth is only 2000 years old. My mom tries her hardest to make me be like “other girls” (if you will). I am in a private Christian school that only goes to school 2 days a week. And nothing outside of that other than youth group where I am just the Werid kid and people only talk to me because they pity me.

I don’t understand why I can’t find love why does no guy think I’m attractive it’s not like I think I’m attractive but I hope someone else does

I can’t stop thinking about the night i cut my wrist and it took two days and my parents found out and it’s been two years but there’s one scar that won’t go away I hate thinking about that memory everyday

My mom threatened to hit my head into a wall I don’t know what to do and she makes me cry almost every day in the summer but I feel bad because she’s my mom and I still love her and I tried to talk to her about how she’s affecting my mental health but she made it seem like I said I hated her

how cooked am I hypothetically let’s say sm1 I know confessed to me and she’s fucking 17 and I’m 14🫩 but she is mentally not as mature as me (SOMEHOW???) and assures its like ok to date and I’m very emotionally attached to her (she knows this btw) and I think she knows I have a hard time saying no to others fearing they’ll leave me so she starts calling me like pet names like “ml” and “love” and all that stuff and wants to text me everyday but it’s like I don’t want to like never talk to her again so I’m like going along with it and I REALLY HATE TS like dude end me already making me want to cut myself again because of this and idk what to do

I HATE MY MOM SO FUCKING MUCH MY DAD DIDNT DO ANYTHING AND STOP ACTING LIKE YOU CONROL MY WHOLE FUCKING LIFE YOUR WHORE YOUR THE REASON I WANT TO DIE AND PROBABLY MY DAD TOO

I can’t deal with having my trauma be weaponzied against me. To be someone’s dog, to be someone’s sex object. To have my body be used against me. To be treated like some walking talking piece of meat. I should have never told them anything, I was weak for letting them get close to me. Everyone I let close betrays me. I just want to realize the pain I want to slash my wrists or do something to make all of this end

My situationship and I like to game together. He gets insanely jealous over everything I do. We're not official, but he gets mad over me hanging out with other friends and people flirting with me. Im not attractive by any means, but I do get people who ask me out and make comments. Recently, while we were gaming someone starts flirting with me. Now, he flirts in chat with other women all the time so I assumed it was fine. Someone messaged me and flirted with me, and so I flirted back (just innocent fluff stuff, them saying I was the best white fox player they've ever seen etc). He got mad and just refused to talk to me and while he says its his own problem with jealousy I dont really believe it, he makes it feel like my fault. And I know the obvious thing is to leave him, but he doesnt really have friends outside of me and he's the only person ive talked to about the abuse I've went through. I want to leave him but I think I'll just come crawling right back. I know this isn't healthy.

My friend has been dead for years now, and the memories of you haunt me, knowing that I can be easily thrown away has left me bitter and infuriated to a point I have to censor myself in case I'm accused of breaking a law... I hate you, so much. I despise every breath you take and nothing eases the pain of being reduced to nothing. No one reply to this, I would have rather properly do this crashout amomg people who care about me but I'm alone and here's the only place I can scream. All I have is left is knowing as long as I live, you haven't killed me off. Fuck you.

I was talking to this guy. He was really sweet and all but like he was struggling with substance abuse. I really tried to encourage him to stop but he kinda brushed me off and said it was no big deal. I eventually told him that we didn't have the same beliefs and that I was really trying to help him but I couldn't because he didn't want help. I really miss him as a person but idk. He added me again. I accepted it but I don't know if it was a good idea?

i’m too sensitive for a boy. today i went out to lunch with my brother and my mom. i always hate going out with them because i know she likes him more than me because he’s a real man. i like pretty things and fashion and drawing. he likes cars and woodworking and engineering. the entire car ride there my mom was praising him. the only thing she had said to me was hi. she was even happier to see him than me. i didn’t eat anything at the restaurant. i didn’t say anything at the restaurant. once we left i broke down in front of my brother. he lead me to the car and told our mom i wasn’t feeling okay. i’m crying alone right now while they’re shopping. i hate myself. i wish i was a real man too.

I'll never be normal. I'll never be free. In the end, I'm just an ignorant sheltered adult who doesn't know what to do and how to live. I can never afford therapy and I don't know how to do adulting especially booking an appointment and asking for help. I grew up emotionally stunted and it ruined me. I'm sure people who dealt with me thinks I'm really stupid and dumb, " how come you don't know this? you're an adult for fuck's sake ", well I'm sorry that I don't know and I wasn't taught any better. I'm sorry to the people who know me and had to deal with how annoying, irritating, slow, and awkward I am. I wish I can just sleep forever.

Praying something whimsical and lesbian happens to me this year. I need girls to kiss <3

I’ve been wearing boxers lately and dear GOD it’s 100x more comfortable than those damned lacy frilly girls underwear. It’s so uncomfortable, like it digs in ur skin I remember it made my thighs super red and itchy and raw because it was digging in my skin. I’m about to buy some more bc it’s insane how I’ve been living in discomfort for most of my life. Why do boys get the comfy ass underwear and I gotta wear that lacy frilly tight shit???

Found out someone I know also has a problem with ai chatbots but they're doing worse than me. Its literally a trigger when somebody mentions Polybuzz or Cai, god its a horror movie. I hate when people undermine my problems, like okay buddy, I attempted suicide when I was six but apparently that's not even bad. Sorry the sound of a door closing and locking makes my heart speed up. Sorry I did it alone.