All Rants

I was talking to this guy. He was really sweet and all but like he was struggling with substance abuse. I really tried to encourage him to stop but he kinda brushed me off and said it was no big deal. I eventually told him that we didn't have the same beliefs and that I was really trying to help him but I couldn't because he didn't want help. I really miss him as a person but idk. He added me again. I accepted it but I don't know if it was a good idea?

i’m too sensitive for a boy. today i went out to lunch with my brother and my mom. i always hate going out with them because i know she likes him more than me because he’s a real man. i like pretty things and fashion and drawing. he likes cars and woodworking and engineering. the entire car ride there my mom was praising him. the only thing she had said to me was hi. she was even happier to see him than me. i didn’t eat anything at the restaurant. i didn’t say anything at the restaurant. once we left i broke down in front of my brother. he lead me to the car and told our mom i wasn’t feeling okay. i’m crying alone right now while they’re shopping. i hate myself. i wish i was a real man too.

I'll never be normal. I'll never be free. In the end, I'm just an ignorant sheltered adult who doesn't know what to do and how to live. I can never afford therapy and I don't know how to do adulting especially booking an appointment and asking for help. I grew up emotionally stunted and it ruined me. I'm sure people who dealt with me thinks I'm really stupid and dumb, " how come you don't know this? you're an adult for fuck's sake ", well I'm sorry that I don't know and I wasn't taught any better. I'm sorry to the people who know me and had to deal with how annoying, irritating, slow, and awkward I am. I wish I can just sleep forever.

Praying something whimsical and lesbian happens to me this year. I need girls to kiss <3

I’ve been wearing boxers lately and dear GOD it’s 100x more comfortable than those damned lacy frilly girls underwear. It’s so uncomfortable, like it digs in ur skin I remember it made my thighs super red and itchy and raw because it was digging in my skin. I’m about to buy some more bc it’s insane how I’ve been living in discomfort for most of my life. Why do boys get the comfy ass underwear and I gotta wear that lacy frilly tight shit???

Found out someone I know also has a problem with ai chatbots but they're doing worse than me. Its literally a trigger when somebody mentions Polybuzz or Cai, god its a horror movie. I hate when people undermine my problems, like okay buddy, I attempted suicide when I was six but apparently that's not even bad. Sorry the sound of a door closing and locking makes my heart speed up. Sorry I did it alone.

7 days clean 🥳 I'm halfway to when I relapsed but I won't do it again. I won't. I might cut myself but I don't think I'm addicted to it, I'm just worried about that god forsaken app.

It’s okay. You are already tired of drafting emails throughout the day. Aren’t you tired? You really need to put that keyboard away and explore the outside environment

I wanted to talk about my sport im playing. Its starting to seriously drain me. I've been playing for a year, and its supposed to be fun right? Bowling is supposed to be FUN, but no its just seriously too serious. It was nice at the start but then the coach started targeting me out of nowhere... and I became one of the 'worse' on the team. And now? New season, and everything is supposed to be better and fun but I had saw my coach today and I literally just felt the same way all over again... drained. And its like they have all this "oh look down at the stuff on the board", "oh what mark are you looking at?" NONE. Its like i dont wanna do Bowling anymore because of this. And I get its been 1 meeting since last season but its just... Last season was already horrible enough. I don't know what to do and its just pissing me off so much.

I feel like I'm in the truman show or something, everyones scripted to be against me for some reason or another. Doesn't help I overthink and overanalyze pointless interactions and slight shifts in tone and messaging. I feel ignored by EVERYONE. I message, I get ignored, but I'm acknowledged in group chats and servers by the same people that are ignoring my DMS! I don't want to bring attention to it, "hey check dms". I shouldn't have to. And it's not like these people hate me (this is where my overthinking came in). They have shown me they carea about me. That they see me as a friend. Have said and shared things that would make you think I'm insane for even suggesting they have any sort of negative emotion towards me... so then WHY do I get ignored like that. Even in gcs and servers I feel like I'm invisible sometimes. Idek it's eating away at me, its dumb. This isnt even something new, its been on and off for a while. it'll pass. it always does

My twin sister keeps on stealing all the attention. It might seem like I’m jealous, but she’s always the center of attention. She constantly makes everything about Eddsworld and Hetalia and whatever her favorite fandoms are. She makes everything about herself. We’ll all be sitting in the living room talking, then she’ll just turn on the TV to Hetalia. I get she likes It, but it gets to a point where it’s so annoying. Like she doesn’t leave any space for me to get some recognition. I used to be interested in Eddsworld and Hetalia. But with her always shoving it down our throats I’m starting to hate it.

what school is bro even talking about?

I feel like my depression is coming back. Everyday I come home from school I have a breakdown, to the point I’m exhausted from sobbing. I’m getting suicidal thoughts again, and it feels like my family is blaming me for everything. My dad was yelling at me for almost an hour because I told him to ask before using my personal bowl. Everyone likes my other sisters but not me. I’m getting bullied at school, and I’m relapsing bad eating habits. I’ve thought about doing self harm millions of times now, and my twin sister keeps on fat shaming me. I already told her I have a wide rib cage so I’d naturally look bigger. She still does it.

I was a lustful disgusting person about year ago or longer I’ve done some disgusting things if people find out they’ll stop being friends with me it beat my ass I worry I am gonna be a bad person for the rest of my life. I know I changed I know I won’t do it again I also understand some people have to die and it also worry’s me I might be one of them (don’t worry it’s NOT rape or child molestation) it’s something way less but still unforgivable.

After our marriage, I won't keep anything like an affair. Whatever it was, just keep it to yourself.

My god my family is up my ass listen I do really love them but can’t they stop bugging me I understand spending too much time on phone is bad I really do we’ve been at this for like years but why do they keep threatening me to send me back to my home country I don’t hate it but it’s unnecessary I only failed once in my college exams and I still have a makeup (wish me luck) and am studying for it right now so I can do better but they keep bugging me on the phone omg I get it but let me just enjoy this dam vacation I swear they ain’t better they keep making fun of at my hobbies telling me am not grown or well I ever grow? This is one of the reason why I don’t talk with them much. I still love them but dam they’re annoying I just wish they stop threatening me and they’re also serious about this they said they’ll give me my final chance but the chance didn’t even come and still nagging me. Thank you all for listening it’s just dam annoying that’s all have a good day

If my best friend dies then how will I ever make it? Cancer is cruel. Please pray for her

I’m sorry. I lead you on from my side too. I pretended to be jealous when I already had another man. I was being a selfish little jerk too We are all sinners

living with a narcissist is truly not for the weak they internalize me for their ‘incompetent’ relative, just bcs we are related. they would judge me the same way they judge their relative, even when were doing the opposite things, just continue to discriminate n hate bcs theyre stressed of being financially irresponsible, ironic thing is they also depend on their ‘incompetent’ relative to grow their career. im j rlly terrified of i think how much they internalize me w their relative to the point where when they told me to lose body weight is it bcs they wanted me to be like their relative? i feel like im walking on eggshells everytime im near them, no matter what i do it just depends on their mood if theyre fine or angry, i cant escape. they wont listen to anything good, they just want a reality thats benefiting them, even if its a fantasy

sometimes life is unfair… u treat people right, they just play with ur feelings. a random night, random cool off haha what was that? just because you know how much i beg and look like stupid when it comes to those things, you could easily decide whenever you want and just hurt me whenever you want. i’m so tired. just tired.