All Rants

i couldnt go to my country’s ne show (national day rehearsal)

i dont like my brother. well- maybe thats a lie, but its not cause hes annoying. he emotionally abused me and was mean my whole life. i think he was self conscious about his weight and was starving himself, so he was extra mean, i didnt know that he was starving because i was too young to know. or maybe he was just actually mean- i dont know.

the hooker at the medical clinic and so on. was often rude to me , I think they still chunch their nibbley bottom bits thru satan panties when I just moved on ages ago. Some have attitudes that don't match their money and image. Like you don't look like someone who should have power. You look a bit THICK HEADED for work woman! How did you get that job? You are not good at it ! So I won't complain about you so you are stuck in it longer. HA!

she seems so perfect. like, she likes everything i do. she plays more instruments than i do, has a pretty voice, in a band. shes every aspect of my life but better. and all i could feel was wishing that there was SOME imperfection, something to make me feel better. now i only feel disgusting. im such a puny selfish brat.

I’ve been struggling with suicidal thoughts lately and I feel that even though my friends say their here for me I always feel like that my pleads for help go in one ear and out the other

brochacho i hate my body. like. why am i so phat. i hate having to go out and feel like people will think "oh shes such a chubby kid" or to feel like im limited by my own body. and honestly, it feels like its all my fault. like, danggit i shouldnt have eaten so much sugar. i should have drunk more water. the thing is, i dont wanna. i dont care about my body cuz i dont wanna have to feel so weird in it. i dont wanna treat myself well anymore. i js wanna have a body that people can admire. my legs are thick. my arms are rounded. my stomach sticks out. my back is wide. my face is chubby. and whenever im stressed, i stress-eat. so now everytime i feel stressed, especially stressed about my looks, i dunno whether i should eat or starve cuz now everything seems to clash. going back to my home country, in which i WASNT raised in, it feels weird cuz everyone there is skinny. like brochacho, i know im fat pls dont point it out. okay. ill figure it out one day. i only have a bit more space now.

sonic origins sucks. I bought the game for like $30. No, not on sale. And after installing it for the whole night, I launched the game. Turns out, it's Super Mario All-Stars but WAAAAAY worse. By "remaster" they meant only 16:9. Nothing new. Just a different aspect ratio. The missions? Absolute garbage. They aren't even fun. They are ANNOYING. And the dlc? It stands for despicable life-sucking catastrophy. All you get is an ugly picture and some emulated games on a trash handheld. And now he game is $50. All sega wants is to drain your wallet as much as possible making trash games. Don't buy it, even on a sale. It sucks.

I'm 16 years old. I have a loving family, loving friends, and have made a multitude of wonderful memories within my life, but tonight, I'm tired. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful and at peace with the many things I have in my life. I am grateful. But tonight, I want to cry myself to sleep but I know that will only hurt me more. Right now, I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to. I feel that this is stupid because I know that I would never, and I mean EVER go on a website like this, but tonight, I am feeling lonely and hurt. Every one of my friends and my family members has their somebody, but I'm never that somebody, yk? I have my mom, but she has her mom, I have my friend, but she has her boyfriend and many other people who love and care for her, some of those people, I wish shared that same attention with me. I wish not to sound that like an attention seeker but in all, tonight, I want to be seen. I've been looking after everyone, please, just see me. I've carried this too long.

a few days ago, i told my talking stage that i was uncomfortable with his relationship with his 'girl best friend'. i told him that it was making me upset because they were SO CLOSE and talked to him abt it. he defended himself at first, but then quickly apologized. he then suggested i talk to his girl best friend abt it too, since we've been close friends since we were kids. she was highly offended and hurt, then proceeded to distance herself from him completely. now he's upset that shes being 'dry' with him and partially blames it on me because she was crying and won't talk to her. is this my fault for wanting to clear up and communicate my emotions? because what this is telling me is that i shouldn't open up again since its only going to ruin friendships and relationships.

I will criticize whoever i want, whenever i want. fuck off.

My boyfriend's penis smelled so bad and he kept scratching it, which was bringing out the funk. It fucking REEKED. I told him it smelt bad and he needed to clean up. He says he hasn't showered in a few days and then he copped an attitude with me because he couldn't find a towel. Oh my god, it's not my fault your dick stinks, dude. It's also not my fault you waited literal days ans until 4am to shower. Nasty fucker.

i feel as though im slowly slipping back into the dark place that i tried so hard to get out of.

i think im cursed. or i am the problem. because i have a friend group of 4, and i can admit when im wrong. when someone i care about gets mad at me for saying something insensitive, i can own up and apologize, try to make it right however i can. i know im not perfect, but no one is. so my BEST friend told me she doesnt want to dorm with me, for the sake of her mental health, and because I do "little things that annoy her." So i was hurt. I didnt respond. when a best friend of mine says something that hurts my feelings, whether they meant it or not, I shut down. I didnt want to talk to her. our other friends were backing us too. lets call him tim. Tim backed me, considering i was hurt by what gloria, for instance, said to me about being annoying. mind you, after i put down 150 dollars to dorm with her. amelia, well call her, was backing gloria, through and through, telling me i was blowing it out of proportion. she said since i wont talk to her, gloria doesnt want to be friends anymore.

I'm really confused with my life. am I worth it? or am I worthless? I can't help it but think about it times and times. and lately, I've been bored and not knowing what to do. and I never felt safe with my family, except for my sister and my cousins from my mothers family. I genuinely feel hollow, numb, and emotionless inside. I even do self harm... and lie to my online gc that I moved on from self harm and I'm clean for 6 days. I'm really confused with my life. sometimes I feel no interest in doing anything, and then the other sometimes, I would be caught on doing sum random shit. and overall, I'm still a minor. (below 14) I'm just a loser gen alpha. and when there is this event from scout on school, "perjusa". its, like, we have sleepover in school. and I didn't sleep, AT ALL. I just entertain my friends who are in the same room + who are not asleep yet. but thats when the time I started to not be myself. and the teachers who also stayed in the school scolded EVERY STUDENT there. ihm

Ahhhhh he’s so hot and handsome I wish he’d mow the f out of me

I feel like i’m being controlled. My girlfriend who i love with all my heart honestly gets mad about my interactions with other people. i dont feel like i have much freedom. she doesn’t like it when other talk to me or when i talk to others. she doesn’t necessarily like that i have social media. when i had instagram she said it made her very insecure and that she didn’t like it very much. she made me delete snapchat because only “whores” used it. (not her exsct wording but it is what she said). so i deleted both. i didnt protest i just did it but i didnt want to. she always talks about social like people who had it were shitty and awful people. she doesn’t really let me have friwnds and gets insanely jealous. i feel like i’ve lost all my individuality and freedom. i’m ONLY allowed to have youtube!!! i’ve never done anything to make her THINK i would cheat. honestly it’s suffocating—but i love her to death. she goes through my phone every now and then (which is fine)

i’ve been feeling pretty lonely latley. i’m about to graduate, i haven’t had a decent friend in a while. i know that’s not a huge thing, but i feel like i miss out on so many things. i feel like i miss a lot of opportunities, i don’t have friends really at all. i moved schools and i used to picked on when i first got here, and i’m just like pretty insecure in general?? i don’t know how to explain it well, but i feel like it has everything to do with my looks, my personality, if i could do or be something else? i don’t know, i would love to have friends to actually experience things. experience my teenage years while i can. i’m okay, i just wish i could find my people??

I'm so incredibly lonely. I'm a seventeen year old girl and have been sheltered by my father for basically all of my teenage years. He cut me off this year after I asked him for freedom to get a job and get my license and strive for more than what he wants me to be. I have only one decent friend and now have a retail job, but I still feel lonely and even more empty-handed now, like I'm just some dumb, socially awkward, anxious, chubby creature taking up space everywhere I go. I desperately want someone who will stay long enough - like my one good friend - to see who I really am once I warm up enough, to see me for my aspirations to be a mother someday and the little hobbies that make me happy. I long for someone to hold hands with, to cuddle with, and someone who will lay beside me at night. I want that so much it hurts. But I feel like no boy could ever find me attractive. I've never had a boyfriend. Never had sex. I rely on grown men online who take advantage of me to fill that void.

I hate myself so much, for how I look, what I wear, what I say, for my laugh, my fears, my insecuritys

everyone js ends up leaving all my friends, my exes, everyone leaves they always leave once they get what they want or get tired of me