All Rants

their expectation is eating me alive. i cant enjoy my life anymore because i am too busy proving to myself and to them that they are right about me. that i am smart, talented, and there's alot of potential within me. but the truth is, i'm just an ordinary teenage girl who wanna enjoy life so bad.

im just so tired of feeling sad all the time

This isn't like a vent or anything but a month or so ago I posted about feeling miserable all the time because of my period and got some replies, I know the chances of anyone that replied to that seeing this is extremely small but I wanted to thank you for all the advice. It helped sooo much

I just threw out the love of my dreams. 3 years of relationship, for me to just end like that haha I'm an absolute idiot. She loved me for who I truly am, however I can never reciprocate the same for her. I've did more bad to her than anything. Yet she loved me. Saw me for who I am, yet she loved me. Who am I to receive that kind of love? I am not worthy of such. I did more bad to her and never gave any sorry, yet this time, this time I can't forgive myself for it. She truly is one of a kind, a beautiful world that gives harvest despite of labor. I don't deserve her, I don't even have the right to say that I love her but my heart aches now that she's gone. Truly I am a horrible person. A horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible performative loser....-

stupid dumb fucking bitch of a man really bitching about not getting to sleep next to my mom as if he doesn't do that everyday 🙄 bro you treat your wife like shit and complain abt her spending time with her child like fucking grow up you fat fucking chud

There is a yearning in my heart that I seek out to satiate. Desperately I want for a life that isn't dreadful to live. I want to wake up in the morning and dread work a little less, even if I hate my job I want to have something in my day to look forward to. I feel like there isn't a single place in the world that can offer that. I want to be loved, but I am afraid that is impossible. Watching people's reaction to people like me reminds me that there aren't that many people in the world who would be open minded enough to try to understand, much less genuinely love me. I am tired of my identity having a political nuance to it. I don't want life to be as complicated as saying "oh you're asexual. I know everything about you because I'm also queer and I have strong political values." or "oh you're asexual. You're a disgrace for not wanting to fill the world with babies." I am afraid there is nowhere in the world where I will feel like it's ok for me to just exist.

I volunteer in a gallery once a week but it's so incredibly boring and I genuinely hate it. I'm just so depressed and anxious about everything else that I can't enjoy things anymore. I don't want to get experience, I don't want to graduate, I don't want to get a job. I just want to die or be invisible. All I can think about is being alone in my room because I hate the fake, happy person I have to be here. None of my friends want to hear me talk, I have nobody to genuinely talk to about he way I feel. I'm so unbelievably lonely. It's not like I need more friends because even in a crowd of people I feel alone. I just want to be fixed. I have nothing to be sad about. I'm just an ugly depressed chud who has no life and no money. It's humiliating.

My mom and dad found out I relapsed. I consider it old because it was weeks ago, though mom doesn't I guess. I convinced her and him to talk about it later, later is getting soon. My memory is still blurry. Mom is stressed. Dad seems like he feels guilty, I don't know why. I'm so scared. Mom threatened to take away plastic knives and butter knives. That makes sense to use that to prevent it, but if I'm being honest, it doesn't for me. I just need advise right now and I usually get it from my Older sibling but then they would know. I hope today is a therapy day so I can get advise with my therapist. If not maybee we could wait for that day? But is that a stretch?? I don't know. I feel like no matter how ill answer the questions everything will turn out overwhelming. If anyone has any tips to make this less stressful please tell me.

am i a fool for being deceive by prejudice? and am i irrational for picking presence over trust? maybe it was clever to throw the only opportunity where someone who actually see me for who i am, have my half? All because of my arch. Or was i just blinded by my beliefs?

Is it really that hard to be a not so loud, non thumping, non stomping upstairs neighbor? Im so over their noise. All I get from family is I hear them. Do you really? Nah because they wanna do that crap above me. They got to be the most immature bunch of neighbors I've ever seen. How you are to others has a funny way coming back on you. Idgaf your problems how unhappy you may be, you don't have to disturb other people including me and my sleep. I also don't like unless something affects my fam they don't care what I go through seemingly especially with this. I thought the ceiling was gonna cave earlier. Just for them to casually get in their car drive away for thirty minutes and come back. I honestly don't know how their coworkers stand them. They're callous and obnoxious. Especially the fact none of them care about the noise they give above me. Sure in a perfect world talking might be the solution. Unless they go over your head without talking to you trying to get you thrown out 1st.

I feel like I dont have to make things work either. So then I dont ever meet them again after meeting for a first date. Idk it its because I am looking for someone that I think would absolutely work or maybe the things I do worry about or worth thinking about, because an 8 year age gap will never change and that if someone likes going out to every other concert every other weekend I would absolutely not be doing that. I would dread doing that and thats not what I want to do, because when I try to add myself in someones life I think of the things I would have to do that I dont want to do and that doesnt make me want to do any of it. I have already decided how I feel about the situation.

i hate this i don't wanna die but i almost cant take it anymore so many thoughts in my head its heavy as if someone was on my back it gives me such a headache it feels like i could just puke them out to the point i cant stop crying i cant help it

i hate all people, yet i really want someone to be close to me

im getting pissed off each day by this school. im not built for this college. i alrdy hate its site and my batchmates. i need to find some sort of motivation or distraction from these problems. im so stressed and class hasn't even started yet. fuck i might shift courses and schools in the future. fucking fucker.

I feel so sad. I feel like I dont have enough control or comfort in my life. There is parts of my life I wish I could change or hurry up. It makes me so mad when people get in my way, dont help or pretend to be someone to rely on when they really only care about themselves. I dont have the relationships I want in my life. I have been single for so long I dont like having ppl around or they really have to be someone I want around. I am always finding reasons why a relationship wont work. Its not such a bad thing, I try to look into what my future would be like with someone and if its an age thing, job thing, what they do with their extra time or even when they go to bed that I think "oh they stay up till 1am, I wouldnt ever be able to do that on a regular basis, and I wake up at 6:30am so then I would wake them up and that could turn into a fight and then my morning and their morning is ruined and my day is going to be shit b/c that all happened".

ppl make me so anxious im gonna suffer in my job bro i wanna graduate. i just wanna get over this i don't wanna interact with anyone or hang out w em lowk.

YOU GUYS. I just wanted to say, I've always loved reading and watching romance no matter how cringey or cliche it gets. There's a certain charm and joy to it (despite not having experienced it myself.) HOWEVER, I just want to highlight the beauty of friendships as well. I think friendships are so under represented in media in a way that is as layered or understood as romantic relationships. I always feel like friendships are a lost art in stories because they are so easily turned into couples. Relationships with other people in general to me, are really layered and something that can't exactly be described in a few words. Anyway, I feel like I've just wanted to see more friendships in media that aren't so easily dismissed as "oh they actually like each other" or "they're the silly best friends." I get the simplicity in that as well, however it'd be also nice to see a story centered among the bonds a character might have with a friend :) idk yall im js rambling

Ive been nothing but kind to you yet you treat me like shit. I don't know why I'm even friends with you. Your just a fucking hypocrite whose obsessed with humiliating me.

I feel like I don't need help mainly because I'm pretty self aware of how I act isn't normal, but since I'm aware it isn't, I feel like I'm not that mentally bad as other people. I see others do thing they don't want to because they aren't aware it's bad, but I am. So I feel like everything I do, like self harming, is on purpose and not because my health is bad. I don't really know how to explain it but it's like I know what I'm doing and I could stop at anytime, but others feel like they can't like they mentally can't. But I can. My life isn't as bad as others so I really have no reason to do this stuff, so basically in simpler terms, I feel like I'm a larper. I can hurt myself and realize it isn't gonna help but yet I do it just 'cause I don't wanna half ass it. My mind is very weird.

i couldnt go to my country’s ne show (national day rehearsal)