All Rants

People who are friends with people you hate and your ex friends are not really your friends

Ive come to terms with it, someone i thought was a good friend to me, wasn't really good. We kept feeding off each other and gradually become more toxic and begin to assume things of each other. I cant stand my friend anymore but maybe its also the process of aging and being in a different life stage that is affecting it. Suddenly, I dont feel much for it anymore, nor am I hopeful in the continuation of this friendship. If its gone, then I am okay with it. Things have to move on. And I have to move on too.

I wish i didn't have to try so hard, I wish i didnt have to wake up every day having to starve myself to feel like im actually liked. every day i look in the mirror and just think im fucking ugly, fat, gross, undesirable. always trying to compete with other people, wanting strangers to look at me the way they look at others. Its infurating. and i just stay quiet about it cause who gives a fuck? do they wanna hear me tell them im envious of your looks and that i think im ugly all the time? no course not why would they wanna hear such bullshit. i wish i didnt care. i wish i didnt have to try to hard to be happy, to feel like i am desired. Days where i feel like i dont wanna eat cause itll just make me fat, and i try to bring my personality out more but at the end of the day, they're looking at me and i feel thats all that matters anymore, people can be fucking cunts but oh if they look attractive it doesn't matter. Why do i spend all my time trying to impress people when i get nothin

“what do you think you’ll do after you graduate?” i don’t know… i wasn’t supposed to make it this far…

It's so annoying, I have potential but my family is really the problem. I can do better... I'm smart, talented, but why is it like this... why is my life like this... Looking back, I thought life would be easy, especially since I'm smart... but when money is your enemy, you always lose... this life is so fucked up... it's exhausting.

I wish I was never lauded as a witty and imaginative writer as a teenager, it gave me false hopes for adulthood. I wish I spent my time in libraries, reading up on all the classics like Homer, Ovid, Stevenson, Racine, Shakespeare, Swedenborg, Dante, classic philosophy up to Nietzsche, instead of merely expressing my feelings on everything. It's time I can't get back, time I feel controlled by. I wish I just stood and stared at paintings on the wall, just memorized the artist's form and sculptures, the biology of birds and humans. I thought I had to be a degenerate. I was the Chris Chan of my school, lauded for being an untalented clown, for having some Midas poop touch. When I caught up with my ambitions, I was distracted by industry. I wasted time trying to make myself loved, on finding a brotherhood where there were none, just people living and competing by means not of their own. It didn't matter whether I was in a formal corporate position or not, I allowed myself to fear "talent".

My parents, they seem to not support me in volleyball and i felt down because i'm bad at everything.

I feel completly unloved and alone

So this is what at least the 8th straight day I've been woke up by neighbors noise. I shouldn't have to keep going through this. This is what happens when you have a neighborhood karen and mini karen who think they can do anything they want but also not care how they do you as in complain about you to the landlord trying to get you evicted without first talking to you about the problem. Acting like they do no wrong to the landlord having the landlord back them all the while they're putting me through this shit vape puffing hypocritical bitches. These people adults included all act babyish and like children. I really hope they get neighbors like themselves one day. Fam won't validate how I feel because it don't affect them. Why do people have to be so awful anymore? People get tired of other people's bullshit like this. They could keep the noise down if they would. It wasn't like this when we first moved in. Idk wtf their problems are. I don't need this in my life.

IM SO CLOSE TO FUCKING KMS'ING

I dont know how to handle my home situation anymore. it is slowly all becoming too much and has been mounting for years now. All the time its just screaming matches since my earliest childhood memories. I cant remember a time where my siblings and my mother didnt argue. i always have to be the puffer between. its just so hard and it kills me how nobody could just speak like a civiliced human :(

I was called creepy for posting someone else's cosplay (and also posted credits) but I only wanted to compliment their cosplay, they just straight up assumed that I was doing bad things, I know it's not right to post without permission, buts it's also not right to judge without consideration, I also got my real name doxxed by them

the only person that would cry in my funeral is probably my younger cousins. They look up to me. They want to be me, i dont like this i don't like people who barely know me wanting to be me. im tired of my body. i feel like i want to drown, so if people truely knew me they would know not to cry at my funeral,Im at peace, i can rest from this hell hole.

im tired, im so so tired i want to end everything. I want to jump, i want to cut myself until i bleed but im scared . im a coward im stupid im not good at anything. people should stop caring because im already dead inside. when its my funeral people can't cry because i was dead inside a long time ago

i hate being the only child like i am my parents only and last hope if i fail there is no one else i have to Excel in everything i need to get good grades get good remarks from my teachers be the perfect child they want but i cant the pressure is too much i tried to commit twice when i was 9 because of it once i failed in my 3rd language i felt so useless i can't even vent to my friends bc they have bigger problems than me i hate being the kind therapist friend that has answers to their problems i hate that i know that my problems are small but i feel that its big

guys!!! i haven't cut myself in a few weeks!!, this is crazy progress :D (i say as i'm probably going to relapse this week sometime) I'M MAKING PROGRESS GUYS.

im scared of ending it but if a car came over and ran over me rn i lowk wouldnt gaf bc ik im not missing out on much

i feel nothing, just numb. waking up everyday to go to school is like the worst punihsment for me rn, idk what i did but i just wanna feel normal again. my parents dont gaf either, they prolly js think im a "moody teenager" whos lazy, but im genuinely in state of slump where i can't do anything i used to be able to do. i js hope all this high school bs is gnna give me an amazing uni life i can't even see myself graduating. all i want is to be liked

i keep losing my sense of identity. i don't know what to do anymore, nor do i have anything i want to do.

You talk big for a person who can’t even get a girlfriend in real life. All that flex, and yet you rely on e-girls to fill that void because in real life, you can’t get girls. Your social circle is filled with women more than men which makes it obvious you’re a deeply insecure person who can’t handle any guy better than you, and maybe that is the reason why you project your own insecurities onto others, just to feel good for yourself. If you were actually as smart as you pretend to be, you’d spend less time hiding behind online validation, and more time facing reality