All Rants

i hate being the only child like i am my parents only and last hope if i fail there is no one else i have to Excel in everything i need to get good grades get good remarks from my teachers be the perfect child they want but i cant the pressure is too much i tried to commit twice when i was 9 because of it once i failed in my 3rd language i felt so useless i can't even vent to my friends bc they have bigger problems than me i hate being the kind therapist friend that has answers to their problems i hate that i know that my problems are small but i feel that its big

guys!!! i haven't cut myself in a few weeks!!, this is crazy progress :D (i say as i'm probably going to relapse this week sometime) I'M MAKING PROGRESS GUYS.

im scared of ending it but if a car came over and ran over me rn i lowk wouldnt gaf bc ik im not missing out on much

i feel nothing, just numb. waking up everyday to go to school is like the worst punihsment for me rn, idk what i did but i just wanna feel normal again. my parents dont gaf either, they prolly js think im a "moody teenager" whos lazy, but im genuinely in state of slump where i can't do anything i used to be able to do. i js hope all this high school bs is gnna give me an amazing uni life i can't even see myself graduating. all i want is to be liked

i keep losing my sense of identity. i don't know what to do anymore, nor do i have anything i want to do.

You talk big for a person who can’t even get a girlfriend in real life. All that flex, and yet you rely on e-girls to fill that void because in real life, you can’t get girls. Your social circle is filled with women more than men which makes it obvious you’re a deeply insecure person who can’t handle any guy better than you, and maybe that is the reason why you project your own insecurities onto others, just to feel good for yourself. If you were actually as smart as you pretend to be, you’d spend less time hiding behind online validation, and more time facing reality

it’s gen so over. i’ve had a binge eating disorder for the last two years and lately that’s made me start throwing up my food for fresh starts yada yada. it’s gotten so bad like i skipped prom because of my weight and the fact that i pick my skin when stressed so i’ve got bloody wounds and scars all over my chest arms back and quite literallt everywhere else. doesnt help fhat this stupid disorders led me to be so depressed that i barely even brush my teeth or showrr anymore it’s legit so embarrassing especially cause i’ve got braces and have regular dentist appointments. i’ve also had shit school attendance for the past 2 years and so many lates and detentions from showering early in the morning before school after putting it off the night before. I’m having kinda a fresh start this year academically but i picked all sciences and maths to do and everyone’s told me i won’t be able to do those cause they’re super hard but it’s my dream to do something in science.

I want to kill them all I don't want to be here I want to whore myself and feel loved I want to slit my wrists I want money all I want is money I love money and sex and warm interactions I hate people so much I want to stay with my real friends not the fake ones that treat me like shit I want a new family I want money and pills

mixed signals except it's my family about the courses i should / can take . oh my days i don't understand them . one day they're fine with me doing arts , the other they aren't and trying to subtly (sometimes not even subtly) convince me to shift . but then they're like "yan na yan. (nah that's it js take that course) " so like . . . what the hell do i even do . i feel guilty and anxious either way . which one do i sacrifice .

I feel so ugly, everytime I try to connect with a new girl from arround my area or from my highschool, Im immediately ghosted or left on delivered, I feel the necessity to work on my looks but it takes time and just knowing no one really finds me attractive or everyone shrugs me off feels so sad especially at my young age, I wonder if ill ever find the right person or someone who would love me and appreciate me

Guilt so much guilt just for wanting to dress how I want and wanting my hair to be there whats everyones problem Rhey make me change profession They make me change interest Character Yet I never ask anything of them just freedom is it too much? Is it? Why do i owe something that wont gift anyone but myself anything? Why do I owe someone to make me feel like I dont live im my own body? I try J try to dk anything ykk wont but you cant tell me im unreasonable when I get mad because yku comment about every single thing you do why am I here if Im supposed to have my own life buy a fucking robot and program it to be exactly as you want because this isnt a life any more and what do I have freedom for if I can do nothing with it

What's something someone close to you said that you can't stop thinking about? my friend that im in love with told me that i was his “best friend”. we have a lot of people in our friend group so even though we spend a lot of time together i figured he spent more time with other people. im sure he meant well, but he treats me as if im his favorite person but treads no farther than the friendzone. when he says these nice things to me and then gossips to me about the girl hes talking to that he likes, i feel sick to my stomach. i feel as though he cut me in the heart but he cant see the blood pouring out of my chest and spilling out on the floor. he just stands there, smiling, happy to be my friend.

help, what should i go for i js started my freshman year in multimedia arts but im having second thoughts since there are just so many problems i have to consider and im considering a medical course instead. should i go for Physical Therapy (or Pharmacy or RadTech) in the next semester or stay here. I do like MMA but also wouldn't mind if i just shift. i honestly dunno anymore. i don't rlly know

(take care everyone, for those who need hotlines pls check out findahelpline (.com at the end of it). youre important and healing is possible) tbh idk how to even explain how i feel or properly release it? irony since im here, to release something lol. its hard thinking about the past, and holding a grief that isn't really common. my acceptance comes in waves, and yet i worry that ill never escape from this sea (wow poet yan? joke haha) pero ewan ko, mahirap lang eh. of course i should tell ppl how i feel tho and ill talk abt it to a friend later. ppl care btw guys, tell others how you feel and take care

Suddenly I feel like i lost all my emotions, im not even feeling upset even if I lose the people around me, as if its... all deserved.

There have been so many instances where I wanted to end my life right then and there. I feel stressed by everything these days, my dad, my mom, my brother, my teachers and even my friends. I'm getting the birthday blues too. I might sound like an annoying spoiled bitch but my dad said hes not gonna give me any birthday gifts and I feel sad very sad. I MEAN THAT IS MY DAY AND I NEVER ASKED FOR ANYTHING. My brother would always nag my parents to buy him something everyday and I never did that. Even when they said they could buy me new clothes, I never said yes buy me them because I didnt want to be a spoiled fucking bitch and this is what I get?? AND MY MOTHER I GAVE U MY EVERYTHING AND ALL I GET BCK FROM U IS SCOLDINGS AND BEATINGS I FUCKING HATE MY LIFE BC OF U and my friends wow they dont gaf abt me most of them reply to me days later and some ignroe me entirely EVEN MY BSF ISNT READING MY MS THAT I SENT 2 DAYS AGO maybe im js sooo horrible that they all hate mee maybe i should js die

I don’t know who to turn to, I don’t know who to talk to. People say talk to god, give it to god … he doesn’t listen, I feel like I’m losing my mind, I feel like I’m going to snap one day and just do something really stupid that I’ll regret later on. I need help… no therapist, no nothing works

Childhood trauma, past relationship that was abusive (mentally, verbally, physically), feeling like I’m a bad mom, I tend to push everyone who loves me away, trauma with parents , financial problems, always feeling so lost in the world when I have someone who’d put their life on the line for me but I feel like they wouldn’t, slight alcoholism

School makes me feel so stressed sometimes. There are many assignments, projects, exams, and deadlines that I have to deal with. I often feel tired because I have to balance studying with other responsibilities. Sometimes I worry about getting low grades or not meeting my teachers’ expectations. Even when I try my best, school can still feel overwhelming. But I remind myself to keep going, do my best, and believe that all my hard work will be worth it someday.

I thought Ricky Gervais Alley Cats was absolutely brilliant, I was proper belly laughing. But now hearing people all over the socials moan about how crap they think it is, I'm wondering if it was just the weed that was making me laugh. But digging deeper it seems people only don't like it because it's Ricky Gervais. Yes he's said some stuff that I disagree with, but also he's done a lot more good for this world than any rando who just shares political posts online and brings up atrocities from the other side of the world at house parties (there's a time and a place, I know some don't have that privilege but we do so be grateful for that and just let us enjoy the party) And I know he goes on about offending people even when he hasn't, but I get it. I'm guessing he's accidentally offended people and they got nasty about it and now he's so paranoid about doing it again he's just getting extremely defensive. I am the same.