All Rants

In December of 2024, on the 29, my friend killed herself. It would be a lie saying i moved on, because i never did. She was one of the rare people who cared about me and came to my house when i couldn't come to school anymore due to my bullying. Her parents pushed her so hard. I will forever feel guilty never reaching out when I had her number in my contacts. I feel like I failed her even more when somebody got murdered Infront of my house. I'm always scared something might happen at night, and I feel like by letting this poor boy die, I let her die.

Spectrum gig internet is total scam, spectrum is a garbage company, and their services are crappier than a port a potty at a truck stop. They charge for gig speed internet and when you run the speed test come to find its not even running regular speeds. Spectrum total monopolizes this area. Spectrum is absolute dumpster garbage

I hope anyone can see this. I just want somone to notice my problems, its too much for me to keep to myself. I have no motivation anymore, I feel like im throwing my life away. I have alot of friends, yet I sit every night and think about everything. I just wanna reach the point in my life where I got freedom, and when I can work, get money, and do what I like. But im still in school, and it has reached the point where I cant keep up, im exhuasted. I dont know what to do anymore, and school starting in a week doesnt make anything better. It just eat me up instead, as a kid I thought life wasnt that hard, now once im older, I see it isnt like that. I suffer mental health issues now instead, I dont wanan die, I really dont. I wanna live out my life, because I know that I one day will make it. But do I got everything it takes to reach that point? Thats what I think is the problem, I lack everything needed im not smart, im not happy, and everything is just too much. I need motivation. Pls.

brooooooo i PAY her and she doesnt text back i need her shes my therapist wtfff im crashing out this is so unprofessional but shes such a good fit otherwise i cant imagine being w smb else

Something that’s come to me out of my frustration. “ If you claiming you hearing voices & have a “gift” if it’s a “gift” you’d discern whether it’s external or internal whether it’s feelings or what have you. Or it’s going to consume you & make you ruin yourself & relationships with others cause it doesn’t affect me it goes by & I pay it no mind cause what God does is has it as a warning that if it’s false it won’t happen so no need to magnify it if it’s real it will come to light in its own & that’s the safest way. Or you’ll be to blame if it’s all in your head. You won’t know what’s real from reality if you keep honing in on those voices & making them a part of your emotions. ” He didn’t bring me this far to leave me. Ebbs & flows. Victory or defeat. I have a choice. I just will not give up. I’ve come way far from almost a decade ago.

today for the first time I actually felt the loneliest I ever have. I had a camp for a sport and its from 9 am to 4 pm. I knew people there but they all had friends they chose and would choose over me. I normally am a backup friend yea sure but having literally no one is something else. I ate lunch inbetween 2 friend groups (that idk) and i js ate in silence while they were talking about their grad dresses and boyfriends. I felt so out of place. I still have 5 more days and yeah sure its only the first day but this is gonna be so idek how to describe it but the worst.

Does anyone have good ways to distract yourself from sh? I wanna cut but I know I shouldn’t so like are there things that are helpful to do to think about?

School hasn’t even started yet and I’m scared it will be too much. I’m prepared to be burned out. It’s not just the work though, I just switched friend groups to a less toxic one, and I already know I’m going to be so jealous of the old one, because it was the popular one. Don’t get me wrong, I’m so grateful to have the friends I do now, but I am such a jealous person. I care so much about what people think about me, even now, as I’m ranting, I keep wanting to go back to my previous words to add how 6 out of my 8 classes as an 8th grader are high school classes. When I go to high school, It’ll be a high school that my old friend group isn’t going to, just to be away and maybe have a fresh start. I’m counting down the days until then, one year until I’m a little less burnt out from my old friends, and my homework. I’ve just always been counting down and I hate it. Every year I count down until the summer for freedom, but school just comes again. I can’t wait for it to be over. When tho?

The feeling of being a burden….. the feeling of a 9mm being cheaper than having to hear someone act with pitty when I open up the fact I don’t wanna pay to tell anyone my issues because who tf do these people think they are to make me waste money to be so in touch with reality that I know they don’t give a shit I just know it’s to pay their bill and that’s it they have sick loved ones so why would anyone care to hear?!? And don’t get me started on opening up to my family because ima grown ass Hispanic man it’s just gonna be “toughen up you’ll be ok”

Thanks to the person who was able to convince me to live. I really hope you're doing well. You have no idea how much your note affected me positively.

everyone is so good at what they’re doing. every single girl at my school do some type of sport, or they are at least physically active. they’re all so pretty too. and I’m just here looking terrible and being bad at sports. Im just so weak and it makes me want to kill myself even more.

choosing the big city was a mistake.

Like, comment, sub... I'm tired as is, I want friends not content farms. Don't understand? Leave me alone.

I'm so sad, I feel like such a failure, ever since my 2nd year in college has been awful, I've finally made it to the final course and I can't afford to fail again, I've dealt with depressive episodes and anxiety caused by school for SO LONG, I don't know if anyone even cares about what those words mean anymore, the thought of losing all the money effort and time spent on this course on one more failure makes me want to disappear, I don't know how i can keep living after that, my life is at stake here but i can't tell my profs honestly how desperate I am because that's "inappropriate" or "guilt-tripping" I don't know who to take to and I'm just so afraid, if anyone's reading this please pray for me, or send me warm wishes/good luck, anything please for the love of God just give me one more miracle, please let me graduate and let me be free from this place that's brought me so much pain

i should just give up on an art degree and pursue smth in health just so i stop becoming a nuisance to everyone. it seems more convenient if i just do that anyway.

All I wanted was a gold belt! But you're a crazy, insecure, jealous woman, that's why you call it "dancer outfit" and slur my name. It's just a belt, Mom, but you're awful. You also refused to buy me even a single drop of lip gloss, even though I'm turning eighteen. You say I'm a whore if I wear makeup, and you'll tell Dad. Even though Dad doesn't gaf with what I wear, you're insanely jealous because you have daddy issues it's so clear ew. You're not satisfied with just stopping me from wearing a single drop of lip gloss or wearing one thing I like. I asked for just one thing, and I've never asked for anything before, but again you're turning Dad against me. I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU(_K:Dancing is considered bad in my society, that's why she used as an insult. I know this is disgusting.)

i wish i were more extroverted and didn't have social anxiety. im a very anxious person and it's just not enjoyable. i hate this.

I think I'm going to do it finally. I'll end my misery, ill live for a while as long as I can this year, then I'll be free. It's for the best. I can't take the guilt anymore ill be happier, and everyone else too if I were gone, gone into an infinite sleep.

Tbh i have had enough, enough of the fucking mental illness enough of the control over me, enough of the lies, enough of the emotional manipulation or manipulation in general, enough of bullshit of society enough of people enough is enough man. Enough of this distorted world view i was thought by my incel brother and shizophrenic mother, enough truly is enough, i feel bad enough of a victim because i fell for this shit, but yeah what can you do as a kid when there is a immature incel adult in front of you, a guy who never had sex in his entire life who has to take out their misery on you because he is afraid youre gonna get women when you're older, unbelievable man. what a sore sexless loser, i hope he never gets sex in his entire life, but the guy probably went to a hooker to fix his bullshit, the guy believes in the incel phrase: you pay a hooker so she leaves after sex. what an cancerincel and i wish for him to die.

What do I do if I am in school and I feel empty,want to kms and I hate school?