All Rants

Hi. My names- well that defeats the purpose of this! I’m not good at these sort of things, but i’ve been holding this in for a while. I love all of my friends but i feel and know i put way more effort towards everyone than anyone gives back to me. Which is fine, but it still hurts. No one owes me anything. My best friend cut me off a month or two ago. I don’t know why. I always gave everything i could to be a good friend. I don’t think i’m a great person at all. But this time a year ago i was way worse. I’ve changed myself so much so i can be more bearable to others yet i get nothing in return. He would always say negative things about me in front of people who disliked me, and other things. My life just feels like it’s at another low, where people usually leave me. And i have a lot of other things going on, my father just got out of jail, uhhh I’m running out of space so i’ll end it with this. I like my life and the people in it, but sometimes i just wanna die, or leave everyone.

The great equalizer will eventually get him. No bodyguard can’t stop it

Censoring my previous post much?

I think I actually hate both my parents. It’s never really dawned on me but these days it just feels like they shouldn’t of had me to begin with and they were never together or married my dad was barely there and neither was my mom but my mom was my primary guardian if that

Dating apps are an abyss. Hookup apps are a little better because you aren’t getting people that lie just to get what they want but as a women it is exhausting to always have to be on and give them what they want, they can get a quick fix. Send me this do that send me a video like I want to have fun too can we normalize that? Why is it always one sided? I want attention too I want something too and why everyday do u expect something from me like the moment you message im suddenly turned on give me a break get over yourself apparently the idea of u being turned on immediately means that I have to be! Gross I have a life and I’m not a light switch sometime it’s fun though but it gets old fast so very fast. I just want to genuinely feel something I want to believe it when they say I’m pretty but it’s always you’re sexy or you’re hot pick something new. Also why do I have to settle no! From this moment I’m going to work on not caring about their feelings because they don’t care about mine

My ex bff used to be such an amazing person and then she started slowly acting weird. She would just make weird comments about me and others and start lying about stuff. At one point I had a crush on her but it went away. I’m also a girl and I know she is bi but idk. I finally stopped being her friend and then she started telling others about my eating disorder. I just wish she never changed.

I honestly wanna end it. I’m so sick of everyone just disregarding my feelings. I used to be so smart but now I’m just average. I’m not pretty either. Everyone is always one or the other. I’m none. No point of me living if it’s just an endless cycle of humiliation.

Im so burnt out even had to skip school from constantly struggling to get up. Im even getting black under my eyes. Life feels so unhappy and miserable. I stoped doing any hobbies it just to fucking not enjoyable as it used to. Even if I am happy it just flat as paper.

To clarify, all I did was say a bunch of dumb things when I was younger that I'm being punished for now with needless interrogation and scrutiny, but I've found they can't do anything when I just avoid them because it's just another person's word against mine. I have felt guilt and changed my behavior towards others since. No one else cares.

I used to be super depressed last fall. And I mean like extreme ed, weight loss, sleep deprivation, sh, suicidal thoughts. The whole shabang. But this year iv finally pulled myself out of it. But im not the same person. Like sure i still hang out with the same people. But I’m overthinking everything, and im more opinionated. I’m realizing that I’m just not clicking with others and I hate it. I hate that I’ve changed and it feels disgusting because I feel like an imposter. But the truth was people only liked me then because I was so “chill”. But I wasn’t chill, I was so depressed that I just didn’t care, didn’t care what people thought. Didn’t overthink. Gave away so much, food, art, money. Because I thought I’d never need it later. And now I can’t tell if I’m just overthinking everyone’s actions or they genuinely don’t like me now. Maybe I’m taking up too much space. I want to be depressed again honestly cause it was so much easier then this constant anxiety, I wanna rip of my skin.

I've been crying my room non stop, im trying to make it stop but i cant. I just hear my auntie and my uncle and my mom yelling downstairs. Even my brother cant comfort me. its frustrating... and the fact is, i cant even go downstairs because they'll make fun of me, tease me, and etc. and they always bodyshame me.. "Oh you're so fat!" "Get on a diet!" "Stop eating so much!" "Dont let the elephant eat all the food!" and i just start stop eating. i dont eat my favorite snacks anymore, my favorite food, nor my favorite drinks. i just, starve.. and when i dont eat, they force me alot of food even though i cant. i just cant.. as i look out my window, im thinking about life. why is this so hard for me? i cant get through a single think without getting teased or body shamed. they force me things i dont wanna do or eat. and whenever i vent to someone they always end talking about themselves. and it was not about them, it was about MY problems..

Negan rat face uses the fact that I don't have any qualifications and he does to intimidate me. All I have is immersion in art and the existential juices that flow into it, the becoming of an animal and being on a hunt at hand. He puffs his chest out, puffs his pieces of scribbled addresses and brain diet sheets out, and brings me back to the ontology of being some ADHD-ridden pervert who hurt people because I was too stupid to know any better. Yes, I was a piece of shit with my friends. You can't push charges on someone who just turned 18, I didn't know what I was doing. I never laid a finger on anyone, I was just a fucking creep. I thought being promiscuous would be a way out, but that never amounted to anything. If I hurt anyone without being fully aware, then I admit it's my fault. It's so random that he'd just show up and look into that, like he came out in preparation just to hate me- someone who's down anyway, then just kick me in the face and stab me in the guts.

i hate being the youngest of the family. i usually lie about my age in apps, and make sure my parents dont see my apps over 14+ or 17+. cause im not "mature". they make me do everything they say, even is it was harsh. i truly wished they could under stand my feelings, and actually comfort me and give me what I need, not just themselves.

I told the social worker that I'm a writer, writing books. Books of what? I was flabbergasted, I didn't even feel comfortable explaining it to him because he was sat there like a judgemental toad. I couldn't stand him peering across with a smirk like I can't do jack shit, taking pride and laughter at my powerlessness. In that moment, I felt the little fucker was Napoleon. I went to underlying themes, I tried to express the existential atmospheres I was trying to explore- laughter, as though he studied this neurotic behaviour in weaker men before and it was all pretentious. Rat faced bastard, I made a joke that he looked like Negan from the Walking Dead. He smiled, leaned closer and told me that he took out a few walkers in his time. I'm the walker. I'm the lifeless zombie who thinks of themselves as more of a man. I'm not as great as he is, I'm fodder for the system to manage. He can't put me away, he's been digging into my past and is trying to make me look like a pervert.

So I'm a rita arded piece of shit who always needed a "social worker," or "helper" checking in on me and checking out. Recently, I've been assigned this guy who just shows up to take the piss. He pisses me off. A little rat-faced bastard who laughs at everything I say. I've avoided him on several occasions, he told a family member condescendingly that I don't "understand." Understand what, dickhead? I'd be talking, then he'd burst into laughter. He made me feel insecure. I keep philosophy books in every room, most of which I've never read, but I index inspiration 4 writing various songs & poems that I'm insecure of. I'm not talented, I don't have the money to put myself out there- that I know, it's never just "ADHD." He checked through a book, Emil Cioran's Tears and Saints, without me even telling him he's free to fuck around with my things. Fucking asshole laughed again. I felt insecure and self-deprecated, as though he knows more than me. Haven't touched the book since, embarrassed.

They're all liars. Every single one of them. They just lie. lie. lie. I'm so sick of it. They say they're going to change, they say they're going to stay, but they never do. One of them had talked to me, and it hurt really badly. The conversation was about if I think they love me or not and I replied with "Sometimes I think you don't" and she said that she's sorry that she can't make me love her completely. That was the first time she said sorry to me. First ever sorry. Now she's yelling at my mom, the one who couldn't be there for me but wanted to be, the only one who sees through all the toxic bs. I loved her. She doesn't want change, she just likes the idea of saying she wants to change so she'll get my guard down. And it fucking worked. It worked. I hate that it worked. I hate myself so much for that.

I'm no suicidal but this earth is getting harder and harder to experience. You don't have to be a rocket scientist to understand that the level of unhappiness in the world is down to one thing and one thing only. The fucking idiots who run our countries. Our systems are broken. We have no power. Only money and the power from money rules. Oh and stupidity and bigotry and nepotism, hatred and all the other shit we have to suffer from these self-appointed "experts". Trump and Putin are the worst, but they're all bad to the bone. We need real change and we need it now. It doesn't have to be extreme but it needs to happen before the world become something that has moved beyond the need for nuclear war to reset it. Vote against hate.

I don’t what to really say, but I’ve been feeling so miserable I don’t feel like I have anyone to talk to or in general at all, I mean I sit with a group of friends but I don’t fit in I’m quiet and never know what to say it’s like I’m nonverbal even though I can speak I feel so out of life. I feel so lonely I’m not invited anywhere and I get sent snaps and my friends are all hanging out together but I’m never invited and they always tell me “we should hang out more” just stuff like that but I don’t see them ever reaching out not even once, I’ve been going through a lot and my friends dump so much drama on me it makes my MH worse and I feel like I just don’t have what I need I feel like no one would miss me even if I was gone. Sometimes I know they care but I don’t feel like I belong anywhere even with family I feel like I’m just not where I belong and feel like I don’t really want to live I know this is a lot I’m so sorry but I just have a lot on my mind at the moment.

I just don't know how to make life better I feel numb and sh doesn't help anymore

hello i feel like i ve traded my relationship for my carrier and for my own good in a sense . for context i was in a relationship with this girl for 3 years and even though she had a lot of problems , i did too and i loved her , i really did and a part of me still does even after six months . i decided to go into medicine right after highschool and i dont regret the path i ve taken because i love what i am studying and even though it s hard i push through but will all of this love for what i do i cant shake of the feeling that i passed one of the most beautiful human relationships i ve ever encountered and i threw away the only girl that truly loved me for who i am and not for my looks or for my status . she loved me when i had nothing and when i achived everuthing i wanted up to that point and she was there for me when i needed her but at the same time she was agressive manipulative and violent twoards me . i never ever hit her but she did hit me and something in me broke that night .