All Rants

I just don't know how to make life better I feel numb and sh doesn't help anymore

hello i feel like i ve traded my relationship for my carrier and for my own good in a sense . for context i was in a relationship with this girl for 3 years and even though she had a lot of problems , i did too and i loved her , i really did and a part of me still does even after six months . i decided to go into medicine right after highschool and i dont regret the path i ve taken because i love what i am studying and even though it s hard i push through but will all of this love for what i do i cant shake of the feeling that i passed one of the most beautiful human relationships i ve ever encountered and i threw away the only girl that truly loved me for who i am and not for my looks or for my status . she loved me when i had nothing and when i achived everuthing i wanted up to that point and she was there for me when i needed her but at the same time she was agressive manipulative and violent twoards me . i never ever hit her but she did hit me and something in me broke that night .

My grandpa is actually so weird and im about to crash out. First of all, he’s very creepy. He just walks into my room, looks around and coughs and leaves (without closing my door right after). And he also watches those tiktoks around girls. Second of all, he’s actually so gross. He picks his nose, sneezes everywhere, cough everywhere, and showers 2 days a week. Third, he canNOT mind his own business. I have some spare lead in my room, and he thought it was a vape and started yelling at my dad “your son has a vape! He has a vape!” LIKE SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH. (He also acts very childish)

I think I'm starting to hate my partner.

being suicidal with a younger sibling is the worst bc on one hand im so over this but on the other hand im all my brother has so idk what to do anymore

I am so freaking tired of people using me. I did this to myself tho, not in a judgemental woe is me kind of way but previous behaviours made it ok for people to think they can treat me any ole kind of way and it be fine. I was. Brought up that I’m experiencing grief but I don’t feel grief. I feel anger. I feel complete and total frustration. I feel like I’m going to blow. How do I not blow? I’m not that person anymore. I handle myself with far more intention. I ve realized that while I do, I can still use some practice in higher stakes games. I have been doing fin with low hanging fruit but now that more heavy interactions are arising I feel challenged in new ways. Mostly, right now I just want to let it go. No solve it not push it aside adn never examine or feel anything about it every again but just sit it down. Just for now. Just for these 2 days allow it to not matter. to not attempt to improve or anything but to just be.

She's a soulless piece of shit, but she listens to Conan Grey and reads Kafka. She's still a soulless piece of shit, just one who thinks they have flavour when they're just as bland and performative as the rest. I don't know how she could become more real to me, but she's still judging me for wearing my underwear on the outside. She loosens into clothes and sinks below the hanging door.

i really hate my sister. fundamentally just as a human being. i dislike her for no reason i can name, i just dont like her whatsoever. I dont like her personality or the way she carries herself or anything about her. I am one of five children but she is the only one i just cant stand. I generally dont get in trouble with my family but for this they never let it go. I have to love her unconditionally because shes my family. But i just cant. Ive never been a massively defiant person but each time i am told i must like her, i just start to hate her even more. I will never go out of my way to harm or make her day worse or anything, I just dont want to have to talk to her if i dont have to. The other day she was crying to our parents that she's really going to miss me. I told her simply that i dont feel the same way, probably shouldve kept my mouth shut ig because the yelling has not stopped.

How do you grieve for a love that didn't even exist? He was my suitor before, and now we are strangers. I'm the one who says he should stopped courting me anymore after I felt suffocated from his presence alone. He acts like my boyfriend even if he is still courting me. I'm also the one to blame cause I lowered my boundaries and tolerate his actions until I'm spent. He is a good guy, he really is. But I let him go cause he don't know how to love or treat me. He knows how to care and love, I felt it but somehow we're not getting along. We have different priorities, different perspectives, different lives, so I guess that is some of the factors. Fights over fights, misunderstanding here and there. I'm draining, I'm suffocated. He didn't want my lifestyle, he wants me to change it. I'm more outgoing than he is, I'm a party girl sometimes, loves to be out the house. He knows I'm that girl before deciding to court me. I don't want to shrink myself just to fit his "ideal girl". Then we ended

i suddenly started hating birthdays like i used to be soemone who would be excited 6-7 months before my bday but now its like almost 3 hours away and im crying cuz i want to dissapear for just one day that is my birthday. i hate ths sm. have i lost spark or is it about tim i realized i really hate people and being the center of attention. i feel scared and panicked like idk whats happening and why is it happening? i just hope the. day passes on qickly and nobody approaches me. i hate this feeling

Crappy ass neighbors QUIT WAKING ME TF UP. I go through enough daily without needing to deal with this too. Ugh.

Unrelated, why am I seeing stuff about a so called Republican party troll. Most people don't give af about parties at this point. Anybody with any sense would want both parties to work together to stop the corrupt bull crap that's going on. Not sit idly by and say nothing just so they can keep their cushy jobs. If a certain person doesn't care about the average person's financial struggles, all I will say is this it's supposed to be America by the people for the people, not by one person for one person. But that's what it's turned into. That's my 2 cents I hate politics anyway because it only divides people. Together we stand divided we fall is the old saying I think. That's enough on the subject.

Like many of his "apologies", Barney Joyce latest apology to a Journalist is fake just like him and Divided (one) Nation especially caring and just like Media lying claiming the party well wipe out The Liberals and Nationals (not COALition) and become Australian Federal Opposition.

So yeah this makes the second day I was woke up by neighbor noise. Whoever it was made it sound like their feet was gonna come through their floor. I feel like saying a lot of degrading things about them. IT'S THE WEEKEND I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS DISRESPECTFUL mother effers. How would you like your sleep interrupted by rude noise? Huh? Do I have to bounce a ball off my ceiling when I know you're asleep? Clearly none of you all were taught any respect. Your dog has more maturity than you all. It's total b s that I have to put up with this. They haven't liked us ever since we moved in because the one is a karen and the other has a similar attitude. I'VE NOT DONE ANYTHING TO THESE EFFING PEOPLE. these are the type that keep cats during warm parts of the year and toss them out during winter months. Think that just sitting a little food and a Styrofoam water bowl outside will magically make everything alright for them if that helps paint the picture of what they're like.

I don't get why people hate me for no reason, then try to make this big thing about me being the aggressor. I never attacked, nor wanted anything to do with you in the first place. I was only defending myself if you accused me first. I just hate people who manipulate crowds and use crowd action against me, they're as bad as the cancel culture they claim to oppose. Fuck you.

ur just another reason why I fucken hate ppl. Because I could never do what you did, be with someone that you dont even like, to be with someone for the sake of not being alone. No thats not my style I couldnt fathom being with someone just because. I couldnt live with myself, ppl fucken disgust me. How they are so desperate to be loved that they will stoop themsleves down to please others but at what coset, are they true to themselves. Sorry not sorry to the ppl that liked me, I cant have the same energy for you as me and maybe thats a good thing that I dont fake it b/c if I actually did find love I know it would be real..FUCK I could go on about how everyone is so fake when they dont need to be. I get work that you need to be professional but what about your PRIVATE life how are u still so FUCKEN FAKE. I cant stand you how much I wish to have my hands around your FUCKEN NECK HOW MUCH I COULD SHOW YOU HOW REAL THAT IS.

I think I deserve to be hated for how conformist I was in the past. I wish Lenin was here to have me killed. I wish I could be an example to you. Fuck me. Fuck my worthless attempts at fitting in and pleasing people who dismissed me, and only turned against me as pretentious when I took another posture.

I hate parents who deliberately make their children fat, lazily reaching for the pastries and fries instead of helping them to be more active. I resent and could fucking kill my parents for making such a slob of me, but I was kept from being self-aware with my actual weight. I seem to put on and gain weight so easily (on the positive side, this includes the noobie gains you get at the gym).

...I read somewhere that ppl can sense if your mentally abnormal..its the pheromones/hormones of the chemical imbalances that you have. Idk something makes me feel strange around others and ppl can sense it. I have had ppl completely avoid me if I am in the same vicinity as them. I am sure its a lot of other things to do with why ppl dont like me. But I have definitely had, more than once in my lifetime, someone say that something was off with me but they couldnt quite put their finger on it.. I mean not saying its terrible or anything..more like an observation

...to mention..the physical trauma you did to me inside. Im glad your insides cant contain themselves in you. oh and what about those kids of yours? NONE of them have a dad to look out for them, never did, throughtout their whole fucken lives. Guy has full grown ass adult kids that never had a dad there for them. I know you know how much of a SHIT person you are. Thats why ur so fucken bloated with yourself. I wonder if you will be as bloated as you are now alive of yourself as you will be dead with your mortal fucken flesh rotting inside you when you die. I can see you dying excatly how your grandpa died, one morning, getting his coffee suddenly having a heart attack in his kitchen, living alone being found once someone actually gives a fuck to see where the fuck you are that day.. baby aspirin wont help you forever bitch.. I know you take medication now, hmm that nurse of urs that helps u so much that you said you never fucked but ya making shwarma at her house ur such a fuckenwhore