All Rants

i fucking hate how my parents restrict me for showing my emotions and being myself, like yeah I do stuff that i shouldnt do but for fuck sake it was their fault why that happened and they start blabbering about their not pressuring me to study?! like I get pressured every single day by the thought they might not talk to me ever again because I failed one of my grades, like I am seriously trying my best LIKE TRYING TRYING all I CAN DO IS THINK ABOUT "how can I be better in this subject" "how can i study properly" thats all I can think about and at this point my friends are whats keeping me alive everytime I go to school all i can think about is how excited I am to see them and honestly I cant live without god i mean i cant say its his fault but his the one thats guiding my path not me hahahaha i hate my life

I don't think I can any longer feel sympathy or anything of that sorts. when I see people cry and in pain, I no longer feel what I used to. I used to sympathize so heavily, now I couldn't care less, but I act like I do and try to comfort them. I guess you cant do something that nobody has exactly done for you. I've always given but never got something back.

honestly idk anymore. this summer I've been getting better from my depression, as last school year I was severely depressed, and I thought things were getting better. but I guess they weren't lying when they said depression never really goes away. its worse now. I feel like I'm constantly annoying my friends and they don't wanna be friends with me. all my online friends that I genuinely care/cared about either forgot about me, or idk are just ignoring me / being dry. I try to be loving and caring, as much as I can. I don't know what I do wrong. I cant draw, Ive lied all my life about that. the one thing I'm supposed to be good at, I'm not. I'm so done with this, I wanna cry and scream and just.. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I cant socialize anymore, after depression, my communication skills have become shit. I'm so tired of everything, the people I care about are all leaving one by one.. atp Im just gonna fucking distance myself from everyone man. what else is there to do..? -Lottie

this is so unfair I don’t know the last time my family was able to go grocery shopping there’s literally billionaires out there and my mom can barely afford any food or clothes or gas and ofc the people in my life that could help are greedy as fuck I’m tired of living like this I’m so hungry I don’t know the last time I ate a full meal I have snacks here and there my fridge is literally just water and a couple cans of sprite, if I’m lucky I’ll find something like yogurt til I find out it’s fucking expired by 6 months

When I’m watching someone be gaslighted about their emotions and im 6 again standing over my dads bedside praying he dies in his sleep because of how abhorrent he was in gaslighting me

Services I've paid for since starting work are not open to a disabled, and protected individual like myself. I hate this fucking system, I hate unaware, selfish people who lack empathy for others. Disability is the largest growing minority that isn't prejudice. Tomorrow you could need services thousands rely on. Fucking irony that you'll only understand the level of necessity once you need it yourself and at that point no one wants to help you because you couldn't have cared before. Fucking hate it here.

Anyone relate? For me, starting a new school year is tough, especially when you're bad at socializing. Usually, i can't keep a conversation going, so they slowly start losing interest in me. Now, I don't have many friends. I'm scared I'm not going to make any friends this year.

disassociation is stupid. its not you cant focus or choosing not to. its you cant exist right. your stuck somewhere and forced to watch but your sleepy, your eyes are tired, and your moving through everything but its not you its them, and you wonder are you really just a stupid, self aware npc in some gross, tacky, slice-of-life game. i hate it. i wonder if im just a vessel for someone else. -A

my mom is actually crazy omg like she hates my friend which i understand some of the reasoning bc i don’t want to be friends with her either but it’ll stir up sm drama if i do before i graduate but every time me and my mom argue she finds a way to bring my friend up in the conversation like there’s no way we’re in the middle of an argument and she finds a way to blame it on this dumbass 15 year old (mind u im abt to turn 17 so i rlly dgaf abt someone 2 years younger than me), and she’s threatening to go to my school and go up to her face and say sm shit to her and when i tell her she’s just a stupid girl, my mom says she’s not a girl but a monster like even i can’t gaf this much omg

Am I just to much to handle for others?

I can't tell if this girl on my dance class was trying to be rude to me or is just rly nice. I just started taking a dance class at my school and we do this thing where every day a new student leads the dance warmup, and he other day i was leading it. I don't love presenting projects related to creativity or artistry, but I deal with it. Anyways, while I was going up there this girl was like "you got this (my name)" and I smoked awkwardly and started leading the warmup, but it just seemed really odd to me since I don't know this person at all, we have never once spoken to each other and I don't even know their name, tbh I'm not rly sure how they even remembered mine. I tried to just think they were being really nice and supportive but it just felt kind of off for some reason but I don't want to convince myself that this person had bad intentions in any way because I don't want to accidentally be a bitch to some random nice person

a rant abt some struggles i’ve had recently, tw sh and ed school started again for me recently and my ed and sh have been pretty bad. i struggle a lot with sh because of perfectionism and academic pressure with my grades, and im js so tired. in one of my classes i was assigned to sit next to a girl who has sh scars on her arm and whenever i see them or js see her i kinda shut down in class and its rlly hard not to start scratching myself in class to force myself stay present. ive also been struggling a lot with binging and purging this week and i js feel like im spiraling.

I can honestly say music is a healer. I don’t like always relying on it but it helps every time (12 Midnight by Ateez<3)

yes there are more types of Sh hair pulling scratching biting digging and WAY more

I relapsed today. it was my 2 weeks clean. don't be mad

I love my family with every little scrap of myself. My brother fought with my Mom for days on end. It was every day. Day after day. Sometimes I'd be dragged into my mother's anger. Sometimes my mom would talk to me saying to not be like him. The worst parts is when she would be yelling at my brother and once they were done my mother's rage would come back and burn me. I forgot about those year(s) for so long. I don't want to keep remembering them and then forgetting. I want it to be over. -The memories I mean- They would always argue for a long time. It was consistently about school work. My mom would constantly say to my brother that he wouldn't be ready for the real world. After she would say something like that she'd ask me to agree with her. I hated it. I HAD to agree with what she said.

If there was a reset button, I would’ve pressed it years ago. I hate living like this, I hate staying in the same repeated patterns but it’s like my brain won’t shut up. It feels impossible to ever stay happy when you’re overthinking half of the time. My family is hurting, and I feel I can’t even do anything about it. I’m honestly worried what will happen to me if this doesn’t change.

I did better than expected at my audition today. Anyways, I have to leave for a vacation at 8am tomorrow and right now it's 11:07pm so I should probably go to bed. I can't use RantRam until I'm home on Monday the 7th. :( See yall in nine days!

i wish i could die but not in a depressing way. i just want to know if anyone would feel sorry for me if i died or wish i was back. its selfish but id atleast want to know if im missed

How stupid are One Nation supporters, they think the party are concerned about cost of living when Pauline Hanson own actions and words including attending a expensive fashion parade is evidence Pauline and the party don't care about cost of living.