All Rants

There’s a constant feeling I’ve been looking for all my life. My therapist said it’s not possible anymore. I want to feel the unconditional love I never got from my parents. I grew up having to earn love, to prove I was worthy of it. It’s ingrained me. It’s hard for me to ask for help, it sickens me. Because I fear that it would have a condition or added to some imaginary point system to be used in the future. I just want to feel loved or considered without having to ask for it. For someone to willingly care or ask how I am or help just because they want to and not because there’s a condition for it to be returned. I know this doesn’t exist anymore when we’re adults. Because we have to give and take and it’s only fair. But I long to find the kind of relationship where I don’t need to evaluate how much love I should give someone. It feels like a disrespect to myself if I give too much but get little. I would unconditionally love, if it didn’t hurt to feel conditionally loved.

I think I'm hypersexual... I pleasure myself everyday but I never feel real pleasure. I only do it because I get urges, that doesn't mean it feels good. And I think I'm guilty about it (I have alexthymia so I cant tell how I feel) but I don't know for sure. I don't think I'm ace because I like masc body parts but I'm confused. Am I an asexual hypersexual? Am I just hypersexual? Am I just ace?

sabi na talaga, pag delayed na masakit sa puson pag nagkaroon T-T

I have an absolute hatred for my family. I want to move out, I wish my dad had left with the woman he cheated on my mom. I wish my mom had left us when we were little. I wish my little sisters had not been born. Dear god I hate them all, I have to cry about it but I don’t have the privacy to cry anymore, I hold everything in and all I can do is sit.

Why the hell would I want to be a slave to a corporation that would replace me if I died the next day. Fuck that. Fuck the unappreciative millionaires that don't gaf about those who slave for them. Fr one time I was working my ass off with heavy ass parts with 2 lazy ass workers them just jabbering leaving the slack for me. I wanted to kill em they knew the CEO was there came to visit, trying to make me look bad to Force me to work harder to see if id miss their slack to make me look bad. Anyway the CEO was too good to come speak with us or me. The suits just looked from afar and went elsewhere. Such a toxic place. My point is I guess I don't want to be a slave for the rest of my life for somebody who doesn't appreciate me. I've saw a lot of people pass away at one place. All they'd do is plant a tree in their memory. No shutdowns because so and so passed away. Just keep on working like nothing happened Yeah that's how little your existence means to some companies and I hate it.

I hate when family just want to shush you away. They don't understand the amount of bull crap that I've been through since living in the area we live in. They don't comprehend the hell through in one place. And I had a bully there , one of multple during being there, that made my life hell. And they had a buddy that double teamed me. And people wonder why I have anxiety and have difficulty with being in public. People are awful these days. Online videos of unruly customers and other crap prove that. My fam just want to drown everything out of daily life while leaving responsibilities to me. Sure one of them can't hardly get around, which is understandable, but at the same time you hardly get them pried away from stuff to talk to them. Ofc I'm not going to put my life story here as it's just a release valve as the site puts it. Idk I have so much inside people don't have a clue. At the same time other relatives don't speak or rarely. I hate that because people are such snobs wher I live

"Stop dabbling in things you don't understand. You'll never be a true artist with all the talented people laughing at you. All your desires are the symptoms of the culture to worship jackals and jackasses."

I just moved into college for the first time and im wondering if its even good for me... I dont feel like i can last here for 4 years or more, so im trying to look for a career, hopefully stable career that takes just an associates degree... but i also want to be in the medical field to try to help inform my family of what I know to help them too and such. I just dont feel like i can do it and classes havent even started... I want to go home so bad even though its less than 20 minutes... I feel like i just cant do this... so im trying to look for other careers that only requires 2 years of school, weekends off and like a 9-5 job... I feel ridiculous, but i just feel like i cant... another thing is that im in college for completely free, its not community college or anything, its full-on college, so I want to use what I have but not for 4 years if I can help it... and i just want to say this, no reason behind it- i love you.

What does justice look like from your perspective? As a 14-year-old, I wonder: if the law disregards individual circumstances, it creates both those who exploit legal loopholes and those who suffer rigid penalties—proving that "rigid law devoid of mercy is the height of absurdity." Yet, what happens when we *do* consider individual context? Someone deserving of the death penalty might receive a reduced sentence for beating a dog thief to death, while another facing a three-year term might be sentenced to death. *Fiat justitia, ruat caelum* (Let justice be done, though the heavens fall)—is it truly simple to build a virtuous, ideal society?

My boyfriend told me last night that he's seriously considering leaving me following my suicide attempt in March. He's been spending more and more time with one of his employees. She's left the job and is about to go to law school and today they are getting boba and hanging out my the ocean. He's told me she's a lot like me. He's been out all day. He says he wants to fight for our relationship but it feels like he's having an emotional affair already. She's only 19. We've been together for almost seven years. Fuck my entire life. Whenever he comes home I think I'll have a hard time believing he didn't do anything with her.

I failed mechanical engineering and I have to repeat a year. Why am I like this? I work as a bike mechanic now

Marching for the salt soon. See ya!

I think I'm depressed. I'm away from my parents and my friends because I go to university too far, I've failed 3 of my classes, and I'm in my second year. I don't feel any motivation to do anything anymore, and started skipping classes. I feel like shit because my parents are paying for this, and I don't think they're getting anything out of this. I barely sleep anymore, if at all, and that has me skipping meals. I eat breakfast, hopefully, sleep through lunch, and end up having a sandwich for dinner at 10pm, then I spend the whole night shifting until it's morning again and I repeat. I feel miserable, and I've asked for help, but I feel like I get brushed off. My mom doesn't believe in medicine. I ask to see a psychiatrist, and she sends me to someone really nice. She listens to me, but instead of actual psychological assessments, I get snake oil and Bach flowers (same difference), and now I feel like I'm spiraling further without any actual hope of getting real help.

I am going to destroy my fuckass Chromebook because this fuckass school INSISTS that they spy on us with this bullshit "school monitoring software". ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS READ UP ON MY FAVORITE GAME, BUT THIS SPYWARE SAID "nuh uh uh! you are trying to read up on games!" NO SHIT! and sure, it makes sense that they block some games, but when I am trying to do research on this game of mine, IT DOESN'T PICK UP ON THAT AND SAY "oh sure, just don't abuse this site" or something. I am willing to buy this computer off of the school or factory reset it because this is almost at a level at which a FUCKING DICTATOR CENSORS.

I’m so tired of being treated like everything is my fault. I am supposed to be on holiday, but honestly, it doesn’t even feel like a holiday. I’m not free to do what I want, I’m bored, and every day feels exactly the same. Then I get told, “I granted your wishes,” like I am supposed to be completely happy and grateful and not allowed to feel disappointed. I appreciate what my parents do for me. I really do. But that doesn’t mean I have to pretend I am having a great time when I am not. Giving me something I wanted doesn’t automatically make everything perfect. These are supposed to be days I remember and enjoy, but instead I am sitting here wishing they could have been better. I hate feeling like I have no freedom and then being made to feel guilty for being unhappy about it. I just want to enjoy my holidays. I want some freedom. I want to feel like I’m actually living instead of just counting the days until they’re over. And honestly? I’m tired of being made to feel like wanting that

I’m happy to be black but it is truly so depressing to live in a world that is so racist. There is not a day that goes by that I am not reminded of how bad things are. There has not been a day where I haven’t either faced racism or witnessed someone else be mistreated. It makes life feel so meaningless and I know it’s a feeling I’ll never be able to escape. It makes me so sad seeing black kids and other people of color growing up and learning to hate themselves for who they are. I was there once and even though I’m past that it still hurts me that I had to feel that way from such a young age. Nobody deserves to feel that way. Nobody should have to feel ashamed for existing. I know the world has gotten better. I know this feeling could not compare to how people must have felt back in the 1600s, but racism is still here and it makes me feel like I have nothing to live for. I just don’t know how much longer I can take it.

Nerdy Girl I see you nerdy girl All quiet in the corner With your video game dolls Intelligent eyes hiding behind glasses Every now and then I hear A snarky remark, a funny rebuttal Coming out of your shell for an instant Nerdy girl you are more than meets the eye And everyday day on every encounter I discover the contours of your face The shape of your lips Your still shy but sly smile Understanding what he sees on you I see what’s underneath you mask nerdy girl Beauty, passion, courage And my heart wants you close Knowing it will never be true But I rejoice in finding you beautiful A treasure hidden in plain sight And your presence alone It’s enough to fill my soul

What is justice from your perspective?What does justice look like from your perspective? As a 14-year-old, I wonder: if the law disregards individual circumstances, it creates both those who exploit legal loopholes and those who suffer rigid penalties—proving that "rigid law devoid of mercy is the height of absurdity." Yet, what happens when we *do* consider individual context? Someone deserving of the death penalty might receive a reduced sentence for beating a dog thief to death, while another facing a three-year term might be sentenced to death. *Fiat justitia, ruat caelum* (Let justice be done, though the heavens fall)—is it truly simple to build a virtuous, ideal society?

I think my mum likes my brother more, probably because he has health issues, i argue with him once and it turns into a lecture, "he's been through alot "he's younger than you", but shes the one making my life fall apart, i cant even be myself around ANYONE, not even my friends, although i only have two if i didnt have them i would be dead by now

It's another of people giving me bullshit. First the people above making wall hitting ball bouncing noises around 5 am ish. I was near hit 3 times having to do errands for fam. And they thought it was funny because people can't drive worth shit or are maniacs. I hate dealing with the public. Then fam giving me grief about a issue I got no control over. Just stop already I'm physically amd emotionally exhausted. People in my fam don't comprehend how difficult living with anxiety depression is. They think you should just be able to do anything. I don't know anymore. Gimme a break.