All Rants

It's another of people giving me bullshit. First the people above making wall hitting ball bouncing noises around 5 am ish. I was near hit 3 times having to do errands for fam. And they thought it was funny because people can't drive worth shit or are maniacs. I hate dealing with the public. Then fam giving me grief about a issue I got no control over. Just stop already I'm physically amd emotionally exhausted. People in my fam don't comprehend how difficult living with anxiety depression is. They think you should just be able to do anything. I don't know anymore. Gimme a break.

Wish I could have his body pillow :(

Maybe it's not the uncertainty that gives me anxiety. Maybe it's the compulsion, itself, to seek answers that does. Why do I feel the need to be certain of my life's direction, or "figure shit out", in a world of billions of people who don't have shit figured out either? We're all sloppy, stupid, mistake-making humans. The people who pretend otherwise are lying through their teeth. So it's time to embrace it. What's my gender? I dunno. It's all made up anyways, why's it matter? Am I on the right career path? I dunno. Don't care. I want a Bachelor's to hang on my wall, so I'm finishing it. Will that women's night gown look okay on my male frame? I dunno. What's going to be more fun, staring at it and sighing or buying the damn thing and putting it on? Will I regret HRT? I dunno. So? Might do it anyways, if I can convince the creeps at insurance to pay for it. In the wise words of Carl Brutananadilewski: It don't matter. None of this matters.

Wearing Henley’s with no bra and skirt with no panties (Life’s good)

I keep on messing up. It's non stop. I just thought I found someone I love but it turns out I was wrong. The person has told me they still love me but they don't want to keep talking to me because they won't be able to talk to me after we leave the place we are at. I said I understood and I do. But it still hurts. I still see them everyday and I can't talk to them even though I want to. I want to cry about it but I just keep on holding it in. I don't know what to do. I don't think I can trust anyone again. What if I do trust someone else and it happens again? Am I just not meant to have someone? What is my purpose. This happens with everyone I come across. They just get sick of me. It happens with family, friends, strangers, and lovers. EVERY SINGLE TIME... Why can't I just do something right? Why do I have to be like this? Why can't I be normal? Signed- Someone who wants to give up.

can my mom stop coming into my room just complain about stuff i don't give a shit about plz 😭 i don't need to hear you complain about like 10 different people in our family when i'm in the middle of doing something and you know i've been sick for days? i literally don't wanna hear it i don't fucking care. she won't even knock on the door when i'm barely wearing any clothes for gods sake. why does she literally refuse to have a conversation with me if it's anything but her complaining, like genuinely she ignores me all day long unless it's about her. she doesn't even know anything about me

My elder brother is in a long term (25 years+) trauma bond with a self centric ego maniac woman. This is caused a severe strain on interpersonal relationships. He is pathetic and asexual. He is deeply committed to the trauma bond that he fully believes as his sincearity. What to do this case? For most part, I ve tried staying away from this but fate keeps drawing me back to this shit.

I hate why i like girls. maybe if i was in different circumstances it would be different but like im in a christian household, and i love everyone ive met through the faith, but they dont KNOW me. and i love all of them but everyone can be so hateful. and all i want to do is lie with a girl and love a girl and enjoy her presence, but i cant. im yearning for this love, real love, but idk if i can ever have that. and my family has never outright talked about homosexuality but they havent said anything good either. i just want to leave, but i feel guilt for leaving, and i want to have my own career and family, and as soon as i go to college i want to just be myself, but i feel guilt of just not talking to my parents. i know my friends at youth group arent supportive, but my school friends are. and my parents keep me sooo shelter like i cant even watch TV-MA without them. i started sterling point and all i want is a friend group like that, and a summer like that, but i cant have that.

"Now, LORD, take away my life, for it is better for me to die than to live" -Jonah 4:3

i really wish i met her earlier at summer school. i only noticed her during the second week and immediately liked her, but i heard she liked someone else so i backed off. everything changed on graduation night when she came up to me and asked me to sign her shirt. later we talked for around an hour and had breakfast together the next morning. since then weve stayed in touch on snapchat and even played roblox while calling. i hope we become closer one day but i dont want to rush anything. recently ive wondered if i care more about staying in touch than she does. i stopped initiating for a couple days and she didnt reach out. i messaged her today and we had a good conversation, but later my dm stayed delivered for hours while she was active. ik shes busy but it still makes me overthink. i dont want to pressure her, so i think i need to give her space and see if the effort becomes mutual. Is what I’m going through normal in a talking stage?

I'm completely stuck. I can't get worse. The expression on my parents face if they found out I was struggling would be unbearable. Don't think it would even help. I would have to take care of their feelings. They would worry if I stopped getting out of bed, eating, etc. And I cant kill myself either. My dad would try to cheer up others, while breaking on the inside, snapping at every small inconvenience. My mom would slowly wither, crying at night when she thought no one could hear her. My brother would pull into himself, occasionally lash out, all while deeply missing the big sister he worshipped. The rest of my family would hurt in different ways. My friends wouldn't know how to react. My teachers would be set back and shocked. They would all wonder if it was their fault. I can't conflict that upon them, even if I want to die, can I now? That leaves only one option. Slowly getting better. I've fucking tried that already. There's no path for me. I'm just getting really goddamn tired.

I still don’t know what I did that made you stop choosing me.

I want to fucking kill myself every second and I don't know how to explain what I'm going thru I don't like to talk a lot and I don't know what to do

I feel abandoned. I wish I wasnt the one who always reaches out. oh, I also hate getting ghosted. Im so pissed cus wdym Im sending you messages cus Im worried abt u cus u didnt get into college again and ur just ghosting me like that. this is exhibit A. exhibit B is more stupid. Im getting ghosted and I dont even know why, genuinely what did I do this time? we barely knew each other and I didnt expect anythi from u, gave u space bc ur busy with college and when I send u messages u answer for 5 min and then u disappear. man this life sucks. and if this were to happen a year ago, I wouldnt bat an eye bc I was accustomed to silence and loneliness, but now bc I met new people I kind of expect something. I admit it, I am selfish. I am suffering too and I expect to have someone to talk to. in 2 years I havent felt like this and now when I need some consolation yall just disappear on me. damn it, you'll get ghosted. its my fault, I had expectations and thought I would have someone to rely on

[This isn't something serious ] but I need some help from girlies. I'm 17 and I just got my first ever nail polish😭 I thought it would be easy because I used to see girls painting their nails on social media and at school and they looked so pretty, but I've been trying to make my nails look nice for over an hour and it's no use. My mom has never taught me and she doesn't like these things. I just want my nails to look pretty like all the other girls' and i feel so stupid i thought it'll be easier 😭😭So Any advice? (My nails are long and healthy, I just don't know how to paint them :) BTW LOVE YOU GIRLS <3

I ordered checks from Bradford Exchange, the checks were wrong. My middle name was dropped and my husband’s name was completely dropped off. On the mailing label there are instructions on how to report a mistake on your purchase. I called it and told the representative what was wrong and she said they would fix it. They would credit my original payment and recharge me. And she actually tried to change me for her over the phone assistance. What a racket, they make a mistake and try to charge me even more yo fix it. I complained and she waived the extra $7.99 fee. I will never use this company again!

Nothing tears down self confidence more than job searching. I've been looking for a month and with the 50+ applications I filled out I got 6 interviews and no call backs. My stupid previous position fired me for some stupid reason, but I feel it was because I informed them I wanted to file for ADa acommodations. I can't prove anything though. And they're fighting the unemployment. Meanwhile, my bills are piling up, I'm living with my SO in his dad's spare room, borrowing money from family members that I don't know when I'll be able to pay back. All this keeps making me feel like I'm not doing enough, I'm not worth enough. I did everything everyone told me to do. I went to college and got a Bachelor's Degree. Useless! Useless! Useless! One brother is making 90K and he doesn't have a college degree. The other is making over 100K and he went to the military and college. Here I am in the middle with my piece of crap degree and nothing else. FML.

see i had a relationship of 5 years and was falling out of love for that guy and i met a girl from my grade(im bi btw) and i genuinely love her and wasnt sure how to ask her out or if she is bi or not but turns out she fell hard and turned bi for me and we got together and its gonna be 2 months now and i have never been happier cuz she is like my best friend and girlfriend all in one... but every time i genuinely try to have fun my way she just gets annoyed and shuts down and doesnt talk to me and if she is overthinking ahe wont say a word and you have to figure it out.. thats fine by me,cause ill stay by her side and tell her that im there for her and wont leave at all but today when i was in a bad mood and didnt wanna talk... she didnt even try talking it out she just sat next to me and talked to another dude we have a mutual friendship with and like just sorta thought i wanted space when in reality i wanted her to come and comfort me..guess my expectations were far too high

5 DAYS CLEAN. Did anybody see the meteor shower this morning? I did but in my experience it was not that great, over hyped I think but if you liked it then its fine.

tw grooming abuse mentions i feel terrible i was literally like groomed as a kid. and im jsut realizing recently and it hurts so fucking much. i feel like such a disgusting person even though i know it was her. it was all her. i dont want to keep feeling like this. and this is a really random thing to be upset about but my dad is stressing me out with college stuff. some of the things he suggests are late and/or not quite a good idea to reach out to the college and ask if i can jsut skip orientation they said i can do virtual orientation and still attend in person but virtual orientation is on the 18th and this is already the 13th. and my dad was away so i couldnt go to the in person one on june and that complicates things a lot. and now i feel terrible. i can't just tell him he'll probably get upset with me. last time i tried telling him he hit me and started going on about how ungrateful i am for everything he does im so tired im almost 18 and then i'll leave but i gen dont know