All Rants

I have cut my self, burnt my self, bit my self, and nothing has been helping. I think I should just die

I want to be a boy... shes so pretty, i love her, her personality, i just love her, i wish she was lesbian

I dont know whats happening, you know when we were younger and we would make imaginary youtube channels? I did that, ive been doing it for a few months now, but now i feel like i'm a REAL youtuber every outing, every walk, every game i feel like I'm recording, and i imagine fake haters, fans and even my bio and pfp, i dont know whats wrong with me

I just don’t want to live. This world is too exhausting to do anything

Why can't you love me like I love you?

if i am a dog my fur is torn and matted. if i am a dog my heart is dry and lonesome. if i am a dog my sight is lost snd i’ve forgotten all love and affection. if i am a dog i lay on the ground as guests compliment my looks while i huff and puff struggling to breathe. if i am a dog i cant eat until i feel loved so i starve for hours waiting for a greeting. if i am a dog all feeling has drained from my body and i form a canvas for others to project ideas onto me. if i am a dog i suffer as much as i do a human. if i am a dog just know i do feel feelings that you are unaware of. if i am a dog you neglect your actions that affect me because you don’t get why dogs are the way they are. if i am a dog im worth that of a child or object. if i am a dog my loyalty is seen before my heart as people paint me into a symbol. if i am a dog my smell poisons you as you refuse to wash me.

I'm disgusting. I want to be raped and groomed all over again. I hate this life. I hate everyone. I hate myself.

I wish i complained more, i wish i talked back, i wish i broke the rules, i dont want to be the perfect little girl everybody see's me as, because im not, my mum wanted a perfect girl, straight A's, long hair, flowy pink dresses with fairies and unicorns, i just want to be my true self, but i cant

i have nothing more than my arms. i have nothing more than my blades. i use both wisely. i work and make art and my skin is scarred reflecting my brain and it’s shell. theres often too much going on in my mind and what surrounds me. today i feel lesser because i have no way to hurt myself. its as simple as the fact that i feel broken. i feel so unfixable i let myself fall further into the comfort of my bed and yet for a moment ill feel happiest when im helpless, alone and at my lowest.

"I don't think you could handle it!!!" Oh, I can. I've been in a cult buddy. I think I could handle a drug considering what I've been through to get here.

hello. i dont think im okay. im not going to talk about it because i dont want to but i feel like i am detached from who i am as a person. i am not who i wanted to be and who ive decided i was over the last 6 years of my life. im do disappointed and upset but im also numb to life. my sadness hasn’t engulfed me as a person but only my mind. i hate it. excuses come and go into my mind but somewhere in a little corner of my brain i know the truth. i hate it. i want to give up so badly. i want to run away from the life i have planned for myself and instead give myself something else. deep down i know that if i do run away then i will never feel the satisfaction that i crave for fulfillness in life. i dont know what to do. i dont have anyone to talk to. i surprisingly haven’t cried - i think because i was sort of expecting it, but secretly hoping that it wouldn’t happen. i dont know what to fucking do. i feel like im trapped in my brain with no escape. i am distant from my soul. i know it s

I feel more comfortable and safe at school than at home

I love my bffs. I really do. I Have fun hanging out with them and they are funny. But all this sunshine and rainbows only lasts till when we are actually seeing each other for eg in school. The minute it's summer break and we only communicate online,everything takes such a horrific turn. I start getting left on delivered or seen and they don't even notice it. (I'm in trio btw). So they are replying to each other and all but somehow not to me in the very SAME gc FYI. Idk wtf is happening atp but my whole mood depends on this situation rn. I know it'll get better once school starts but they make me feel like shit. So much shit

There’s a constant feeling I’ve been looking for all my life. My therapist said it’s not possible anymore. I want to feel the unconditional love I never got from my parents. I grew up having to earn love, to prove I was worthy of it. It’s ingrained me. It’s hard for me to ask for help, it sickens me. Because I fear that it would have a condition or added to some imaginary point system to be used in the future. I just want to feel loved or considered without having to ask for it. For someone to willingly care or ask how I am or help just because they want to and not because there’s a condition for it to be returned. I know this doesn’t exist anymore when we’re adults. Because we have to give and take and it’s only fair. But I long to find the kind of relationship where I don’t need to evaluate how much love I should give someone. It feels like a disrespect to myself if I give too much but get little. I would unconditionally love, if it didn’t hurt to feel conditionally loved.

I think I'm hypersexual... I pleasure myself everyday but I never feel real pleasure. I only do it because I get urges, that doesn't mean it feels good. And I think I'm guilty about it (I have alexthymia so I cant tell how I feel) but I don't know for sure. I don't think I'm ace because I like masc body parts but I'm confused. Am I an asexual hypersexual? Am I just hypersexual? Am I just ace?

sabi na talaga, pag delayed na masakit sa puson pag nagkaroon T-T

I have an absolute hatred for my family. I want to move out, I wish my dad had left with the woman he cheated on my mom. I wish my mom had left us when we were little. I wish my little sisters had not been born. Dear god I hate them all, I have to cry about it but I don’t have the privacy to cry anymore, I hold everything in and all I can do is sit.

Why the hell would I want to be a slave to a corporation that would replace me if I died the next day. Fuck that. Fuck the unappreciative millionaires that don't gaf about those who slave for them. Fr one time I was working my ass off with heavy ass parts with 2 lazy ass workers them just jabbering leaving the slack for me. I wanted to kill em they knew the CEO was there came to visit, trying to make me look bad to Force me to work harder to see if id miss their slack to make me look bad. Anyway the CEO was too good to come speak with us or me. The suits just looked from afar and went elsewhere. Such a toxic place. My point is I guess I don't want to be a slave for the rest of my life for somebody who doesn't appreciate me. I've saw a lot of people pass away at one place. All they'd do is plant a tree in their memory. No shutdowns because so and so passed away. Just keep on working like nothing happened Yeah that's how little your existence means to some companies and I hate it.

I hate when family just want to shush you away. They don't understand the amount of bull crap that I've been through since living in the area we live in. They don't comprehend the hell through in one place. And I had a bully there , one of multple during being there, that made my life hell. And they had a buddy that double teamed me. And people wonder why I have anxiety and have difficulty with being in public. People are awful these days. Online videos of unruly customers and other crap prove that. My fam just want to drown everything out of daily life while leaving responsibilities to me. Sure one of them can't hardly get around, which is understandable, but at the same time you hardly get them pried away from stuff to talk to them. Ofc I'm not going to put my life story here as it's just a release valve as the site puts it. Idk I have so much inside people don't have a clue. At the same time other relatives don't speak or rarely. I hate that because people are such snobs wher I live

"Stop dabbling in things you don't understand. You'll never be a true artist with all the talented people laughing at you. All your desires are the symptoms of the culture to worship jackals and jackasses."