All Rants

Two days ago my friend got hurt and I was conserned like a normal friend would be. But when I get scared or anxious from a serious situation I always joke around so instead of expressing my consern I joked about it. I said things like 'why did you do that for' , 'you defiently did it on purpose.' I did eventually say that I was sorry that they were hurt and that they feel better but apparently me making those jokes hurt them. So for the rest of the day they ignored me. So the next day I texted them saying hey I think your mad at me but hey i'm sorry for making those jokes its just how my brain processes serious situations. They did respond saying yeah those jokes hurt me, but I would never just block you without letting you explain why you did what you did. They forgave me and I asked if they were feeling better they said yes. So throughout the day I messaged them, but they never responded. And today they still haven't messages me back and i'm worried.

Lately I've been feeling... empty. I don't really feel mad, sad, happy, frustrated, or anything. I feel absolutely nothing. I wake up and I don't wanna leave my bed, I don't wanna study yet I don't wanna have fun or anything. Of course when I spend time with my close ones I usually laugh and have a good time but it is... temporary. 1 Hour max? After this I start to have enough of everyone and just wanna do... nothing. If that wasn't enough lately I've feeling extreme pain in my whole body and it's driving me insane because I can't even sit without sometimes crying in pain. Idk honestly, I just want... everything to end. I don't wanna kms, of course not, I don't have the "balls" to do it but at the same time the though of living my life is just... not as thrilling anymore since I meet "XYZ", who is litellary a person I've wanted to be my whole life. Rich, smart, liked, a lot of friends, girls are after him... What I would give to be in his skin for 1 one day. To feel like feels everyday

People are proving what I thought to be true. Which are adding to my assumptions. Ofc I've given the benefit of the doubt but this is kinda disproving it proving I was right about them being loud on purpose. Neighbors we have most every day like early morning make it sound like it's raining giant sleet pellets on my ceiling. Ok. The last 2 days because I think someone has been there with a baby, no floor roaring, ni thumping. PROVING MY POINT THEY'RE A BUNCH OF PETTY KAREN BITCHES. if they could be this quiet now they could be all the time. My other family is gaslighting me and downplaying what I'm saying. "Why would they do it on purpose"? BECAUSE THEY'RE KAREN'S AND DON'T LIKE US That's why. It's just TOO coincidental. 95 percent believe it's purposeful. I hope I'm wrong but it would appear I'm not.

Mindlessly rambling on about celebrities is so embarrassing. I don't want to hear about your Taylor Swift with a face like a camel. How depressing.

I can't stand people because of how they are. I can't stand the way they think. I am fine when I am in my personal bubble but people just ruin it for me. I am never happy when I am social. I just wish I vented all those times without people commenting. It makes me so mad. Their opinions, perceptions, perspectives and etc; it wasn't relevant to my vent. It was like so far off but I didn't like it anyway. I never asked people to tell me what they fucking thought and yeah i know it's the fucking internet, i just wish people would shut up because I don't like other people. They take away my joy and people don't matter. They aren't important to me. I am more important than they are. People wreck and ruin my life. I know because they send me to dark place. I am just so frustrated. Thanks a lot people. I love myself more than anyone. Call me a fucking narcissist if you will but at least I treat myself better when I am alone. I make life worth living. I make life spectacular.

i hate my mom with a burning passion. she whips me likes a slave, punches me like in the face, physically and emotionally harms me as a way to put me in my place. then she has the fucking nerve to say that i hurt HER! i hope she dies an agonizing death all by herself. hopefully soon. fucking bitch.

I have homicidal thoughts because of men and also because of other people. I wouldn't be saying fucked up things if people left me the fuck alone. I am happier alone. Being social makes me want to murder so badly. I was social and that caused those horrific thoughts. since I have been alone my homicidal thoughts diminished but a few popped up today: It's directed at men because of their sense of entitlement. I am tired of it, and i also, it was bad and horrifying but I wasn't scared. I felt powerful and people would think i am a sociopath and or psychopath but I don't care. I love myself so much. Here it goes: I thought of cutting men dick off, their arms off and head off. I also want their legs cut off. I view men like ants because they have make comments and they want me to be friendly with them. I remember they want me to smile. It kills me. It makes me want to beat them senseless and I hate how they think they can treat me like shit. screw men.

I can't stand men but I can't stand humans in general, because they are mean and nasty to me. They bother me when they are mean and nasty. just leave me the fuck alone ok. I didn't fucking ask to be bothered though and why do you talk to me if your unfriendly? my god wtf is wrong with you! Don't talk to me if your unfriendly, okay? Just fuck off. I don't need anyone and I want to be alone forever. Also, I am not coming out of my room anymore because my family treats me like shit and they have been attacking me. I feel used too. mom complained about me because of how I was acting but I have a sleep disorder. Fuck you and get off my back mom. I hate my mom and I never loved her and she isn't my mom anymore. I draw the line. It's just me myself and I. I love myself so much and I feel bad. I came to the realization that I am being used but it doesn't make a difference unless I avoid them from now on and it's hard to do. I feel unsafe. I am slow at times because of my sleep disorder.

Killing him or dying of heart attack doesn’t come soon enough…

I’m scared. I want to do well, but I don’t think I have it in me. The world feels very big with no supports and I don’t know how to help myself.

I just realized my father nor the father of my kids told me happy Mother’s Day… :0(

there's this person that hates me a lot, but i don't hate them. i don't even know why they hate me. i really want to avoid this person, but i'm officemates with them. they're way better than me, and i seem to look down on myself. i just want to be as great as them, get the same recognition, but i don't want to be greater than them. and if i ever be greater than them, just know that they will always be ready to put me down. they've got more connections than i have and they're appreciated more. guess who will be loved more? of course, them. there's nothing i can do, even though i know they're manipulative, toxic, psychotic, and a maniac.

I’m so sick of my friend. It’s been building up for a long time. I can barely stand her anymore. She’s just so uncommunicative, she won’t tell me when she’s upset, she won’t talk about anything serious with me. I feel like I’m her mother or something, that Im just supposed to know when she’s upset and what’s upset her, because she’s too immature to ever tell me herself. And I feel like she only wants me around when I’m being funny. She doesn’t care about my issues, if they’re difficult for her. If I need a friend, I can never go to her, I am only good to be around when I’m telling jokes. I am beginning to hate her. I can see it in her face, she thinks she’s superior by refusing to engage with anything I say, like talking to a friend about my problems is a moral failing. But I need a friend to listen to me. I need someone I love to hear me. Im looking back, and I actually don’t know if she’s ever been a friend to me. I’m tired of her. I feel bad for saying this, but I hate her.

my mom keeps invalidating my feelings and she's claiming that she isn't. she says that it's not normal to feel sad. she doesn't even like it when i'm happy. then what am i supposed to feel? and i hate it whenever she says that i'm not enough/i should've been thrown somewhere else because she would tell me that i'm already enough and she's glad that she didn't throw me away. i don't know if i should trust her or not.

I feel like people I know, mostly family and significant other are too harsh and judgemental because they can’t let go of mistakes I’ve made. I just want to run away and reinvent myself because I feel like I have no one to talk to.

Half the world erased in doubt adds a whole other layer of bullshit to "I wandered lonely as a cloud."

Gotta love how I'm thought of as shallow for ever wanting anything. I usually abandon it when I'm released from that particular chain anyway. I still have a stockholmian relationship with the big daddy and his specters. I'm sorry I couldn't have been born with infinite wisdom when I was puked out of the womb and into a penal colony upon a penal colony.

I'm never anyone's first choice. I had so many different friends throughout the years but none of them would actually consider me as their best friend as they have someone else who is closer with them. I realised that everyone has their own person and I'm still wondering and hoping that one day I'll find that person.

look that is just crude talking about mans penis size like some trophy, I wonder if I will ever find love. I struggle with anything gential and squirting out a substance literally even milk or bees and most food and I am not into most sex others are . I am so vanilla I don't even have a rating .

a reader of cards on youtube. look stop syncronising your issues and life and talk around my life. go somewhere else. he's your brother and if you want sex with him, and chasing women away go get help.