All Rants

I'm so annoyed. I feel like I am being too protective of my girlfriend about wearing a bikini to a swimming party witb her friends. I am so jealous and worried. I appreciate her updates but I feel like she doesn't like how I am being protective. She also is not returning "I love you"s. A simple heart or reply that she also feels the same. But no. None. It even feels like she is ignoring my ILYs. Fucking annoying me that I feel like I am the one wrong and guilty for being worried about her and being jealous. It's like I feel guilty for being jealous and hurt she isn't responding to my ILYs. I'm annoyed and hurt. I don't know what is the right thing to do. I feel like I am being too much...

There's just so much going on and I don't know how to deal with any of it. I had plans to move to another state with my boyfriend. We had planned it while I was under 18 and I had bought the ticket. Due to the relationship with my mom I waited and then told her four days after my birthday. She went off and I felt like a bad child and decided that instead of living there I would just visit for two months but since then my relationship has been strained. Him and I got into an argument that night. He called me childish and a jerk. Due to past trauma that was very triggering for me and I had a bad reaction to it. Now everytime we text I think about what he said and think that may be he was right and I don't deserve to be in a relationship with him or anyone. I don't know what to do. The day to visit him is getting closer and closer and I just cry every night thinking about the argument and the things he had said to me.

I started with this friend group of 6 in 7th grade but 1 person in the group started becoming toxic and leading into 8th grade they would non stop make fun of me manipulate me bully me. Then I started making more friends but still friends with him and he got the rest of the group except 1 to hate on me and leave me out and call me names kick me from the groups then after that he kept manipulating me and now I told the 1 friend in the group who doesn’t hate on me that I am done that I’m no longer gonna be friends with these people in high school I can’t stand it. But who will I have now. When I drop them I will have only 3 people who actually like hanging out with me and 2 of them are girls there are other guys I can hangout with but I’m not one of there main friends

It’s not fair. She was my sister for 7.5 years and now just because my stepmom and my dad got in a fight we can’t see each other anymore. I’m never going to be able to be the same. I open Roblox and I cry because she lived that game. She played it on my iPad with my headphone on to block out the fighting. I can’t open 2 player games because we played this morning not knowing what was going to happen tonight. I can’t touch a doll, open Disney plus, hear or watch kpdh or titianjc because she lived those movies. She was my life. She was my why. I’m trying to find a new why. 1)mom 2)dad 3) bio sister 4)lyric. 5 ) “if you throw away a test do you get an A?”

I’m always so confused when my parents compare their childhood to mine. Because they had it much worse off than me, they don’t know what I feel, because I’m not them. But if nothing bad’s happened to me, why do I feel so guilty? Why do I feel so greedy? Why do I feel like a leech on my family?

So Im generally a well treated person but I feel like I lack understanding on the world around me and that nobody really gets me. Sometimes i feel like im self sabotaging myself because i dont treat myself with kindness and i end up isolating myself. I also feel too sensitive over everything and my adhd is fucking me over the things Im passionate about. I dont eat enough. Im not motivated enough to do things. I have a porn addiction. When I become self aware, I end up hating the person that I am and refuse to look at my own reflection. I tend to struggle with suicidal thoughts but am too afraid to act it out because then itd be missed potential. Im not in a financially good spot and I have a job but sometimes the first hand embarrassment and misunderstandings of instructions make it hard for me to do things with confidence. Sometimes i wish id disappear and not come back for a while. I detest anyone who has ever wronged me and i hate that i think back on it sometimes.

I think that if one day I didnt wake up . . . I might be missed. That thought scares me more than i ca admit because ive been waiting, waiting to go to sleep and wake up somewhere beyond earth wether that be heaven, hell or nothing. But I know people that love me are scared of that exact situation, my parents would cry, my siblings would hurt and my partner would mourn me. Not even just these key people, i know i would be missed and that makes it all the harder for me to feel this way. I want to go to sleep often–a smooth undisturbed sleep but i dont want to die anymore, i kinda do sure but i;; miss kissing him and holding my sisters close, ill miss my moms hugs and my dads gruff affection. I hate that “healing” wont stop these thoguhts, all therapy and counseling has really done is given me directions how to handle them and ow to cope but theyll never go away and that scares me. I dont want to feel this way forever i feel ike im rotting from the inside out.

My life is hell. In the daytime, I'm Marinette, just a normal girl with a normal life, but there is something that NO ONE knows yet. I'm Ladybug. MIRACULOUS. Let's explore the identities of our superheroes. Rena Rouge : Alya Ceisare Carapace : Nino Viperion: Luka Ryuko: Kagami Vesperia: Zoe Pegasus: Max King Monkey: Kim Pollymouse: Mylene Purple Tigress: Juleka Couffaine Pigella: Rose Couffaint Miss Hound: Sabrina Rooster Boid: Marc Caprikid : Nathaniel Minotaurox: Ivan Bunnyx: Alix Argos: Felix

The only thing I really enjoy is games. I keep losing games constantly. I’ve had potential for huge runs in poker tournaments that get cut short with a terrible card. I play board game tournaments online but no longer make it very far, and my rankings have plummeted. I don’t have anything else I really like to do, so I keep turning back to the same things and just hope that someday I’ll be good at them again, but I’m losing the enjoyment and the happiness when I felt I could compete with the people I play against. It really hurts when the only thing you really have isn’t the same as it was.

The only person whom I care about and rely too the most is moving away from me. I don't think i can love myself after they move away. I don't think i can handle all the stress without them. I don't feel like living anymore. Now i have no friends, no emotions nor a soul. What's even the point in life where i feel like nobody cares? Why do i exist? How do i live? Why can't i die without feeling any pain at all.

People need to remember kids remember everything and teens have bigger emotions my mom was doing smt with me telling me if it hurts we’ll stop and I was repeatedly telling her it hurt and telling her to stop and she was yelling at me and after she was done called me dramatic and I had to hug her and act like everything’s fine and then she wonders why I’m distant also my aunt commented on my eating once I barely had food on my plate to begin with and I threw half of it away and that’s when my eating started escalating teenagers will remember and they have bigger emotions remember that

Yo. Eat me. Eat a bag of dicks. Eat shit.

i dont like being sexually assulted but my body says somthing else like it want more

My little cousin wants to be just like me I don’t want her following in those footsteps I don’t want her to be the girl who self harms who’s suicidal who tries to make herself throw up who feels like a burden asking for help who’s scared of her mom who hides her pain who wants to be normal but can’t be I don’t want her to be like that bc I don’t want her going through that pain (there’s still more I do t want her to be like) so I never show her those parts of myself

i feel like everyone judges me like every time i eat there like your fat your getting chubbier and then im like will it be better if i starve myself then because obviously you have a problem with me eating and then my mom doesn't trust me because i self harm and she put me in the loft area upstairs because i hide things from her and i think im getting better and i realize im just distracted and when im not distracted i self harm or try killing myself and also my mom doesn't really like me right now because i go back and forth in mental hospital every 2 weeks because i have episodes.

“Why do you even like me?” I look at myself and wonder Why do you even like me? The girl who self harms Who barely eats The girl who hides her pain What do you see in that? I don’t get how people genuinely like me Is it my laugh? But I’m annoyed by that My smile? My voice? But I don’t get what you’d see in those Or maybe I’m just too blind To see me in your eyes But I don’t think I’ll ever see your view So, What do you see? Why do you even like me?

I feel like i am a burden on my friends and family. Because no matter how independent i am i still rely on them so much. So when i make a mistake or make someone upset it weighs so heavy on me. I got drunk for the first time last night and got paranoid so i texted my friend. And i feel like i made them worse by doing so. And i never want to drink again because of it. I was so reckless and stupid and i hate that i put my best friend though that shit of my anxieties. It made it all worse for them today and though i apologized i still feel like shit.

“I get it I’ve had an ED bc of anxiety” NO YOU DONT you might’ve had an ED but if I do have one it’s not bc of anxiety it’s about body image also for someone who gets it and has literally had an ED you’re yelling at me to eat a lot and I have to eat till I feel physically sick sometimes that doesn’t sound like u fucking get it

“Why are you even friends with them they’re weird” bitch they’re the only thing keeping me alive rn stfu

Jokes over I want to call my boy best friend but he doesn’t have a phone but he’s like the person who gets me he knows more than anyone else does I just wanna see him he doesn’t even go to my school..