All Rants

what age do ppl become su1c1d@l. i was at 13. anyone else?

TW: SWEARING Ok. I feel like a fucking whore. Yesterday I was a t a party and these 2 dudes were hitting on me all night, and I was playing into it sitting on their laps and shit. I Identify as a FUCKING LESBIAN, but I liked it. And I can't tell if I'm a whore, touch starved, attention seeker, or berrisexual (someone who has a strong preference towards girls/nonbianary ppl) or all of them. I got one of the dudes numbers bc he's like rlly chill but I genuinely can't text him bc I would be so awkward and he's phone is broken wtf do I do???

I don’t want to be a burden but , at summer break school , I don’t have much friends in general but like there’s a group of friends that I sometimes hang around with at lunch break , they call me to get with them, but I have noticed that whenever I come around the air becomes intense, like I’d see them chatting and stuff but when I come they become very silent, like they don’t want me to hear anything, so most of the times the silence gets very awkward and uncomfortable, I think it’s because of me but like they ask me to come around, so whenever it’s silence I either grab a textbook and act like I’m studying so they can chat or I try to make conversation which is hard for me…

Ok so for the past couple years I've identified as lesbian (a non man who likes non men) and yesterday I was at my friend's birthday party and these too guys were hitting on me the whole night (they knew I was a lesbian btw) and I kinda enjoyed it, I've also been thinking im berrisexual for a while now (someone who has a strong preference for girls or nonbianry ppl) but I'm scared to come out Also kinda unrelated I think i might be into this girl we will call k and I've liked k before and we've dated 2 times and im scared to ask her out bc i broke it off both times and I dont want to be a bitch. If anyone could give me advice it would be rlly appreciated ty for reading =]

When I try to put my feelings into words, but mid writing the feelings kinda just go away so I just delete everything and feel like a fool😄

I hate feeling like this but there's some people that just rub you like sand paper. I hate that fam don't want to listen to how I feel because we have the most obnoxious shitty acting neighbors in town. I noticed them gawking inside of our vehicle. It's like this if you've got something to say , SAY IT OR STFU. their the the entitled type that are a bunch of chicken shits yet at the same time are the salty entitled karen let me speak to your manger type. I hate feeling this way I whole heartedly do. They're plain just a bunch of entitled babyfied chicken shit snitching cunts. I'm all for getting along with people and living in peace I truly am. These people breed like roaches and act like fucking obnoxious pigs. They put me through hell with their noise so excuse tf out of me if I'm sick of it dirty fucking cunts. Their company is also too lazy to park in visitor parking. Yet ME AS A TENANT HAS HAD TO PARK THERE BEFORE. MAKE THAT MAKE SENSE. I hope they all get whats coming to them.

Everybody’s leaving, everybody’s dying, I’m scared I’m scared I’m scared

When i was 16-17 yo I wanted to be the best in my class so bad I used to learn everything ahead, I fell into such a deep hole it wasn't even about academics, anymore I stopped eating, I wanted to be the skinniest, my only food was couple cups of 3in1 coffee with milk, i was doing home workouts only cuz i was embarrassed to go to a gym, and i did become the best and also lost a bunch of weight, everyone congratulated me but was it really something I worked for or just tortured myself into

My dog was attcked and hasn't been the same since. Bodywise my dog has healed but mentally their head is fucked. It feels like all our trust and work dissapeared. All bc I wanted them to play with the neighbors dog, I swear I checked the dogs temperment prior to this and yet it happended. My baby needs a muzzle now when their already a "scary" breed and I feel like the worst owner ever. I can't forgive myself for this, I don't think I ever will. At least not until my baby thrives again, but its heading towards putting them down and I'm scared.

What is wrong with my mother? I need an opinion. I already have ideas of my own but I want to either confirm them or hear new ones. If you need details, refer to the other posts on my profile. I'll start with: I personally think she has BPD. 1. Irresponsible with money 2. lies often 3. manipulative 4. mood swings 5. mood swings get worse when she can't have her barbituates for 3 months 6. has attempted to take her life multiple times throughout her life 7. Impulsive in spending and acting 8. Has bouts of extreme rage (typically after she's been caught lying or just doesn't get her way) 9. Gossips about everyone she knows; family, friends, and coworkers 10. Falls in and out of all types of relationships constantly 11. Following that, she usually changes jobs about every year (roughly). I will reference on top of this her older sister was diagnosed with Bipolar Schizophrenia, and it's likely my great grandpa had it as well. I've considered her being bipolar. But I'm uncertain.

I’ll forever feel like a burden no matter the reassurance I am given and I’m 100% sure it makes people miserable making me more of a burden kmskmskms

I hate the advice people give for depression it feels so insulting and makes me feel like there's really no one out there suffering like I am. Bs advice like "talk to a friend" I don't have any "learn a new hobby" I can't cuz I have no motivation "go for a walk" I can't, where I live is too unsafe for women. When I see people say things like, I know how it feels, I just think, no. You have no idea what it's like to really be stuck for years and years, no way out. I know it's not their fault but I resent people with easy lives who still claim they know what depression feels like. I feel like I am another species. Me on my best day is worse than anyone else on their worst. I wish I was never born, because on top of everything else I am religious and convinced I'm destined for hell, so even suicide isn't an option. Bleugh.

I've never been met with such an epiphany. My mother as I knew her, the life she led, and the one she kept my brother and myself in, was essentially all a lie. She almost went to jail, and I'm certain no one else other than my dad and myself know this. She was going to be held in contempt of court, as she wasn't paying back Dad's lawyers fees, or the 40k she owed in misusing child support- she escaped jail by agreeing to let go of child support (and at the time my brother and I had stopped visiting dad) so, he agreed to that and she was essentially let off the hook. For the years past, she's been taking $250-$500 biweekly from her parents, has taken thousands for retaining a lawyer (for what though?)- and even then she does not live well. She is not well off at all and sits in a lot of debt. Her parents tend to pay off her debts too though, so I can't help but wonder what exactly is going on? Where is all this money going? It's not like she doesn't work either she makes 60-65k.

My mother is a therapist and works as a school counselor, but it kills me that she is so altruistic in the light, yet so mean in the background. She's talked terribly about her clients whenever she counseled privately- and in such rich detail I knew their names, and even some of their friends. Moreover, she routinely talks terribly about her own family members, and specifically abuses her two children. Typically its just mentally and verbally- but as time has passed she's become more willing to lay her hands on us now. I've been both so lucky and cursed to have been kicked out. I'm free, but still weighed down with my experiences. It's my poor little brother who has to stay, because he's not an adult- he's barely a teen. What's worse though is that there's no hope he'll ever get a better experience because she won't change. When she's confronted, she reminds people of her job, her titles, and the unsaid of all that is "how could I be bad when I'm a _?". She's just genuinely bad.

I have been feeling really depressed lately and can’t handle it anymore i genuinely dont want to pin this on anyone cuz I’m scared they’ll just laugh i just don’t feel like life is for me anymore and that everyone is out to get me, I often cry and self harm in my room now, ive even had multiple thoughts about suicide and can’t handle life anymore, ive been called fat and ugly countless times to the points where ive stopped eating and have shut myseld away. I’ve also been harrased and now only wear baggy clothes.

I've been needing to vent for a while now, but I've mainly kept my frustrations to myself because I know eventually I have to let what happened go. I also know that what I'm about to describe was two months ago and so traumatic that I think it'll hurt for a long time. I'll start with where I'm at now, and then go back to the root of the problem. Right now, I just moved into an apartment less than a month ago and had to do so because of a dynamic I had with my mother. To put it simply, as I have a character limit- she's had a habit of talking inappropriately about me to my younger brother and can get violent after periods of time. This year, she'd kicked me out twice, this last time I have not come back as I've cut contact. But even with being gone she lies about me OFTEN. And it tears me to shreds because I know she'll never be accountable and there will be plenty of people who will think lies about me are the truth. I've been physically and mentally hurt. I wish she'd stop.

i fucking hate my mom, shes taking away everything. shes taking away the only things that are keeping me alive, i hope she fucking dies.

i turned 21 recently and neither of my parents or any family showed up to the celebration, i didn't even get a call from anyone. i've always called on birthdays, holidays, i visit the family whenever i have a few days off in a row, i do what i can to keep in touch while balancing adult life. not a single call. just a few texts (mostly from siblings) and some advice on what to eat before the party. i'm not a party person, and i didn't even want to go to my own party, but my coworkers/friends planned it and i didn't want to be a buzzkill. idk it just really hurts that my parents are able to plan weekends off months in advance and show up to every single event for my siblings and cousins, but i can't even get a happy birthday phone call for the last legal adult milestone. i didn't want my boss to be the one to buy me my first shot in a club i don't even remember the name of. i wanted to get barbeque and a beer with my parents and laugh at my siblings trying to avoid bbq sauce fingers.

One more rant... while the transgender folks have their battles and people like them, I know they don't get all that they need but from the people I've seen... they have a support network close by. (Yes I get some aren't as lucky according to online chats, but I don't see that in real life encounters) I get I'm just some creepy fuck but can I actually just find a person who can tolerate me? There's people out there who get their support networks and then there's dickheads like me who if I tried being me... All i get is feeling like I'm better off not being born. Jealous? Yeah. Assholish? Yeah... but it's my current life and I'm just told to deal with it. People are ass.

My dad died this year and it wasn’t until today that I realized some of the impact it’s actually having. I’ve been putting distance between myself and the rest of my family, who I’ve always claimed were my number one value, and now I’m finding I’m acting like I don’t even love them anymore… the uninformed might even think I hate them. I don’t know how I feel about them anymore, and I no longer know myself if they are no longer the most important thing to me. I think I hate myself, not them. I’ve never hated myself before. It’s an uncomfortable feeling. Losing my father has broken me. I can’t figure out how to move forward.