All Rants

I don't belive i'm a human. Not because I resonate with another species, or because I wish I was something else. I don't belive i'm worthy of the title of a human being, like i'm a just sick amalgamation of flesh and bone made to pose as a person. People luagh. They love, they have experiences and make mistakes, people are flawed yes, but not too this degree. No human being could make mistakes like it's their only purpose, no person could be so suffocating in their actions it hurts just to be close to them. I feel as if I were to call myself human. I would be doing everyone a disgrace by putting myself on their level. I can feel, I can think, but never to the extent as others. I am less, i'm a tool on legs. A thing meant to serve others to find purpose for myself, becuse if I am not of use to others, I am not valued. And therefore my existences isn't justified. My life is a cruel joke made for people to consume and discard as they please, and that is all I am.

Am I really a jackass for not really caring abt my friend’s mental health problems or shi like that? I, ofc, dont want them to hurt themselves or suffer, but I also can’t really feel sympathy for them. I just feel.. indifferent. I mean, I will always try to help them, but what I actually feel will never be revealed, I hope. I just don’t care. Actually, expecting me to care about ANYTHING is the least thing people should expect from me, but I will do it anyway, just so I don’t look like a bitch. Bruh, writing ts feels so pathetic, I really am just a jackass. Fuck this shit tbh eeuuuuugghhhh

Ever since my youngest sister was born ive felt like im just there and today ive realized it wasn't just a feeling, ive find out a secret my mom kept from me just because she knew my sister would look bad if I found out cuz it was about what she has said about me, when I thought for years it was someone else

i genuinely do not understand how people function in rural areas. i'm 17, finished online school early, and do not have money for college, nor do I want to go. there's no job opportunities, i'm not old enough to work anyways, i don't have a car, and i'm left with fuck all to do except sit in my room and play video games by myself. online friends are hard to make, and when i do make them, i can't hold a conversation, since i've been in homeschooling all my life, and have no contact with anyone except my grandmother. it's so much of a problem that i, multiple times, have been forced out of online spaces for being annoying. which, i cannot fault them for. it just feels shitty. i have no intent to end myself off, but with how the world is going, it's seeming like i'll never get enough of a foothold to break free from my situation. my computer is all I know, and all I have, and it's saddening to see how toxic it's become for my mental state. but if i leave, i have nothing left.

i want to belong. i want to have friends. im tired of that aching feeling i get everytime i scroll through people's stories of them hanging out with their friends

I wish I didn’t care what others think about me.

This feels really stupid but i cant let this go. I have this tomogotchi ive had since i was six. I LOVED it. I played with it until the batteries died. Today i finally decided i wanted to use it again since my parents have more money now. So i asked my dad before breakfast. He said no but it was understandable right then cause he was playing a game. So i asked him after breakfast. He said yes, but he kept tossing it onto the bean bag to mess with me. I told my mom that he was doing that AS A JOKE and he said "Wait longer for it because you tattled" or some shi like that. Remind you IT WAS A JOKE. I WAS PLAYING ALONG. Now i habe to wait LONGER because hes playing his stupid game again. PAL WORLD CANT BE THIS IMPORTANT! Im not trying to sound like a bish but it really hurt tbh.

I'm sorry, I wish I could tell you everything. Would you care then, or say that I deserved it? I want you to know but I'm giving up.

Ever since I’ve turned 18 my family has treated me like I’ve been adult as long as my parents. They expect me to make as much, and know as much. Growing up I was put in private school, sheltered, and not allowed to go out. That all abruptly stopped at 18. I’m 19 now. I work full time as a baker at a large grocery store but that doesn’t amount to the high paying jobs they’ve been working for 25+ years. It’s so mentally frustrating. I buy everything I need, also attend college full time. I basically just live there and now they’re telling me I need to pay $500 a month on top of other things I pay for. And they have money, it’s not like they’re financially struggling they just like making me constantly feel guilty. Everytime I tell them I’m trying to save up for college,,, or an apartment they threaten to kick me out for being “ungrateful.”

people keep treating me like I'm stupid. Like I know I don't think like other people my age. And honestly Idgaf I hate when people make a joke about it but like stop criticizing me wtf...

I’m a jobless 21 years old bum. I still live with my grandparents and I’m still going to school at my age when everyone my age in my country already has a job or is getting a degree. I’m lagging behind everyone. I want to cut off contact with my mother but I’m such a bum and still relying on her money. My relationship with all 3 of my sisters keeps deteriorating and I can’t even cut off contact with anyone because we all live in the same house and I still rely on them because I failed at being an adult and failed at getting any job to sustain myself. I’m a loser who keeps letting my mother hurt me all because I still rely on her money

I just want to hug him and tell him I’ll miss him

I want to spend our last moments with you and then you can be in her arms forever

I dont know how to approach a woman anymore. I dont knwo how to date. I dont think woman even want me anymore. Kinda fucked yk

why has it taken me almost a year to recover from a traumatic work event. I feel so fucked and doomed . I really wish i could become the man i wanted to become.

so, I somehow developed a fear of crowds at the beginning of my junior year greatttttt and what's even better I have no clue how this happened and its ONLY for my school cafeteria like I can walk to class normally and there can be multiple of people in my way and I'll be fine but every time I enter my cafeteria it's an immediate panic attack for me I can't even go to my friends and I don't want to explain to them why I'm acting weird cause hell I AM acting weird I've never been like this before SO WHY AM I LIKE THIS NOW??? maybe that means I have some weird trauma that I forgot, and it only now resurfaces for some reason or I'm just a messed-up person doing this for attention CAUSE WHY IS MY MIND DOING THIS TO ME YO??!?!

i think i have failed in work and in relationship, its getting harder every day to pick my self up. I see no point in a new day. im broke and a mess. im not what i used to be and im kinda really tired,

I feel like I’m going crazy, I don’t think I’m gonna make it to 30. My mental state is dying and now I want to just kill my self off. I’m never gonna get married, I’ll never have my own shit, my own friends just left me, I’m not pretty. Why can’t I have a life like everyone else??? Why am I getting the hardest battle being my whacked out brain and just getting small accomplishments here and there. I’m 22 year old facially challenged woman who got cheated on after thinking id finally get married, I still live with my mother and just go to some community college. I don’t anymore about being smart anymore I just wanna go to sleep and stay asleep nobody would care anyway

My friend just said, “oh but maybe let’s not go” to the concert I already bought tickets for, because it may possibly rain. I will bring a freaking umbrella. No, it wasn’t terribly expensive but it was still almost $100 altogether for our tickets, and at this point they’re non refundable.

Fuck my mom and her husband. My mom lives at her own place with her husband and I live with my maternal grandparents because it’s more convenient for me. A relative of ours decided they didn’t want a cat and guilt tripped my family to take the cat and my mother was like sure. And while me and my sister were overseas to visit our grand aunt, that cat lived at our mother’s house. But as soon as me and my sister came back home, my mother said she’ll pick us up but she came w her husband without informing me or my twin so that was annoying on it’s own. But then her husband started talking a lot of bullshit to us saying how he never liked having animals at his house and how cats shouldn’t be domesticated and how cruel it is to keep a pet. Mind you he knows that we’ve had a family cat for years. I ignored whatever he said and suddenly a few days later, my mother kicked out the cat she took in and threw the cat at my maternal grandmother’s house and made some BS excuse when I confronted her.