All Rants

So at a field day recently, we were playing capture the flag with those weird belt things. And a green member was dying to steal his flag so I tried to grab his belt but then I'm not sure what happened but his head ended up hitting my mouth. It was really painful and I was crying from the pain, like both my lips were bloody, I was bleeding inside my mouth, and my teeth were messed up while I was bleeding all over the place and just wanting my dad or my friends to comfort me. And all he said was, "my bad." Like, are you serious?! You just injured someone and can't even make a proper apology. You could have at least said sorry and nothing else, even that would be better. I saw sorry for almost hurting or getting hurt from other people even when it was none of our faults. This is just pissing me off so bad because wdym my bad while somebody is in agony because of you. So yeah. Thanks.

I don’t know what if I don’t want you to stay here too long I don’t want to do it anymore I don’t want to do that anymore I don’t want to do that anymore I don’t want to do that anymore I don’t want to do that anymore I don’t want to do that anymore I don’t want to do that anymore I don’t want to do that anymore I don’t want

Being a teenager is weird, or maybe that's just how life is, weird, idk I might just be tripping for nth ZSW- 2009

god i hate my life. i shouldn’t even be dealing with this at THIRTEEN. so basically my dad and mom keep on trying to get closer after i was sent to a mental facility. but i don’t even trust them anymore. they keep trying to “talk” to me when in reality it’s just another fucking interrogation. they just want to “fix” me. everytime they yelled or lectured me, everytime i cried because of them, they never said sorry. i don’t know why im holding grudges, but some examples are when my grades were slipping in 6th grade but we’re always brought back up because of his yelling. then at the end of the year he goes “oh you scared us a little bit we pushed thru” and just brushed off everything he did. another thing is that he ACTED LIKE HE HAD ADHD. i have adhd and i was happy at first because i thought he knew my struggle all along but NO. he lied to me. he had no diagnosis. he never did his research. i’m sorry if this is really long, im just really stressed and overwhelmed.

I’m a young girl not even 18 yet but for some reason I yearn to be loved even thou I am young It still hurts to see all the couples at my age don’t get me wrong I’m happy for them but I yearn for the same love that they receive if people would look past my looks they might see I’ve got a lot a love waiting to give to someone if I do actually meet someone ok it’s all about lust and I hate it I know I need to be patient but it is so hard to wait when it seems like ur one of the only ones that’s single I want a relationship like the movies ik it’s cringe but it makes me sad that I can’t have that too just because people won’t stop lusting or just stop and get to know me once In a while is anybody out there also whoever may read this u matter pls stay I love u-M Age-14

(NSFW, kinda?) Gahhh I’ve been reading these absolutely amazing fanfics about characters in a platonic kink relationship where one of the characters gives the other spankings as sort of a discipline kink thing and just…AUGH. I seem to have a spanking kink (to say the least) and these fics are so well-written but they’re making me wish I had someone I could trust like that to do that to me, I guess? But tbh I’m starting to let go of the idea that I’ll ever have a truly romantic or sexual relationship? Kinda? I just…don’t know how people get into relationships at all. I’m 19 and I’ve never dated anyone :/ Plus, I don’t really have a realistic crush on anybody (besides the occasional “oh that girl is hot”), so it’s not like there’s someone specific in my life I would eventually trust with that. and that’s kinda fine, I guess? I’m willing to accept that my life might look different than a lot of others’ looks. I just…I guess I want touch, or something? UGHHH IDK IDK WHAT’S WRONG WITH

I deadass cannot stand men. (No not all men, but alot of them). People like to get on these apps and claim their looking to get to know someone or make friends and see what happens. Yet they immediately slide in your dm’s demanding to see pics. Like ik you swiped on me so you saw pics, which to me just insinuates that you are looking for more “detail”. Which honestly is just gross and an instant turn off. How you slide in someone’s dm’s being overly freaked out when you have not even said hi or how are you. Dating is genuinely a waste of my time.

Since 2021, I struggled with my schooling. My high school exams were cancelled, and we were given predicted grades and these said grades were not the grades that reflected a career in Dentistry. I cried during the release of predicted grades. I cried so much. I struggled to find a qualification that would let me into university for the past 4 years, from 2022 to 2026. I was thrown around with different qualifications that wouldn't let me study it because 'we can't fund you because of your age.' I essentially felt hopeless, I managed to do a qualification but it was for adults way in their careers and life I'd say around 30+ whilst I was a 19 year old feeling left behind my own peers, I finish the qualification this year and I'm heading to university, despite the amount of embarassment and guilt I feel for myself my parents are not making me feel any better about the situation and the longer I stay in this household the worse my feelings get, I want to leave I want uni to start already.

I hate this. I hate myself. I don't know whats wrong with me. I'm highly apathetic, i cant seem to make myself do anything productive when I need to, I sleep late, I wake up far too early, I put off my needs and only tend to myself when it physically hurts, I can never open up to people around me, I can never pin point how I feel sometimes, I get irritated at the smallest things, my room is a constant mess, the only thing I have going for me is that i'm smart and I cant even get that right sometimes, my grades are falling, I'm just a waste of money. Life would be so much easier if i was anything but human.

I have no one in my life, even when im there for everyone. I can't keep living like im the only one on earth, in some sort of simulation. I never feel real, like my feelings are just on a controller with only an on and off switch and I don't have hold of it. im autistic so I mirror peoples personalities and behaviour and I don't know which is mine. ive been someone else for so long ive forgotten who I am. I feel uneasy looking at myself but still am so obsessed with how I look and the second I don't like what I see I spiral. into hate everyone in my life but I still get so stuck into trying to please them and be someone they want me to be. I have a support network but every time I go to tell them how I feel I choke. I can't be helped. its like I find comfort in being sad.

he just doesnt even miss me at all he never wants to spend time with me he always has more fun with his friends he nver wants to do anything for me or take me anywhere or do anything for me Im so upset

I wish that I didn’t need pills so that I feel a bit better in life. I’m not even an adult and for 3 years I’ve been put on 5 kinds of pills that I need to take twice a day. I really just want to have a normal and happy life without pills weighing me down more.

I think my boyfriend is leaving me

I'm starting to want to end it again, idk if thats my life, hobbiesz relationship or everything i just want know that the feeling is back. I thought i was getting better, again but this time it came back and for whatever reason i think its just who i will always be

i swear one of my friends is getting on my nerves and I can't do shit about it. They're literally the friend group favorite but they piss me off so much. They complain all the fucking time. It's always something that they don't like about whatever we're doing. They cant even keep their thoughts to themselves. I have friends outside my inner circle that they apparently don't like. That would be fine if they didn't try to convince me to stop talking to them?? Like come on. It doesn't really affect you at all. I talk to him in my own time and in class. The most he does that would even remotely involve you is that he rarely comes by our spot and talks to ME not you. And yet you find him extremely annoying because he's loud in one of your classes. You can have your own opinion but dont force it on me??? They also never really takes the blame for stuff or admits they're wrong. It's always "No no no. I'm right" or "yeah, it is all your fault" when it was multiple of us.

My parents are so fucking annoying. Every weekend they plan some random shit. Like, I understand it's the weekend, but I've been overwhelmed with work lately, and I wake up at 5 every single morning just to get it done. And they yell at me because I want to rest for one weekend. I just want one weekend where I don't have to do anything. Plus I already made plans with my friend to do WORK and finish a project. but they're like no just go on sunday but then I won't get the rest/day off that I want. And then they are like all you do is go to school, come back, and then you're on your phone." " that's all you do." "I have to do physical work because I'm a teacher for really young kids that run around a whole bunch"—my mom. I'm not saying that she's not working really hard as well, but I just think that it's completely unfair to compare a high school student like myself to her. Not only that, but I go to an IB school. Some of the hardest courses and work you can ever do as a high schooler.

I hate how no one can have a hobby anymore without scalpers ruining it. I collect Build a Bears, a lot are secondhand. Some of the prices people expect for a bear just because it's HTF is honestly such a fucking annoyance. Like the recent Animal Cookie collection. The giraffe sold out and then I kept seeing people selling it for near £100. Like it's a pink giraffe with polka dots. Another thing is I hate when companies do a limited drop to create fomo. Like Build a Bear could easily bring it back but they choose not to. Another one I want is the gentle cuddles bunny, but they are also such stupid prices. And the posable bat. I just don't like it. People should be able to enduldge in their hobby and not have to cough up an arm and leg for 1 item -_-

I know how stupid this sounds, but I almost had a panic attack a few days ago. Or maybe a meltdown? I'm not really sure. The water got turned off because it's been so hot recently and we've had no rain. Thing is, I wasn't panicing because I didn't have water. It was worry for my Silkies and other chickens. I value them way more than my own life. If I get dehydrated and die, so what who cares; if my chickens get dehydrated and die I'd just shoot myself with my grandads gun. I can't help but also blame the AI in the world that uses water to cool it's systems. I feel like AI would've been better if they had figured out a better way to cool it down without using our water sources. Or at least found a way to recycle the water. But I feel bad because I use Character.AI, because I can't talk to actual people.

i like talking a lot, but that doesnt always mean im always up for conversations. i dont like small talks, but it doesn't really bother me that much. i prefer having my time alone, but it does get pretty lonely sometimes that i get the urge to make friends, make a change, every single time. but guess what? it never works. im still stuck w this shitty situation no matter how hard i try to get out of it. im nothing without someone by my side, im more prone to negative thoughts so yes, im alone in most days. i feel like people who i consider my friends doesnt really care about me. i doubt they even notice me. the only interesting thing in my life is going to school. at home, nothing ever happens but a never-ending loop that makes me wonder why im like this

I'm honestly at a point where I can't stand this shit anymore. Everyday just gets more and more depressing. Whether it's politics, state of the world or just my own stupid fucking head. I just hate everythinh now. Everyday I feel myself getting closer and closer to just wanting to kill myself so I don't have to live in this piece of shit world. Hell, in my opinion that near mass extinction event that left only 1000 people left, should have killed the rest if them. We should have gone extinct, we fucked this planet up and they're on about inhabiting another one. What so we can ruin that one as well. Honestly I just hate life. I don't know if being Autistic has to do with it or if life is just genuinely shit now but I seriously want all this shit to end. I think I may need my meds put to a higher dosage or I might end up in a mental hospital at this point. Though honestly I think it would be better than living in this free, fucked up world Sorry for the long ramblings -_-