All Rants

i like talking a lot, but that doesnt always mean im always up for conversations. i dont like small talks, but it doesn't really bother me that much. i prefer having my time alone, but it does get pretty lonely sometimes that i get the urge to make friends, make a change, every single time. but guess what? it never works. im still stuck w this shitty situation no matter how hard i try to get out of it. im nothing without someone by my side, im more prone to negative thoughts so yes, im alone in most days. i feel like people who i consider my friends doesnt really care about me. i doubt they even notice me. the only interesting thing in my life is going to school. at home, nothing ever happens but a never-ending loop that makes me wonder why im like this

I'm honestly at a point where I can't stand this shit anymore. Everyday just gets more and more depressing. Whether it's politics, state of the world or just my own stupid fucking head. I just hate everythinh now. Everyday I feel myself getting closer and closer to just wanting to kill myself so I don't have to live in this piece of shit world. Hell, in my opinion that near mass extinction event that left only 1000 people left, should have killed the rest if them. We should have gone extinct, we fucked this planet up and they're on about inhabiting another one. What so we can ruin that one as well. Honestly I just hate life. I don't know if being Autistic has to do with it or if life is just genuinely shit now but I seriously want all this shit to end. I think I may need my meds put to a higher dosage or I might end up in a mental hospital at this point. Though honestly I think it would be better than living in this free, fucked up world Sorry for the long ramblings -_-

Ive been SAd 3 times in the past 3 years and i feel like i cant talk about it anywhere. Ive never felt like any of my problems are valid. I dont feel like i can actually rant to anyone because i think my problems are so insignificant id look like a attention seeker or a idiot for it even though ive been told multiple times my problems are big. I cant take much more ive done stuff multiple times because i feel me being SAd three times was my fault and i feel pathetic and disgusted by it. I feel like i cant cope with it anymore like its all crushing me.

i just dont understand if he's interested in me or not. like some of the things he says and the way he behaves around me makes me think that he is, but then again, am i reading into things? i know the whole if-you're-confused-leave-it-alone thing, but right about the time i get ready to leave it alone, he says or does something else that makes me think otherwise. why cant i figure this outtttt

I’m only young and I try not to eat but I just wake up the next day and eat like a fucking fat pig. I asked my mum to buy me some gum today she bought me 3 containers without asking why. I failed not to eat today and eat all 3 meals but I just feel fat as fuck all of my friends are so perfect. One of my best friends struggles with the same stuff as I do, SH,MH and depression. Whilst my depression isn’t diagnosed I just feel it. I HATE IT. I haven’t done SH in ages but I just want to relapse but my mum saw the one on my leg and I just blamed it on my cats. They haven’t seen the one on my wrists though. If I commit I fear my best friend that I said earlier about will aswell she’s the only one keeping me going and it’s hard to carry on. Thanks for listening random internet stranger

my family is genuinely so fucking annoying like they genuinely make me wanna kill myself. like i don’t give a flying fuck about them

I'm tired of being discriminated. And I'm sick of people making assumptions about me, and when I deny them, they don't change their mind. They're just hypocrites.

Is kindness like currency? Do you have to pay to have people be kind to you. That would just be fake kindness though. Idk it just feels like there's a drought of kindness in the world. Some days more than others.

Why you gotta invalidate me like that. Be an a hole for? My fam don't get the frustration I go through in a day like walking the dog for example. I love the little pupper but they're aggressive towards people and dogs they don't know. And when they go berserk like hearing other dogs bark that they dont like, they go into raging bull mode literally trying to pull you hard. I don't enjoy trying to have my arm and hand pulled off. Fam don't seem to get that because they don't go through it. I just casually get made fun of by them for my frustrations. YET. they 1 member this morning was going on about a resentment about my aunt because they're not talking I don't want to tell the whole story but they're not speaking now it's been like 2 months. I didn't say anything this morning to invalidate them. But me? Apparently to them my feelings don't matter and I get invalidated all the time. Yeah thanks. That makes me feel so cared for. NOT. I hate how meds make them an a hole ,a different person

All I do is help others. My “friends,” have completely abandoned me because I said that I couldn’t watch a kitten (that was never mine in the first place but one of theirs,) anymore. It pees all over everything, my laundry, my bed, my couch, my bath mats, and in the fire place. I live in a rental and honestly I feel so helpless. They don’t even help pay for the food or litter and now their mad that I said they have to take the kitten back that I said I’d watch for a week

I am frustrated with myself. me and my ex are trying to work on things and see about getting back together. but I have a problem. we talked about what happened while we were broken up and we agreed to be honest. little background to the break up is that he broke u with me right before trying to get with his friend that he had met while we were together. I knew he started liking herr, and I trust that he never cheated with her, but I do not trust that he just broke up with me bc we were in a bad place like he told me. we were talking about going to the courthouse and getting married. anyways. we asked eachother questions about like people or what we did with other people. I told the truth and even offered to let him see my phone to look at everything but everytime I asked him something he would beat around the bush or lie until I told him to promise me. he wouldn't promise and would eventually tell me the truth, so now I'm having a hard time trusting him. I'm insecure now. why?

I hate that my paranoia will always and forever tell me that my gf of eight years is falling for our friend as they've gotten closer and that eventually everything I do will forever be compared to them eventually. I will always be lesser, always. That's why i want to be the only one doing something. So I can't be lesser.....

i hate him, ,he kinda gave me all false hopes n made the first move n then says what srsly, i expected way better from u shlok. Like do u have gf orsmthng? if yes u could have atleast told me, im so frustated, i wasted so much of my time n energy on u, dropped so many hints, did stuff so u would notice but no u never clarified even afeter i proposed, is what even an answer srsly, n if u feel i was troubling u so much, u could hvae told me, it made me feel like i am the only interested in whatever shit was going on

Fuckity fuck fuck. Why is everybody so fucking annoying. Why is my wife so fucking stubborn and will never admit she's wrong. If i was in the car on my own i'd scream and get it out of my system but they're sat next to me !😂

I think i often get confused with reality and my dreams. I dont have much knowledge on dreams, i just think theyre beautiful. On some days i often get lucid dreaming. Im not so sure if its a bad thing or not. Long story short ive accidentally talked to this one guy. We instantly clicked the minute we started talking, he then suddenly started opening up about his feelings and how he feels about life. I feel the same way about how he feels about life too. That day i couldnt stop rambling about other people, cuz i thought that was just how we'd keep the convo going. Technically it def wasnt. He was super kind. Hes the type of guy any girl wants. Idk man this all has me messed up in my head, we havent been talking ever since that one day, its to the point i create versions of him in my mind, and it makes me crazy. But now that i think about it, i wish i never really talked to him, if he didnt talk to me at all, i wouldnt have been acting like this. I wish i was in a dream right now.

My mom sexually assaulted my younger brother when he was 11 and she has never acknowledged or apologized for it. She groped him and called him a whore and a heffer (he's trans but in the closet, I'm also tired of having to misgender him in front of family). My mom had a fucked up childhood herself, she was emotionally and physically abused by her stepfather, did drugs and was suicidal as a young adult, may have had a sexually inappropriate relationship with her own mother, and struggles with a litany of mental health issues. My brother doesn't want to confront her about this because of the drama it would bring up, and I don't blame him whatsoever for wanting that. Occasionally and the rage will boil inside me for hours, and I go through scenarios of what I'd say to her in my head until I'm able to bottle my emotions again. I see the way he hurts himself emotionally and physically and I wonder how much our mom has contributed to it. I want my mom to get better but I no longer love her.

i was thinking about ending it all before or after graduation. show how much of a failure I've felt and I always felt like I was not good enough since kindergarden, which is kinda sad now that I'm thinking about it. I never felt like i reached to the top or anything. I feel like i wasted my entire teenage years and that I'm simply rotting away. but there's also apart of me that doesn't want to die, I'm afraid i will waste my life still? idk but I know for sure i will always be last picked, move to the side, a background figure and nothing important.

ive got stupid PTSD, MDD, anxiety, and a whole lot of other health issues. this year sucked and all the mental health professionals don't listen to me when i say anything. "You just aren't trying enough" is all I get, but ive been trying since I was born. the only reason im alive is because im scared to die and ive seen the hurt caused by it. i have ideas on what's working and not and the doctors don't care. science doesn't lie they say, well SCIENCE IS NEVER 100% CORRECT IN THIS FIELD. ive given up on life and have sacrificed a lot with no improvement. the only idea that i think might work is a service dog, but its not evidence based. I KNOW MY FUCKING BODY AND A DOG WILL HELP WITH SOMETHING! YOU WANT ME TO GET OUT IN THE WORLD, GIVE ME THE STUPID DOG! i literally stay in my parent's bed all day unless i need to leave for doctors/therapy appointments. my dad literally sleeps in my bed. sometimes i literally question if it will ever get better like everyone says it will. IT WON'T

I forced myself to be aroace but fuck i wanna be loved 😭 Pls love me that's all i want I isolate myself but i just want someone to talk to me Begging Im so alone for long time Idk anymore But i cant commit i just want to experience love why cant i? People often looks at me with lust I hate it

I made a mistake, and my mom was all on my case. I've already been going through a rough time, and micromanaging is not helpful. I have so many problems that I don't want to hear about how I say _____ and not do it well enough. I am so close to an emotional snap that I can't handle the anger and one little failure literally makes me break. I love my mom, but I DO NOT CARE ABOUT HOW I USUALLY DON'T CLEAN MESSES UP TO THE FULLEST EXTENT, I'M DOING ALL I CAN AND I DON'T NEED TO HEAR ABOUT CLEANING THE CUPBOARD RIGH