All Rants

i was thinking about ending it all before or after graduation. show how much of a failure I've felt and I always felt like I was not good enough since kindergarden, which is kinda sad now that I'm thinking about it. I never felt like i reached to the top or anything. I feel like i wasted my entire teenage years and that I'm simply rotting away. but there's also apart of me that doesn't want to die, I'm afraid i will waste my life still? idk but I know for sure i will always be last picked, move to the side, a background figure and nothing important.

ive got stupid PTSD, MDD, anxiety, and a whole lot of other health issues. this year sucked and all the mental health professionals don't listen to me when i say anything. "You just aren't trying enough" is all I get, but ive been trying since I was born. the only reason im alive is because im scared to die and ive seen the hurt caused by it. i have ideas on what's working and not and the doctors don't care. science doesn't lie they say, well SCIENCE IS NEVER 100% CORRECT IN THIS FIELD. ive given up on life and have sacrificed a lot with no improvement. the only idea that i think might work is a service dog, but its not evidence based. I KNOW MY FUCKING BODY AND A DOG WILL HELP WITH SOMETHING! YOU WANT ME TO GET OUT IN THE WORLD, GIVE ME THE STUPID DOG! i literally stay in my parent's bed all day unless i need to leave for doctors/therapy appointments. my dad literally sleeps in my bed. sometimes i literally question if it will ever get better like everyone says it will. IT WON'T

I forced myself to be aroace but fuck i wanna be loved 😭 Pls love me that's all i want I isolate myself but i just want someone to talk to me Begging Im so alone for long time Idk anymore But i cant commit i just want to experience love why cant i? People often looks at me with lust I hate it

I made a mistake, and my mom was all on my case. I've already been going through a rough time, and micromanaging is not helpful. I have so many problems that I don't want to hear about how I say _____ and not do it well enough. I am so close to an emotional snap that I can't handle the anger and one little failure literally makes me break. I love my mom, but I DO NOT CARE ABOUT HOW I USUALLY DON'T CLEAN MESSES UP TO THE FULLEST EXTENT, I'M DOING ALL I CAN AND I DON'T NEED TO HEAR ABOUT CLEANING THE CUPBOARD RIGH

Jenny is such a bitch - she always thinks shes better than everyone just because she's ----. I literally tried defending someone against hwr wrath and she lit into me. C--t

Life feel foggy. I don't know what I'm doing. I am thinking of joining the army. If I die then that's that. If I don't then I guess the army pays well, and I heard you can retire at a young age too. Everything else feels meaningless. It's not like I'm depressed.(I think). Everyone else feels so draining. My parents have always neglected me in a way. I never let it bother me. But NOW my dads trying to change and connect. However it feels like he's too late. I couldn't care less anymore. I can't even remember any thing from the past month unless someone explicitly brings it up. I hope something just happens to me. If it means death then SO BE IT.

this is my funniest interracttion with my brother so apparently i was on a tree climbing cuz i want to get some fruit which is bell fruit or water apple , and for my brother also he told me to climd all the way to the red ones i said to him " i dont want to die i stll havent even have a love life" he laugh and told me to climb down cuz im such a scardy cat

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHJHHHHHHHHHHDHFHFHFHHDHDHDHDHDHHDHHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHDHHDH FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKCUDJCUCKCUCKCUCKCUCKCUCKCUFKCUCKCCUICUFJCCJDJCUFKFUCCJUFKCUCUFKCUCKCUCKCUCCKCFUCKCJUCKCKCUCIXKCJCUCICKCUCCICKCKKCKCJCKCJCKCKCKCCKCKKCKCCKCJCKCJCJCJCKCKCK I HOPE THAT FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT GETS ABADONED LIKE HOW THEY ABADONED ME, FEEL THAT PAIN, FEEL THAT EMPTINESS, I WANT YOU TO EXPERIENCE THAT OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OCER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVWRFE AND VODWR SNVOSBFE ANDOVBWR ANDOVBER ANDOVBER AOVBS ANCOER ANDOVER AND OVER AGAIN and maybe by the end of all that, you can experience a FRACTION of what im going through, FUCK YOU ASSHOLE, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCKYOU FUCKTOUDUCKYOUFJCKIYUIGKCOUYJKCICIFUFKGUFJCJFUHGJTJFUCKCUFUFJFUCJCJFUFJFICFIJCFIFFIFUFJFJFJC

I hate how theyre all the same. I hate how they make me feel like special but ends up doesnt care about how i feel. Im so tired of being like this. Hoping that someone would want me to stay

im rich and have fake friends who just care abt money not feelings

he broke up with me just because I didn't want to send him some boob pic. He made me happy and I was already attached to him, plus we were happy earlier too before he decided to leave.

Theres only a handful of fucks I wish death upon... w/ very good reason. As I get older I wonder if I am a good person that does bad things or a bad person that does good things.. it doesnt make me either if I am glad that someone is no longer breathing.. I feel immense rage thinking about some ppl. You cannot undo the wrongs that you have done to someone. I am forever tormented by some memories that even ppls deaths are merely ointment to my soul.

people who were lying to others for years the moment they're lied to: "it really hurts that you lied to me" well damn. maybe you shouldn't have been lying to other people then.

"I add nothing new to the discussion, just repeat whatever's been said" makes me want to kill myself. It's disrespectful to myself just to hide away, even if I've been a dumbass and can't recover time from that. If I had money from the start or was homeschooled, it wouldn't matter.

Another day, another traumatic memory of how I was doubted and picked off as the weakest link and the slowest and ugliest kid in high school.

I know my neighbors have to know how loud they are. Like if it can go from quiet as a mouse for a couple days back to a roaring creakety ass floor at early morning hours makes me think the karen is doing it purposely but I can't prove it. It's like they don't give AF how loud they are at any given time. Like one of them was nailing something to the wall at 2 am one night. What kind of person does that anyway? It's messed up every upstairs neighbor we've ever had have been noisy and loud. I hope to get my own place one day away from these settings. I so deserve peace.

everytime my friend vents and everytime I notice her scars, her injuries, the blood shes handling from SH. I give her comfort and advices to stop commiting SH because I want to keep her safe. but everytime she said "TY for the advice! ill try using it!" I keep noticing her dealing with her addictions and so then, I gave her a different advice, different way of comfort, and I have tried everything I can, repeatedly. but she never healed. I am starting to wonder that my way of giving advice or comfort isnt enough. Whats even enough? I couldnt ake her happy, Seeing her done the same situation is slowly making me feel guilty because if she K-ll herself, I know it's going to be my fault, I don't want her to suffer like this. I'm not enouhg to heal her. I just want her to stop from SH, I want her to live her life happily, I don't want anything to happen to her, It's all my fault. I'm sorry, just please don't die..

do i have free will? no. can i have free will? no. well can i die? no. then why am here f i cant do anything without someone tellimg me what to do? i hate my life

do i have free will? no. can i have free will? no. well can i die? no. then why am here f i cant do anything without someone tellimg me what to do? i hate my life

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