All Rants

Sure, I can pay for help, but it's not the same as being friends. I'm too old to restart with other people and doing things online sucks.

Idk how to start this off but I've been harming myself. At least I think I am? When I'm nervous I tend to scratch myself to the point my skin comes off and bleeds. Ive done this to my neck, arms, hands, and chest. Crazy thing is, Ive clearly told my guardians, yet instead of helping, they get mad at me. "People will think ur suicidal!" "You need to get over your fear." "Stop being so sensitive." This all is I've heard. I'm not trying to hurt myself for any attention, and I'm not doing it on purpose. It's in the moment kinda thing. Anyway, you'd think as guardians they'd help you, but not in my case. After all, my sibling publicly said to them how they tried to kill themselves, my guardian simply said, "If I go over there than I'll slap them." Which is crazy 'cause I thought you cared for them. It was then I realized that my guardian won't help any of us, but instead get mad. I believe they think getting mad at us will fix us. Obviously not as nothing as changed.

i've been living with this feeling of being so undeniably unlovable and unwanted. i've always had bad anxiety and fears that people in my life don't actually like me. that if i stop reaching out they wouldn't bother checking in on me or that i'm just easily replicable. factor in now, i confessed feelings to someone i'm close with. he and i had originally planned on hooking up and i had started to develop feelings for him as we kept talking. turns out he was seeing another girl, he said he had feelings for her and now he's dating her. he called me all the time, at work, on his days off. we played games together just for him to say a girl he'd see once or twice a week was who he wanted. he's dating her now and i confessed because i couldn't keep living with this feeling. now it's something we don't talk about. but all i think about is that this is somehow who enjoyed being my friend but didn't deam me enough to like. to love. and i still talk to him daily and it hurts.

I'm so fucking angry with myself all of the time. I survived domestic abuse, being Sexually assaulted by 4 different men from the age of 5 until 18, 2 suicide attempts, handled every shitty thing life had to throw at me. I dealt with it all on my own with no support work. Then I meet the most amazing person 4 years ago, build a life with him, buy a home, raise his child, just to go and mess it all up again. I don't earn enough money, I don't work hard enough. I'm too 'erratic' because of ADHD. I'm too 'dramatic and emotional'. I'm too much but not enough. I just don't see the point anymore. I can't go a day without someone being mad at me and I can't escape this overwhelming dread that I will never make it. I wouldn't say I plan to end my life, but I definitely am not going to try and save it. I do so much work to upbeat, to always have a smile. I feel like I've carved so much of myself away whilst everything else has been stolen from me. Just let me disappear.

Lately I've been feeling like shit. I'm currently 16 and entering junior year, yet I still don't know what to do. I'm not particularly good at anything, and frankly, I'm quite the crybaby. More like I'm very sensitive to change and such. Anyway, growing up in this world is hard. I have a hard time going to school because of my anxiety, a schedule change is enough to put me to tears. Having to get comfortable all over again is hard for me, and I hate being that pathetic. Even the counselors look at me like I'm such a burden, I guess I understand though. I do overthink, and while I don't cry a lot, I cry and panic when changes like this happen and that's enough to be considered a lot. Im aware this is pathetic, and it makes me seem weak. I want to be better, I tell myself I won't cry this time. That never lasts though. I have a lot more to say but due to the words limit, this is all I have for right now.

come and watch the kid with steadily declining mental health and laugh at him as he attempts to give you what he cannot give himself

Depressed Pan here! VentScape does not involve using an account, you cannot have any pics on there! Just so everyone knows!!

its okay, its okay, its okay, youre okay, youve lived a million years, youll make it through the day, in the sun, and the rain, and the mud, and the clay, youve lived a million years, now look ahead to better days ✨🪨☺️🐾💕🌈

Depressed Pan here! The only ways I can kill myself is choking my using my hands or starving myself. Which would take so much time! Also, if you would like to chat with me in a public venting chat, I am normally in VentSpace, my username is Pansexual Baddie<3 I will be in chat room 2, I will join in a few minutes, so you may go wait for me. Depressed Pan out!

I actually, genuinely, hate myself so much. I'm such an embarrassment

Dear @ANIMALSINMYHEAD I want to say that I will only post stuff on here at night at about 12am-6am in my timezone. Depressed Pan out!

Depressed Pan here! I want to kill myself so bad... Would anybody even care. If you want to private message me, please use a random username, so you know I am talking directly to you when I type my next rant. If you want to type a rant about me, please, be free to! Depressed Pan out!

Depressed Pan here! To @ANIMALSINMYHEAD and W31RD_K1D.5038 I don't know if I should do it... I tell myself nonstop that nobody cares...

oh my jesus fuck i wanna play a ttrpg where im a merc with a gun So Fucking Bad. I'm Always GM'ing For Shit Like FIST Or Cyberpunk Or LANCER Or Some Other Shit Because I Like It But Oh My God Please I Don't Wanna Be On This Side Of The Screen Jesus Fuck I Wanna Be A Player In This System PLEASE. Being A GM Is Fun And All But I Want To Be A Player With A Character Sheet Please Oh My God Please Holy Fuck. I'm In A Dark Fantasy Campaign Right Fuckig Now And I Don't Wanna Sound Ungrateful But Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck I Wanna Play As A Merc With A Gun In A Modern Or Future Setting. God I Wanna Be A Player In A TTRPG That Isn't In A Fantasy Setting It's Been So Long

i have horrible thoughts and feelings but i cant reach out because i already know i am not gonna hurt myself or someone else. its just pointless. i just feel horrible all night and then i feel sick the next day and then it goes away. i dont have anyone to support me through that. i dont have any medication to manage these feelings and anxiety and panic attacks. not that i could be given anything anyway, i am diagnosed with opioid use so they will not give me any more controlled substances animalsinmyhead

Tbh I’d like to have friends but I don’t want to make any atm because it’s all gone horribly wrong. At this point, it’s safe to assume that I’m the problem, so I’m going to go to therapy and try to figure out what’s going on with me. I miss having friends though. I feel like I can just never have a good time period though. I never really feel like I’ve had any sort of true bond other than one person and even that eventually soured. Maybe I have behaviors I need to look into. I just feel like I never really fit in, and not in the way of its anyone else’s fault. It’s just how I’m wired.

Knowing its a normal trauma response doesnt make wanting to be groomed and used and abused and assaulted again feel any less shameful or any less guilt inducing. It causes physical internal pain in my reproductive organs. i hate myself so fucking much. animalsinmyhead

Can anyone who's been to therapy like confirm if SA and grooming and incest can have the same traumatic affect and impact on sexuality that rape does. I have also had constant dreams of being kidnapped and/or raped almost every night since i was 12 and also one of the assaults was physically painful and from a partner, and the other was at a "friends" house and i yelled at him multiple times to stop Or am I just impacted too much by it because of my existing anxiety? I know everyone has a different threshold but I just want to know in general if the brain does not care whether you were penetrated by a penis or had someone force themselves onto your penis I feel crazy and disgusting and my therapists have always minimized it and one said online grooming doesnt exist even though one of them when i was 13 was a 25 yr old in my church-school and had agreed for him to take my virginity reposting cause i just feel rly alone rn

It always hurts how my mom treats me, when I came out as a trans guy to her she laughed at me and mocked me and it felt really bad, it feels worse knowing she'll never treat me like her son like she does for my younger brother. She's been ignoring my identity for almost 2 years now and I have 5 years until I can do anything about it ):

you aren't alone. there are so many people who care about you. maybe you haven't met them yet, but won't it be so nice when you do? it might seem like it's you against the world but it isn't. it's hard to realise but it isn't. imagine one day you meet the best friend you could ever ask for. what if that day was the day after you left your toxic friend group? or a week after a breakup? what if you get the cutest pet for a birthday you never thought you'd live to see? bad things have happened to you. but they don't define you. and it's not your fault you feel this way. i believe in you. no matter what you've been through, i believe you'll survive. i never thought i'd live to be 12, and i turn 13 in september! if i can do it, so can you. and although i'm a stranger on the internet, im with you every step of the way. address a rant to me anytime you need <3 ~W31RD_K1D.5038