All Rants

the crushing weight of existing. knowing that i have ruined every opportunity ive ever had and knowing i will continue to do so forever

My mom making multiple stupid comments about feminism and me not being a mysogonist it’s at the point she gets mad at me making jokes but she can make them and as soon as I make a stupid joke after they called my dad dumb then I’m the asshole even though they came into my room because I made a joke to my sister I’m so fucking done and instead my dad has zero backbone telling me to just be a fucking yes men and not have an opinion and I don’t want to be some fucking apologist I want to have my own opinion I want to have fun and joke around but it’s becoming a problem and now I can’t fucking catch a break my parents say they don’t have favorites and I can tell my mom loves my sister more my mom grounded me for not doing homework but hasn’t grounded my sister even though her room is constantly filthy with food plates in her bed and week old coffee cups in them I’m so done I’m waiting to go to college so I can have freedom thank god they don’t check my phone and my dad is cool sometimes by

my mom moved her boyfriend in with us when i was 16. immediately, he started trying to dictate how i dress. i wasn't allowed to wear shorts that were too short or crop tops or tops that were too tight. my mom allowed this and even thought it was funny. when i was 18 i noticed he'd stare at me a lot. like at my chest or my ass but i thought i was being dramatic about it or imagining it. a few days before i turned 19, he sent me nude photos of himself. i tried to chalk it up as an accident like maybe he meant to send it to my mom. but then he kept sending them and started texting me about my body and calling me sexy. he also went on a rant to me about how its okay for older guys to be into "innocence" and "purity". i blocked his number not long after he started texting me this stuff, but then he started messaging me the same stuff on an old tiktok account i had for just my family. i'm 20 now and i still live with my mom as i cant afford to move out yet but i'm so tired of this.

I feel like I’m throwing all my money away. I’m on the way to becoming financially independent from my parents but I just went to an event I was looking for and I KNOW it isn’t the end of the world but I overdrew my savings account by 10 dollars. I just calculated how much I spent on the event overall and it was fucking exorbitant. I had so much fun, I bought things that I’ll use, but that 10 dollars is itching at the back of my mind like a constant flag of WOW! LOOK AT THIS FUCKING IDIOT WHO CANT KEEP THEIR WALLET IN THEIR POCKET! Not to mention this is the second month in a row I’ve done this (I feel less bad about that one because of unexpected events leading up to it. Obviously it’s still gut wrenching to think about) and I just feel like a goddamn idiot! I swear I’m not going to do anything this month to make up for how much I spent on this. I feel so ashamed of myself and GOD I cannot tell my parents. I’m such a disappointment.

sometimes i get jealous of my boyfriend for having friends that want to hangout and play games with him because i don't have that- and i never really have except for him. i have never had like a best friend that i felt like i could talk to about anything, he is my best friend but i've always wanted like a girlfriend i could rant to about things maybe i cant to my boyfriend. lately this feeling has gotten worse and obviously me and him talk but it feels like sometimes he makes less time for me. he has been playing with his friends more often- like we used to call all day and now he has been playing games with his friends and when i really think about it i just wish i had something like that. of course i have friends, but i never play games with them and i never call them or hangout. its partially my fault because i never ask but like his friends always ask him, like his friends WANT to talk to him and i just don't have that. i also have bad social anxiety so i don't think i'll have that

first lost my 2018-2023 tiktok account with precious memories. then lost my childhood and recent files that hold precious memories. i have horrible memory. how the fuck am i supposed to create new memories if i always cling onto the past i might go insane

I don’t want to live anymore. I want to die. I want to harm myself. I don’t see the point in living anymore. Life is the exact same every day. Everyone around me is healing from past sorrows and it may seem like I am too but I’m at the lowest I’ve been. I only find joy in dancing. But when I dance I forget all my responsibilities and it only messes me up more. I stay sat all day, only getting ready if I have somewhere to go. I don’t see anything good for me in my future. I will graduate and then I’ll have to get a boring job and work for the rest of my life. Nothing interests me other than dancing, but I most likely wouldn’t be able to make a career out of that. I have one friend that I fully trust, and I don’t want to leave them as they’re alone too but living is too much. I wish I could be in eternal sleep. I have a problem with spending and I bet my family could save much money without me being here. If I were living alone, I’d already be dead from neglecting myself.

just lost files that holds fun memories #imgonnaendmylife

I can’t do anything with the voice of my dad in the back of my head telling me that i’m a failure, a bastard, scum. That i’m not good at anything i’ll ever try, and that i’ll be worse at it than the perceived worst. I never understand why i’m still afraid of him, and I resent myself for being so. I’m not 8 anymore, i’m nearly 20, and a much kinder man than what he ever was to me.

I feel so alone, like romantic failure alone. I try and put myself out there, but either I get disregarded or used. As I write this, I had plans with this girl, and she decided to not tell me she already had plans, so when I went to pick her up at her place, her pops told me she was with friends. I guess this is my life, just being a reclusive POS like my dad before me, only difference is that he had a marriage

I'm done because my ex has a girlfriend yet he still flirts with me what should I do about this like he says freaky stuff and his ex doesn't know. Any advice?

I feel so lonely. I don't have anyone to talk to, not even my boyfriend... Im so tired of these emotions, I want to cry my heart out but there is no place to cry safely, I feel like I always have to be a soft-spoken, kind, happy person to not make anyone worry. I always have to have a silent mental breakdown and smile...

So I feel like a shit person because my mom has been very stressed recently and my girlfriend’s been struggling with mental health yesterday, I had a prom and I was feeling a little under the weather so I didn’t really wanna take photos because I felt I was going to throw up my mom was upset because I took that proud parent moment away which apologized for and today I went to go have lunch with my girlfriend, but got cut short because my mom wanted me home The issue lies in the fact after lunch we drove to a store, technically I can’t do this for another month because I haven’t had my license for a year yet she had me do it before for family friends, but it’s fine and I did lie about the details a little bit saying two other friends would be there, but that was the only way for her to say yes because I was with my girlfriend the other day so basically I feel like a shit person for adding stress for both and not being honest

my mom genuinely had hated me since i was little, i had adhd and i couldn’t act like a child near her, now she’s yelling at me and calling me a bitch and she wants me out of her life

I hate how I lash out to those who are clearly trying to help me. I hate myself for doing it. I don't know what is wrong with me. I hate how my anger consumes me. I don't want to be just like my mom, but it feels like I'm turning into her.

Bittersweet Comfort When life actually feels like it's going well, we are happy, and joyful. There is always a certain feeling that lingers. The hole filled with sadness…That never goes away. Because everything could be going right but something is always drawing you back. For me it is my sadness. I always go back to that sad little corner in the back of my mind. I do it on my own. I am so comforted with my sadness consuming me, it now feels like my safe haven. I always run back to that feeling. Those thoughts, the sad music, the depressed state. It makes feel less alone because somehow, I can always count on that feeling being there. It feels like self-sabotaging. It practically is. I have admitted to myself that I am so comfortable in my little sad space that I don't want to be better. Which is sad as it is. I can't even recall a moment in which I actually felt pure happiness. It's like I crave for that happiness but once I have a hold of it, I run away from it.

I hate everything about everyone and I feel so bad about it. I dont know why, I cant express the amount of rage and hatred I feel for every single person. I know I seem nice in real life but thats only because I cant express how much hate, anger, rage, and malice I feel for everyone and everything. I'm sorry. This feels pathetic, I'm so tired of this bullshit. I'm furious and can't express it so I just tweet the fuck out

yo my life is so shit right now. I just realized that my grandmother and best friend, Silvia , has cancer and she's dying. At the same time, my father has also been taken away from me by the police because ... well he raped me but any way. My mother is also very depressed and crying all the time so at this point I just want to kill myself but of course I would never tell anyone that. I'm totally fine. Besides, why would anyone want to know about MY feelings?

When I wanna commit but I can’t bc ik if I die at least 3 people will die…

My dad made dinner not too long ago and i didn’t some out of my room for a bit bc im struggling with mental health and I was just sitting there and my mom yelled at me to go get food and she sounded mad and it’s like ok damn sorry but I was just sitting here trying not to cry and wanting to relapse and commit and you’re fucking yelling at me (this is starting to be normal tbh) and I went out there rubbing my eyes like crazy before stepping into the hallway I got away with throwing away like half with no questions tho bc my dad didn’t see how much I was throwing away