All Rants

I’m so mad why is she good at everything and I’m not like for istem she’s also so much better like just today my teacher told me that everything with my 3d printed clock was wrong she was like “ok (my name) so there are a few problems with your clock” and then for my friend she was like “I’m so glad you made your clock so easy to print it’s like perfect!” And then when we were assembling it I put three screws on backwards and my friend is 100 steps ahead of me. Nothing is fit for me. I’m talentless. I shouldn’t exist. Also for istem we need to use this thing called fusion which doesn’t work on my laptop or my account or anything that relates to me which means even luck doesn’t like me and god probably hates me at this pointAnd it’s not just one istem lesson this has been happening since the beginning of the year. I always knew istem was just not cut out for me. I never understand what I’m doing and everyone else is going on so well. I’ve cried in almost every istem lesson

its not really that big of a deal but i did not get into my dream school. and its fine because my parents are being really supportive but then i think about all the money that they have spent on me for 2 years just for me to waste it all. and its not like i did not study because i did. i gave my whole life for that exam and then i didnt get in so it hurts so much and i cant stop crying about it which is just pathetic. i solved every question i knew on that exam and was so sure that the ones i attempted are correct but the scores say otherwise. i've managed to disappoint not only my parents but also my teachers who were counting on me and i know this is not the end of life but it feels like i might not even get into any other college and no one would want me. college was supposed to be my one thing that i deserved and i just dont know what to do and its killing me. i do not want to take a break or a drop year because i dont have the energy to do that. they say its fine but its not at al

I HAVE A GUARANTEED B FOR ENGLISH FOR MY SEMESTER ONE REPORT MY SEMESTER ONE MARK IS A GUARANTEED B. THE WHOLE SEMESTER ONE. DO YOU KNOW HOW FUCKING HARD I TRIED? A PERSON WHO GETS A B DOESNT DO THIRTEEN HOURS OF ENGLUSH EVERY WEEK TO GET AN A. A PERSON WHO GETS A B DOESNT SLEEP AT 1 AM TO GET A GOOD GRADE. A PERSON WHO GETS A B IS SOMEONE WHO DOESNT TRY AS HARD. I BET MY FRIEND COULD GET A B WITHOUT EVEN STUDYING. IN FAVT SHE GOT AN A BY JUST DOING 2 HOURS OF ENGILISH YHAT WEEK. I STARTED IN THE HOLIDAYS. POLISHED MY DRAFT 10 TIMES. AND I GIT A LOW A FOR THAT ASSIGBMENT WHICH GUARANTEED A B FOR MY SEMESTER BECAUSE I GOT BAD ON MY ASSESSMENT LAST TERM. CAN I KILL MYSELF ALREADY?

I am so tired of existing, I have people who love me and tell me that things will get better but the truth is i'm running out of hope, I keep trying everyday to do or feel better but I only ever end up dissapointing myself and others. My family recently found out about my thoughts and at first it felt like maybe I would finally get the help I so desperately crave and fear... but if anything it has only gotten worse. Its always been difficult to ask for help but now idk if I'll ever be able to reach out again. They keep telling me in dramatic and need to push through it and face reality, idk if I can keep on going like this.

My father raped me when I was 7. I’ve been abused for 16 years. I am 16 and it’s still ongoing. He’s in prison now but we lost the house and now live in my mothers moms basement.. I don’t have a room. You go down the stares and there is 2 room a bathroom and a laundry room. My mom gets a room. My two youngest siblings get a room. Me and my two other sisters share the living space. No privacy. I was shoved into the corner. With no room. No storage. No where to put anything. I’ve always had to share a room but this is way worse than what I did have. I was beyond i for what I used to have…even if it was while being in a toxic house raped and abused. There are no curtains.. and my sister is a fucking creep…I’m stuck in the middle of my mother and sister fighting. They vent to my constantly. But never ask if I’m okay. They always say I’m the issue. Or talk shit about me behind my back. And now I have to deal with not being cared about. I watched the kids. Cook. Clean. I can’t take it…💔

today, i got rejected by a scholarship that would help me pursue my education in my dream school. i was devastated, hurt, and possibly heartbroken. but as the day progress, im starting to realize that it might've been redirecting me to something better.

I haven't really told anyone this, but when I was younger ( like- 10 and 11 ) my sibling used to touch me innaportitly ( I don't know how to spell it srry-), and my mom always exuded it cuz my sibling is younger than me, and said that she didn't know better. But I feel like what my sibling did rally effected me.. But like- they only touched me they didn't actually do anything- plus they were younger.. So while I know what they did was wrong, and there's a chance what they did could be S/A, but also, sometimes I feel like it doesn't count cuz they were also a kid.. :/ (Sorry if this was offensive btw-)

I’m a trans person with horrible gender dysphoria and has been thinking about suicide I mean how can I live on when ever living moment of my life is uncomfortable as shit I hate being sort of closeted I mean my family found out but they pretend it never happened and treats me as the female they will always see me as and I hate when in places that genders are separated like bathrooms I’m forced to go with the women because that’s all I’ll ever be to others despite how much I desire to be who I am on the inside right now my aunt made me go with her to a hot spring I’m not obligated to go in it I can just sit and do whatever but I hated having to go follow the women god I hate my body it has ruined my life my family so horribly I’ve attempted 3 times and got back to self harm no matter how short I cut my hair or dress in oversized clothes or try to act more manly I’ll never be the guy I want to be on the outside god damn it I hate this world

i miss my girlfriend so bad i don't know what happened its been 3 months since she last texted me i overreact a lot all my friends say im overreacting but to me im not to me this is huge i don't know what happened i don't know if she's hurt or even dead i don't know if shes ghosting me because she doesnt love me anymore i dont know if she just got her devices taken away and cant message me i dont know what to do i miss her so fucking bad i miss my pretty girl guys and i miss being her pretty girl i miss her i miss her i miss her im not religious but i sometimes even try to pray that she'll text me i have dreams where she texts me and i can't tell the difference between these dreams and reality so i wake up and immediately check my DMs so excited to text with her and see that she still hasnt messaged me i hate it so bad i miss her i miss my girl i miss her i love her so much it hurts i love you lanna i love you so fucking much please come back to me lanna i love you so much

I am in a concerningly obsessive amount of love with one of my closest friends. I adore and love him more than anything on this earth and i am physically incapable of telling him no i fear. Hes such an amazing person and he has way 2 much hes already dealing with to have 2 deal w/ my insane ass obsession ontop of it. But god i just adore him i adore him so much and it hurts because it'll never go anywhere for me. He's such a wonderful amazing person and im just a stupid ass suicidal idiot that can never be good enough for someone as amazing as him and it sucks.

I hate myself so much bro I want to get s/a'd and idj why and I want to kill people so much and I keep being touched weirdly by family, I had a blade and every time I open my kandi box I just smell something rotten. I also had a friend who stole my money and isolated me and abused me and I didn't realize it and I lived them so much and they acted like I didn't exist and around Christmas they didn't wanna be my friend any more BC I "was to clingy witch is bs.

Random thoughts. Why is there such a lack of love in the world? Like the person who was caught in an escalator suffocating. People just walked on by like nothing was happening. How would they feel if it was them suffocating? That person died because of people's callousness and lack of empathy. I mean I know how it feels for people to be cold. Recently our vehicle wouldn't start and didn't have the proper tools to replace the battery. Despite trying to ask someone hey do you got any tools they just ignored us and kept right on going. People don't have to act like that. Of course my own family has been quite cold as well in multiple situations. Not sure I want to touch on that. They're unstable. Possibly somewhat mental. Still doesn't justify how they mistreated me. Yet they'll say I'm the one who is crazy and needs a counselor when they're the ones friggin talking to themselves. OK. yeah that makes total sense. Next door neighbor blurts out "I have trauma".(Someone who used me)I DO TOO!

My brother abuses me and gets me in trouble when I snap at him for hurting me. I also got sexually assaulted in a bathroom stall with a "friend" I have to deal with getting sexualized, I can't eat without wanting to vomit, and I have to hurt my self just to keep some anger inside. I don't know how much longer I can handle this...

Idk I wanna write but then I don't. Should I or should I not delete all social media? This person (who I once thought of as a friend) publicly went too far and put someone down for acting in the very way they acted themselves to me and in front of others before. That was kinda the last straw for me with them, because I was their vent person and shoulder to cry about so much. It was "they won't let me go here or go there" or whatever relationship drama. Blay blah blah. Ok. So once it got better they left me high and dry. When I needed the same had nobody to talk to in a low state they were nowhere to be found and 0 communication. Like I was a candy wrapper tossed aside. I HAVE FEELINGS TOO YOU KNOW ONE SIDED WHINY ASS KEYBOARD WARRIOR ACTING DRAMA MAKING something or other. The things I know on them. No I'm not perfect myself but I don't openly trash people AND ABANDON THOSE WHO WERE THERE FOR ME!!!!!!! There's so much in my head I've been through that barely scratches the surface. Sigh

im terrified as i type this rn bc my dad just got back in the house but im scared he’ll do something bc he was drunk the other night and pulled out a pocket knife at my mom. luckily my uncle was there so nothing escalated but there’s no witnesses to stop anything from happening now and i don’t want him in the house im crying silently i feel like i have nobody to save me bc she doesnt want the law to get involved, she was the one who opened that door i feel so hopeless and stupid

the crushing weight of existing. knowing that i have ruined every opportunity ive ever had and knowing i will continue to do so forever

My mom making multiple stupid comments about feminism and me not being a mysogonist it’s at the point she gets mad at me making jokes but she can make them and as soon as I make a stupid joke after they called my dad dumb then I’m the asshole even though they came into my room because I made a joke to my sister I’m so fucking done and instead my dad has zero backbone telling me to just be a fucking yes men and not have an opinion and I don’t want to be some fucking apologist I want to have my own opinion I want to have fun and joke around but it’s becoming a problem and now I can’t fucking catch a break my parents say they don’t have favorites and I can tell my mom loves my sister more my mom grounded me for not doing homework but hasn’t grounded my sister even though her room is constantly filthy with food plates in her bed and week old coffee cups in them I’m so done I’m waiting to go to college so I can have freedom thank god they don’t check my phone and my dad is cool sometimes by

my mom moved her boyfriend in with us when i was 16. immediately, he started trying to dictate how i dress. i wasn't allowed to wear shorts that were too short or crop tops or tops that were too tight. my mom allowed this and even thought it was funny. when i was 18 i noticed he'd stare at me a lot. like at my chest or my ass but i thought i was being dramatic about it or imagining it. a few days before i turned 19, he sent me nude photos of himself. i tried to chalk it up as an accident like maybe he meant to send it to my mom. but then he kept sending them and started texting me about my body and calling me sexy. he also went on a rant to me about how its okay for older guys to be into "innocence" and "purity". i blocked his number not long after he started texting me this stuff, but then he started messaging me the same stuff on an old tiktok account i had for just my family. i'm 20 now and i still live with my mom as i cant afford to move out yet but i'm so tired of this.

I feel like I’m throwing all my money away. I’m on the way to becoming financially independent from my parents but I just went to an event I was looking for and I KNOW it isn’t the end of the world but I overdrew my savings account by 10 dollars. I just calculated how much I spent on the event overall and it was fucking exorbitant. I had so much fun, I bought things that I’ll use, but that 10 dollars is itching at the back of my mind like a constant flag of WOW! LOOK AT THIS FUCKING IDIOT WHO CANT KEEP THEIR WALLET IN THEIR POCKET! Not to mention this is the second month in a row I’ve done this (I feel less bad about that one because of unexpected events leading up to it. Obviously it’s still gut wrenching to think about) and I just feel like a goddamn idiot! I swear I’m not going to do anything this month to make up for how much I spent on this. I feel so ashamed of myself and GOD I cannot tell my parents. I’m such a disappointment.

sometimes i get jealous of my boyfriend for having friends that want to hangout and play games with him because i don't have that- and i never really have except for him. i have never had like a best friend that i felt like i could talk to about anything, he is my best friend but i've always wanted like a girlfriend i could rant to about things maybe i cant to my boyfriend. lately this feeling has gotten worse and obviously me and him talk but it feels like sometimes he makes less time for me. he has been playing with his friends more often- like we used to call all day and now he has been playing games with his friends and when i really think about it i just wish i had something like that. of course i have friends, but i never play games with them and i never call them or hangout. its partially my fault because i never ask but like his friends always ask him, like his friends WANT to talk to him and i just don't have that. i also have bad social anxiety so i don't think i'll have that