All Rants

I'm ashamed of the more sexual part of me. I love to touch myself and am constantly horny, but I just hate having this a part of me. I'm afraid that I have a porn addiction and obession, but I don't know when to stop. People claim its healthy, but if I obsess over it, that I just know people will be disgusted.

I'm a gay teen, and I crave for a relationship. To meet someone, to be held in another man's arms, to be tagged in someone else's bio, just to be a significant other to someone else. But I live in fucking small town, countryside and its impossible here. I know its obvious that I'm gay and I know everyone at my school knows I am, but if I come out. Then everyone treat me as "the gay kid" or know me just because of that one small part of me. When I am obviously much more than that. What makes it harder is that I know that there will be people who hate this part of me. Luckily my parents are fine with it, bit don't want to be labelled or become mistreatened because of this. I just want to live a normal life, where its okay to like who I want. I know that some of you reading this may not like who I am, but I beg of you to not dismiss me kr who I am. I just want a world where it'a okay for one person to like the same gender. Please.

I worry that all I am doing isn't enough. I put so much effort into my schoolwork, projects, presentations and tests, that I forget to priortize me. I'm up at 4am panicing about not sleeping, that I forgot to sleep and now I can't get even get to school. I'm scared that others may suceed or surpass my grades and surpass what I do. I try and base my self-worth on the other parts of me and what I can do, but I always resort back to basing it off of what I do at school. I have so much shit to finish, and so much things to prepare for, and since I'm me I have to do it over the top, 110% of my effort. Then it leads me pushing past my limits. And to think, the things I do NOW, may not even account to anything in the future. Is this even worth it? I just want someone to hear me, and to listen. I know my problems dont even compare to someone dealing with things like hunger, but I just want someone to hear me. I don't know. I've reached past the stars, and now I'm falling...

things only want to get worse and never better. i feel like i'd have to upend my life in order to fix anything, but im disabled, alone, and have nowhere else to go.

Oh my god, I’m having a panic attack, I had the shittest morning, woke up at 4am just to have a 4 hour long argument with my parents, went to school and WHAT THE FUCK?? 7 HOURS OF MY PERSONAL SPACE INVADED, FUCKING BULLIED, AND PICKED ON, at home… yeah it continues on MY PARENTS ARE STILL FUCKING MAD, I APOLOGISED AND EVERYTHING. NOW THIS MIGHT EVEN REPEAT TOMORROW OR THE ENTIRE WEEK

Alright I just wanted to fucking say from the getgo I DO NOT LIKE ANIME I DO NOT LIKE HW IT ROMANTICIZES LONELKNESS AND DEPRESSION IF YOU KNOW THAT FUCKASS WATAMOTE ANIME WITH THE BLACK HAIRED GIRL YOUD REALIZE HOW MUCHT THE JAPANESE FUCKING LOOOOOOOOVE THEIR GOD DAMN GLAMORIZATION AND ROMANTIFICATION OF SERIOUS TOPICS AND TREATING THEM AS NOTHING BUT SILLY MOTHERFUCKING BANTER WELL I'LL BE GOD DAMNED IVE NEVER QUITE ENCOUNTERED SUCH A MORE PITYFUL AND DISGUSTING FORM OF MEDIA EVER IN MY ENTIRE LIFE AND I HATE PEOPLE WHO LOVE IT AND I HATE THE PEOPLE WHO HATE IT I HATE THIS WORLD I HATE THOSE WHO HATE ME I WILL FIGHT THE UNIVERSE 8 BILLION OF YOU AGAINST ME COME ON MOTHERFUCKERS LET'S HAVE AT IT HOLY BALLSACKS

i want to kill myself, but can't bring myself to do it because i know people care about me. i don't want to hurt, but it gets to a point where i just cant take it anymore

I really wanna fucking jerk off, I deleted everything a month ago and still feel akward. Fuck everything

I used to romanticize depression a lot. 8 year old me watching gacha videos of a character jumping off a building or engaging in S.I., it wasn’t okay. It *seemed* like everyone back then, kids i mean, were watching this stuff too. But they weren’t. I romanticized it because everyone in my life, other than my mom, didn’t care about me. No one played with me or talked to me. And contrary to my mom caring about me, she never played with me. I would sit in my living room for hours, waiting for my mom to keep her promise and come back to play barbies with me. But all she did was smoke, watch tv, and drink shitty beer. I wanted the attention, the attention that only seemed to come if you were depressed or in visible pain. Just 3 years later, I had severe depression and anxiety. I was on the brink of committing suicide. And it’s sick to think that i wanted that type of worry and attention at 8 years old. Because i didn’t get a single ounce of it when I was 11, 12, 13, or 14.

im a depressed traumatized '' recovering'' addict i hae no one who will love me for who i am and chooose to love meand its terrible

I had a good family istarted out with a good life i was loved i was not poor or anything like that but i was always searching for anything that would make me feel better i was always interested in anything that would make me feel even a little bit of euphoria especially during quarantine and then i found it when i started dating and i lost myself completely because it was something else to focus on every time i was in a relationship i surrounded my whole life around the person because they made me so happy but i was miserable every single time and when i met d i again lost myself completely and then i learned that he had friends that do drugs and i lovedthe drugs i liked to d and told him i had done coke before so that he would give me some and the coke was amazing i thought so much i was getting lost in all of these thoughts while still being completely obsessed with him but i needed more i didnt want to think so much i wanted to feel happy so i ordered drugs form this lady on twitter

Everybody's friend no one's favorite. Floater friend here. I always seem to adjust my personality around different friend groups that die out within a month. Recently someone's been taking my friend group away and made rumors about me. Even one of my really close friends started to make fun of me and now my trust issues have become stronger than before. The fact that they're in school and id have to see them everyday pisses me off and I want a break from them, but I'd be alone. I can't even trust my parents because I know they'd tell their friends about it. They'd always tell me to toughen up but atp I need therapy badly. I've experienced this my whole entire life and alll I want is a true friend. I haven't contacted some of my day ones for so long that I think they forgot about me. I just wish to disappear and restart my life. I'm tired of being nice and I snap at people sometimes. The only way I cope with this is by deleting social apps and have an account where no one follows me.

Im realizing a lot. I think i’m messed up as a person, not literally, but just mentally tired, and unstable. I’ve always felt different from everyone since i was in elementary school. In first grade and second grade, i was with these group of girls, and they excluded me a lot. I called them all my best friends. They talked about a scary new movie? They told me to sit off in the grass while they had their talks in a circle. I stuck with anyone if they gave me the time of day. One time, the “leader” said it would be funny to pick me up and spin me around in the girls bathroom. But when I was dropped on the floor and my head started bleeding, they fled. I never picked up on the queues of the bullying or teasing, i thought it was just what other girls did. Since i was shorter than almost everyone in my grade, they called me cupcake, munchkin, dwarf, marshmallow. No one else got a nickname. It hurt a lot when I got older and realized that none of that was what “girlhood” was supposed to be.

I love my friends. They always come to me though when they're feeling depressed or anxious or suicidal and I can't take it anymore. I have severe trauma relating to suicide and I can't keep handling these types of scenarios but I can't ask them to stop otherwise I might make it worse. I hate it and I hate myself. My anxiety always spikes too and then I spiral and feel shitty for a very long time.

I’m so mad why is she good at everything and I’m not like for istem she’s also so much better like just today my teacher told me that everything with my 3d printed clock was wrong she was like “ok (my name) so there are a few problems with your clock” and then for my friend she was like “I’m so glad you made your clock so easy to print it’s like perfect!” And then when we were assembling it I put three screws on backwards and my friend is 100 steps ahead of me. Nothing is fit for me. I’m talentless. I shouldn’t exist. Also for istem we need to use this thing called fusion which doesn’t work on my laptop or my account or anything that relates to me which means even luck doesn’t like me and god probably hates me at this pointAnd it’s not just one istem lesson this has been happening since the beginning of the year. I always knew istem was just not cut out for me. I never understand what I’m doing and everyone else is going on so well. I’ve cried in almost every istem lesson

its not really that big of a deal but i did not get into my dream school. and its fine because my parents are being really supportive but then i think about all the money that they have spent on me for 2 years just for me to waste it all. and its not like i did not study because i did. i gave my whole life for that exam and then i didnt get in so it hurts so much and i cant stop crying about it which is just pathetic. i solved every question i knew on that exam and was so sure that the ones i attempted are correct but the scores say otherwise. i've managed to disappoint not only my parents but also my teachers who were counting on me and i know this is not the end of life but it feels like i might not even get into any other college and no one would want me. college was supposed to be my one thing that i deserved and i just dont know what to do and its killing me. i do not want to take a break or a drop year because i dont have the energy to do that. they say its fine but its not at al

I HAVE A GUARANTEED B FOR ENGLISH FOR MY SEMESTER ONE REPORT MY SEMESTER ONE MARK IS A GUARANTEED B. THE WHOLE SEMESTER ONE. DO YOU KNOW HOW FUCKING HARD I TRIED? A PERSON WHO GETS A B DOESNT DO THIRTEEN HOURS OF ENGLUSH EVERY WEEK TO GET AN A. A PERSON WHO GETS A B DOESNT SLEEP AT 1 AM TO GET A GOOD GRADE. A PERSON WHO GETS A B IS SOMEONE WHO DOESNT TRY AS HARD. I BET MY FRIEND COULD GET A B WITHOUT EVEN STUDYING. IN FAVT SHE GOT AN A BY JUST DOING 2 HOURS OF ENGILISH YHAT WEEK. I STARTED IN THE HOLIDAYS. POLISHED MY DRAFT 10 TIMES. AND I GIT A LOW A FOR THAT ASSIGBMENT WHICH GUARANTEED A B FOR MY SEMESTER BECAUSE I GOT BAD ON MY ASSESSMENT LAST TERM. CAN I KILL MYSELF ALREADY?

I am so tired of existing, I have people who love me and tell me that things will get better but the truth is i'm running out of hope, I keep trying everyday to do or feel better but I only ever end up dissapointing myself and others. My family recently found out about my thoughts and at first it felt like maybe I would finally get the help I so desperately crave and fear... but if anything it has only gotten worse. Its always been difficult to ask for help but now idk if I'll ever be able to reach out again. They keep telling me in dramatic and need to push through it and face reality, idk if I can keep on going like this.

My father raped me when I was 7. I’ve been abused for 16 years. I am 16 and it’s still ongoing. He’s in prison now but we lost the house and now live in my mothers moms basement.. I don’t have a room. You go down the stares and there is 2 room a bathroom and a laundry room. My mom gets a room. My two youngest siblings get a room. Me and my two other sisters share the living space. No privacy. I was shoved into the corner. With no room. No storage. No where to put anything. I’ve always had to share a room but this is way worse than what I did have. I was beyond i for what I used to have…even if it was while being in a toxic house raped and abused. There are no curtains.. and my sister is a fucking creep…I’m stuck in the middle of my mother and sister fighting. They vent to my constantly. But never ask if I’m okay. They always say I’m the issue. Or talk shit about me behind my back. And now I have to deal with not being cared about. I watched the kids. Cook. Clean. I can’t take it…💔

today, i got rejected by a scholarship that would help me pursue my education in my dream school. i was devastated, hurt, and possibly heartbroken. but as the day progress, im starting to realize that it might've been redirecting me to something better.