All Rants

does it ever get easier? i feel like my problems are so tiny i cnt tell anyone but they’re eating me up inside sm that its effecting my school life and my relationship w my friends and family they all feel like im being distant or ghosting but when i tried to speak or text back it’s like something is holding me back especially if its talking ab my feelings i start crying where it js makes me look insane, i remember having a panic attack the other day and i sat there js trying to calm myself down for 10 mins before crying sm and putting my hand over my heart to make the beating stop my sister ran over to me asking me if im ok or if they should call my mom and im like no this has happened before don’t wake her up she’s tired she’s going to be scared, after that i js went to sleep for a long time i feel as tho my panic attacks are so insignificant because how cn i say idk what’s going on and that’s what’s the scary part.

everyone’s here talking abt their relationships and parents and that’s fine but i feel different like i don’t know what’s going on with me i get these random anxiety/panic attacks with no cause to them they js happen, i get anxious everyday for no reason, i feel exhausted all the time i can be js sitting around people and feel exhausted, i js want to sink into my bed forever and never move, but not in a depressed way i js feel tired and idk why, i sleep everywhere, ive slept in parties, every car ride even if its only 10 mins, in every class period, then i take naps for hours after school, i cn sleep 5 hours and feel exhausted i cn sleep 8 hours feel exhausted i cn sleep 10 hours feel exhausted i cn sleep 12 hours and feel exhausted, im js always sleepy idk why all ik is this isnt normal and its driving me crazy, i say as im writing this at 5 am

fuck why the actual fuck should i not kill myself like i dont have a reason to stay im only not doin it cus im a wimp and cus i said arie is worse than me i cant do it until one of their attempts works but now i lowkey want them to do it so i can but i dont want to do it cus they like my closest friend and i think it would destroy me and everyone else who loves them fuck i wanna die fuck hook me up with a serial killer fuck imma crawl into a hole and die fuck-f.g

Why is it when I want love so bad life treats me like shit, I try to get what I really want now everyone is framing me for causing trouble because I vented, I chased this girl for a year or 2, we grew up 2gether and now she hates me cuz of Valentine's Day, fuck I wanna die but I live because the only people who care is my sister and parents and family

im too fucked up and broken to deserve happiness. I don't think im capable of being loved.

my mom cheated on my dad who has pancreatic cancer. i recently discovered her instagram threads account under a fake name where she rants about how my father isn’t good enough to her, and how she longs for a man she cheated on him with. not to mention the texts between her and multiple different men describing the sexual encounters they shared together. my mother believes my dad is not caring enough, and isn’t good enough in bed, ignoring he has a life threatening cancer. my sister also knows about the affairs, in fact, she was the one who told me, but she has said that i absolutely cannot tell my dad or my mom what i know, or else she will kill herself. i want to tell my dad so badly, so he doesn’t have to spend the time he has left with someone who doesn’t love him, but i don’t want my sister to take her life. i have the feeling my mom is just biding her time until my father passes away, so she can keep his money (he is much richer than her) and go fuck whoever she wants.

idk how much more i can take.. im 14 female she her btw.. i dont have any reason to be like this tho, i have a house, family, water, food, i even have extras liek i go to a private school, i do gym, im not 'poor' i did diving growing up, i have lots of opportunities, im smarter than avg, im not overweight or underweight, i get 'luxuries' depending... like i dont have a reason like maybe im js dramatic.. maybe thats y no one cares, maybe im js pathetic.. idk but im spiralling lately like so fucking bad like idk what to do like my parents would kill me like i wanna move back to mckinnon but im in yr 8 in aus btw so like i dont wanna move in the middle of high school cus thats hella awkward and the classes there are weird so im prolly not gonna be with arie but they already have friends of their own... i also dont wann ask for help...-f.g

i’m scared for my safety my mother keeps getting drunk and every single time something bad happens, now she got jumped.. i begin to realize how badly this stuff been affecting me as i bite my nails more often, flinch at everything, apologize to anything, and silently cry more often

im slipping again. wish i could feel normal. it’s always bad or worse. im getting worse again. i dont want to. but it’s going to happen.

maybe when we die and we see the "bright light at the end of the tunnel", it's actually the light of the delivery room. and when we are born, we cry because we remember everything we lost in our previous life. but as we grow up, we begin to forget that previous life, but when small fragments of memories are triggered from our past lives thats what gives the feeling of deja vu.

I'm so tired. I just want an afternoon where no one needs something from me. I go through hell for your sake. I've given everything I have when I already didn't want to because I had to for my family. I'm not asking for the world, just an evening. Just one night where no one's complaining at me. No one's asking me to comfort them. No one's telling me how xyz pisses them off. Please just.. just tonight. I know it's selfish. I know I was away for a couple days and apparently everything falls apart if I don't handle it myself. But please. Just one night where I don't need to hold everyones weight. I don't even want anyonento hold me up. Just don't add to my pack. That's all I want... Just let me hold just my own bag for one night? I'm sorry that it's too much to ask apparently. I HATE saying no to people, especially those I love. But I cannot hold more tonight. I cannot give from an empty cup. I cannot lift with fatigued muscles. Just give me till sun up..

im so scared of going to uni, im so scared of finding no friends especially because im autistic, im so terrified for the future

im actually abt to k m s i hate my life im failing every fucking thing on earth i hate this imma boutta fail everything and all i wanna do is crawl into a cave and d i e and im fucking f a t and i have n o friends like none as in i fucking have friends but i stand there and watch them and literally stand off to the side i go to the bathroom to c u t myself and c r y everyday at school my ma keeps saying that i should be more like the one friend i text whos abt to k t s and is 'so much better than me' and that theyre so disciplined and they came 1st allround at the comp yesterday and im so happy for them and i came 2nd and my ma is like omg 'she' did so much better and ur so bad and be more like 'her' but i dont wanna be like them i wanna be me and all my ma sees is laziness and attitude and im only a l i v e cus arie is but they dk that and they have a best friend and girlfriend and im js there.. i ony see them 6 hrs a wk.. so they dont c a r e abt me..fuck-f.g

Pulled an all-nighter just to watch an absolute dogshit movie. I even got so bored falling asleep while watching somehow cancelled itself and i stayed awake out of boredom instead. I can't even say the name because i'm so ashamed. Just that bad, now i'm tired and pissed. If only i had chinese takeout... Mmmhmhmm.... Chiense food....

I know how my husband feels now. I want best the love into this fucker so hard they HAVE to listen to me. If you hate yourself so much, then why do you think YOUR opinion of yourself is so correct? It's exhausting but not in the "I don't wanna be your friend way" but in the "fuck it, I'll put a collar on you if it'll make you fucking love yourself already dude" Which probably isn't the normal answer But I'm burnt out and god I wish I could just.. force people to see what I see sometimes.

i cant do anything right i just want to kill myself im a horrible girlfriend. im turning 15 in 9 days. i feel so pathetic and useless. im gunna kill myself its all my body is good for. i dont want to get older because the older i get the less of an excuse i have for being a fucking loser. what will i do when i dont have someone being able to help me all the time other wise ill probably hurt myself? i wanna stop so bad but i cant. i cant bring myself to take my medicine. im so useless. i just wanna die already. nothing is even that wrong with my life. im just a lousy teenager who cant preform on their own. i cant wait until i can kill myself. i genuinely cant because i cant stand feeling like this every other day and feeling like im just rotting from the inside out every fucking day.

i dont know how much more of this i can take. i hate myself so fucking much i really dont wanna live with myself anymore. and i also sh :(. idek when it all started. i swear i was fine at the end of the last school year then all of a sudden im doing sh??? but i dont even have the guts to kill myself. but im too scared to tell anybody. i genuinely dont even know what to do anymore

I'm the one who shot Trump I don't know what to do Im scared some one might find out who I am

My friend Runa has been my best friend for a really long time. I realize that I think about her a lot, and I might wanna be more than friends, but I can't really tell if she likes me back. I'm scared of asking her out because she might say no. She hasn't told me who she likes, and I don't know if she even likes anyone. But she might like some one else

how do you make friends in your 30s? i never see advice i can actually take. it's always things like meet people at work (i have many work friends but every time i make plans outside of work theyre rejected). or go to meetings/clubs that interest you (they all happen during my work day or too late at night; i cant go places at 9pm on a thursday when i cant drive it adds hours of travel time). i don't have money to join most things anyway, and going places consistently is very hard if you can't afford to. not to mention im responsible for my partner's mental health keeping me tied to home. i don't drink and i don't do well in crowds. so how do you make friends in your 30s cause im starting to think the answer is that i don't