All Rants

you don't need to help me but I wanted to say ty for everyone who helped or tried, ily all and don't give up like me ily guys please never get rid of your place in the world like I am, don't ever give up here is my real name -El PS my real name 3l3@nor

I can't be the only one who wants to commit but doesn't want to go to he'll because of sinning (Christian) For anyone who doesn't know: Murder is a sin and killing yourself is a sin and since you can't seek forgiveness since your dead you just go to hell.

you know it’s bad when you actually search something like this to just let out everything you’ve been feeling. idek at this point, everything feels so hopeless and it’s like the worst scenario i have always imagined has happened. just two years when i felt like i need to quit and just give up, but somehow ended up taking the chance to move to a different place. at that point even when i thought a lot about if i should take a loan for my master’s, it felt like maybe i will be able to get a job and i can clear it and actually do something for myself and family. now three months after graduation i feel like i’m in hell. unemployment, living situation, expenses, no money and a loan. i feel like i have hit the rock bottom and idek when the situation is going to improve. im in such a helpless state because i feel guilty for everything, i cannot depend on parents for money, my sister has her debts, my friends have their own stuff to figure out. i just feel so dead.

I am NOT surviving this school year at least without attempting

I can't stop crying, even just thinking about it makes my eyes well up with tears so fast. I don't even normally cry

i know it's bad, but i can't stop holding everything in. i'm aware enough of how it works. if you keep everything to yourself, it'll all boil over someday. i just can't, i can't tell people. even if i could, what's the point? i don't think others can fix this overwhelming feeling that there's been something wrong with me since the start. i keep thinking back and realizing i've always been like this and that kind of hurts. i don't want to bother people, i don't want people to know those parts of me. it's easier to just be quiet and pray for things to change, even though i know that it doesn't work like that. i'll keep pretending to be happy, and i'll keep pretending that it doesn't hurt everyday. one day this aching feeling will go away and i'll forget about all this. one day it won't be so hard for me to talk about it.

I wish I wasn't a coward. I wish I could get help.

I don't wanna kill myself. But if something were to happen to me, I wouldn't resist it. I'd let it take me to wherever you go after you die. I don't wanna end my life, but sometimes I wished I could just not exist for a day. I wish no one knew me for only a day, because it gets too much at times. I don't wanna go, but I'm sick and tired of staying here. Staying here just because of the guilt I'd feel when someone dose miss me. I know I won't kill myself, I can't kill myself when people need me. But dammit, I wished I was anywhere but here.

Wow I get my fam has issues and stuff. I just wish they wouldnt be like a trip wire landmine. Say the wrong thing one wrong step and BOOM. They think they're not hateful and deny it but geez they surely are. It's so emotionally draining sigh.

life used to be simpler, I hate being an adult

People who romanticise mental health issues have never experienced or been around someone who struggles with MH, I’ve just lost a relationship because of my mental health issues, by yet again being called “Broken Goods”, that my looks don’t compensate the mess that my brain is, medication seems to never work and I will always feel that some part is missing of me.

The only thing that is stopping me from relapsing right now is listening to come on Eileen on repeat because that’s too embarrassing of a song to cut yourself too

i feel like my friends don't like me so i have these two friends im going to call them 1 and 2 so ive been friends with 1 for 6 years now and I've been friends with 2 for a year and so recently 1 has been ignoring me, she yelled at me when i told her i couldn't play volleyball because of my foot and she was like YES YOU CAN! and i was NO I CANT and she kept making fun plans with 2 and posting all over her social media account and 1 and 2 know my parents wouldn't let me hangout because i have very protective and strict parents and so it's been annoying and like we went to the park and on the way back i tried to fit on the side next to tehm on the sidewalk and they practically pushef me in back of them and then whenever they see eachother they completely ignore me and forget im there and like when we are walking around and talking they talk about things idk and im in the back of them alone walking like an idiot and people stare at me

I don't know why I can't be loved by my own partner. It's like he just loves me when he has no other friends, I never wanted to be in a dumb poly with some random.

I’m scared he’ll change his mind about us after I have already fallen in love with him. I don’t want my heart to break when I have finally let myself love. And a part of me keeps saying “That’s why we built those walls. Now you’re going to regret it.” I want to ignore it. Have faith. In Allah. In him. In myself. But it’s very hard. Anxiety doesn’t ask for permission. It feeds on the unknown

I feel like I’m not enough I’m fat and ugly. I’m so done with being here. Being the oldest child out of the sibilings is very hard. All the pressure is on me and it’s way too much on me. I’m a seventh grader and I’m supposed to go from “not knowing much” to “be more respectful, responsible and be a good human” how am I supposed to do that? I’m just 13 years old and I don’t wanna be here anymore. I hate myself I hate my life and I’m so cringe when I look at old photos of me like I’m so stupid. I have myself

ever since I started using this site I realize how many people are privately hurting just like me, i love you guys and really wish the best for all of us, and thank you for the kind people that took the time to leave a nice note or press a "hang in there" "i get that" or "same here" I guess it makes me feel less alone, and I hope the coming days get easier for all of us

Burn out sucks so much in every aspect. I'm so fucking lazy and can't do anything with actual joy in it. Genuinely might end it.

I won’t let anyone help me. I’m so private with the things that go on in my life, I can’t help but protect myself in that way. I just want to isolate myself. I don’t think I deserve to be in a relationship because of how badly I’m doing mentally. I don’t want to admit it’s not working out. I can’t talk to a single person about it. I feel so alone with it all. It’s a long distance relationship, I’ve known this person for over a decade too. I don’t expect others to understand it. Things have been pretty bad though since we’ve gotten together and I’m only hurting myself and them. It’s so hard when you love someone but you start to question if it’s worth it to be with someone who causes you stress and pain, I cause them the same by being so distant and avoidant. They tell me they would never give up on me. I don’t even believe that sometimes.

so liek I have a friend who lowkey pisses me off now but we have so many good memories together. I swear like it’s been getting hard, I decide I don’t wanna be friends with her but then we have a heartfelt conversation and it reminds me of why I became friends with her in the first place, she’s literally my twin but the way she treats me and other people sometimes can’t go unnoticed I feel like I’m gonna be unhappy regardless of what I choose